Hello all! I'm looking for some advice here, hopefully from someone who's had a similar experience that I'm currently facing and would greatly appreciate any sort of helpful response. I'll try to keep it brief, however, I need to fill in some needed details. I'm hoping this may also help some other folks in the same situation as well. This is a long post, so please get comfortable - grab some popcorn or whatever. 
Firstly; I am a God fearing young-adult, and have accepted Christ as my savior many many years ago. My walk with God has been steadily growing - and as such, a lot of my decisions have been focused on with prayer and counsel. With that out of the way, let's get on with it!
Several months ago, a young lady visited our young-adult ministry at the church I go to (and am now on staff at). I actually didn't think much of it until we had a friendly conversation, I noticed (of course) at how beautiful she looked (stay with me). Sparing the rest of the details, I wanted to get to know her more on a personal level - so I asked her to go out with me, for a cup of coffee or something - very casual, a couple weeks later. Only to find out that she had broken up a few days earlier - she politely told me this and said she wanted to take some time for herself and God. I said I completely understand and was very impressed, actually, at her response in her circumstances. Anyway; as time went on, we spoke here and there - breaking casual conversation, the usual small talk stuff. I prayed all the way through this entire process, for God to show me discernment and for Him to heal her heart. My feelings towards never changed, even in the tougher moments when she would flat-out ignore me and pretend I didn't exist (which is never a great feeling). I just kept praying that God would clarify if she was the one I should pursue - so I did, or at least I tried. I definitely made my intentions clear, without going overboard, giving her a thoughtful note attached with one of her favorite winter treats, making thoughtful gestures - just being very nice, showing her that I still have interest in getting to know her.
Time went on; things seemed to be progressing - there were some moments when I stepped back, listened to God with my complete and 100% and went back into things with me head up. God's definitely given me a passion to pursue this young lady. The inevitable happened - yep, the friend zone.
This wasn't necessarily a bad thing, as we were actually going through a dating series at our young adult group - and one of the major points in getting to know someone was through group activities while you're just starting to get to know someone. If you can't have fun with them outside of a relationship, what makes you think you'll have fun inside a relationship (or even marriage)? There was some great wisdom bestowed to everyone involved in the dating study we did, and I definitely learned a lot myself.
As time went on, things have come full circle it feels like. I feel really bad for this girl, because she must have been very hurt by her past relationship. I'm not quite sure how she feels about me just yet, which is why I'm here. I don't want to approach her directly, and ask how she feels about me - because I don't want to scare her or come across blunt. The reason why is mostly due to the inconsistency she acts around me and my family. My parents (who'm I have a fantastic personal relationship with, I often come to them for advice) have asked her over for a friendly movie / board game with us. One time it was with myself, both of my parents and one of my siblings - the other, more recent, had even less parties involved. But, when I ask her if she wants to go on a group activity - I'm met with the "sorry, I've got other plans" response, or at least something similar. While other times, we have talk and have great conversations once and a while. Recently, she's ignoring me again - not even saying "hi" or waving. Even if we're "just friends", doesn't mean we can't talk...
All this to say; I'm really confused here. I've tried reasoning with my parents, and they're just as confused. Why would she bother coming over to our home, when she knows that I like her (or at least I assume she's smart enough to put 2 and 2 together, because I know she is), and that I currently live with my folks at home - so I'm bound to be there! My mom asked me to ask myself "now, if it were you... if you knew that this girl's parents were cool to be around, they asked you over for whatever reason but the girl that's your age likes you in that sense - would you go over?" My answer was "No, because that would just feel awkward to me, and I'm sure the parents would understand." I'm at a loss here, and not sure where to go.
I'm meeting with a friend of mine that went through a similar experience. I'm hoping to see how he "knew" she liked him back, or if it was something that he had to work at. I'm not saying that it will be easy, cause I know it isn't going to be - that's clear, and I'm perfectly okay with "working at it". God's still got this women on my heart, and I keep praying every day for his discernment. My feelings have still unchanged for her, I can't seem to shake them. It's frustrating for me, and I know it has to be for her as well. I don't blame her for the frustration, as I know she's still more than likely recovering from her past break up. But I really would like to know if I'm missing something, because right now I'm not sure where to turn to or how to do it.
How would you all suggest I handle this? I'm obviously going to keep praying, I also journal every few days, on top of other things to keep my mind clear. One of the things I do not want to do is create a soul tie with her - which I've been pretty intentional about. Right now it is all about getting to know her as a person and waiting for God's timing.
Your guys' input is greatly appreciated. Thanks for taking the time to read through this! It's late for me here, sorry if there are any grammar issues.
Thanks again all!
Firstly; I am a God fearing young-adult, and have accepted Christ as my savior many many years ago. My walk with God has been steadily growing - and as such, a lot of my decisions have been focused on with prayer and counsel. With that out of the way, let's get on with it!
Several months ago, a young lady visited our young-adult ministry at the church I go to (and am now on staff at). I actually didn't think much of it until we had a friendly conversation, I noticed (of course) at how beautiful she looked (stay with me). Sparing the rest of the details, I wanted to get to know her more on a personal level - so I asked her to go out with me, for a cup of coffee or something - very casual, a couple weeks later. Only to find out that she had broken up a few days earlier - she politely told me this and said she wanted to take some time for herself and God. I said I completely understand and was very impressed, actually, at her response in her circumstances. Anyway; as time went on, we spoke here and there - breaking casual conversation, the usual small talk stuff. I prayed all the way through this entire process, for God to show me discernment and for Him to heal her heart. My feelings towards never changed, even in the tougher moments when she would flat-out ignore me and pretend I didn't exist (which is never a great feeling). I just kept praying that God would clarify if she was the one I should pursue - so I did, or at least I tried. I definitely made my intentions clear, without going overboard, giving her a thoughtful note attached with one of her favorite winter treats, making thoughtful gestures - just being very nice, showing her that I still have interest in getting to know her.
Time went on; things seemed to be progressing - there were some moments when I stepped back, listened to God with my complete and 100% and went back into things with me head up. God's definitely given me a passion to pursue this young lady. The inevitable happened - yep, the friend zone.
This wasn't necessarily a bad thing, as we were actually going through a dating series at our young adult group - and one of the major points in getting to know someone was through group activities while you're just starting to get to know someone. If you can't have fun with them outside of a relationship, what makes you think you'll have fun inside a relationship (or even marriage)? There was some great wisdom bestowed to everyone involved in the dating study we did, and I definitely learned a lot myself.
As time went on, things have come full circle it feels like. I feel really bad for this girl, because she must have been very hurt by her past relationship. I'm not quite sure how she feels about me just yet, which is why I'm here. I don't want to approach her directly, and ask how she feels about me - because I don't want to scare her or come across blunt. The reason why is mostly due to the inconsistency she acts around me and my family. My parents (who'm I have a fantastic personal relationship with, I often come to them for advice) have asked her over for a friendly movie / board game with us. One time it was with myself, both of my parents and one of my siblings - the other, more recent, had even less parties involved. But, when I ask her if she wants to go on a group activity - I'm met with the "sorry, I've got other plans" response, or at least something similar. While other times, we have talk and have great conversations once and a while. Recently, she's ignoring me again - not even saying "hi" or waving. Even if we're "just friends", doesn't mean we can't talk...
All this to say; I'm really confused here. I've tried reasoning with my parents, and they're just as confused. Why would she bother coming over to our home, when she knows that I like her (or at least I assume she's smart enough to put 2 and 2 together, because I know she is), and that I currently live with my folks at home - so I'm bound to be there! My mom asked me to ask myself "now, if it were you... if you knew that this girl's parents were cool to be around, they asked you over for whatever reason but the girl that's your age likes you in that sense - would you go over?" My answer was "No, because that would just feel awkward to me, and I'm sure the parents would understand." I'm at a loss here, and not sure where to go.
I'm meeting with a friend of mine that went through a similar experience. I'm hoping to see how he "knew" she liked him back, or if it was something that he had to work at. I'm not saying that it will be easy, cause I know it isn't going to be - that's clear, and I'm perfectly okay with "working at it". God's still got this women on my heart, and I keep praying every day for his discernment. My feelings have still unchanged for her, I can't seem to shake them. It's frustrating for me, and I know it has to be for her as well. I don't blame her for the frustration, as I know she's still more than likely recovering from her past break up. But I really would like to know if I'm missing something, because right now I'm not sure where to turn to or how to do it.
How would you all suggest I handle this? I'm obviously going to keep praying, I also journal every few days, on top of other things to keep my mind clear. One of the things I do not want to do is create a soul tie with her - which I've been pretty intentional about. Right now it is all about getting to know her as a person and waiting for God's timing.
Your guys' input is greatly appreciated. Thanks for taking the time to read through this! It's late for me here, sorry if there are any grammar issues.
Thanks again all!
