I don’t know how to handle my child

MamaAbby · Apr 12, 2018

This is my second post today. This is a different topic… About my son.I am a Christian that needs a lot of prayer. I really don’t know what to do. I wake up every morning and say it will be a good day… No screaming and yelling… Happy time with the kids. It seems that the opposite happens. My child does whatever it takes to give me a bad day. I have done enough yelling and disciplining and nothing is working. He is Disrespectful to me and very mean to his siblings. I love my child and i don’t want him to continue with this behavior. He has been this way for the last 4 years and it is getting worse every year not better. God, I need Help. I need all the prayer I can get. If anyone has a difficult chilld and want to share a method that worked for you , please share. This child is just not getting it and doesn’t care. I don’t know how I can teach him anything If he doesn’t care. Today, I lost it because he called his brother the B word and he is only 9. No one in this house speaks that way. I took away his iPod for a month as a punishment. I am not sure if that is enough or not.
He told me a lot of disrespectful things and I don’t know what to say to him since he doesn’t even pay attention to anything I am saying most of the time. I am praying for a new start on this .i feel bad for everything I have said to him through Anger . I don’t know what to do . I am just so sick and tired. Help

JB2018 · Apr 12, 2018

The bible that life and death are in the power of the tongue. So, when you wake up in the morning start commanding your day. Decree and declare it. And, for your children have you taken action against their behavior? Maybe like a time out?

Mel85 · Apr 12, 2018

Clip his ears and show some “tough love”.... My Mama wouldn’t let me get away if I ever disrespected her like that!

But, I will definitely keep you and your son in prayers.

mar09 · Apr 12, 2018

MamaAbby said:

Hi abby, and welcome to CC.

From what you said, u may really need some help. Are u a homemaker? Children easily get it when they feel they are a burden, and act more like they are. Do u pray with them? When they were small, it was easier for me to pray with our children, but a time comes when they seem to say we can do this. I still pray for them, and our youngest is past the age of ur child, and seems to be maturing too. I remember having some conflicts w/ them as preteens esp, but now with the older children, how different, how much more understanding and more easily we can communicate unlike before. I sincerely hope u can have some sisterly help in the form of a care group, knowing u are being prayed for regularly and also see each occasionally during the week. You may need more counsel from ur pastor or his wife, if not other older women who have been thru what u are going thru.

You do know A soft answer turns away wrath, and it is easy enough for children to follow or imitate what they hear and see, as husband and wife ways of communication. I hope the kids have some fun things they enjoy doing, whether together or outside the home, as sports, music, theatre or acting, etc. Good age-appropriate reading materials may also interest them, esp ur 9-year old, who could rebel more if not corrected/guided soon. Here's just saying u be in prayers, abby. God bless.

loyaldisciple · Apr 12, 2018

MamaAbby said:

This is why a young boy desperately needs a father. A father can discipline a boy and relate to a boy in ways a mother just cannot. I'm assuming he has no father at home, since you didn't mention any father. If he does have a father in the home, then the father needs to step up. If he doesn't, then he has a void in his life that is only going to cause problems. He just isn't going to give his mother the same type of respect that he would give a father. Can you maybe find a man, such as a minister, a friend or someone to talk to him that he will look up to and listen to them ? I wish you the best in this bad situation. I don't see being nice solving this issue. I think you're going to have get very tough on him and act similar to a man or he just is not going to listen. I believe he feels power over you and you have got to change that. What he really needs right now is a father to spank his butt and make him respect his mother.

Mel85 · Apr 12, 2018

loyaldisciple said:

She has another post regarding the father. They are having issues atm.

But really,? He desperately needs a father? My cousin raised her only son without the help of his bio father - no issues there.

But I can see your point of a man better relating to a boy, but that’s debatable.

loyaldisciple · Apr 12, 2018

Mel85 said:

Then your cousin was very fortunate. There is a tremendous amount of proof to support what I said. Boys without a father in the home are at a much higher risk of becoming a criminal, going to prison and becoming addicted to drugs. Many studies have shown this to be absolutely true. A boy does need a father's discipline. You can disagree if you wish, simply based on what your cousin did if you like. But that was just one case. It does not reflect the overall effect of boys being raised without their fathers and does not reflect their added chance of having difficulties in life as a result.

https://www.fatherhood.org/fatherhood-data-statistics

Demi777 · Apr 12, 2018

loyaldisciple said:

Then your cousin was very fortunate. There is a tremendous amount of proof to support what I said. Boys without a father in the home are at a much higher risk of becoming a criminal, going to prison and becoming addicted to drugs. Many studies have shown this to be absolutely true. A boy does need a father's discipline. You can disagree if you wish, simply based on what your cousin did if you like. But that was just one case. It does not reflect the overall effect of boys being raised without their fathers and does not reflect their added chance of having difficulties in life as a result.

https://www.fatherhood.org/fatherhood-data-statistics

My dad didnt raise me. My mom did. A mother can be strong in discipline just like a man.
And m brother is disciplined too

Mel85 · Apr 12, 2018

loyaldisciple said:

Then your cousin was very fortunate. There is a tremendous amount of proof to support what I said. Boys without a father in the home are at a much higher risk of becoming a criminal, going to prison and becoming addicted to drugs. Many studies have shown this to be absolutely true. A boy does need a father's discipline. You can disagree if you wish, simply based on what your cousin did if you like. But that was just one case. It does not reflect the overall effect of boys being raised without their fathers and does not reflect their added chance of having difficulties in life as a result.

https://www.fatherhood.org/fatherhood-data-statistics

That link shows the stats for within America only, a country I’m not from. So it’s irrelevant to me unless you can provide international stats?

Mel85 · Apr 12, 2018

loyaldisciple said:

I’m pretty sure mothers are capable of disciplining their children as well.

Depleted · Apr 12, 2018

MamaAbby said:

"Christian" means "one who follows Christ." What do you mean by the word?

Because what I see in this post is you start the day making plans for you and then a child is capable of ruining a whole day. YOU plan a great day, and yet the plan doesn't work. (BTW, how does one plan a great day? Days just kind of happen with or without a plan in place.) Your child then becomes responsible for YOU not having a good day.

So, all this was about you and a child. Where does Christ come in at all? And, if he does show up, for what purpose do you want him? To make your life easier?

Truthfully, I see this as a whole lot of you, and your son is just a big inconvenience on you. If I can see that in your block-of-text, what does he see from you day in and day out?

MamaAbby · Apr 12, 2018

Thank you . Amen to that! I do need to start the day that way. I agree

MamaAbby · Apr 12, 2018

Thank you mar09. I am still trying to figure out how to reply to messages on here. I do need to seek out help from My Pastor. They are praying for my marriage and I have not mentioned to them much about my child. I do need a support to be covered in that area too. Re activities: My son loves basketball so he does that. I think my kids are spoiled and provided too .. I have a feeling it is time to get serious and work on some good disciplining techniques. We do pray together every night… They know God. I feel like I’m a good mother… I provided in every area with the help of God. I teach my kids about the Lord… I send them to school and Bible study which also teaches them more about the word. I just feel very overwhelmed with everything on my Late I am just running out of patience. When you’re in the situation and you have a very difficult child on top of that… It is very difficult to manage life. I don’t know what prayer to pray but I am on my knees crying to God every night. One thing I know for sure is I need to give time for myself and take care of self so I can take care of my family.Thank you for all the reply, it was very useful

MamaAbby · Apr 12, 2018

Thank you for your responses. I don’t disagree with anyone. The one question I have not answered is that I am not a stay home mom. I work full time and trusting God with my marriage and my child.

loyaldisciple · Apr 12, 2018

Demi777 said:

That has nothing to do with the fact that "on average" fatherless children experience way more problems than those who are raised with the father at home. Individual cases have nothing to do with the overall averages. I was giving the lady advice of what was "likely" to happen. I didn't tell her her child was going to definitely be a bad person because she is raising the child herself. I said the "chances" of him having several problems is much higher because a father is not in the house and that is true.

Your philosophy is that since not having a father in the home didn't affect a few children negatively that it doesn't affect any children negatively and I'm telling you that philosophy is entirely false. And furthermore, you cannot know for sure that not having a father in the home didn't affect you negatively. Because you cannot know for sure what you would be like today if you had had the father in the home.

loyaldisciple · Apr 12, 2018

MamaAbby said:

I wish you the best MamaAbby. Pray for God to help you discipline that boy. That is what he needs or he is going to find himself in a lot of trouble later on.

loyaldisciple · Apr 12, 2018

I will just add that having no father in the home is better than having a terrible father in the home. But there is no replacing a good father in the home. It is part of God's design and without it a void is highly likely to take place in a child, just as it would if they were lacking their mother. Many studies have shown that "on average", children growing up with both a mother and a father guiding them do much better than children lacking one parent in the home. That is not to say a mother cannot do a great job all by herself. Only that it is much more difficult.

Dino246 · Apr 12, 2018

MamaAbby said:

This is my second post today. This is a different topic… About my son.I am a Christian that needs a lot of prayer. I really don’t know what to do. I wake up every morning and say it will be a good day… No screaming and yelling… Happy time with the kids. It seems that the opposite happens. My child does whatever it takes to give me a bad day. I have done enough yelling and disciplining and nothing is working. He is Disrespectful to me and very mean to his siblings. I love my child and i don’t want him to continue with this behavior. He has been this way for the last 4 years and it is getting worse every year not better. God, I need Help. I need all the prayer I can get. If anyone has a difficult chilld and want to share a method that worked for you , please share. This child is just not getting it and doesn’t care. I don’t know how I can teach him anything If he doesn’t care. Today, I lost it because he called his brother the B word and he is only 9. No one in this house speaks that way. I took away his iPod for a month as a punishment. I am not sure if that is enough or not.
He told me a lot of disrespectful things and I don’t know what to say to him since he doesn’t even pay attention to anything I am saying most of the time. I am praying for a new start on this .i feel bad for everything I have said to him through Anger . I don’t know what to do . I am just so sick and tired. Help

Hello and Welcome, MamaAbby,
I strongly encourage you to read the book "Boundaries" by Henry Cloud and John Townsend. It's a Christian approach to the issues you've outlined. There is a version for issues with children as well.

Didymous · Apr 12, 2018

The main issue about the Father being gone is that some boys will be very angry about him not being there, as I know from my life and those of many of my male cousins.

Depleted · Apr 12, 2018

MamaAbby said:

In what way are you trusting God?

I see trust as a two-way street. I watch to see how the other one is doing, and I do what I need to do.

Trusting is seeing God in action, but it is also going to him to talk, reading what he has to say, and asking for his help in how to live. A lot, (most), of how to live is information found in his book. If we don't see how he wants us to live, where does that leave trust?

What does your trust look like?

I don’t know how to handle my child

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