You need to be more trusting of God and what is happening in your life. The more doubts you have the more toxic everything around you gets. If there’s no trust and surrender to God, He cannot do what He needs to do and that’s take care of you.
You are not a creep - in fact, I rebuke that in Jesus Name. You are a child of God
I also want to encourage you to perhaps cut down some of those anime things that you’re into - I know you think they mean no harm, but some of the pictures you have posted up tells me different (demonic etc). Those types of strongholds can actually be barriers from you getting closer to God. If you cannot sacrifice the things of this world then you will continue to feel the way you are feeling.
I will be keeping you in prayer okay bro?