If only I could have someone to sit in front of me right now and give me Scripture...
You see I have a drink problem , but since I gave my life to Christ my urge to drink is fading , these last days have been a testing time for me , just out of surgery ( it is in the prayer forum ) I have given into temptation to drink , I asked the LORD not to give me more than I can bare , after buying 2 small mini bottles of wine , I have gone and bought another 3 small mini bottles of wine , still that leads to a whole bottle of wine that I have kidded myself I have not drank , Oh what a deceitful heart I have ...I looked at the big bottle and thought NO WAY am I drinking one of them , I have changed , now my lie has caught up with me , and here I sit with another 3 mini bottles after having two mini bottles , that makes a whole bottle , I am deceiving myself , what hurts me more then anything , I am defying God , if the truth be told I have just cried out to God , I know Jesus died for our sins , right now I feel wretched , and yet I sit with two mini bottles of wine in front of me knowing that no matter what I am going to drink them , that is sick
To be honest I do not understand why I am drinking...I trust in the LORD with all my heart and lean not on my own understanding , sometimes living in this flesh is horrendous , I just want to walk in the Spirit but today I am failing...What if God called me home right now and I appeared with alcohol , I do not want that , in my mind right now I am a shamed , and yet I am still willing to drink these two mini bottles unless the LORD makes me vomit not to drink some more...
This is who I am today , I am a sinner , a drunkard though I am not drunk , I am intoxicated , is that the same thing ...
As I write this to be honest , I ask myself " Do I know what Jesus has done for me "...I will stop now because I know a intoxicated person can ramble , and that is not good...I just needed somewhere to express myself , thank you for listening , I feel such a failure...xox...
You see I have a drink problem , but since I gave my life to Christ my urge to drink is fading , these last days have been a testing time for me , just out of surgery ( it is in the prayer forum ) I have given into temptation to drink , I asked the LORD not to give me more than I can bare , after buying 2 small mini bottles of wine , I have gone and bought another 3 small mini bottles of wine , still that leads to a whole bottle of wine that I have kidded myself I have not drank , Oh what a deceitful heart I have ...I looked at the big bottle and thought NO WAY am I drinking one of them , I have changed , now my lie has caught up with me , and here I sit with another 3 mini bottles after having two mini bottles , that makes a whole bottle , I am deceiving myself , what hurts me more then anything , I am defying God , if the truth be told I have just cried out to God , I know Jesus died for our sins , right now I feel wretched , and yet I sit with two mini bottles of wine in front of me knowing that no matter what I am going to drink them , that is sick
To be honest I do not understand why I am drinking...I trust in the LORD with all my heart and lean not on my own understanding , sometimes living in this flesh is horrendous , I just want to walk in the Spirit but today I am failing...What if God called me home right now and I appeared with alcohol , I do not want that , in my mind right now I am a shamed , and yet I am still willing to drink these two mini bottles unless the LORD makes me vomit not to drink some more...
This is who I am today , I am a sinner , a drunkard though I am not drunk , I am intoxicated , is that the same thing ...
As I write this to be honest , I ask myself " Do I know what Jesus has done for me "...I will stop now because I know a intoxicated person can ramble , and that is not good...I just needed somewhere to express myself , thank you for listening , I feel such a failure...xox...