Is it wrong to look?

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sandstorm7

Guest
#1
#1
I've been reading through a lot of these threads and some people have been saying that God will bring the right person into our lives when the time is right. That we just need to wait. Although I do agree that God will place the right person in our lives, does that mean that we are not to look for someone? In university I find it difficult to find good single Christian guys... every guy that comes into my life is not the one for me.

So should I just keep waiting for the right one to come along and embrace my singleness to serve God to the best of my ability? Or is it alright for me to try and find a guy myself? Christian dating sites, Christian groups at school, that kind of thing. I want to be in a relationship again and, as much as I want to have complete faith that God will bring a guy into my life at the right time, it's hard to wait and not think about.

Also, what about casual dating? I know there have been other threads on this topic, and many people have said that casual dating is not something we should do. But I honestly see no harm in going on a date with someone you've just met to see if you are compatible. Lunch, coffee... just a chance to sit down and talk about your values and goals in life. How else are you going to meet people?
 
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Jullianna

Guest
#2
#2
I don't see harm in casual dating, but I do think it's important to protect yourself and the other person involved by dating an individual you could actually see yourself with, you know? You are very young. You are not probably not the person you will be 5 years from now. There's so much growth in your early 20s that you won't believe it. The same is true of young men your age. This is something to keep in mind. But, the only way to find out what you do and don't like in a guy is to learn more about them. And the best way to do that is by dating...just be very picky (AND SAFE) and take your time is what I'm saying I guess. :)
 
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sandstorm7

Guest
#3
#3
Jullianna said:
And the best way to do that is by dating...just be very picky (AND SAFE) and take your time is what I'm saying I guess. :)
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Thanks Jullianna! And yes I agree. I will admit, before I came to Christ I dated a lot of guys that I honestly couldn't see myself with in the future but just because "you never know". However, after a lot of prayer, I realize that there is absolutely no sense in dating someone or entering into a relationship with someone that you cannot see as a potential husband. I have core values that I cannot compromise under any condition and so I'm prepared to be as picky as I need to be. Some of my friends think I'm too picky, but I tell them it's because I know what I need and I won't stop "being picky" until I find that.
 
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Jullianna

Guest
#4
#4
Amen :) We need to trust God's plan for our lives and not our own Plan B...we should learn this from Abraham and Sarah...and so many others, including ourselves :)
 
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broken4Him

Guest
#5
#5
in need of advice....i feel like my body is screaming and im so in love with a good man! i dont see myself with anyone else but him. but he doesnt think we should wait until we are married. and i do not want to lose him when i want to spend the rest of my life with him. please help. :(
 
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sandstorm7

Guest
#6
#6
broken4Him said:
in need of advice....i feel like my body is screaming and im so in love with a good man! i dont see myself with anyone else but him. but he doesnt think we should wait until we are married. and i do not want to lose him when i want to spend the rest of my life with him. please help. :(
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Is he a Christian? You know what the bible says about being unequally yoked. I don't think you should ever compromise your beliefs like that for someone. If he is unwilling to respect your wish to wait, then maybe you should reconsider his sincerity in the relationship? I don't mean to be blunt, but I think your number one priority here should be God. Through Him, the rest will fall into place.

I'll give you an example. I dated this guy who, in my mind, was PERFECT for me. He had everything I ever wanted... everything but one thing. He claimed he was a Christian but faith really had no importance in his life. He no longer went to church and he didn't really have any sort of relationship with God. He didn't seem understanding when I explained how important my faith was. And so this PERFECT guy, I had to let go. Because faith is one thing I will not compromise on in a guy. Think about those things that you refuse to compromise on. And stick to them. Don't let a guy change that.
 
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NodMyHeadLikeYeah

Guest
#7
#7


It's Ok To Look As Long As Its Like This.
 
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Jennifleur

Guest
#8
#8
Okay, can I just say that when I saw the title of the thread, unaware of who it was by or what content it held, my first thought was that it was a guy asking if it was okay to look at women (you know, if he's already seeing someone, is it okay to "window shop"). I was about to come on and say, "Really??? You would even have to ask?" Lol, I guess I'm just tired, but it had me laughing for a minute there.

I don't think there's anything wrong with keeping an open mind and looking. God uses different ways of bringing people together. Now, if you're asking if I think it's okay if you go looking for Mr. Right at some bar or club, I'd say that you could go looking, but probably aren't going to find him there, lol. I know several people who have met through the internet, through dating sites such as eHarmony or Match.com. But, the thing you always have to keep in mind is, if you're going to just casually date with the hope of meeting that person you hope to be with, you have to be very discerning. The thing about dating and romantic relationships is that often people try to "put on a good face" and be something they are not, in the hopes of impressing the other person. When you're just getting to know someone as friends, there's not a whole lot of pretense or reason to be anyone but yourself. That's not to say that there aren't pretenders out there, which is why we have to be wise no matter what type of relationship we have with a person. But if you're going to take an active role and begin dating to try and find someone to be with, you just have to be wiser than you might be if it were a friend you were deciding to test the relationship waters with. If that makes any sense... It did in my head...lol.
 
zeroturbulence

zeroturbulence

Senior Member
#9
Aug 2, 2009
24,653
4,316
113
#9
sandstorm7 said:
I've been reading through a lot of these threads and some people have been saying that God will bring the right person into our lives when the time is right. That we just need to wait.
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You know what I find interesting...

God never said anywhere in the bible that He was going to hook us up with the perfect mate...or hook us up with the perfect ANYTHING. Yet some people still cling to the notion that if they pray enough the perfect mate will fall into their lap.

They may be looking at the story of Rachel who was watering her lamb when Jacob saw her and knew he wanted her to be his wife. A similar story happened with Rebecca and Abraham. Well, it was Rachel and Rebecca's stunning beauty which caught thier future husband's eye so if you are a stunning beauty and have men falling over themselves for your attention then yes, maybe there is a chance that "he" will come riding into your life on a white horse...but how will u know its him if you don't give any guy a chance?

Also, The days of bypassing the girl to ask her father for her hand in marriage are LONG GONE. Except maybe in some remote areas of the world, religious cults, and in aboriginal tribes.


Lets take a look at whats in the bible in terms of "the right mate". First of all, many men of the old testament had several wives..even hundreds! When they found that "one" they married her and kept on looking! Second of all, when a man falls for a single woman, like when King David fell for Bathsheba, it was because of her ravishing beauty. Third...and this is a VERY IMPORTANT point.....there is such a thing as seduction! Seduction in the bible? Yes! King David seduced Bathsheba...Delilah seduced Samson, Song of Solomon is all about seduction.

So basically, in the bible we see that men will only fall in love at first sight with ravishing beauties; men seduced women; and women seduced men that they've had they're eye on; and some kept on looking even after finding a suitable mate.

God is not our matchmaker genie in a bottle!
 
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DABEARS85

Guest
#10
#10
zeroturbulence said:
Lets take a look at whats in the bible in terms of "the right mate". First of all, many men of the old testament had several wives..even hundreds!
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This is a great thought to have, being able to marry multiple wives... but then I really think what that means. I can barely handle ONE woman at a time... I couldn't IMAGINE multiple wives all nagging about why didn't I take out the trash or mow the lawn or ecetera ecetera.

For all of Solomon's wisdom, he wasn't smart enough to realize women would be his downfall! I'm not sure why, considering this is common sense to me. Women are always behind some crazy things in this world, and to marry that many... you have to be psychotic!
 
Sharp

Sharp

Senior Member
#11
May 5, 2009
2,569
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#11
DABEARS85 said:
This is a great thought to have, being able to marry multiple wives... but then I really think what that means. I can barely handle ONE woman at a time... I couldn't IMAGINE multiple wives all nagging about why didn't I take out the trash or mow the lawn or ecetera ecetera.

For all of Solomon's wisdom, he wasn't smart enough to realize women would be his downfall! I'm not sure why, considering this is common sense to me. Women are always behind some crazy things in this world, and to marry that many... you have to be psychotic!
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But if you had multiple wives they would work together to accomplish tasks that a man usually does. They would nag eachother.

For example, two women could push a lawnmower. Three women could clean the swimming pool. Four women could change a lightbulb. The possibilities are endless.
 
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DABEARS85

Guest
#12
#12
Sharp said:
But if you had multiple wives they would work together to accomplish tasks that a man usually does. They would nag eachother.

For example, two women could push a lawnmower. Three women could clean the swimming pool. Four women could change a lightbulb. The possibilities are endless.
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Sometimes, I wish I lived in ancient times for this reason only! Women worked for the man, instead of the other way around as it is nowadays! Christian women should take notes from the bible :) There was no feminism in scripture! ahahahhaha

I disagree with the lightbulb thing though. I believe it would take around 10 women for that one. Just a personal opinion, of course :D
 
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NodMyHeadLikeYeah

Guest
#13
#13
Sharp and Dabears,

Both of you talk about feminism and how you hate it, but the first chance you get both of you are always slamming women, or saying something to down play us.
 
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abbulous

Guest
#14
#14
God looks at your heart.
 
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Schwager

Guest
#15
#15
Your husband wont just walk up and ask you to marry him... Casual dating is needed but if you feel the man is not the one it is okay to wait. I believe that is what everyone means by what they say.
 
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NodMyHeadLikeYeah

Guest
#16
#16
I want to be oogled and stared at creepily for several hours before being asked out.
 
Sharp

Sharp

Senior Member
#18
May 5, 2009
2,569
21
38
#18
NodMyHeadLikeYeah said:
Sharp and Dabears,

Both of you talk about feminism and how you hate it, but the first chance you get both of you are always slamming women, or saying something to down play us.
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I guess I'm just a sexist chauvinist pig.
 
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DABEARS85

Guest
#19
#19
Sharp said:
I guess I'm just a sexist chauvinist pig.
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hi 5 brotha!


I don't downplay women! I just downplay the evil bad ones :) I'm not sexually attracted to men, so I have less to say about them!
 
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NodMyHeadLikeYeah

Guest
#20
#20
DABEARS85 said:
hi 5 brotha!


I don't downplay women! I just downplay the evil bad ones :) I'm not sexually attracted to men, so I have less to say about them!
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Its shocking you have less to say about anything :D
 
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