Have You Ever Had to Make Some Tough Decisions You Were Glad to Have Made Alone?

[seoulsearch]

Hey Everyone,

As tough as we all know it is to be single, life doesn't stop for any of us just because we don't have a partner, huh?

However, lately I've been finding in my own life that I have actually been facing some difficult decisions that I'm kind of glad I didn't have to burden or trouble someone else with.

A few examples would be:

* Whether or not to move, and where to move to (what if I would have had to ask a husband to give up his dream job?)

* Living below one's means for the sake of better future security (what if a husband would have to sacrifice his own dreams for a safety net?)

* Making choices at work that result in less pay, but better peace of mind (what if it meant asking my husband to be willing to lower our standard of living because of a choice I wanted to make?)

I currently have a situation in my life that I'd been diligently praying about for over half a year, but when things didn't change, and in fact, seemed to take a turn for the worse, I told God that I wanted to make a decision that was going to require a few sacrifices, but if it's His will, this was how I was going to handle it.

Although we all dream of having a love of our life help us make these decisions and live them out with us, I honestly have to say that tonight, I told God that I was glad I didn't have to drag anyone else through some of the decisions I've made, because I know it would require asking that person to make some sacrifices along with me.

In this particular case, at least, I'm glad that I made the choice--and will weather its consequences--by myself. I wouldn't want to have to ask someone else to walk through this with me, because I know it would probably be best that I not meet someone, if I ever do, until I'm on the other side of this dilemma.

While I know that any loving Christian partner would say they're willing to make sacrifices for their spouse, we all know that it doesn't always go as smoothly as we singles might envision it to be. I don't know if this is why God has kept me single for now, but I'm thankful that for right now, my choices affect only me, and won't stress someone else out.

How about the rest of you?

* What decisions are you glad to have had to make alone, and why?

* How do you feel about asking a partner to make sacrifices solely because of your own choices?

* Are there any decisions or events that you thought you couldn't bear to go through alone, but then later found out that going through them alone might have been best after all?

* How do you feel about a partner asking you to be the one making most, or all of the sacrifices in a decision?

Thank you for sharing, and as always, I'm looking forward to hearing your thoughts.

 

[Lynx]

Most sacrifices involve stuff. A given decision may not be as much of a sacrifice, depending on how the person values stuff.

As for downshifting to a lower standard of living, it all depends on what it costs and what you are trying to gain. The true cost of something is what you give up to get it. Also standards of living fluctuate all the time - downshifting is not a tragedy. But a lot of people see it as a tragedy, and your spouse might be one of them.

Personally I think the problems raised in the OP don't have to be major problems. Or they can be, depending on how much value is placed on stuff. But I do know a lot of people who really like their stuff, so the probability that you will have a spouse that values stuff highly is high.

The more I think about it, the more I think the key is to find a spouse that doesn't think stuff is all-important. Good luck with that.

 

[seoulsearch]

Most sacrifices involve stuff. A given decision may not be as much of a sacrifice, depending on how the person values stuff.

As for downshifting to a lower standard of living, it all depends on what it costs and what you are trying to gain. The true cost of something is what you give up to get it. Also standards of living fluctuate all the time - downshifting is not a tragedy. But a lot of people see it as a tragedy, and your spouse might be one of them.

Personally I think the problems raised in the OP don't have to be major problems. Or they can be, depending on how much value is placed on stuff. But I do know a lot of people who really like their stuff, so the probability that you will have a spouse that values stuff highly is high.

The more I think about it, the more I think the key is to find a spouse that doesn't think stuff is all-important. Good luck with that.

Maybe I should have taken a minute to try to think a few other examples that didn't involve so much stuff , but these were the ones that stuck out in mind while I was writing.

One of the major decisions I've had to make a few times revolved around moving, which CAN be seen as something that centers around a lot of stuff but for me, the major conundrum was leaving the friends, work family, and church family it had taken years to meet and bond with.

Leaving all the people who are most important to me at the time was one of the toughest factors involved in the decision, and I"m glad I didn't have to ask anyone else to make that sacrifice along with me at the time.

 

[Lynx]

Yeah, moving would be an equine of an alternate hue.

But you would also have his family to leave, and YOU might not want to leave them. In fact you might find yourself in the awkward position of trying to argue him into staying when he thinks y'all should pack up and leave, because you don't want to leave his family.

What I'm saying is, the situation will be radically different if you are married to a guy, and it probably won't be such a black-and-white matter of "I want to do this and it will be a sacrifice for you." When the Bible said that about two people becoming one, it wasn't just talking about sex. The concerns of each become the concerns of the other, and what matters to one matters to both. At least optimally that is what happens.

 

[Demi777]

Hey Everyone,

As tough as we all know it is to be single, life doesn't stop for any of us just because we don't have a partner, huh?

However, lately I've been finding in my own life that I have actually been facing some difficult decisions that I'm kind of glad I didn't have to burden or trouble someone else with.

A few examples would be:

* Whether or not to move, and where to move to (what if I would have had to ask a husband to give up his dream job?)

* Living below one's means for the sake of better future security (what if a husband would have to sacrifice his own dreams for a safety net?)

* Making choices at work that result in less pay, but better peace of mind (what if it meant asking my husband to be willing to lower our standard of living because of a choice I wanted to make?)

I currently have a situation in my life that I'd been diligently praying about for over half a year, but when things didn't change, and in fact, seemed to take a turn for the worse, I told God that I wanted to make a decision that was going to require a few sacrifices, but if it's His will, this was how I was going to handle it.

Although we all dream of having a love of our life help us make these decisions and live them out with us, I honestly have to say that tonight, I told God that I was glad I didn't have to drag anyone else through some of the decisions I've made, because I know it would require asking that person to make some sacrifices along with me.

In this particular case, at least, I'm glad that I made the choice--and will weather its consequences--by myself. I wouldn't want to have to ask someone else to walk through this with me, because I know it would probably be best that I not meet someone, if I ever do, until I'm on the other side of this dilemma.

While I know that any loving Christian partner would say they're willing to make sacrifices for their spouse, we all know that it doesn't always go as smoothly as we singles might envision it to be. I don't know if this is why God has kept me single for now, but I'm thankful that for right now, my choices affect only me, and won't stress someone else out.

How about the rest of you?

* What decisions are you glad to have had to make alone, and why?

* How do you feel about asking a partner to make sacrifices solely because of your own choices?

* Are there any decisions or events that you thought you couldn't bear to go through alone, but then later found out that going through them alone might have been best after all?

* How do you feel about a partner asking you to be the one making most, or all of the sacrifices in a decision?

Thank you for sharing, and as always, I'm looking forward to hearing your thoughts.

1. I choose to leave my higher education for a apprenticeship. It was what I needed to do. Bullying and everythig got that bad I had to leave. My bf was against it, i did it anyway and dont regret it,

2. Depending on what, I do it and its good. A relationship is a give and take.

3. Most of my life lol

4. No problem

 

[melita916]

I didn’t read the whole OP teehee!

But I got my car on my own. Well, my dad and brother went with me to the dealership. I remember asking my dad if I should get the car, and he kept saying, “you’re the one paying for it. It’s your choice.” Ugh! Lol

 

[cinder]

Hey Everyone,

As tough as we all know it is to be single, life doesn't stop for any of us just because we don't have a partner, huh?

However, lately I've been finding in my own life that I have actually been facing some difficult decisions that I'm kind of glad I didn't have to burden or trouble someone else with.

A few examples would be:

* Whether or not to move, and where to move to (what if I would have had to ask a husband to give up his dream job?)

* Living below one's means for the sake of better future security (what if a husband would have to sacrifice his own dreams for a safety net?)

* Making choices at work that result in less pay, but better peace of mind (what if it meant asking my husband to be willing to lower our standard of living because of a choice I wanted to make?)

I currently have a situation in my life that I'd been diligently praying about for over half a year, but when things didn't change, and in fact, seemed to take a turn for the worse, I told God that I wanted to make a decision that was going to require a few sacrifices, but if it's His will, this was how I was going to handle it.

Although we all dream of having a love of our life help us make these decisions and live them out with us, I honestly have to say that tonight, I told God that I was glad I didn't have to drag anyone else through some of the decisions I've made, because I know it would require asking that person to make some sacrifices along with me.

In this particular case, at least, I'm glad that I made the choice--and will weather its consequences--by myself. I wouldn't want to have to ask someone else to walk through this with me, because I know it would probably be best that I not meet someone, if I ever do, until I'm on the other side of this dilemma.

While I know that any loving Christian partner would say they're willing to make sacrifices for their spouse, we all know that it doesn't always go as smoothly as we singles might envision it to be. I don't know if this is why God has kept me single for now, but I'm thankful that for right now, my choices affect only me, and won't stress someone else out.

How about the rest of you?

* What decisions are you glad to have had to make alone, and why?

* How do you feel about asking a partner to make sacrifices solely because of your own choices?

* Are there any decisions or events that you thought you couldn't bear to go through alone, but then later found out that going through them alone might have been best after all?

* How do you feel about a partner asking you to be the one making most, or all of the sacrifices in a decision?

Thank you for sharing, and as always, I'm looking forward to hearing your thoughts.

Thought's I have broadly related to this topic:

I remember as I was facing coming home from overseas one of the most isolating parts was knowing that there was going to be no one around when I got home who could relate to my experiences overseas. I don't think I've ever longed more for someone who was stuck with me for life as I did then, but I'd be a fool to think that if I had such a someone that the transition would not have been as trying for our relationship as it would have been on all the other aspects of my life. I also think that such shared hardships are a huge part of bonding and growing together which means I'm not sure which would be better or preferable, but a partner would change a lot of the dynamics of going through any major transition.

I have had to admit to myself that one of my failings is that I'm very reluctant to let anyone do anything for me or sacrifice for me. So I'd have less problem making some sacrifices for my partner, than I would have asking him to make sacrifices for me. The corallary to that is that it's easy for me to start feeling like I'm always giving and being drained and never having anyone give back to me (and perhaps to gravitate to those sorts of relationships since that's what's comfortable for me) and if I started to feel like I were the one always making the sacrifices that would be a problem. So a huge aspect and desire for me in considering having a partner is the actual partnership aspect of it, we're a team and we make the decisions that affect us both together and stick by what we say we agreed on.

Right now my biggest decisions probably revolve around money and I'm both glad to have the freedom (and perhaps ideal situational circumstances) and ability to be ultra pretty frugal and save up for things I want. But I'd also like a second opinion and feedback on whether my spending and giving is at appropriate levels or if it seems excessive or like I'm missing out on things because I've set up my budget to make me feel artificially poor. But when I look at my brother's struggles with a girlfriend who is absolute crap at financial management and expects him to bail her out of her poor decisions, I'm doubly grateful for my circumstances (and as I reminded him, it's not luck it's the results of choices and decisions I've made) and that there's no one pushing me to spend or go on outings that cost money.

So I guess I"m learning to do and decide for me well alone, but would be open to the idea that two heads are better than one if I got to pick a good one for the other head.

 

[VincentG]

yup what time to leave the house..what road to take..so comforting to do that alone in peace.

 

[LightBright]

I guess it's nice to be able to use my money however i want even if i end up sinking because of decisions it's just me so that's nice. I personally have something I feel called to do and until i get that started i doubt I'll find some significant other, so I expect to be single for a while at the least. It's nice that i don't have to have a trillion dollars a week yet since I'm single and haven't moved out on my own yet. Although I'm not married or anything my choices can still effect a decent amount of people so I'm not to sure how free i am tbh, not only that but I'm trying to do God's will so i try not to just do stuff so i honestly don't think much will change freedom wise. I'm not really ready for a wife anyways so it's not like I'm looking, if I do what i believe God's calling me to do my chances for finding a wife will be dramatically decreased so i might stay single foreverrrr but i also don't believe in chance so if it's supposed to happen it will I'll just do what i can and, if God wants to, he will send someone one way or another. Ig i got off topic oh well

 

[Hamarr]

I bought and then had to sell a house on my own. Since it was just my dog and I, that made it a lot easier to get out without too much hassle. I ended up living out a hotel for a few weeks before finding my current place. That was stressful and peobably would have been hard on a family.

I guess in general, knowing I only have to worry about myself and the pup means I can take some more risks. I would like tombecome more stable in case I ever do start a family, though.

 

[LightBright]

I bought and then had to sell a house on my own. Since it was just my dog and I, that made it a lot easier to get out without too much hassle. I ended up living out a hotel for a few weeks before finding my current place. That was stressful and peobably would have been hard on a family.

I guess in general, knowing I only have to worry about myself and the pup means I can take some more risks. I would like tombecome more stable in case I ever do start a family, though.

It just dawned on me....If i had a wife it would take a trillion years to move anywhere, you women are so picky and extra it takes like 9 trillion years for you to pack. Then you have to unpack everything and it takes almost as long as packing. Right now i can get my tote, my hamper, and some other stuff and get out but with a woman they wanna go through stuff and they take FOREVERRRR. I move boxes for a living it's not as hard as people make it. Sadly now I'm the first person to call when people want to move, actually that's probably a good thing at least I'm not useless

 

[theanointedsinner]

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Decision_theory


^proof that making the right decisions can be quite a complicated process

 

[Subhumanoidal]

This kind of concern may seem more relevant with younger people, or less mature people. But I believe older people who've also matured appropriately with their age will more likely be in sync and in agreement. Thereby negating the concern presented.
But even still the issue with such questions is that you're predicting a future with another person that is leading you to the same life you have as a single and that's not likely to be reality.
No doubt some of the decisions yiuce had to make may not have needed to be made had you been married. And you would have different choices to make you don't see now.
It seems a natural tendency to do this. Seeing ourselves in the present as being in all the same places and with all the same choices but with someone else (or alone if married).
If you were married you may well be living somewhere else. You may have a husband that makes good money and not feel a need to cut back. Or one that is frugal from the start. So many potential variations it's hard to know where you would be at.

But if it came down to choices I would not feel bad because I would not be dragging anyone through anything. I would be in a partnership with someone and we would be going through life together, as intended.
So whatever choices made are meant to be made together. And viewed that way.
Only if you brought issues into your marriage that pre existed would there be any sense of dragging a person through anything. But if you were to make it clear long before marriage was a topic then they knew and made the choice to be with you.
Any good spouse would rather go through bad times with you (whether new challenges or those you beingt with you) than be without you to avoid them.
I've not been married but I've been in such situations dating, and no doubt many of us had. But I didn't regret it. It's part of being together.