So you finally found him/her! Now what?

[christian74]

I will think about that once I find that person.

Joking aside, I think I will be okay with it.. regardless of reason behind the debt if I find her to be 'good' in my heart.

 

[Hamarr]

I would think it would largely depend on why they racked up the debt, what they are doing about it, and the likelihood of getting more in the future. Like others said, medical debt and student loans is one thing. Credit card debt could even fit there depending on the circumstances. Are they paying it down, or are they waiting for someone to bail them out? And what are they doing to be in better spot financially going forward?

Not sure about the timing. I'm working on paying off debt myself and am not sure when to disclose something like that. Almost all of it is medical debt, but I will have student loans to pay off. I'm toying with getting an MS after I am doing with my BS. It's going to be more debt (but not that much more at the school I am attending), but has the potential to pay for itself pretty quickly.

 

[Krumbeard]

I'm a fool and would help him pay it. Na, I'm just kidding...well sorta. I would have to ask him why he hid it from me for so long. And also why he has it. If it was for college or a medical bill, I might continue the relationship. Then I would help him pay it off if we get married.
Sometimes emergencies come along and there really isn't anything we can do to avoid them once the situation hits. When my grandma passed (we had insurance for her) we needed to pay thousands of dollars to get her buried. My family and I are paying the credit cards off (nothing too drastic) but it felt like it was unavoidable. So I definitely understand that sometimes people just have debt.

The problem isn't so much the money as it is that he hid it from me for months. I would wonder what else he was hiding.

Oooo and I better not find out homeboy was using the money on another woman. Then my inner bad girl will come out! LOL

Hey OP, that would be a fun add on to this thread. If you found out the debt was used on another man/woman...what would you do about it? hehe

Hey Mermaid, You should start another thread.

I guess it could be flattering or disheartening, but not impressive in a good way. BUT...then again there are a lot of variables that could play into this, as I think about it a little more.

 

[Krumbeard]

Let's say you found that person that was your friend and grew into a dating relationship. You've been dating for several months and are thinking about marriage.

Then....You find out they have tens of thousands of credit card debt. What would you do?

What if we reverse the roles here? I know this has already been touched on, but it could add some humor to this.

I would fully expect her to take on the debt and help me out, even if she knows I spent it on another woman and that was only trying to get her (the other woman) attention!

Totally kidding about that! I would be upfront about this. Finances are one of the big killers to a marriage.

 

[Miri]

Assuming they aren't already doing a payment plan.
And assuming their intent is to "dump it on someone else".
People always have a list of things that need to be sorted out before marriage, but if people attempted to do them all humanity would die out because no one would ever marry.

I have to disagree, I’ve never smoked or done drugs, barely had a dozen
alcoholic drinks during my entire life (I’m 50).
Never been in debt.
There are plenty of others around like me too.
I’m not a nuts (at least those around me don’t think so)
and I’m a born again Christian.


There are plenty of others like me too. The problem is people give
priority to their feelings instead of God and their brain. How many people
do we see on here, posting how they met someone and got married within
months, only to realise they did not know the person at all.

It’s entirely possible even for people who do have excess baggage in their life
to sort themselves out. It means putting God first and seeking His will instead.

Unfortunately we live in an instant society where people want everything now.
That’s ok if it’s a coffee and piece of cake. It’s not ok where human lives are
involved.

 

[melita916]

well, as others have said, I would like to know why the person has so much debt. student loans? medical expenses? family emergency?

then, I would hope the person is working on paying off the debt while still being responsible. some debts take a little longer to pay than others.

for us, the only debt I had before marrying is my car. he didn't have any debts.

 

[Lynx]

for us, the only debt I had before marrying is my car. he didn't have any debts.

These days that is a rarity. Two people who BOTH don't have a lot of debt. How did you find him? (Does he have a sister?)

 

[Miri]

These days that is a rarity. Two people who BOTH don't have a lot of debt. How did you find him? (Does he have a sister?)

Or a brother! Lol

 

[melita916]

he does have a sister and brother. each is married lol.

hubby gave me permission to share that he had bad credit for a little bit. it was all medical related, and he didn't have medical insurance.

 

[Oncefallen]

hubby gave me permission to share that he had bad credit for a little bit. it was all medical related, and he didn't have medical insurance.

Statistically over half of bankruptcies are due to medical issues (either due to medical bills or lost wages from an illness/injury).

 

[Subhumanoidal]

I have to disagree, I’ve never smoked or done drugs, barely had a dozen
alcoholic drinks during my entire life (I’m 50).
Never been in debt.
There are plenty of others around like me too.
I’m not a nuts (at least those around me don’t think so)
and I’m a born again Christian.


There are plenty of others like me too. The problem is people give
priority to their feelings instead of God and their brain. How many people
do we see on here, posting how they met someone and got married within
months, only to realise they did not know the person at all.

It’s entirely possible even for people who do have excess baggage in their life
to sort themselves out. It means putting God first and seeking His will instead.

Unfortunately we live in an instant society where people want everything now.
That’s ok if it’s a coffee and piece of cake. It’s not ok where human lives are
involved.

I was saying that you always hear people say that all these areas of ones life need to be sorted out before marriage. Which I hear all the time.

I have never been a smoker, done drugs and barely ever drank myself.
Yay us.

My point being if people had to have every area of their life in order to even consider marriage the human race would die out. Because no one is perfect and everyone has things to deal with.
Marriage isn't about two perfect people coming together, its about two imperfect people working together.

 

[cinder]

But it sure would be nice to believe that I'm so close to perfect that I intimidate all the potential suitors away and that's why I'm still single. Even if it isn't true.

 

[17Bees]

But it sure would be nice to believe that I'm so close to perfect that I intimidate all the potential suitors away and that's why I'm still single. Even if it isn't true.

Guys - if cinder does intimidate you a little, just do like I do and picture her eating cheetos while belting out Adele hits. In her pajamas. While watching Mr. Rogers with the volume down.

 

[Lynx]

Hmm, yes, and how is that working out for you? Got any dates - with cinder or anybody else - using that method?

Besides, eating cheetos interferes with belting out hits, Adele or otherwise.

 

[cinder]

Guys - if cinder does intimidate you a little, just do like I do and picture her eating cheetos while belting out Adele hits. In her pajamas. While watching Mr. Rogers with the volume down.

You've got me all wrong, except for the pajamas, I do like comfy pajamas.

 

[17Bees]

Hmm, yes, and how is that working out for you? Got any dates - with cinder or anybody else - using that method?

Besides, eating cheetos interferes with belting out hits, Adele or otherwise.

You've got me all wrong, except for the pajamas, I do like comfy pajamas.

Well, I said "picture" how she is, not how she really is. I have no idea what cinder's really like. I'm sure she's quite nice.

 

[cinder]

Hmm, yes, and how is that working out for you? Got any dates - with cinder or anybody else - using that method?

Besides, eating cheetos interferes with belting out hits, Adele or otherwise.

Well, I said "picture" how she is, not how she really is. I have no idea what cinder's really like. I'm sure she's quite nice.

He's so experienced at picturing he probably pictures some wonderful dates too, maybe even with constructs of his imagination that he's named after CC usernames. (Not offended and not trying to make him sound creepy because 17 bees just doesn't give off creepy vibes). I'm just wondering if he has no idea what I'm really like, how can he be sure that I'm quite nice?

 

[17Bees]

He's so experienced at picturing he probably pictures some wonderful dates too, maybe even with constructs of his imagination that he's named after CC usernames. (Not offended and not trying to make him sound creepy because 17 bees just doesn't give off creepy vibes). I'm just wondering if he has no idea what I'm really like, how can he be sure that I'm quite nice?

I don't know! I was just being polite, but if you're not then I'll stand corrected.

 

[Subhumanoidal]

I literally just read someone tell a struggling single "singleness is preparation for marriage".

 

[christian74]

(*a big thumb up - you are da man!)