You obviously have no idea how fast was fast to me. I once passed a California Highway Patrol car. in my home built muscle car, that was going 105 mph on the L.A. Harbor freeway through South Central L.A. when I passed it. I spent 3 days in jail awaiting my arraignment and bail hearing. I WAS SOBER! I once fried the speedometer of my 4 cylinder Yamaha super bike in the California desert headed for Vegas, SOBER. I took it of and threw it away then rode to Texoma, over 1000 miles without a speedometer and continued to ride it that way SOBER for over a year. I've gone 0-110 mph under 13 seconds, on my bike, for fun.
I've got a titanium knee implant, I've broken my left leg twice, 2 ribs, my clavicle (collar bone,) in 2 places, my jaw, my cheekbone, nose and skull. Self destructive, fearless, reckless behavior. That was me. Oh I forgot to mention I used to gamble a couple hundred dollars a week in Vegas, sober and loaded.
In short, I was nuts. I've found a better way and that my life was worth more than my desire to escape from it.
Now I'm a sane, happy, family man with grandchildren and a love interest I realize it's not quite the same, but it's selfish, foolish, dangerous and self destructive just the same. My escape was adrenaline and drugs, including alcohol. If my maniacal, clinically depressive, escapist behavior could be curbed yours can be too. I'm done now, it's your move. Nothing is going to get better if you don't co-operate. You can cry in your soup the rest of your life, get locked up for being a danger to yourself, die, or get off of your butt and get help. It's your decision. We can only carry the message, take it or leave it. It's your choice! May God help you. Amen!