Midnight Confessions

tourist · May 15, 2018

I'm not sure if cactus is considered a tree or not.

EarnestQ · May 15, 2018

Dpecheur,

You sound very much like me when I was your age. I didn't know what was wrong with me but I knew I was different. I had been severely rejected by my mother, my school peers, any girls I had any interest in, and many authority figures throughout my life.

I was about your age when I got diagnosed with ADHD and started medication. (After the first dose my world went from two dimensions into three, from black and white into color.) I knew I was intelligent but I couldn’t accomplish anything. The meds helped me focus a lot but I still wasn't normal. Years later I self diagnosed as being somewhat autistic, too. Getting a handle on how I was different went a long way in me accepting that God made me different and that I had no business comparing myself to normal (neurotypical) people.

(What a boring life that would be. But I guess if you are born that way, you don’t know any different. Isn’t it much more fun to see the world in new and creative ways, to be able to not just think out side of the box, but to spend your life there? Would you give that up to be normal? Or would you rather celebrate your uniqueness and become everything God designed you to be from where you are right now?)

The point is that there may very well be some less than common wiring in your brain. So what? God roughly made you the way you are. Life circumstances and your own choices finished the job. You can't change what got you into your current life situation. All you can do is work to understand and overcome it.

Work to find descriptions that help you get a handle on your unique characteristics. Seek out professionals who can help you navigate the complex wilderness in which you find yourself. (Psychiatrists - who help you identify your unique brain wiring and have a vast array of tools to help you get more the way you really want to be; Psychotherapists - who can help you identify behaviors and attitudes you want to change; and even pastors and mature Christians who can help you deal with your relationship with God, because that affects everything we are and do in life)

Don't blame yourself for being different any longer. STOP IT TODAY! Thank God for your uniqueness and ask Him to guide you where He wants you to fullfill the specific potential He designed within you.

From decades of emotional self abuse, I can speak confidently about this. It is not only pointless, but, self defeating to keep introspecting and trying to blame yourself for all that you find wrong in your life. Introspection is good up to a point. It is a necessary tool in our emotional and spiritual growth. But don’t addict to it any longer, like I did.

TODAY, spend time asking your Heavenly Dad what attitude toward yourself He wants you to have.

Humility is not telling oneself how bad he is. It is telling God how much you love Him and want to serve Him.

Over the last year or so, I have tried to spend every free thought on thanking God for anything that comes to mind. When I am driving, I am constantly thanking God that my car is running. (At least one of them is anyway. ;-) ) I also thank God for the wealth of blessings He has showered down upon me with my health and my mind, unique though it may be. I thank Him for my home and a job that I enjoy and everything else that I can think of. Before I get out of bed I try to start thanking Him about everything I can think of. I have found that this is a great way to stop dwelling on how inferior I am. I am really convinced that I am inferior, but it’s not that important anymore. I am still grateful to God for all that He has given me, and for allowing me to help others in what little ways I can.

When I am so withdrawn and introspective that I can’t interact with other people then I really can’t accomplish a whole lot in other people’s lives, can I? However, if I admit my limitations but don’t focus on them, I can be grateful to God for all that He has given me – which really is a whole lot – and I also have the energy and love of God that leads me to interact with others and try, in my limited way, to show God loves them too.

Throughout your post you are complaining about how no one will love you because you are so different and inferior to everyone else. You know what? You are different and inferior. So am I. (I think most people think they are inferior. [And those who don’t probably have a severe pride issue to deal with.]) Humility is not thinking less of ourselves. It is thinking of ourselves less.

Thanking God with every stray thought goes a long way to keep me from introspecting on my admitted inferiority and how unlike normal people I am.

You mentioned how inferior to the opposite sex you are. So what? You can only be who you are. But it is up to you to be the best version of who you are. Most of your inferiority complaints were based on how inferior you are in the shallow things of life.

Do you want a woman who will marry you for only the shallow things she sees in you. I sure hope not. I recommend that you work on changing who you are spiritually. Grow in God and Christ. Become as Christlike as you can be. Learn to love God with all of your heart mind, soul, and strength. Get to know God’s love so well that you can’t help but show it to those around you.

THEN you will attract the kind of woman you REALLY want to marry; one who will love God with all of her heart, mind, soul, and strength, and who will seek to love you just as well. THAT kind of love is worth working to grow for, and worth waiting for even if it takes you another ten years like it did me. And you know what else? I suspect she might turn out to be a beauty too. But even if she’s not, it won’t matter to you, because you will be so in love with her true self that you will see how irrelevant superficial beauty is. I promise, you will infinitely more want to be married to her than a beautiful woman who makes you miserable.

It’s far better to be sadly single than to be miserably married.

In short, work on becoming the kind of man that will attract the kind of woman you want to marry. And focus on the spiritual aspect first. Then whether you ever meet her or not, it will still have been worth your while.

EarnestQ · May 15, 2018

cinder said:

I wish I had thought of that 40 years ago.

tourist · May 15, 2018

dpecheur10 said:

sharing this piece of my own late night ruminations here on a sudden whim:

[FONT=q_serif]Most people, whether they will admit it or not, prefer the company of those who are more oriented to the more common wavelength and thus far easier to understand and get along with. As for me, I am confined to a very lonely world, disconnected from close relationships, and completely shut off from any remote possibility of finding love with an intimate companion.[/FONT]
[FONT=q_serif]I know I have been rejected countless times throughout my life because of how much my eccentricity and hyper-sensitivity have turned off girls/women. My unusual character has tainted others’ perception of me since I entered elementary school and I have no doubt it is the single most critical flaw of mine responsible for my perennial loneliness and social alienation, as well as my life sentence to barren bachelorhood. Any woman who has had the slightest appreciation for my weirdness is either very desperate with low self-esteem (and is not someone I’m attracted to) or is someone who just sees my unique “out there” qualities as funny or entertaining. Like a King or Queen would perceive their court jester. Bring him out for a few hours, have him regale us with his outlandish performance, give us some laughs, then send him away. My eccentricity is by no means an asset in the way of finding love. Indeed the overwhelming majority of women find it absolutely repellent and want nothing to do with someone they see as just a “dysfunctional, abnormal, freaky weirdo.”[/FONT]
[FONT=q_serif]Who knows how many people have looked at me and wondered, “What the heck[/FONT] is wrong with this guy?” “What rare mental ailment does he suffer from?” “How many times did his mother drop him as a kid?”
[FONT=q_serif]I am in fact a good looking guy with charm and a kind heart, as well as other positive qualities (that is, if a kind heart can be considered ‘positive,’ for the most part it is not attractive). But they are overshadowed by what is seen a grossly alien personality who possibly belongs locked up in a strait-jacket. Asking how many quality women out there want to be with a super-sensitive eccentric weirdo is like asking who wants to have cancer. I’d be better off as a swinish looking member of the Hell’s Angels, a colossus of confidence who knows how to be an a-hole the right way, who is all beefy and domineering, tatted up with high above average hypermasculine macho-world-wrestling-champion credentials and a criminal record. There is a rather sizable market for those guys. There is no market for me. I don’t think there’s any place for me in this world.[/FONT]
[FONT=q_serif]My eccentricity, while enjoyable for me on its own, has rarely if ever been of any benefit to me. I’m positively certain that if I were “normal,” or closer to “average,” I’d be a far happier individual with a much more successful life and would fare infinitely better in the realm of relationships than I ever will be as I am. There is no question about the fact that the world is designed in a way that overwhelmingly favors some chillax dude with a business degree who is plenty happy with his hamburgers and fries and his Monday night football, who is blissfully free from any salient stigma of strangeness over some nerdy, dyspraxic, unathletic, scatterbrained, daydreaming, highly sensitive, clinically depressed, creative anomaly who doesn’t watch TV or follow the current music scene, but prefers classical music, old Disney cartoons, the Twilight Zone, and old, esoteric works of literature like Goethe’s Faust. Hell, if I were several degrees closer to normal, if I weren’t such a complicated mess, I’d possibly already be married and perhaps even have kids. But alas, I am too weird and far ‘apart’ from the norm to be seen as romantically lovable. If there even were someone out there for me, she’d be like an infinitesimally microscopic needle in a cosmic haystack with whom I will never cross paths. The fact is I am doomed to perma-solitude. I fear the world is governed by chance. I pray for a miracle. Lord speak to me. The world of randomness and chance dooms me. I am so alone... Man was not meant to be alone, I cannot continue like this forever all alone. I cannot find companionship on my own... I would have to be a different person to reverse that course. I am not acceptable as I am.[/FONT]

Actually, you sound a lot like me in certain ways. We are all eccentric in some ways, another word for that may be 'unique'. You may have been rejected many times in the past but at least you are brave enough to stay in the game. You certainly do not have a fear of rejection, that's for sure.

Perhaps you cannot find companionship on your own but God can certainly search and find a loving and faithful woman of your heart's desire that is suitable for your personality and accept you for the person that you are. I am sure that you have prayed for this and I will pray for this for you as well.

Right now you are drowning in a sea of loneliness and despair and that is not a good thing. Also, as you have said, man was not meant to be alone. Even God said in the beginning that it was not good to be alone.

I find you to be a very sincere and interesting person with love in your heart to share with a woman that you have been dreaming about. I believe that God will answer this prayer, sooner rather than later. Please don't despair as this is not a hopeless situation. With God there is such a thing as blessed assured hope and I pray that you come to believe this as well.

I have complete confidence in you that you will make a wonderful husband to a wonderful woman.

Didymous · May 15, 2018

dpecheur10 said:

sharing this piece of my own late night ruminations here on a sudden whim:

[FONT=q_serif]Most people, whether they will admit it or not, prefer the company of those who are more oriented to the more common wavelength and thus far easier to understand and get along with. As for me, I am confined to a very lonely world, disconnected from close relationships, and completely shut off from any remote possibility of finding love with an intimate companion.[/FONT]
[FONT=q_serif]I know I have been rejected countless times throughout my life because of how much my eccentricity and hyper-sensitivity have turned off girls/women. My unusual character has tainted others’ perception of me since I entered elementary school and I have no doubt it is the single most critical flaw of mine responsible for my perennial loneliness and social alienation, as well as my life sentence to barren bachelorhood. Any woman who has had the slightest appreciation for my weirdness is either very desperate with low self-esteem (and is not someone I’m attracted to) or is someone who just sees my unique “out there” qualities as funny or entertaining. Like a King or Queen would perceive their court jester. Bring him out for a few hours, have him regale us with his outlandish performance, give us some laughs, then send him away. My eccentricity is by no means an asset in the way of finding love. Indeed the overwhelming majority of women find it absolutely repellent and want nothing to do with someone they see as just a “dysfunctional, abnormal, freaky weirdo.”[/FONT]
[FONT=q_serif]Who knows how many people have looked at me and wondered, “What the heck[/FONT] is wrong with this guy?” “What rare mental ailment does he suffer from?” “How many times did his mother drop him as a kid?”
[FONT=q_serif]I am in fact a good looking guy with charm and a kind heart, as well as other positive qualities (that is, if a kind heart can be considered ‘positive,’ for the most part it is not attractive). But they are overshadowed by what is seen a grossly alien personality who possibly belongs locked up in a strait-jacket. Asking how many quality women out there want to be with a super-sensitive eccentric weirdo is like asking who wants to have cancer. I’d be better off as a swinish looking member of the Hell’s Angels, a colossus of confidence who knows how to be an a-hole the right way, who is all beefy and domineering, tatted up with high above average hypermasculine macho-world-wrestling-champion credentials and a criminal record. There is a rather sizable market for those guys. There is no market for me. I don’t think there’s any place for me in this world.[/FONT]
[FONT=q_serif]My eccentricity, while enjoyable for me on its own, has rarely if ever been of any benefit to me. I’m positively certain that if I were “normal,” or closer to “average,” I’d be a far happier individual with a much more successful life and would fare infinitely better in the realm of relationships than I ever will be as I am. There is no question about the fact that the world is designed in a way that overwhelmingly favors some chillax dude with a business degree who is plenty happy with his hamburgers and fries and his Monday night football, who is blissfully free from any salient stigma of strangeness over some nerdy, dyspraxic, unathletic, scatterbrained, daydreaming, highly sensitive, clinically depressed, creative anomaly who doesn’t watch TV or follow the current music scene, but prefers classical music, old Disney cartoons, the Twilight Zone, and old, esoteric works of literature like Goethe’s Faust. Hell, if I were several degrees closer to normal, if I weren’t such a complicated mess, I’d possibly already be married and perhaps even have kids. But alas, I am too weird and far ‘apart’ from the norm to be seen as romantically lovable. If there even were someone out there for me, she’d be like an infinitesimally microscopic needle in a cosmic haystack with whom I will never cross paths. The fact is I am doomed to perma-solitude. I fear the world is governed by chance. I pray for a miracle. Lord speak to me. The world of randomness and chance dooms me. I am so alone... Man was not meant to be alone, I cannot continue like this forever all alone. I cannot find companionship on my own... I would have to be a different person to reverse that course. I am not acceptable as I am.[/FONT]

You spoke lot of the world, but we are to be in the world, not of it. God's children trend to be more like you than not, from what I've seen.

dpecheur10 · May 15, 2018

i shouldn't have posted this stupid thing. one of those real late night impulses. my most immediate concern right now is about going flat broke and trying to find a new job finally. that's what i really need right now. thinking about all this other stuff is pointless. it's not n the cards right now.

Didymous · May 15, 2018

dpecheur10 said:

Well, now that you've got your negative thinking out, you can try what Paul wrote in Philippians 4.

dpecheur10 · May 15, 2018

Thanks Didymous-- I will do that right now!
been reading Isaiah the past few weeks... almost done with it. But I'm gonna read Philippians 4 right now.

Miri · May 15, 2018

Ugly said:

Confessions take a long time to start.....So Ugly don’t by shy, get if off your
chest lol

Miri · May 15, 2018

EarnestQ said:

Dont believe you, I bet you bellow it out in the shower when you think no one can hear.

Miri · May 15, 2018

dpecheur10 said:

sharing this piece of my own late night ruminations here on a sudden whim:

[FONT=q_serif]Most people, whether they will admit it or not, prefer the company of those who are more oriented to the more common wavelength and thus far easier to understand and get along with. As for me, I am confined to a very lonely world, disconnected from close relationships, and completely shut off from any remote possibility of finding love with an intimate companion.[/FONT]
[FONT=q_serif]I know I have been rejected countless times throughout my life because of how much my eccentricity and hyper-sensitivity have turned off girls/women. My unusual character has tainted others’ perception of me since I entered elementary school and I have no doubt it is the single most critical flaw of mine responsible for my perennial loneliness and social alienation, as well as my life sentence to barren bachelorhood. Any woman who has had the slightest appreciation for my weirdness is either very desperate with low self-esteem (and is not someone I’m attracted to) or is someone who just sees my unique “out there” qualities as funny or entertaining. Like a King or Queen would perceive their court jester. Bring him out for a few hours, have him regale us with his outlandish performance, give us some laughs, then send him away. My eccentricity is by no means an asset in the way of finding love. Indeed the overwhelming majority of women find it absolutely repellent and want nothing to do with someone they see as just a “dysfunctional, abnormal, freaky weirdo.”[/FONT]
[FONT=q_serif]Who knows how many people have looked at me and wondered, “What the heck[/FONT] is wrong with this guy?” “What rare mental ailment does he suffer from?” “How many times did his mother drop him as a kid?”
[FONT=q_serif]I am in fact a good looking guy with charm and a kind heart, as well as other positive qualities (that is, if a kind heart can be considered ‘positive,’ for the most part it is not attractive). But they are overshadowed by what is seen a grossly alien personality who possibly belongs locked up in a strait-jacket. Asking how many quality women out there want to be with a super-sensitive eccentric weirdo is like asking who wants to have cancer. I’d be better off as a swinish looking member of the Hell’s Angels, a colossus of confidence who knows how to be an a-hole the right way, who is all beefy and domineering, tatted up with high above average hypermasculine macho-world-wrestling-champion credentials and a criminal record. There is a rather sizable market for those guys. There is no market for me. I don’t think there’s any place for me in this world.[/FONT]
[FONT=q_serif]My eccentricity, while enjoyable for me on its own, has rarely if ever been of any benefit to me. I’m positively certain that if I were “normal,” or closer to “average,” I’d be a far happier individual with a much more successful life and would fare infinitely better in the realm of relationships than I ever will be as I am. There is no question about the fact that the world is designed in a way that overwhelmingly favors some chillax dude with a business degree who is plenty happy with his hamburgers and fries and his Monday night football, who is blissfully free from any salient stigma of strangeness over some nerdy, dyspraxic, unathletic, scatterbrained, daydreaming, highly sensitive, clinically depressed, creative anomaly who doesn’t watch TV or follow the current music scene, but prefers classical music, old Disney cartoons, the Twilight Zone, and old, esoteric works of literature like Goethe’s Faust. Hell, if I were several degrees closer to normal, if I weren’t such a complicated mess, I’d possibly already be married and perhaps even have kids. But alas, I am too weird and far ‘apart’ from the norm to be seen as romantically lovable. If there even were someone out there for me, she’d be like an infinitesimally microscopic needle in a cosmic haystack with whom I will never cross paths. The fact is I am doomed to perma-solitude. I fear the world is governed by chance. I pray for a miracle. Lord speak to me. The world of randomness and chance dooms me. I am so alone... Man was not meant to be alone, I cannot continue like this forever all alone. I cannot find companionship on my own... I would have to be a different person to reverse that course. I am not acceptable as I am.[/FONT]

Im thinking you are too intelligent for the average woman. Not everyone undestands
big words! Maybe you are aiming your sights too low.

tourist · May 15, 2018

Miri said:

He would probably feel better too. We are very understanding peeps here.

slave · May 15, 2018

dpecheur10 said:

sharing this piece of my own late night ruminations here on a sudden whim:

[FONT=q_serif]Most people, whether they will admit it or not, prefer the company of those who are more oriented to the more common wavelength and thus far easier to understand and get along with. As for me, I am confined to a very lonely world, disconnected from close relationships, and completely shut off from any remote possibility of finding love with an intimate companion.[/FONT]
[FONT=q_serif]I know I have been rejected countless times throughout my life because of how much my eccentricity and hyper-sensitivity have turned off girls/women. My unusual character has tainted others’ perception of me since I entered elementary school and I have no doubt it is the single most critical flaw of mine responsible for my perennial loneliness and social alienation, as well as my life sentence to barren bachelorhood. Any woman who has had the slightest appreciation for my weirdness is either very desperate with low self-esteem (and is not someone I’m attracted to) or is someone who just sees my unique “out there” qualities as funny or entertaining. Like a King or Queen would perceive their court jester. Bring him out for a few hours, have him regale us with his outlandish performance, give us some laughs, then send him away. My eccentricity is by no means an asset in the way of finding love. Indeed the overwhelming majority of women find it absolutely repellent and want nothing to do with someone they see as just a “dysfunctional, abnormal, freaky weirdo.”[/FONT]
[FONT=q_serif]Who knows how many people have looked at me and wondered, “What the heck[/FONT] is wrong with this guy?” “What rare mental ailment does he suffer from?” “How many times did his mother drop him as a kid?”
[FONT=q_serif]I am in fact a good looking guy with charm and a kind heart, as well as other positive qualities (that is, if a kind heart can be considered ‘positive,’ for the most part it is not attractive). But they are overshadowed by what is seen a grossly alien personality who possibly belongs locked up in a strait-jacket. Asking how many quality women out there want to be with a super-sensitive eccentric weirdo is like asking who wants to have cancer. I’d be better off as a swinish looking member of the Hell’s Angels, a colossus of confidence who knows how to be an a-hole the right way, who is all beefy and domineering, tatted up with high above average hypermasculine macho-world-wrestling-champion credentials and a criminal record. There is a rather sizable market for those guys. There is no market for me. I don’t think there’s any place for me in this world.[/FONT]
[FONT=q_serif]My eccentricity, while enjoyable for me on its own, has rarely if ever been of any benefit to me. I’m positively certain that if I were “normal,” or closer to “average,” I’d be a far happier individual with a much more successful life and would fare infinitely better in the realm of relationships than I ever will be as I am. There is no question about the fact that the world is designed in a way that overwhelmingly favors some chillax dude with a business degree who is plenty happy with his hamburgers and fries and his Monday night football, who is blissfully free from any salient stigma of strangeness over some nerdy, dyspraxic, unathletic, scatterbrained, daydreaming, highly sensitive, clinically depressed, creative anomaly who doesn’t watch TV or follow the current music scene, but prefers classical music, old Disney cartoons, the Twilight Zone, and old, esoteric works of literature like Goethe’s Faust. Hell, if I were several degrees closer to normal, if I weren’t such a complicated mess, I’d possibly already be married and perhaps even have kids. But alas, I am too weird and far ‘apart’ from the norm to be seen as romantically lovable. If there even were someone out there for me, she’d be like an infinitesimally microscopic needle in a cosmic haystack with whom I will never cross paths. The fact is I am doomed to perma-solitude. I fear the world is governed by chance. I pray for a miracle. Lord speak to me. The world of randomness and chance dooms me. I am so alone... Man was not meant to be alone, I cannot continue like this forever all alone. I cannot find companionship on my own... I would have to be a different person to reverse that course. I am not acceptable as I am.[/FONT]

We are not fundamentally free; external circumstances are not in our hands, they are in God’s hands, the one thing in which we are free is in our personal relationship to God. We are not responsible for the circumstances we are in, but we are responsible for the way we allow those circumstances to affect us; we can either allow them to get on top of us, or we can allow them to transform us into what God wants us to be. Be not frazzled but be earnest in your yielded diligence to follow Christ in His steadfast ways, and He will calm you and give you His demeanor to appropriate a woman, as He wills it. Lift up your head and heart and know He is able and willing to be a part of your life in this detail as well. Listen quietly to Him for He will speak. And obey Him and He will establish your steps as well.

To start - you could put more space between your lettering - this would help us all read it easier.

...

tourist · May 15, 2018

dpecheur10 said:

It wasn't a stupid thing to do at all but was written from the words that are in your heart. As for the cards, you just never know when God is going to deal you a new hand.

I will also certainly pray that God directs you to suitable employment. Right now, having a job, any job would go a long way in firming up your relationship resume. Remember, as far as prospective relationships are concerned what you are doing initially is selling yourself. Your brand just needs a little work in the packaging.

What you wrote was an honest assessment of what you feel inside. The thing is, what is God's honest assessment of you because that is what you will be marketing regarding a new job, attracting the woman of your dreams, or any other worthy endeavor.

God believes in you. You must believe in yourself. After that, the sky's the limit.

longtrekker · May 15, 2018

EarnestQ said:

Dpecheur,

You sound very much like me when I was your age. I didn't know what was wrong with me but I knew I was different. I had been severely rejected by my mother, my school peers, any girls I had any interest in, and many authority figures throughout my life.

I was about your age when I got diagnosed with ADHD and started medication. (After the first dose my world went from two dimensions into three, from black and white into color.) I knew I was intelligent but I couldn’t accomplish anything. The meds helped me focus a lot but I still wasn't normal. Years later I self diagnosed as being somewhat autistic, too. Getting a handle on how I was different went a long way in me accepting that God made me different and that I had no business comparing myself to normal (neurotypical) people.

(What a boring life that would be. But I guess if you are born that way, you don’t know any different. Isn’t it much more fun to see the world in new and creative ways, to be able to not just think out side of the box, but to spend your life there? Would you give that up to be normal? Or would you rather celebrate your uniqueness and become everything God designed you to be from where you are right now?)

The point is that there may very well be some less than common wiring in your brain. So what? God roughly made you the way you are. Life circumstances and your own choices finished the job. You can't change what got you into your current life situation. All you can do is work to understand and overcome it.

Work to find descriptions that help you get a handle on your unique characteristics. Seek out professionals who can help you navigate the complex wilderness in which you find yourself. (Psychiatrists - who help you identify your unique brain wiring and have a vast array of tools to help you get more the way you really want to be; Psychotherapists - who can help you identify behaviors and attitudes you want to change; and even pastors and mature Christians who can help you deal with your relationship with God, because that affects everything we are and do in life)

Don't blame yourself for being different any longer. STOP IT TODAY! Thank God for your uniqueness and ask Him to guide you where He wants you to fullfill the specific potential He designed within you.

From decades of emotional self abuse, I can speak confidently about this. It is not only pointless, but, self defeating to keep introspecting and trying to blame yourself for all that you find wrong in your life. Introspection is good up to a point. It is a necessary tool in our emotional and spiritual growth. But don’t addict to it any longer, like I did.

TODAY, spend time asking your Heavenly Dad what attitude toward yourself He wants you to have.

Humility is not telling oneself how bad he is. It is telling God how much you love Him and want to serve Him.

Over the last year or so, I have tried to spend every free thought on thanking God for anything that comes to mind. When I am driving, I am constantly thanking God that my car is running. (At least one of them is anyway. ;-) ) I also thank God for the wealth of blessings He has showered down upon me with my health and my mind, unique though it may be. I thank Him for my home and a job that I enjoy and everything else that I can think of. Before I get out of bed I try to start thanking Him about everything I can think of. I have found that this is a great way to stop dwelling on how inferior I am. I am really convinced that I am inferior, but it’s not that important anymore. I am still grateful to God for all that He has given me, and for allowing me to help others in what little ways I can.

When I am so withdrawn and introspective that I can’t interact with other people then I really can’t accomplish a whole lot in other people’s lives, can I? However, if I admit my limitations but don’t focus on them, I can be grateful to God for all that He has given me – which really is a whole lot – and I also have the energy and love of God that leads me to interact with others and try, in my limited way, to show God loves them too.

Throughout your post you are complaining about how no one will love you because you are so different and inferior to everyone else. You know what? You are different and inferior. So am I. (I think most people think they are inferior. [And those who don’t probably have a severe pride issue to deal with.]) Humility is not thinking less of ourselves. It is thinking of ourselves less.

Thanking God with every stray thought goes a long way to keep me from introspecting on my admitted inferiority and how unlike normal people I am.

You mentioned how inferior to the opposite sex you are. So what? You can only be who you are. But it is up to you to be the best version of who you are. Most of your inferiority complaints were based on how inferior you are in the shallow things of life.

Do you want a woman who will marry you for only the shallow things she sees in you. I sure hope not. I recommend that you work on changing who you are spiritually. Grow in God and Christ. Become as Christlike as you can be. Learn to love God with all of your heart mind, soul, and strength. Get to know God’s love so well that you can’t help but show it to those around you.

THEN you will attract the kind of woman you REALLY want to marry; one who will love God with all of her heart, mind, soul, and strength, and who will seek to love you just as well. THAT kind of love is worth working to grow for, and worth waiting for even if it takes you another ten years like it did me. And you know what else? I suspect she might turn out to be a beauty too. But even if she’s not, it won’t matter to you, because you will be so in love with her true self that you will see how irrelevant superficial beauty is. I promise, you will infinitely more want to be married to her than a beautiful woman who makes you miserable.

It’s far better to be sadly single than to be miserably married.

In short, work on becoming the kind of man that will attract the kind of woman you want to marry. And focus on the spiritual aspect first. Then whether you ever meet her or not, it will still have been worth your while.

Hi Earnest

This is an excellent post and I agree with a great deal of what u have said here - except for the part where u think u are 'inferior' !

Didymous · May 15, 2018

dpecheur10 said:

Awesome, bro!

JesusLives · May 16, 2018

Miri said:

Sounds like you are related to Magenta now with the purple hair....

JesusLives · May 16, 2018

Gorgeous flowering tree.

JesusLives · May 16, 2018

I confess I like stuff.....I may have too much stuff.... I'm not a hoarder.....yet....

tourist · May 16, 2018

JesusLives said:

I confess that I don't need stuff...I am a minimalist...I travel light...yes...

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