-
Christian Chat is a moderated online Christian community allowing Christians around the world to fellowship with each other in real time chat via webcam, voice, and text, with the Christian Chat app. You can also start or participate in a Bible-based discussion here in the Christian Chat Forums, where members can also share with each other their own videos, pictures, or favorite Christian music.
If you are a Christian and need encouragement and fellowship, we're here for you! If you are not a Christian but interested in knowing more about Jesus our Lord, you're also welcome! Want to know what the Bible says, and how you can apply it to your life? Join us!
To make new Christian friends now around the world, click here to join Christian Chat.
M
I...am tired. And not in a “Ok, Day, it’s been fun but that’s enough for now” kind of way. It’s more of a “Lord, why am I like this?” type deal. An overall sense of exhaustion at being me.
I wake up each morning bombarded by choices-
to be cheerful, or not
to be thankful, or complain
to be comfortable in my skin, or dislike how I look
to forgive myself for yesterday’s mistakes, or let the shame immobilize me
to speak my mind, or pretend I have no opinion
to see beauty, or find fault
to have one cup of coffee, or three
And that’s all before six a.m.
There are storm clouds that follow me around. Sometimes they catch up; on those days, choosing is tough. If I don’t make the choice, the clouds do it for me, and I get caught in the storm for days...months...it doesn’t matter which, it always feels like an eternity when I’m standing in the rain.
Being stuck between outrunning the storm or drowning in it is maybe what’s so tiring; or maybe it’s the fear that the sun won’t shine again. I always think, I can decide my way out of the downpour. Refuse to let the raindrops hit me by choosing the right thing; joy over sorrow, contentment over jealousy, oatmeal over cookies...
It works, until it doesn’t. And then all I’m left with is...me. It’s how I am. Mostly sunny with a 100% chance of rain, and not an umbrella to be found.
I wake up each morning bombarded by choices-
to be cheerful, or not
to be thankful, or complain
to be comfortable in my skin, or dislike how I look
to forgive myself for yesterday’s mistakes, or let the shame immobilize me
to speak my mind, or pretend I have no opinion
to see beauty, or find fault
to have one cup of coffee, or three
And that’s all before six a.m.
There are storm clouds that follow me around. Sometimes they catch up; on those days, choosing is tough. If I don’t make the choice, the clouds do it for me, and I get caught in the storm for days...months...it doesn’t matter which, it always feels like an eternity when I’m standing in the rain.
Being stuck between outrunning the storm or drowning in it is maybe what’s so tiring; or maybe it’s the fear that the sun won’t shine again. I always think, I can decide my way out of the downpour. Refuse to let the raindrops hit me by choosing the right thing; joy over sorrow, contentment over jealousy, oatmeal over cookies...
It works, until it doesn’t. And then all I’m left with is...me. It’s how I am. Mostly sunny with a 100% chance of rain, and not an umbrella to be found.
M
It’s springtime!! Or close enough. Enough to make me excited to get outside and get back to work, doing whatever it is I do out there. Growing and killing vegetables. Talking to chickens. Fixing up old furniture. That’s what I want to be doing today- I was gifted a 1906 treadle Singer sewing machine and an antique vanity to redo, and they’ve been sitting in the garage for a couple months since it’s been too cold to work out there. So instead of getting started on that, I’ve just been staring at pictures of them, planning what to do. And going through photos of the few projects I’ve sold since I started doing this.
Top- before/after of dresser I did for a family with 4 daughters who share a room.
Middle/bottom- Ugly little dresser I took apart; turned it into a wine rack. Used the bottom drawer to make a storage ottoman.
The sewing machine and vanity! I don’t know if I’m going to restore them or end up painting them...depends what kind of shape they’re in after I sand them down.
Yay for old stuff! Yay sunshine! Yay for actually getting some sleep last night! Yay everything!
Top- before/after of dresser I did for a family with 4 daughters who share a room.
Middle/bottom- Ugly little dresser I took apart; turned it into a wine rack. Used the bottom drawer to make a storage ottoman.
The sewing machine and vanity! I don’t know if I’m going to restore them or end up painting them...depends what kind of shape they’re in after I sand them down.
Yay for old stuff! Yay sunshine! Yay for actually getting some sleep last night! Yay everything!
T
When do I learn? I mean. I trust people and always try to see the positives in each person I meet. I see the potential for learning and development. I meet them with respect and an open mind.
But the way I trust and do my best to meet people and to encourage and support them, I also kind of wish friends would do the same to me. How easily I fall into that trap! Who can I trust?
I know. I should trust in God not man. Again I got that word of wisdom slammed in my face. Does it mean I have to abandon friends or "friends"? Or do I just leave them alone? Until next time they need me for their misery, that is. Oh, how I wish someone could just hug me and say "I am here for you".
But the way I trust and do my best to meet people and to encourage and support them, I also kind of wish friends would do the same to me. How easily I fall into that trap! Who can I trust?
I know. I should trust in God not man. Again I got that word of wisdom slammed in my face. Does it mean I have to abandon friends or "friends"? Or do I just leave them alone? Until next time they need me for their misery, that is. Oh, how I wish someone could just hug me and say "I am here for you".
First thing I want to say is there's nothing wrong or unspiritual about wanting the same kind of support from people that you show to them. But my own experience and what I've observed about people is often the opposite. Because the easiest relationships for us to form are the ones where we get to fill the role we're most comfortable in. I'm in your shoes asI'm often a giver and supporter; I've found it's very difficult for me to ask someone else to be there for me (or sometimes to admit I need it at all). Consequently many of my relationships (thinking friendships and acquaintances not necessarily romance) even the better more healthy ones end up skewed to me doing more supporting and giving than being supported and given to. For the most part I'm at least learning that when I feel like whining about no one being there for me or listening or taking an interest, I also have to acknowledge that I haven't asked for it or been willing to play the role of someone who needs that (and sometimes I'm just in touch with an alternate reality and there really are lots of people doing that, that I haven't acknowledged).
All that rambling to say that many friendships tend to fall into a one sided pattern because it's what you're both used to and comfortable with. And often we are doing something that keeps us in the same patterns. Oh and hugs, we're here for you.
(and yeah, maybe I completely missed on the specific situation that you were generalizing, but it sure sounded like you were playing back some recorded conversations with myself).
All that rambling to say that many friendships tend to fall into a one sided pattern because it's what you're both used to and comfortable with. And often we are doing something that keeps us in the same patterns. Oh and hugs, we're here for you.
(and yeah, maybe I completely missed on the specific situation that you were generalizing, but it sure sounded like you were playing back some recorded conversations with myself).
T
Thank you! I am all tears. Perhaps it is because I have been at the University for 12 hours and the drive home was terrible with snow and slippery roads. Or the fact that I actually had a great day there or the fact that outside work life sucks... anyway. Thank you for taking your time to respond to my sigh. It made my coming home a bit easier.
T
Thank you! I am all tears. Perhaps it is because I have been at the University for 12 hours and the drive home was terrible with snow and slippery roads. Or the fact that I actually had a great day there or the fact that outside work life sucks... anyway. Thank you for taking your time to respond to my sigh. It made my coming home a bit easier.