my teen is sexually active

[Nhisgrip]

Hi I've never posted before but I need a little moral support. My son is almost 17, hes an avid sportsman in wrestling and football and gets excellent grades very driven.....That said, hes had a girlfriend for almost a year. At christmas I found condom wrappers unopened under his bed. (my roomba vaccum actually did) We talked about it and I was calm. He said they weren't his (of course). I've raised him well with regular church attendance, awana and most importantly I've shared my views about waiting and what God wants for him and the consequences mentally and physically of being sexually involved. He is not allowed to be alone with his girlfriend at home without a parent.
Well I just cleaned his bathroom garbage and found a wrapper OPENED in his garbage. I'm so disappointed with him and myself.....after some thought and prayer I called the girls Mom. It went ok and surprisingly she said 3 months into their relationship she saw how inlove her daughter was with my son and took her to the dr. and put her on the pill. Her Mom is a single mom and had her first at 18 and is a young grandma. She said she got scared and thought it was the only thing to do to prevent the kids from ruining their futures. She said she didn't inform me because she didn't want to alarm me. So now the cats out of the bag what can I do? Realistically hes almost a adult and I can't ground him or forbid him to see her. I keep thinking of Sarah Palin's daughter saying her Moms thoughts on "abstience" are "unrealistic". My son and I have really good open comunication. At least I thought we did. Anyone have any thoughts or experience with this? Thanks for listening too!

 

[ChristisLord]

If she is on the pill then I don't see a problem. Abstinence simply won't work.

 

[ChristisLord]

As Nhisgrip said, it is unrealisic to expect that teens will wait till marriage so you can either be glad shes on the pill, or drive him away from you. I would take the former. As long as there isn't any STD's going around with them, then there shouldn't be a concern.

 

[Aldo16]

Hey Merryheart, well I've gone through that and at the time I did not have the same guidance that you gave your son so I lived in that sin for quite some time, and yes it scarred me now that I walk with Jesus i suffer the consequences and constantly repent for that. I think that the girl, if she's not strong in her walk with Christ, might be how Satan is working his way towards your son, obviously if you suggest him not to see her it will most likely be a disaster so don't do that, that could have worked before. I dont agree with ChristisLord, this is a big issue. I think that you should keep advicing him taking a lot of care of your timing and using scripture since that is God's power and trust the Lord that he will make your son's paths straight. This is very touchy though, so I would let the Lord work His will. Your son is already responsible for his soul. Blessings for you and your family and I pray the Lord gives you peace.

 

[Aldo16]

As Nhisgrip said, it is unrealisic to expect that teens will wait till marriage so you can either be glad shes on the pill, or drive him away from you. I would take the former. As long as there isn't any STD's going around with them, then there shouldn't be a concern.

There is nothing unrealistic with God, if you believe the Bible is God's word you cannot support premarital sex. All is possible with God, even resisting youthful lusts. One thing should be clarified though and that is that the Bible tells us clearly that we should not fight against youthful lusts,.. but Run Away from them. Thats how dangerous and powerful they are. So ChristisLord, nothing unrealistic about walking closely to God. There are many young people who wait till marriage.

 

[Aldo16]

Thank you and while I appreciate that (because I have 3 sons that are not sexually active), this is NHisgrips son referring here.

ok I made a mistake sorry didnt read properly. NHisgrips, That was for you... God Bless.

 

[Ashkuhn]

Ahh.. I know this has to be every parents worst nightmare. I know that before I got stronger in my walk with God I had a high school boyfriend for three years and I thought we would get married and I didn't wait. Now I wish so much that I had.We didn't get married.. Emotionally I will still always have feelings for my highschool sweetheart. I think that if we had both waited then my husband and I would have really appreciated it more and would take our love to a whole new level. My husband had MANY partners before me and we both had to deal with them calling and trying to split us up too.. I guess that although you know this is not right for your son the best thing you can do is sit down and calmly talk to him. And let him know you are here for him. You don't have to support what he is doing to still be a loving parent. If you come on too strong he's going to repel from you and rebel.. That was what my husband was doing with his dad because he had come on so strong.. I know it isn't ideal or what he should be doing but at least he is with one girl and he truly does love her. He sounds like he's still a really good kid. We all sin.. If your son is a Christian he is probably dealing with this internally and is something he should probably work out on his own.

I tried to push Christianity on my husband it it blew up in my face.. The only way that he has come to reading his Bible and starting to believe is just on his own. When someone is struggling with something force doesn't work. They have to usually work it out internally. Just pray for your son and tell him you are there to talk! Good luck and God bless! <3

 

[carpetmanswife]

I am a mom speaking from experience. My son was raised in church , knows the bible , we had 'the talks' dont do it ,God doesnt approve, Respect the girl.. all of it . I still became a grandmother b4 my son married , plz do talk to your son let him fully understand your concerns .One of the hardest jobs of parenting is realizing there comes a point in our childrens lives when they make their own decisions, weve taught them ,they know, no matter what they decide we love em thru it. It doesnt mean we condone their actions, doesnt mean we are bad parents , or they are bad kids. Give them to God and trust Him with them.GB

 

[Raeshelle]

I myself was a young Mom and yes I was brought up in the church.. It is no easy life out there with a baby at 16, I knew what I was doing was wrong and did it anyway.. I so wish now that I had listened to all I was taught. I brought up my kids teaching them the same things I was taught.. I did my best by them I always let them know that even though I love them dearly I wish I had done things differently back when I was 15.. I had to pay dealy for my sin. I love my son very very much and would not trade him for the world. But I did not have an easy life..
As for the oh give them the birthcontrol and candoms, isn't that the same as saying, go ahead have sex even though God's word tells us it is a sin? I mean I know if I was a teen and I had someone give me the pill I would have said YES I can go ahead and do this.. And I can tell you from experience, it only takes one time of letting down your guard and you can end up with a baby in 9 months..
Talk to your son NhisGrip, tell him my story if you want.. I still wish to this day I had waited.. I know I would not have had a failed marriage if I had.
I will be praying God gives you wisdom in what to do.

 

[Christianrkchk89]

If she is on the pill then I don't see a problem. Abstinence simply won't work.

Just had to throw out here that "the pill" isn't the end all of pregnancies. The girl can most definitely still get pregnant at any time during the intercourse.

Also, depending on how strict each person's views are on abortion...the pill is a type of abortion....

 

[Raeshelle]

So true Betsy. My best friend has 2 kids and she got pregant on the pill both times.. I mean she was and is married but the pill is not always the answer.

 

[ChristisLord]

All I'm saying is that it is natural for teenagers to engage or want to engage in this type of behavior. This is when they have their hormones flowing. It is completely natural.

 

[Baptistrw]

All I'm saying is that it is natural for teenagers to engage or want to engage in this type of behavior. This is when they have their hormones flowing. It is completely natural.

The behavior is still sinful regardless of whether or not you call it ''natural''. Sex was naturally created between a man in a woman in a monogamous marriage. Everything outside is unnatural, because it is outside God's intended plan for it.

 

[Christianrkchk89]

Yah, well using the restroom is "natural" but if you go take a dump on some persons car...even a car of a person you love...it's still wrong. Does that make sense?

All I'm saying is that it is natural for teenagers to engage or want to engage in this type of behavior. This is when they have their hormones flowing. It is completely natural.

 

[Baptistrw]

Yah, well using the restroom is "natural" but if you go take a dump on some persons car...even a car of a person you love...it's still wrong. Does that make sense?

LOL... that's kinda gross...

 

[minnesotablu]

Yah, well using the restroom is "natural" but if you go take a dump on some persons car...even a car of a person you love...it's still wrong. Does that make sense?

HAHAHAHA betsy that was brilliantly said! LOL i love you! HAHAHA props!

 

[Elizabeth]

I was reading some of the responses and I thought about my own two boys. I think I would be very hurt if I were in your situation. I can only say that what I usually do in a situation that affects me like this is go to my pastor. Do you have a good pastor that your son respects, and that you feel comfortable talking to? In my opinion, boys tend to respond to and understand other men on some areas of their life, better than they do with their moms. I hope your communication stays open with one another. I will also pray that your son will seek proper counsel from a christian who could effectively help realign his relationship with the Lord. As for the mother of the other young woman. This might be an opportunity to discuss your relationship with the Lord with her. She may have made a reasonable decision based on some perspectives, but she has also given her consent by doing what she did. Her behavior shows her willingness to compromise her law and morals. It would be nice to see you stand firm in yours. You are the law until that young man is 18. or shall I say...if your mom- your the law till your dead.

 

[Moviefan2k4]

After reading most of the posts in this thread, I have a few questions...

1) Nhisgrip, are you 100% sure your son is actually having sex with this young woman? Have you asked him directly about it? If so, what was his answer?

2) Where does anyone get the impression that putting a young lady on "the pill" automatically equals permission for sexual activity? My sister had ovarian surgery a few years back, and they put her on the pill to balance out her cycle. She's 25, and still a virgin.

3) It is definitely true that boys rarely trust their mothers with sexual choices. Not to sound gross, but the simple fact is women don't wrestle with the same issues that men do in this regard. You don't have the same "equipment", and your thoughts and emotions vary greatly from ours. Because of that, men are far more likely to trust other men with sexual matters. Nhisgrip, your son needs advice from a Godly man, possibly even more so than from you. This doesn't mean he doesn't love you, but it's unlikely he'll believe or trust you very much with this area of his life.

Finally, I always find myself disgusted by the classic "natural vs. unnatural" debate. God created men to want sex with a woman - it's a simple fact. However, He also commands His children to control their own desires, rather than letting such emotions enslave them. Are Christians supposed to have premarital sex? No. Do they? Many times, I'd say its very likely. In a world where men are often trained to think their desires are evil, and women are brought up to condemn them for it, the pressure builds and a young man honestly donesn't know where to turn. I personally believe that kids need to be informed of all their options, and stress that it's God;s will for them to remain virgins until marriage. However, if they should choose not to comply, then I also think its best to insist they use protection at every encounter. Premarital sex is sin, regardless of the circumstances...but it's far worse to compound that with an unwanted pregnancy or deadly disease.

 

[imoss]

Yah, well using the restroom is "natural" but if you go take a dump on some persons car...even a car of a person you love...it's still wrong. Does that make sense?

ROFL! .....

 

[surfermonkey777]

This generation of teens are having SEX always thrown in our faces by the media and just about every place you can imagine! Its lame but me myself being a teen in this generation is hard staying pure till marriage! We all face our struggles with different issues in our life weather or not it be sex, drugs, whatever! Right now i feel that this is a huge spiritual warfare going on for everyone! I know and have heard many responses from family members that saving sex till marriage is best and I know that because i have seen over and over how badly it can affect a marriage and i dont want that! And having someone speak to you saying you need to stay pure till marriage who didnt stay pure sorta makes the teenager wonder well they did it why cant i? I believe it really comes down to fighting this battle with all we have! Its not going to be easy not at all! So im taking up this battle of saving myself to marriage full force not allowing any temptations to come my way!
But If your Son truly has a relationship with the Lord, yes he is going to mess up we all do! But he will learn from his ways and make his relationship with his Abba Father Stronger! How can we draw close to him when we are not going through rough stuff! thats why God allows those storms in our lives! Anyways just putting my two cents into this thread because it was very interesting!!!