Struggling with how to respond to someone very self centered.

[dokimos]

Our only witness possible is of Jesus Christ and what He has done for each of us, but it is quite possible for a person to be unspiritually overboard. Remember the girl with the demon who followed the apostle for a few days say "these are teh men of the most High God, or the like until finally, Paul I believe, turned to her and cast out a demon, after which she was no longer able to earn money for her family by her demonically influenced soothsaying.

That girl actually had a demon inhabiting her, if I am not mistaken, though. Her case is much different, and she does a much different thing. I think demons can, from the outside position, attack the Christian's mind - making specific sin easier to commit. Of course there are false converts not born again who can be inhabited. Especially if they do not really believe in Jesus.

 

[dokimos]

@dokimos

I do not go along with the current belief that personality disorders are from upbringing. I believe that inheritance is the biggest factor in a full blown disorders but traits can be picked up by example.

The strongest trait is the lack of conscience and the best way to learn how to deal with theses people is education about cluster B personalities. Suffering at their hands has been the biggest influence in my spiritual growth and development of wisdom.

If we are going by the inheritance logic, this is why I see personality disorders as things of demonic influence. This article states that is incorrect, though?? There is still research to be done on my end.

https://www.samstorms.com/enjoying-...cestral-sin--generational-spirits--and-curses

The mother, myself and two other siblings all have a tendency to focus on SELF and to talk incessantly about ourSELVES and what is going on in OUR immediate reality. It is to an abnormal degree.

I do not want to go off on a limb and say I have had this lifted, as I am sure it is a daily struggle and only by the power of Jesus that any bit of it is lifted. Our mother was very SELF focused in her letters to our caretakers. My sibling that I speak of in the original post, they know to some extent that their behavior is abnormal beyond saying they are "rambling". It is not that you ramble, it is that you ramble about yourself and have an unhealthy need to have the attention drawn to you and what you are doing, thinking and experiencing in life. The other, unsaved sibling who hates Christ also does this, but the difference is that one is tying every selfish dialogue into biblical themes or theological observations, and one is tying them into their own bubble where Christ doesn't exist. May God bless their lives and keep their minds intact.

I use my two older siblings as an example of what not to do if I can and I try to keep my eyes fixed on Jesus. I must be on strong guard to not conduct myself in a way that dishonors Christ or makes Him out to look powerless in my life. The only way I will fix this issue is focusing on JESUS and being in awe of Him and His work and who He is! Social media sites like Facebook are implements for one's incessant self focus and need to be the star of their own show. I think these sites can be detrimental to the spiritual growth of Christians and can fuel this sin of SELF focus that takes Jesus off His throne in your life!

 

[Subhumanoidal]

So, you are saying it is okay for me to not speak against this person's sin myself, to let God do His work in revealing these sin areas?

Yes, it is in my opinion a Charismatic Evangelical church. I looked up the meaning of Charismatic Christian Church, and it actually sounds like they are based in the miracles and activity of the Holy Spirit. Like gifts of the Holy Spirit and everything.

Are you a cessationist by any chance?

I think the problem lies more in it being an evangelical church than a charismatic church. The reason being that evangelical churches are almost always "starter" churches for those not ready for meat, only able to stomach milk. These churches function by their name: EVANGELICAL. They are there to evangelize. When you are grafted in to the body of Christ, you eventually will grow out of the evangelical church.

Therefore, leaving the discussion of the elementary principles of Christ, let us go on to [a]perfection, not laying again the foundation of repentance from dead works and of faith toward God, 2 of the doctrine of baptisms, of laying on of hands, of resurrection of the dead, and of eternal judgment. 3 And this [b]we will do if God permits. [HEBREWS 6]

These churches *never* progress. If you spiritually grow and try *at all* to bring to light spiritual dangers like Yoga, New Age, etc. make no mistake, you *will* get attacked by those who are spiritually immature.

Funny. I see charismatics as most likely to invite new age oriented teachings, rather than expose them. That's one reason I left it all behind.

 

[JaumeJ]

That girl actually had a demon inhabiting her, if I am not mistaken, though. Her case is much different, and she does a much different thing. I think demons can, from the outside position, attack the Christian's mind - making specific sin easier to commit. Of course there are false converts not born again who can be inhabited. Especially if they do not really believe in Jesus.

My post was just an example, nothing written in stone......

 

[lastofall]

[for me anyway] I would show him what the Lord Jesus Christ has to say about His standard of how we must think of and refer to self such as: (Luke 10:38-42) with Martha concerned only about herself and missing the mark which Christ pointed out to he that her sister Mary has chosen, namely to hear His Word; or (Luke 12:16-21) about the end result of one concerned only about themselves; or what the Lord said exactly to the point in (John 7:18) saying "he that speaketh of himself seeketh his own glory" which nothing else needs to be said.

 

[pottersclay]

Imo you are dealing with seed on Rocky soil. The pride issue alone clearly shows that.
All of us deal with the issue of being submissive. Some of us won't allow humility to enter in so God can mold and shape us according to his purpose.
Social media is a prime cause of this. Self help, self worth, are what we crave for in our carnal mind.
Warming your hands in the enemies camp is never a good thing just ask Peter.
Paul had to be thrown off his horse, to ground level and blinded, helpless, and in need of aid from others to realize it's about Christ.
Remember Jesus will finish the work he has started in each and every one of us.😃😃

 

[NayborBear]

I have a close one to my heart who unfortunately seems only to enjoy speaking of The Lord in the context of their own bible knowledge, accomplishments, gifts, immediate life experiences, etc. I feel strongly that either this individual uses The Lord as a cover for speaking about things that pertain to themselves, oblivious to the spiritual danger and how this can lead us away from humility and trust in Jesus - or is under demonic influence (this is separate from they themselves being demonic, I love this person).

To this person, I have been in bondage for years, constantly affirming them, their feelings and accomplishments. This was when I was not as well-versed in the matters of the spiritual. This was an honest mistake. It turns out, some of what we do that seems uncontrollable CAN come from having demonic influence. Not always, of course, we have our own responsibility to stand guard against sinfulness, but I truly believe this person has a demon that causes them, during conversation, to incessantly speak - compulsively drawing conversations to center around themselves. It is to an abnormal degree. As much as I hate to admit this, I have reason to believe this might come from a generational curse, even.

Those in Christ have heard many prophets give words from the Spirit, that we are not to conduct ourselves in this way at all, as it is a spiritual danger and represents lousy witness to anyone with discernment. It makes having a conversation about JESUS CHRIST incredibly difficult, too. When He is treated only as an add-on or merely as an "energy", He is easily forgotten about. His works are not seen to us, because we are only recognizing our immediate, carnal reality.

There are other issues I have experienced with this person that has made a genuine relationship difficult, especially in discussing the matters of Jesus.

I am definitely in sin for noticing it and letting it bother me as much as it does, for judging. I am in sin for still, attempting to simply bear with it for the sake of peace. I am in sin for not telling this person. It is more comfortable for me to not tell them and to avoid the anger, the withdrawal of that person from my life potentially. I am fearing man more than GOD in this instance.

Part of me feels it is definitely The Spirit's job to convict this person - but if that is not so, I do not want to take the easy way out. The church this person and I attend is very centered around the doctrine of "Jesus paid it all". The more I grow in grace and the more the Holy Spirit reveals to me, the more the church I attend seems like a watered down social club that treats their elders as celebrities. It is 1 Cor. 15:1-4 gospel centered, but also VERY man centered, as much as it tries not to be, its actions speak louder than its words. There is much lenience on sin in the church, and I have seen Satan use it as a tramping ground. The person I am speaking of has grown up on the watered down grace doctrine their whole lives. Any attempt by me to correct this person would be met with rebuke with this backwards, watered down false doctrine of grace that leaves no room for growth and self examination to see if we are still in the faith.

For many Christians, it is about getting rid of those major sin areas (like lust, addiction, etc), celebrating that, and then wallowing in heart sin forever and ever, using twisted scripture as the basis for never growing as a disciple of Jesus. Selfishness, jealousy, carnal anxiety, focus on worldly matters, partiality, unforgiveness, etc. When the bible preaches against specific heart sin, the immature Christian almost never sees how it applies to them.

Please pray that The Lord would give me discernment and strength to respond to this person in a Spirit-led way - and when it is appropriate to disregard them for my own spiritual health and growth in Jesus. I feel that this person is not the only one in sin, to be clear.

Thank you for reading this far if you have. I do not like to celebrate Christmas, but I pray for everyone who is celebrating that Jesus Christ will be with you, giving you His peace that surpasses all understanding, that in Him you are not feeling alone, for those without a family this season. May you find joy, rest and comfort in Him and all that He is and offers us.

Matthew 10
35 For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.
36 And a man's foes shall be they of his own household.
37 He that loveth father or mother more than me is not worthy of me: and he that loveth son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me.
38 And he that taketh not his cross, and followeth after me, is not worthy of me.

Meaning? There are times when one must pick up their cross, and follow Christ!

 

[dokimos]

Not sure I quite understand, but could be something to do with a religious spirit operating under the guise of Jezebel, who latches on to someone whos passive like Ahab. Then it becomes a stronghold. If you know the story of Jezebel it will give you some insight into whats behind it (baal worship)
Jesus says once you know the truth the truth will set you free.

Dealing with disorders like borderline or narcissm...Wisdom from the Bible says you dont pick grapes of thistles or gather figs from thorns...you can tell a tree by its fruit. If you cant keep away or a distance you need to at least become detached, its like if you are near an alcoholic or any addictive personality its best not to feed it.
Some people call it toxic or emotional vampires that too sounds a warning dont get sucked into other peoples dramas. Sometimes its best not to respond at all!

Yes you can pray but might be helpful to know some demon routing prayers or combat scriptures...look in psalms when David was surrounded by the enemy...he was being chased by Saul who had an evil spirit and was out to destroy David becuase he was jealous..and also self centred. Also recall that Saul consulted the witch of endor something he shouldnt have done, messing with the occult has consequences.

Or when elijah was confronting Jezebel. It seems like you a bit afraid of confrontation because of this persons feelings may get hurt...well this is the narcissitic rage that comes out, you cant walk on eggshells all the time, thats no way to live. God is on your side and more powerful than someone elses tantrum. HE will defend you just keep up your shield of faith. There are tens of thousands of angels on Gods side though you cannot see. So dont fear. If you a believer, youve been adopted into Christ family, the curse has been broken by the blood of Jesus so whatever generation curse it was will not fall on you..it has passed over just like the angel of death passes over all those who put the blood of the lamb on their doorposts.

It is difficult to not respond. There comes a point where you feel that, by turning away for your own safety, that you feel you are in sin for not "laying your life down" for them. If you have been under a toxic person's emotional rule for a long time, it will be easy for them to convince you that you are sinful for not laying your life down for them. Discernment coupled with humility is so important here due to needing to see where their sin is (I am looking to man for protection and comfort and not JESUS) and where yours is (not wanting to put up with someone who is difficult to love at this moment, what would Jesus do? Turn them away? No, Jesus would warn them of what they were doing so they could grow).

Thank you for the suggestion of psalms and combative prayer.

I had the perfect opportunity to let this person know my concerns, and I acted like I had just been "really busy" and not using my phone (which was true) but I also was very fed up of this person and being subjected to hours long phone calls of being "spoken at" and being on the receiving end of someone's personal inner dialogue. This is so bad. I am so sorry to describe this. I love this person so much and yet hate their sin, and I hate this sin that I have, this bitterness towards their obviously very difficult sin area. If my bitterness wells up into anger, it will become murder in my heart.

We need the Lord so much, humanity would be wasted and burned without Him.

God bless you my friend

 

[dokimos]

Hi!

To the surprise of many im not a cessationist! I just try to have discernment on when the gifts being used are real, or just carnal boasting phonys.

You can say something about it, no doubt, but if it has no effect, then "let them be".

I have never went to "evangelical" churches, atleast something called like that, so I cant say. But if a church approves of yoga and the other things you mentioned for example, then its DEFINATELY a very wicked church full of compromise with the world. Flee from that.
You are also correct that some churches are on milk level forever, but its also due to them getting new members (thank God) so the same things need to be repeated.

If I was the protestant pope I would have it organized that we have our own RCIA program, not for JOINING the church like the catholics do, but a teaching series where those who recently joined the church are given the BASICS of the faith. This would save them from a lot of trouble.

If I am honest, I do not believe every prophet or every word in my church is genuine. Prophets at my church are used in the quarterly prophecy meetings, but they also, during worship at the beginning of the service go up on the microphone, in front of the congregation (of course, they need to give words that are edifying to the entire congregation and have an effective way to do that, I don't fault them for doing it this way) and you KNOW that has to appeal to someone, somewhere's flesh, to where they want the gift of prophecy so they can get up on that mic and be seen and heard.

The person I spoke of in a previous post, who was featured as a testimony for our church's "faith basics" course, sent me a very nasty message not too long ago because I spoke out against in a public forum and showed where Satanist Aleister Crowley had vouched for, and promoted Yoga. I included a quote of Aleister Crowley, and asked the simple question to all: Why do you want to do Yoga if you are a Christian?

This set her off. She warned me that I was wrong because "people who loved and accepted" me into the church practiced Yoga - including a pastor's wife. If astrology (what I once practiced in my life before Jesus, a prophet of God was able to correctly describe and identify the exact occult practice I had taken part in, and why I did it) is off limits, Yoga ought to be to. It is ALTERNATIVE SPIRITUAL PRACTICE. Both are dangerous. So yes, our church sees nothing wrong with Yoga and it will not take a hard stance against New Age or Occult practices.

 

[Lanolin]

Judas was someone Jesus did not pray for, he prayed for Peter though who Satan wanted to sift as wheat. PEter could be very annoying to Jesus and wanted a lot of Jesus attention, he was very clingy but Jesus could see into Peters heart, and knew Peter truly believed, whereas Judas did not. JUdas was only in it for the money, which he stole. Satan entered Judas heart. Use your discernement. With a sibling its difficult. But remember how Jesus treated Judas just as everyone else even though he was suspect.

If its a case of something really abusive, such as incest, you do need to keep away for safety. Judas had an unhealthy interest in Jesus, so there was that. Dont make another person your idol,..question for you is...is Jesus Lord of your life, and if so, can you do what He tells you. Even if you have to give up association with this person.

What is it that bonds you to this person, and if you sharing anything, you may want to consider leaving it behind. I had a brother I was sharing a place with but he was extremely self centred and impossible to share with. It came to the point I had to give up the place and I am glad I did. Am not bitter about it at all. Hes not a believer so why be unequally yoked with him anymore? It goes nowhere. Hes still my bro but we dont share a house anymore even on paper which is better for all of us.

I had another case with a boss who was extremely self centred, and being under his rule was NOT good. I left that job, I would rather be free in Christ than an underpaid slave to satan.

You alone cannot save anyone. ITs Jesus who is the saviour not you. He laid down his life and everyone has to answer to Him, if someone is a false brother you need to keep away...Paul and Jude experienced this too. Wolves in sheeps clothing have no right to feed or fleece the flock.

 

[dokimos]

Imo you are dealing with seed on Rocky soil. The pride issue alone clearly shows that.
All of us deal with the issue of being submissive. Some of us won't allow humility to enter in so God can mold and shape us according to his purpose.
Social media is a prime cause of this. Self help, self worth, are what we crave for in our carnal mind.
Warming your hands in the enemies camp is never a good thing just ask Peter.
Paul had to be thrown off his horse, to ground level and blinded, helpless, and in need of aid from others to realize it's about Christ.
Remember Jesus will finish the work he has started in each and every one of us.😃😃

God bless you friend. Great bible connections here.

 

[Hevosmies]

If I am honest, I do not believe every prophet or every word in my church is genuine. Prophets at my church are used in the quarterly prophecy meetings, but they also, during worship at the beginning of the service go up on the microphone, in front of the congregation (of course, they need to give words that are edifying to the entire congregation and have an effective way to do that, I don't fault them for doing it this way) and you KNOW that has to appeal to someone, somewhere's flesh, to where they want the gift of prophecy so they can get up on that mic and be seen and heard.

The person I spoke of in a previous post, who was featured as a testimony for our church's "faith basics" course, sent me a very nasty message not too long ago because I spoke out against in a public forum and showed where Satanist Aleister Crowley had vouched for, and promoted Yoga. I included a quote of Aleister Crowley, and asked the simple question to all: Why do you want to do Yoga if you are a Christian?

I am willing to bet the church you are in is quite large.

This is common place in large congregations. If you are able i would suggest you find a smaller, more godly congregation to go to.

If you've read my other posts here, I always warn people about guys who are overly "friendly".
Dont take this to mean friendly is bad, not at all.

But often times the ones that smile to your face are the guys you need to look out. No matter how NICE someone is to you, if they are into the occult, its irrelevant.
The JWs use this same strategy of being friendly and giving compliments to people when talking to them. "Oh I see you know quite a bit about these spiritual truths" they say, well I certainly do, enough to know that you say that to everyone.

 

[Solemateleft]

We are not in contact with the middle sibling because they are extremely verbally abusive to both of us. The sibling I speak of in the original post has accused me of being personality disordered and then took it back later on, funny enough. Each one of us has accused the other of being personality disordered.

We can't all three of us be personality disordered, we did not grow up together and our mother did not raise us. This is why I believe there is a GENERATIONAL CURSE which involves demonic activity in some areas.

I think we can attribute some mental illnesses, physical illnesses and yes, even personality disorders to demonic influence, curses and generational curses! There is a strong self-focus spirit, spirit of pride and possibly even witchcraft/occult laying on my bloodline.

Hi dokimos,
I will continue to pray for you, and your family members during your struggles...
You situation is very heartbreaking - my heart feels your pain...
I do agree (to some extent) that the enemy has a hand in bringing negative influences into peoples minds and lives...

So for clarification, are you saying that the common mother of three sisters did not raise any of them?
If that is the case - all three daughters raised in absence of their mother is very likely to have varying impacts upon each of them.

Early attachments form our internal templates or mental representations of how relationships work in the world. Without therapy or intervention, these mental representations tend to be relatively stable.

The key point is that a daughter’s need for her mother’s love is a primal driving force, and that need doesn't diminish with unavailability—it coexists with the terrible and damaging understanding that the one person who is supposed to love you without condition doesn’t. The struggle to heal and cope is a mighty one. It affects many, if not all, parts of the self—especially in the area of relationships.

God Bless

 

[dokimos]

Matthew 10
35 For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.
36 And a man's foes shall be they of his own household.
37 He that loveth father or mother more than me is not worthy of me: and he that loveth son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me.
38 And he that taketh not his cross, and followeth after me, is not worthy of me.

Meaning? There are times when one must pick up their cross, and follow Christ!

Yes! For many years this person was my sole religious influence and the person I felt I needed to answer to, I did not know Jesus! I was deceived, so deceived. I tremble to think if I had died before now, but GOD preserved all of our lives. Wow...

 

[NayborBear]

Yes! For many years this person was my sole religious influence and the person I felt I needed to answer to, I did not know Jesus! I was deceived, so deceived. I tremble to think if I had died before now, but GOD preserved all of our lives. Wow...

Perhaps some separation from this person is what's needed! Not just for your sake, but theirs, as well.

Yeah? I've known people who just love talking about their favorite subject! THEMSELVES! I can tell ya, but you may already know? It gets pretty old, pretty quickly! To a point, where you ALMOST hate dealing, or talking to this person! Because, you know, over time, and it seems you have spent some over the years, that EVENTUALLY? The subject? No matter where it may have started? Is going to end up being about their FAVORITE subject! EVERY TIME!!

It's as if they are oblivious to this outward expression of their insecurity. To most everyone else? It seems so apparently obvious! Boggles the mind, it does!

 

[Lanolin]

Jesus didnt talk about himself or all the miracles he did. He never bragged, he gave all glory to his Father. JEsus let other praise him and witness about Him. Let's follow Jesus example.

 

[Solemateleft]

While I do agree with the notion of 'absence helps the heart grow fonder' in any love-based relationship - I have grave reservations that it is a one size fits all solution for those who desire to strive to love their family members 'unconditionally.'

The other relationship notion that I suspect might be applicable for certain situations/relationships - I also fear is packed with unnecessary risk of sabotaging the delicate nature of certain familial relationships:
"If you want something very, very badly, let it go free. If it comes back to you, it’s yours forever. If it doesn’t, it was never yours to begin with."

Once we know these people for who/what they really are (we know their true colors) - it is easier to not take the things that they say or do personally - it becomes easier to simply acknowledge their limitations (help them to get help if possible) and pray for them; while not allowing them to drag you down into their mayhem... Some of these types thrive off of stirring such a reaction - simply refrain from giving them the satisfaction of engaging them at that level - rather simply maintain the convictions of your christian convictions and moral integrity...
Simply smile, and say something to the effect - I forgive you and I will pray for you...

God Bless..