I don’t know how to handle my child

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Guest
#21
The main issue about the Father being gone is that some boys will be very angry about him not being there, as I know from my life and those of many of my male cousins.
In this case, the father isn't gone. Which is neither a good thing or a bad thing. It's an undecided thing. (Might want to check her other post to find out what's happening with the husband relationship too. This is not a one-size-fits-all situation.)
 
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Depleted

Guest
#22
BTW, Abby, in your other post you're going to get a lot of advice about leaving him and marriage counseling. BUT I really do think you are a woman treading water right now. Just trying to hang on to what is left of the life you thought you had not that long ago, and very much aware it was never what you thought it was.

Your children know more than you think, even if they don't know what else is happening. Which is why I'm trying to get your attention on the Lifesaver! And, make no mistake. The Lord is the Lifesaver. He is the foundation. All else is just floundering.

Not to say you won't be floundering for a while, but see God and see answer -- to both problems. That's where trust starts happening.
 

Enoch987

Senior Member
Jul 13, 2017
312
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#23
What about food additives? Food Dyes, Fluoride and chlorine in the water. corn syrup. most Corn and Soy products are Genetically modified. I taste the different between regular whole wheat flour and organic. Same with raw broccoli. The regular has a bite to it that organic doesn't have. Plastic food containers and plastic water bottles leach. Sugar is obvious. hydrogenated oils.
 

Daisendoh2008

Junior Member
Nov 21, 2017
1
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#24
I am so sorry you are going through this, have you tried getting him (or your family) into seeing a therapist? They may have different choices for you to work with him and you on.
 

jenniferand2

Senior Member
Mar 19, 2016
1,432
32
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#26
This is my second post today. This is a different topic… About my son.I am a Christian that needs a lot of prayer. I really don’t know what to do. I wake up every morning and say it will be a good day… No screaming and yelling… Happy time with the kids. It seems that the opposite happens. My child does whatever it takes to give me a bad day. I have done enough yelling and disciplining and nothing is working. He is Disrespectful to me and very mean to his siblings. I love my child and i don’t want him to continue with this behavior. He has been this way for the last 4 years and it is getting worse every year not better. God, I need Help. I need all the prayer I can get. If anyone has a difficult chilld and want to share a method that worked for you , please share. This child is just not getting it and doesn’t care. I don’t know how I can teach him anything If he doesn’t care. Today, I lost it because he called his brother the B word and he is only 9. No one in this house speaks that way. I took away his iPod for a month as a punishment. I am not sure if that is enough or not.
He told me a lot of disrespectful things and I don’t know what to say to him since he doesn’t even pay attention to anything I am saying most of the time. I am praying for a new start on this .i feel bad for everything I have said to him through Anger . I don’t know what to do . I am just so sick and tired. Help

Have you asked him why he acts like this? Sometimes most often it is a medical issue that causes they behavior or it is because he needs your attention and he does not know how to get your attention other then act out. Most children who act out in anger are actually seeking affection. Do you ever spend one on one time with your children? Do you tell them they do a good job when they do? do you commend them for good things. Children want to be praised and loved. How much screen time are they getting with t.v.I pod etc. are you engaging with them in the evenings like no modern technology just you all playing a game or something? If you are spending the time with the children one on one and having quality time with each one and showing them you care and love them and are proud then I suggest you taking him to a therapist there could be something going on medically in that case. Also people will say I am crazy but what kinds of foods are you feeding the kids? Are you trying to stay away from food that have artificial hormones and a bunch of garbage added to them? gentically modified food are killing our childrens minds and bodies.... I suggest looking at all the above it may be combinations of all of the above he may be getting bullied at school and not telling you.. He maybe eating something causing his brain to fire different. He maybe seeking attention from you and not know how to get it... other then these three main ideas I would have no idea what to tell you..
 

jenniferand2

Senior Member
Mar 19, 2016
1,432
32
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#27
Thank you mar09. I am still trying to figure out how to reply to messages on here. I do need to seek out help from My Pastor. They are praying for my marriage and I have not mentioned to them much about my child. I do need a support to be covered in that area too. Re activities: My son loves basketball so he does that. I think my kids are spoiled and provided too .. I have a feeling it is time to get serious and work on some good disciplining techniques. We do pray together every night… They know God. I feel like I’m a good mother… I provided in every area with the help of God. I teach my kids about the Lord… I send them to school and Bible study which also teaches them more about the word. I just feel very overwhelmed with everything on my Late I am just running out of patience. When you’re in the situation and you have a very difficult child on top of that… It is very difficult to manage life. I don’t know what prayer to pray but I am on my knees crying to God every night. One thing I know for sure is I need to give time for myself and take care of self so I can take care of my family.Thank you for all the reply, it was very useful

Okay i see now after my first post that there are marriage issues this is also why he is acting out.. He sees the tension going on and feels that if he does something bad maybe it will take the heat of you and husband arguing or destroying each other... Your entire family needs to sit down have a family conversation about behavior and what good behavior looks like set down rules etc.. P>S> if you think your children can not hear you and your husband fighting you are dead wrong.... on that note you and husband need to have a quiet calm sit down and discuss what is going to happen with your marriage. A plan needs to be made and it needs to be followed. If it means separating a while then do it. If it means going to marriage counseling then do it. Your child I can almost gurantee is trying to get you two adults to stop what ever arguing and he does it by acting out himself.
 

LaurieB

Senior Member
Mar 12, 2018
157
5
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#28
Hi:
From your post, I am not sure what the problem is for your child, but four years is a long time and I am sure you have tried al ot of different things? Like spanking, removing privileges, talking to him and explalining ... and nothing works?

At that point, what I would do is see a Counselor .. first alone (one who specializes in children) ... and then they might suggest you see the Counselor together? I really dont have any answer but I think this situation calls for something above and beyond all you have tried. Make sure this counselor specializes in child psychology, though. An appointment alone will let you explain what is going on .. then he/she may want to see you and your child.

I wish you the best of luck with this. Take care.
 

LaurieB

Senior Member
Mar 12, 2018
157
5
18
#29
Okay i see now after my first post that there are marriage issues this is also why he is acting out.. He sees the tension going on and feels that if he does something bad maybe it will take the heat of you and husband arguing or destroying each other... Your entire family needs to sit down have a family conversation about behavior and what good behavior looks like set down rules etc.. P>S> if you think your children can not hear you and your husband fighting you are dead wrong.... on that note you and husband need to have a quiet calm sit down and discuss what is going to happen with your marriage. A plan needs to be made and it needs to be followed. If it means separating a while then do it. If it means going to marriage counseling then do it. Your child I can almost gurantee is trying to get you two adults to stop what ever arguing and he does it by acting out himself.
YES. Awesome reply.
 

Angelique

Senior Member
Aug 19, 2016
108
8
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#30
I think he is hurt, and he does not have another way to expres it. It does not have to be something you did, could be something at school, or how he thinks about himself, tension at home, etc.

I would advise you to keep your calm. He obviously can not control his emotions, but you can, altrough I can imagine it will be difficult.

Show him grace. Show him redempion love. And keep your voice calm and ask what he is feeling. This is a deeper issue he has. You have to get to the root of it.
Learn him to use his words instead of his emotions.

I guess whats it happening right now is he gets mad an fustrated about small stuff and you get fustrated because he won't listen or do what you want him to do. And you trigger each other in this. He gets emotional and you get emotional too. And one person must get out of this circle to break it.
 
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Angelique

Senior Member
Aug 19, 2016
108
8
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#31
This is a sermon on redeption love.
It can change your marriage. And change the way you interact with your child.

Please take the time to watch this and change/save your marriage, God bless

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=llf-aoQfLkA

Sermon by Jimmy Evans called: When your spouse hurts you.
 
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Aboundingjoy

Junior Member
Sep 17, 2017
15
1
3
#32
Hi, it sounds like you have a lot going on at home. Your marital issues are going to affect your children one way or another. My prayer is for you and your husband. Whatever is going on is hard. But I will pray that you will do what is good and right in God's eyes. He will give you His grace as you step out in faith. May He give you wisdom and deep abiding peace through Jesus Christ who loves you and is carrying you today. 2Cor 4:8 (NLT), We are pressed on every side by troubles, but we are not crushed. We are perplexed, but not driven to despair.

If you are in a want of reading something about child rearing, you can check out http://bit.ly/2qNTIIc
You have a lot of sisters and brothers lifting you up in prayer. Please let us know how we can better lift you up~
Blessings

 

Dan58

Senior Member
Nov 13, 2013
1,824
121
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#33
I know its politically incorrect these days, but my mother would always tell us; "Wait until your Father gets home". It worked, because we all knew ole Dad would spank our butts good. He was a firm believer in "He that spareth his rod hateth his son" (Proverbs 13:24). Physical punishment is greatly underrated, it instilled the necessary discipline in me better than anything else.. If all else fails, its time for a whipping, find yourself a good ping-pong paddle :)... jmo
 

amurb

Junior Member
Oct 28, 2016
9
0
0
#34
In this case, the father isn't gone. Which is neither a good thing or a bad thing. It's an undecided thing. (Might want to check her other post to find out what's happening with the husband relationship too. This is not a one-size-fits-all situation.)
I am sorry you are going through this. Just take a breath and find out what you need to do for your child. Do what is in their best interest.
 

razor17

Senior Member
Aug 16, 2017
192
20
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#35
a spanking will get the point across......
 

Elizabeth619

Senior Member
Jul 19, 2011
6,397
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#36
I’ve learned from my own parenting when a child “acts out” there is an underlying reason 99% of the time. This may sound silly but I posted a quote on my Facebook the other day that stated “ 9 times our lf 10 the misbehavior won’t make you angry but will break your heart.” Maybe there is an underlying issue you’re not aware of. This doesn’t mean you’ve done anything wrong. Your child may just be dealing with something that he doesn’t know how to handle.

Id also like to add that I’m a single mother. While it is God’s natural plan for a child to be raised by two parents in the home sometimes things happen where one parent is absent. While it can have a negative impact on a child if the one parent raises their children in a Godly home there will ALWAYS be a father present. I don’t care what studies show from a secular viewpoint it is NEVER and I mean NEVER a good idea to throw at a struggling parent their child is more likely to be a criminal or follow bad behavior because of an absent father. My father died when I was 11. I became a single mom when I was 20. I have never had a criminal past. My son is an honor student and has never had a behavior problem. I am financially stable. My child is well clothed, fed, and I live in a very nice brick home where God comes first. He has never had to want for anything and it is by the choice of his father that he is absent from the home. So LLOYD, be careful how you say things. Not all “studies” determines real life of those who do everything they can to make sure their child thrives. Oh, and I’m plenty capable of disciplining my child just fine. I’ve brougt him to his knees many many times.
 

Aboundingjoy

Junior Member
Sep 17, 2017
15
1
3
#37
There are many different parenting styles as you can see from the various posts on this thread. I would like to share this very helpful site on effective discipline. I think you will find it very informative and I pray this will help you find some of the answers you are looking for. http://bit.ly/2qVSLg2

Blessings~
 
Apr 1, 2018
53
4
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#38
Then your cousin was very fortunate. There is a tremendous amount of proof to support what I said. Boys without a father in the home are at a much higher risk of becoming a criminal, going to prison and becoming addicted to drugs. Many studies have shown this to be absolutely true. A boy does need a father's discipline. You can disagree if you wish, simply based on what your cousin did if you like. But that was just one case. It does not reflect the overall effect of boys being raised without their fathers and does not reflect their added chance of having difficulties in life as a result.

https://www.fatherhood.org/fatherhood-data-statistics
Just because parents get divorced doesnt mean the child will have no father, he will still be his father regardless .

HOWEVER,
Constant Conflict between parents, might do more harm to children than divorce:

In an unhappy marriage, where tension and conflict is the norm, parent-child interactions also seem to show signs of strain.

Conflict drains the resources of a relationship and in doing so, can give way to ineffective or inconsistent parenting. Parental energy is also strained, leaving less to invest in the children.

Marital conflict is associated with a range of internalising (such as depression, anxiety, withdrawal) and externalizing (such as aggression, non-compliance) outcomes in children.
 

GodisGlorious

Senior Member
Jun 12, 2012
130
3
18
#39
I dont know enough about your situation. My first thought is when a child needs attention and they dont get it they can act up to get it. Is he your eldest. Sometimes they can feel pushed out by younger siblings. If this is the case would it be possible to lay aside an hour a day for you and he time to have special mummy/son time to do things you can enjoy together...like board games. Cooking. Join him on games console. Also help him learn to talk about his feelings instead of acting them out. Be quick to reward verbally positve behaviour and pick your battles with negative ones. God bless you in this abbymum
 

jenniferand2

Senior Member
Mar 19, 2016
1,432
32
48
#40
This is my second post today. This is a different topic… About my son.I am a Christian that needs a lot of prayer. I really don’t know what to do. I wake up every morning and say it will be a good day… No screaming and yelling… Happy time with the kids. It seems that the opposite happens. My child does whatever it takes to give me a bad day. I have done enough yelling and disciplining and nothing is working. He is Disrespectful to me and very mean to his siblings. I love my child and i don’t want him to continue with this behavior. He has been this way for the last 4 years and it is getting worse every year not better. God, I need Help. I need all the prayer I can get. If anyone has a difficult chilld and want to share a method that worked for you , please share. This child is just not getting it and doesn’t care. I don’t know how I can teach him anything If he doesn’t care. Today, I lost it because he called his brother the B word and he is only 9. No one in this house speaks that way. I took away his iPod for a month as a punishment. I am not sure if that is enough or not.
He told me a lot of disrespectful things and I don’t know what to say to him since he doesn’t even pay attention to anything I am saying most of the time. I am praying for a new start on this .i feel bad for everything I have said to him through Anger . I don’t know what to do . I am just so sick and tired. Help
Hello there are two reason why kids act out this way one is a medical reason he may have some kind of medical thing going on causing some of the issues. Two it is because he is not getting enough positive attention from you. Kids act out to get your attention even if it is negative attention they are still getting your attention. You really have to turn this around before it is to late. My suggestions are and I don't joke when I say this take a good look at the diet your giving your children is it lots of boxed foods of lots of sugar foods. Is he on any kinds of medications either natural type stuff or scripted meds? People often give their kids things like melatonin to help a kd sleep or miraxlax to help with poops with out realizing how bad these things are for a child's nervous system and such. Start with food journal wrote down what you have been feeding him and research the ingredients in the foods for harmful stuff.. also routine is very bad important believe it or not the more routine you have the less crazyness you have . Every day I made my kids get up at the same time eat breafast go to school or daycare come home unwind watch t.v. together for an hour made dinner if they wanted to help I let them we ate dinner did home work and then we did another half hour to our of family time or they did their own thing depending then it was bath time and bad time. Kids that are in a house with very little structure will be chaotic. I suggest as hard as it is because I know how hard it is to work your butt of come home and do all the motherly duties that you still start focusing on getting as healthy of a meal plan together as you can and get a routine going asap. Also make one hour a night with no phones I pads computers video games etc. Where you spend quality time together take a walk watch a movie play a board game do a project what ever it may be. I have seen studies where kids brains are actually over stimulated by Gavin to much screen time in any kind of electronics. This is all i can suggest to you also you won't solve his behavior issues by yelling so I know it is hard but ya have to stop that. When he is angry or acting out ram ram him like a equal ask him what is bothering him are are he tells you. He is basically doing what he sees if you and the dad argue back and forth then it is no wonder he acts out he thinks that is how you solve things because that is what he has learned. Out by changing all the dynamics it will ram time and everyone has to stick to it but once he sees that acting properly is the way to get things done he will start doing it right. Also don't cave in and give him things because he wears you down n being rude. Reward him if he goes a amount of time with no n behavior. You have to say over hit the reset button and reprogram him to learn that with too behavior etc. He will be rewarded.