I dont want to be impolite...

[blue_ladybug]

I think she's just trying to be a good person/neighbor/friend and do good works for others. Which is okay in itself. Her technique just needs a little adjustment.. lol

 

[whatev]

I don't want to be impolite.... chronically!

What are some of the ways you are polite when you go over someone's house for dinner? Maybe take off your shoes at the door? Maybe tuck in your chair when you leave the dinner table? I've somehow managed to go off the deep end. I do the dishes, wash the counters and table, sweep, take out the trash, etc. My daughter asked me once when we spent the night there "Did you just clean their tub and wash their toilet?" And I said "Yeah, well, I don't want to be rude."

I know I go way too far. Like I saw their desk was broken, wobbly, and on its last leg. I bought them a new $370 desk, even though I'm poor and don't even have a dresser, I managed to pull it off.

Or like when I was babysitting for friends, a couple. We got into a conversation before they left. I asked why they have a three bedroom, yet their son and daughter share a room? The husband showed me how the third room was full of office equipment. He said someday he plans on setting it up in the living room so their son could have his own room.

I did it, while they were gone, but it took three additional days to finish it. I set up the home office in the living room, cleaned the kids room, took apart the bunk beds, set up the boy's room, and, of course, I did their dishes, and um cleaned their stove- which was atrocious.

I want to be known as patient, loving, forgiving, kind, etc. But some problems have developed from this. One is, while everyone goes to socialise in the living room, I'm in the kitchen scrubbing pots and pans. And what started out as a kindness is now expected. For example, my brother stayed with us for a few months. And every night I cleared of the table and washed the dinner dishes. But one night, after clearing my plate, and my daughters plate, I was interrupted by a phone call...

After being on the phone for well over an hour, I said goodnight to him and started to head to bed. He said "Aren't you going to finish cleaning up?" (While pointing to his plate on the table). I said "I'll do the dishes tomorrow, I'm tired, besides, you can clean up your own plate." He went into a rage. I calmly said "Everyone must pitch in around here, everyone has their share, even kids, and even you." He left, slamming the door behind him. He came back after a few minutes and said that I almost made him commit suicide.

Another time it was late, my daughter had school in the morning, and after dinner she hinted she needs to go. So I stated that I couldn't clean up tonight, and asked if they could handle this little bit? (That night was very little clean up). They said "I guess." very hesitantly, while looking at me puzzled and discussed. This person was just laughing and is now going about angrily and giving me dirty looks.

I am now known to be extremely nice, so if I stop will they think I stopped being christian? If I stop will my christian mindset become lazy?

I have stood in long lines, with only one person behind me, and let them go ahead of me. Then another person comes behind me again, and I let them, and several others go ahead of me, making for a seemingly never ending line.

I think you get the picture. Any thoughts?

Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.

It works! If you have guest over, how would you feel if they cleaned the kitchen, thought your desk was so bad they bought one for you, and rearranged their house? I'd never want that person over again. After all, they don't think I'm capable of taking care of them during their visit, think my furniture stinks, and think my ability to keep my own house is so bad they're rearranging my furniture.

As far as letting everyone in front of you in line? Truthfully, I'd look for you after a couple times, just to get ahead in line. I'd use you. But, that is what is happening to you. It's not being polite. It's being used.

 

[OneFaith]

You can come to my house any time you want, OneFaith!

In fact, because of my bad health, I pay $90 every 2 weeks for house keepers, because I just can’t do much house work any more. Yep, I would even pay you!

It it seems odd you come here complaining about how you do too much to help people, and then say they are thankful. Are you looking for thanks? Because their thanks will be your only reward!

As as for the brother, wanting to commit suicide because you wouldn’t clean his plate? Really? And ordering your daughter about? He needs to be gone yesterday! If it was just you, I would not be happy! But to have your daughter abused that way? Call the police and get him removed!

I wish I could find a job cleaning house on Fridays only, I babysit my grandkids Monday thru Thursday. No, I'm not looking for thanks, that's not relevant to me since my goal is to please God. I realise if I'm cleaning pots and pans and not in there being social, then I can't respond to their conversations with a godly influence. The reward of someone saying two words "thank you" is not worth cleaning maggots, toilets, dishes, and yard work, but hearing God say "Well done good and faithful servant" is worth it. I did have my brother leave, you must not have read that post. Anyways, that was many years ago. Thank you for your thoughts.

 

[blue_ladybug]

I wish I could find a job cleaning house on Fridays only, I babysit my grandkids Monday thru Thursday. No, I'm not looking for thanks, that's not relevant to me since my goal is to please God. I realise if I'm cleaning pots and pans and not in there being social, then I can't respond to their conversations with a godly influence. The reward of someone saying two words "thank you" is not worth cleaning maggots, toilets, dishes, and yard work, but hearing God say "Well done good and faithful servant" is worth it. I did have my brother leave, you must not have read that post. Anyways, that was many years ago. Thank you for your thoughts.

 

[OneFaith]

Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.

It works! If you have guest over, how would you feel if they cleaned the kitchen, thought your desk was so bad they bought one for you, and rearranged their house? I'd never want that person over again. After all, they don't think I'm capable of taking care of them during their visit, think my furniture stinks, and think my ability to keep my own house is so bad they're rearranging my furniture.

As far as letting everyone in front of you in line? Truthfully, I'd look for you after a couple times, just to get ahead in line. I'd use you. But, that is what is happening to you. It's not being polite. It's being used.

Exactly, I've gone off track with good intentions and to get it back into proper alignment.

 

[OneFaith]

I guess my answer is also Mary and Martha. It is more important to learn about Jesus or to teach wwjd than to clean house.

 

[Dino246]

... Reading your response, from the outside looking in, reminded me of a few scriptures...

"Do not be hasty in the laying on of hands." Meaning don't heal everyone just to heal them, heal them as a way of helping them see God, but if they don't want to see God don't heal them.

"Do not be hasty in the laying on of hands" has to do with blessing and releasing people for ministry, not for healing. Don't commission elders who aren't steady in the faith, don't bless missionaries who are markedly immature, don't be a part of making the unready into the unruly.

Otherwise, I think the other posters have covered most of what I would have said. You may have to train yourself not to be a slave to others, but with God's help you can do it. Clearly it hasn't been successful in doing anything but making you frustrated, which completely undermines any godly motivation.

 

[whatev]

I wish I could find a job cleaning house on Fridays only, I babysit my grandkids Monday thru Thursday. No, I'm not looking for thanks, that's not relevant to me since my goal is to please God. I realise if I'm cleaning pots and pans and not in there being social, then I can't respond to their conversations with a godly influence. The reward of someone saying two words "thank you" is not worth cleaning maggots, toilets, dishes, and yard work, but hearing God say "Well done good and faithful servant" is worth it. I did have my brother leave, you must not have read that post. Anyways, that was many years ago. Thank you for your thoughts.

Put an ad in the local paper. That's how I got my cleaning jobs. Just make sure you include "Fridays only."

 

[whatev]

I guess my answer is also Mary and Martha. It is more important to learn about Jesus or to teach wwjd than to clean house.

Sooner or later both Mary and Martha had to clean up after the guests left. I bet they even got Laz to help them.

 

[PeterJames]

OneFaith - I think you are an extremely godly person wanting to serve others. I understand some will question your motives, your techniques, your desires.

But if it is something you enjoy doing, I would only say to temper your ministry somewhat so you don't get burnout or feel resentful later. You obviously have the spiritual gift of mercy, but that means you just need to be careful and if there is another office move, gently ask before hand if they would feel terrible if you were willing to do that for them.

But I can definitely tell that you care for people, and that is greatly commendable.

 

[oldethennew]

OneFaith,

you truly are one of God's children.,..
hugs, sis...

 

[OneFaith]

OneFaith - I think you are an extremely godly person wanting to serve others. I understand some will question your motives, your techniques, your desires.

But if it is something you enjoy doing, I would only say to temper your ministry somewhat so you don't get burnout or feel resentful later. You obviously have the spiritual gift of mercy, but that means you just need to be careful and if there is another office move, gently ask before hand if they would feel terrible if you were willing to do that for them.

But I can definitely tell that you care for people, and that is greatly commendable.

Most of the time I do not enjoy doing it. Sometimes I feel obligated to. I know a lot of people are saying to get permission first, but that's not always the best thing for them. For example, angels finally had to take Lot by the hand and drag/lead him out of Sodom before it was destroyed. Sometimes you have to "snatch people from the fire" as the bible says.

I knew that if I asked permission to rearrange the rooms that they would say "No, that's OK, we'll do it when we're ready." It had already been seven years, they never would have got it done. And I know this because they said this months later when they told me again how thankful they were that I did that for them. These aren't strangers but people I know full well.

 

[OneFaith]

"Do not be hasty in the laying on of hands" has to do with blessing and releasing people for ministry, not for healing. Don't commission elders who aren't steady in the faith, don't bless missionaries who are markedly immature, don't be a part of making the unready into the unruly.

Otherwise, I think the other posters have covered most of what I would have said. You may have to train yourself not to be a slave to others, but with God's help you can do it. Clearly it asn't been successful in doing anything but making you frustrated, which completely undermines any godly motivation.

Laying on of hands was also used for healing. (Mark 16:18). And my feelings of frustration or the maturity it takes is irrelevant when it comes to serving God- just like Jesus' feelings were irrelevant when it was time to go to the cross. "Yet let not My Will but Your Will be done."

 

[PeterJames]

Most of the time I do not enjoy doing it. Sometimes I feel obligated to. I know a lot of people are saying to get permission first, but that's not always the best thing for them. For example, angels finally had to take Lot by the hand and drag/lead him out of Sodom before it was destroyed. Sometimes you have to "snatch people from the fire" as the bible says.

I knew that if I asked permission to rearrange the rooms that they would say "No, that's OK, we'll do it when we're ready." It had already been seven years, they never would have got it done. And I know this because they said this months later when they told me again how thankful they were that I did that for them. These aren't strangers but people I know full well.

In that case, there's something else bothering you when it comes to helping people it seems.

Have you ever considered taking Neil Anderson's Steps to Freedom in Christ course? Any of his books are great, Victory over the Darkness, Bondage Breakers, The Steps to Freedom in Christ.

Or even a new book Rich Miller came out with from the same ministry called "Unstuck".

 

[OneFaith]

In that case, there's something else bothering you when it comes to helping people it seems.

Have you ever considered taking Neil Anderson's Steps to Freedom in Christ course? Any of his books are great, Victory over the Darkness, Bondage Breakers, The Steps to Freedom in Christ.

Or even a new book Rich Miller came out with from the same ministry called "Unstuck".

If it isn't broke don't fix it. I'm not broken.

 

[Pilkington]

You know your friends. However if I invited friends over and they started to clean up my house, I would never invite them over again. I would be incredibly insulted. It is one thing if you know they want help it is totally something else just doing it.

 

[blue_ladybug]

If it isn't broke don't fix it. I'm not broken.

You have an overwhelming need to help people.. which is good in itself, but you've gone overboard with it somewhat. THAT needs to be fixed.

 

[OneFaith]

You know your friends. However if I invited friends over and they started to clean up my house, I would never invite them over again. I would be incredibly insulted. It is one thing if you know they want help it is totally something else just doing it.

Again, no one was upset, and they requested more help from me. "Will you help me organise my cupboards?" "How do you think I should set up the nursery?" "If the dish fairy came to do my dishes again that would be great." Trust me, I know these people, and they were not insulted, angry, etc. They still make comments to this very day like "I'm so glad you did that for me, cause honestly I don't think I'd ever get to it."

On the contrary, they invited me over far more often.

 

[Pilkington]

OneFaith just beware not everyone will react that way you are lucky your friends reacted the way they have. I personally have experienced people giving unwelcome and unwanted help and I no longer have much to do with them, I keep them at arm's length. The friendship is no longer the same as it has changed the balance of power, it is no longer a relationship of equals. If I need or want help I would ask. If people need my help I am more than happy to give my assistance.

 

[blue_ladybug]

Again, no one was upset, and they requested more help from me. "Will you help me organise my cupboards?" "How do you think I should set up the nursery?" "If the dish fairy came to do my dishes again that would be great." Trust me, I know these people, and they were not insulted, angry, etc. They still make comments to this very day like "I'm so glad you did that for me, cause honestly I don't think I'd ever get to it."

On the contrary, they invited me over far more often.

Yes, and each time it was to have you help them with something, right? I mean, why should THEY organize their own cupboards when they know YOU will do it for them? Same with setting up the nursery or the dishes. They won't do it themselves because they know sooner or later, you'll come and do it for them.

No offense Faith, but you're enabling these people. You're their go-to housekeeper, dishwasher, toilet cleaner and house fixer upper.

It's one thing to get invited over to visit. But there's absolutely NO reason why YOU have to do everything for them every single time you're at their house. You're enabling them to become lazy and depend on good old Faith to do it for them. You need to start setting some boundaries and start saying "NO" more often.