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I searched for Christian chat because I really need to talk. No such luck this time of night. Right now I want to disappear. My husband of 19.5 years hates me and I truly no longer care. I have cancer. I have an 11 year old daughter and a 9 year old son and currently trying to gain custody of my 16 year old niece. If I don't wake in the morning I will no longer have this pain. I can do nothing right, I have very few trusted friends (different views, different life styles, different places in our lives, etc) and I have reached the end of my logical reasoning. I work 3 jobs to make ends meet and he takes 70% of my pay and who knows what he does with it. "Stuff" he says. No, he does not have a girlfriend or a drug habit. He is just money hungry and is obsessed with it. I LOVE my children and I have endured for such a long time. My previous pastor (we both cared for him deeply) told me flat out to just tolerate and show my husband how good I can be and that would open his eyes. I have given up my friends, my credit cards, three various jobs all to please him. No such luck. He still wants more from me: clean the house more, be home more, do even less outside of the house. There is NO pleasing him. He works hard every week, cares for the yard, does projects but hardly ever finishes them, ignores the kids as much as possible and complains about how "chunky" I am. I am 5'4" and I am 170. Not HUGE, not small, I would say a above average. I have/had breast cancer almost 5 years ago and gained weight during chemo and surgical menopause.I work to take it off but my stress level is horrid.
What else do I have to do? what am I missing here? If God wants my husband to be the man, then my husband has to BE THE MAN God wants him to be. I doubt that God is happy with his behavior. Part of me thinks that it ALL me, part does not believe that. I am lost.
I am 44 and feel like I am struggling daily to survive. I accept trials, but when does it end? How much can I pray about this and only see it get worse and worse? I still go to church, a women’s bible study and he goes 4 times a year maybe. So why am I the one suffering so much. I have read "When sinners say I do" and it all goes back to being the good witness/spouse. Is it not a reciprocal relationship with God in the driver’s seat?
Please guide me because I am so lost and hardly able to function.
What else do I have to do? what am I missing here? If God wants my husband to be the man, then my husband has to BE THE MAN God wants him to be. I doubt that God is happy with his behavior. Part of me thinks that it ALL me, part does not believe that. I am lost.
I am 44 and feel like I am struggling daily to survive. I accept trials, but when does it end? How much can I pray about this and only see it get worse and worse? I still go to church, a women’s bible study and he goes 4 times a year maybe. So why am I the one suffering so much. I have read "When sinners say I do" and it all goes back to being the good witness/spouse. Is it not a reciprocal relationship with God in the driver’s seat?
Please guide me because I am so lost and hardly able to function.