Dating

[TyrinDynasty]

I'll first state that I generally try to avoid posting dating advice or romantic advice on forums as it leaves me open to alot of negative criticism but I guess I want to come out in the open about some things because I kind of need help with this one.

I've never physically dated anyone in my life although I have had a few (bad) online romances.

Mainly, I am very reserved and somewhat shy in person - although I can talk to people I've never gotten close to anyone before (man or woman). For me it has always been awkward / weird to have someone so close to me yet at the same time I can't help but long for romance.

There's other things as well that hender me (or that I feel hender me).

-- The first thing is, I don't really know how to approach women without coming off creepy because I don't work or go to places regularly where there are alot of women so every interaction I have with them, I am literally making an effort to meet them which to me feels desperate or creepy and I don't want to upset or scare them so there will be times I will be out and about and someone catches my eye and I won't do anything, or if I do something, generally only small talk and move on.

-- The second thing is, there really aren't alot of SINGLE christian women out there. Everyone at the churches I've been to is either too old or too young or married and on the few occasions I see a potential, I still don't know how to come off about it.

-- The third thing is - Social activity, I normally don't talk alot. There are some people who can talk on and on without even thinking or concentrating but for me, I always have to put effort into keeping a conversation going otherwise by nature, I remain silent and I become self-conscious that if Im doing this, I may be putting TOO much effort into it hence possibly pushing someone away.

-- The fourth thing - Im very self conscious about my dental issues (all my teeth are missing and a large chunk of my lower jawbone is gone prohibiting me from wearing dentures. I need oral surgery and its going to cost over $100,000 of which insurance isn't paying for.) When I do speak, I feel like a living freak. I can't tell what the other person is thinking but I always feel that between me and someone who doesn't have my condition, they will likely choose that other person.

Any advice appreciated.

 

[G00WZ]

The main thing is that you need to be comfortable with yourself because people don't usually cater to introverts.
You can actually overrule this circumstance by choosing to live to your own reality, people/women are drawn to people like this. Its about how you view yourself and what actions you take in life to support this belief. I remember this one kid in high school, he wasn't very attractive, in fact he kind of reminded me of a capybara about the face... but anyways he thought he was Don Juan, he would always come to school dressed like a male model,and because of this he would get tons of female attention and tons of dates. It was funny because all the other guys would hate on him. So i would suggest living to the reality you want, and not living to the hand that the world has dealt to you. When you are grounded,confident,stable and whole women and every thing else comes, and has the potential to be added to you if you allow it.

 

[zeroturbulence]

I 2nd what he said. ^^^

 

[tourist]

I'll first state that I generally try to avoid posting dating advice or romantic advice on forums as it leaves me open to alot of negative criticism but I guess I want to come out in the open about some things because I kind of need help with this one.

I've never physically dated anyone in my life although I have had a few (bad) online romances.

Mainly, I am very reserved and somewhat shy in person - although I can talk to people I've never gotten close to anyone before (man or woman). For me it has always been awkward / weird to have someone so close to me yet at the same time I can't help but long for romance.

There's other things as well that hender me (or that I feel hender me).

-- The first thing is, I don't really know how to approach women without coming off creepy because I don't work or go to places regularly where there are alot of women so every interaction I have with them, I am literally making an effort to meet them which to me feels desperate or creepy and I don't want to upset or scare them so there will be times I will be out and about and someone catches my eye and I won't do anything, or if I do something, generally only small talk and move on.

-- The second thing is, there really aren't alot of SINGLE christian women out there. Everyone at the churches I've been to is either too old or too young or married and on the few occasions I see a potential, I still don't know how to come off about it.

-- The third thing is - Social activity, I normally don't talk alot. There are some people who can talk on and on without even thinking or concentrating but for me, I always have to put effort into keeping a conversation going otherwise by nature, I remain silent and I become self-conscious that if Im doing this, I may be putting TOO much effort into it hence possibly pushing someone away.

-- The fourth thing - Im very self conscious about my dental issues (all my teeth are missing and a large chunk of my lower jawbone is gone prohibiting me from wearing dentures. I need oral surgery and its going to cost over $100,000 of which insurance isn't paying for.) When I do speak, I feel like a living freak. I can't tell what the other person is thinking but I always feel that between me and someone who doesn't have my condition, they will likely choose that other person.

Any advice appreciated.

You don't necessarily have to find a woman to date in your church. My counsel is to never date a woman that you would not consider marrying. I am very sorry about your dental issues and other matters that may prohibit you from dating. I will pray for God to help address these issues and to pave the way for a possible romantic encounter with a very nice Christian woman. Will God, all things are possible.

 

[Lynx]

Tyrin, hey, long time no chat dude! Hey have you not sued that dentist yet?

Sorry, no advice to give. I'm still single myself and have never really bothered looking. I just wanted to pop in and say hi.

 

[Dino246]

With regard to being perceived as creepy, there are many videos on YouTube on the subject. Most are from non-Christians, so take the advice with your filters on.

 

[EmilyFoster]

It’s good of you to reach out here, and I can certainly understand the concerns you expressed. I’m praying, asking God to surround you His love, give you guidance and bless you with the desires of your heart according to His perfect will. I recently came across this reading on the topic of dating which may be helpful to you: bit.ly/2xAMpqn, bit.ly/2OOrSFC and bit.ly/2NCPO2h. Hang in there, friend.

 

[TyrinDynasty]

In general conscience the bible prohibits dating outside of christianity, am I wrong? I will admit there are very attractive ladies who I see at work (in the building in general, they dont work in my department) who I just cannot help but desire to talk to but I also can't help but tell myself, I highly doubt they're christian - and I'm not sure if I should still go for one or not.. Some of me also becomes concerned that I'm looking so blatantly at the belief systems rather than the character of the individual because what if a non-christian woman would be better to me than a christian one... I state as - I've met some pretty selfish christian women in my life. I'm not saying they're all like that.. but I guess sometimes I feel like I'm overlooking values just basing them off christian or not christian.. ..maybe its tempting because I havent dated and I long for this but ... I know what a broken heart feels like at the same time and definitely don't want another one... so I'm not really sure.

Tyrin, hey, long time no chat dude! Hey have you not sued that dentist yet?

Sorry, no advice to give. I'm still single myself and have never really bothered looking. I just wanted to pop in and say hi.

Hey Lynx, it has been some time. I dont know if I told you or not but I took a new higher paying job and moved away from home to Austin TX. Austin is awesome but admittedly it doesn't feel as Christian is Georgia did but I guess that is to be expected.

I attempted to sue the dentist but the Lawyer threw the case away because it was going to be too difficult to win - in short he partially blames me for going to the dentist rather than going to an oral surgeon to begin with (I chose the dentist because I thought he could do the work and didn't know the impacted teeth were going to be a problem for him and he never advised me otherwise, he just pulled them.) ...So in short Im sitting here practically awaiting a miracle which... may happen...I've been working on other things outside of work to help with that but every step of the way with it has been nothing but pain - everything that could go wrong with it, has.

Right now Im barely getting by and am still studying CCNA / UNIX although I've gotten alot further with both. CCNA I'm about 80% of the way through. Unix not so much but I intend on giving it full concentration after finally getting my CCNA.

 

[tourist]

I'm not sure that the bible covers dating at all, let alone dating outside Christianity. It does advise you to not be unequally yoked but even then it is possible that the relationship will work out. Personally, I would rather date a sweet, kind considerate woman who may not be a Christian than a mean-spirited women that openly professes that she is.

I sincerely hope that God opens a way to get your jaw repaired and teeth implanted despite the high cost. I will remember you in my prayers.

I think you are wise to consider character over a professed belief that may fall short of the truth. Talking the talk and walking the walk are often two different things altogether.

Based on your posts over the past year I believe that you have a lot going for you despite the hard circumstances of your teeth and jaw. I believe that you are a brave man as well for not just simply giving up.

 

[becc]

I'm not sure that the bible covers dating at all, let alone dating outside Christianity. It does advise you to not be unequally yoked but even then it is possible that the relationship will work out. Personally, I would rather date a sweet, kind considerate woman who may not be a Christian than a mean-spirited women that openly professes that she is.

I sincerely hope that God opens a way to get your jaw repaired and teeth implanted despite the high cost. I will remember you in my prayers.

I think you are wise to consider character over a professed belief that may fall short of the truth. Talking the talk and walking the walk are often two different things altogether.

Based on your posts over the past year I believe that you have a lot going for you despite the hard circumstances of your teeth and jaw. I believe that you are a brave man as well for not just simply giving up.

Strange miracles have happened.... like a woman giving birth without a womb..... a man getting both testicles back after he was born with one and doctor destroyed the second... I do believe and i know His dental miracle will be a reality... conviction feels too strong to be a lie

 

[Tommy379]

Strange miracles have happened.... like a woman giving birth without a womb..... a man getting both testicles back after he was born with one and doctor destroyed the second... I do believe and i know His dental miracle will be a reality... conviction feels too strong to be a lie

When and where did these miracles happen?

 

[Tommy379]

In general conscience the bible prohibits dating outside of christianity, am I wrong? I will admit there are very attractive ladies who I see at work (in the building in general, they dont work in my department) who I just cannot help but desire to talk to but I also can't help but tell myself, I highly doubt they're christian - and I'm not sure if I should still go for one or not.. Some of me also becomes concerned that I'm looking so blatantly at the belief systems rather than the character of the individual because what if a non-christian woman would be better to me than a christian one... I state as - I've met some pretty selfish christian women in my life. I'm not saying they're all like that.. but I guess sometimes I feel like I'm overlooking values just basing them off christian or not christian.. ..maybe its tempting because I havent dated and I long for this but ... I know what a broken heart feels like at the same time and definitely don't want another one... so I'm not really sure.



Hey Lynx, it has been some time. I dont know if I told you or not but I took a new higher paying job and moved away from home to Austin TX. Austin is awesome but admittedly it doesn't feel as Christian is Georgia did but I guess that is to be expected.

I attempted to sue the dentist but the Lawyer threw the case away because it was going to be too difficult to win - in short he partially blames me for going to the dentist rather than going to an oral surgeon to begin with (I chose the dentist because I thought he could do the work and didn't know the impacted teeth were going to be a problem for him and he never advised me otherwise, he just pulled them.) ...So in short Im sitting here practically awaiting a miracle which... may happen...I've been working on other things outside of work to help with that but every step of the way with it has been nothing but pain - everything that could go wrong with it, has.

Right now Im barely getting by and am still studying CCNA / UNIX although I've gotten alot further with both. CCNA I'm about 80% of the way through. Unix not so much but I intend on giving it full concentration after finally getting my CCNA.

I read the bible as strongly suggesting you get with a Christian, rather than any prohibition.

But, how would you know if these women in your building are Christian or not, unless you chat them up, and start taking them out.

 

[becc]

When and where did these miracles happen?

Over here... they came to give testimony... with proof

 

[Tommy379]

Over here... they came to give testimony... with proof

I have never heard of people growing back a womb or testicles, but

I thought it was a miracle when I read an article, that Doctors could now use penises from organ donars, to replace the ones that were lost to soldiers in combat. I know God makes physicians who perform miracles everyday.

Or, the miracle is God made these physicians.

 

[becc]

I have never heard of people growing back a womb or testicles, but

I thought it was a miracle when I read an article, that Doctors could now use penises from organ donars, to replace the ones that were lost to soldiers in combat. I know God makes physicians who perform miracles everyday.

Or, the miracle is God made these physicians.

The lady didn't grow a new womb... the testimony was she couldn't have children... she kept praying and praying and then she got pregnant after the doctor told her it was impossible... after delivering... the doctor said he wanted to close everything up bla bla to avoid complications.... he found out that there was no womb in the first plaec... how she got pregnant, sustained the child and gave birth is still a miracle... lemme see if i can get the vid from youtube...

 

[Mel85]

I'll first state that I generally try to avoid posting dating advice or romantic advice on forums as it leaves me open to alot of negative criticism but I guess I want to come out in the open about some things because I kind of need help with this one.

I've never physically dated anyone in my life although I have had a few (bad) online romances.

Mainly, I am very reserved and somewhat shy in person - although I can talk to people I've never gotten close to anyone before (man or woman). For me it has always been awkward / weird to have someone so close to me yet at the same time I can't help but long for romance.

There's other things as well that hender me (or that I feel hender me).

-- The first thing is, I don't really know how to approach women without coming off creepy because I don't work or go to places regularly where there are alot of women so every interaction I have with them, I am literally making an effort to meet them which to me feels desperate or creepy and I don't want to upset or scare them so there will be times I will be out and about and someone catches my eye and I won't do anything, or if I do something, generally only small talk and move on.

-- The second thing is, there really aren't alot of SINGLE christian women out there. Everyone at the churches I've been to is either too old or too young or married and on the few occasions I see a potential, I still don't know how to come off about it.

-- The third thing is - Social activity, I normally don't talk alot. There are some people who can talk on and on without even thinking or concentrating but for me, I always have to put effort into keeping a conversation going otherwise by nature, I remain silent and I become self-conscious that if Im doing this, I may be putting TOO much effort into it hence possibly pushing someone away.

-- The fourth thing - Im very self conscious about my dental issues (all my teeth are missing and a large chunk of my lower jawbone is gone prohibiting me from wearing dentures. I need oral surgery and its going to cost over $100,000 of which insurance isn't paying for.) When I do speak, I feel like a living freak. I can't tell what the other person is thinking but I always feel that between me and someone who doesn't have my condition, they will likely choose that other person.

Any advice appreciated.

Be who God created you to be and don’t change for nobody

 

[TyrinDynasty]

So I kinda wanted to update.

In short, I've been trying to force myself to be more proactive about talking to women around me but Im having a difficult time telling when its okay and not okay to do this. For example at work in a different department (I have to pass through it to get to the break-room) there is a cute lady but I don't know if I feel comfortable disturbing her while she's at her desk just to get to know her especially given she's never spoken to me before.

I've also been going out more but at the same token I don't want to come off as a creep by approaching a total stranger but not sure what else I can really do at the same time. If I see them on their phone, I always avoid speaking to them. The same goes if it looks like they're walking fast. If they're not busy and not walking fast, I "may" approach them. Usually I won't approach if they're not alone either. I also kind of feel that this will end in an automatic no as I don't know that ladies enjoy being approached at random by a stranger as they don't know what his intentions are initially.

I did approach once - basically asked if she was okay if I chatted with her and basically she said no. I apologized to her and quickly put distance between us.

----
I wanted to state Im posting this because I can't tell what is right and what isn't. For a long time I have been waiting and expecting God to just put someone in my life but the longer I wait (almost 20 years now) the more I begin to realize there really might not be that special "one person" and that relationships take time and understanding to build instead of one person being magically made for you and that this may be something I will have to go out and get instead of waiting for it to happen. Basically I'm just beginning to think that he isn't going to just drop someone in my life, I may have to find her.

 

[Lynx]

As one who has never bothered looking, I have to ask... why do you want to find her? What's so bad about being single? It's not something broken that needs to be fixed, no matter what matchmakers say.

 

[TyrinDynasty]

As one who has never bothered looking, I have to ask... why do you want to find her? What's so bad about being single? It's not something broken that needs to be fixed, no matter what matchmakers say.

Its not so much that anything is broken, but it is something I have wanted for a long time and it feels the more I sit back the less likely it is to occur. I've never had the opportunity to experience romance first hand. I am probably a romantic in that aspect but I wish for the opportunity to share love with another.

 

[Lynx]

Well the following is not based on personal experience, but on observation of others. Take with a grain of salt, or maybe up to half a shaker of salt.

From what I have observed the best way to find somebody is to go out and do the things you like to do. It increases the probability of finding somebody who has a chance of having anything in common with you, because people you meet will be doing those things that you like to do. Bowling, ice skating, book club, quilting party... whatever it is you enjoy, further your horizons in that area.

If you don't have anything you enjoy, find something. If you have no time to do something you enjoy, you SURE won't have time for a girl. From what I've seen a girlfriend takes up way more time than a hobby, and is much harder to put off when scheduling conflicts arise.