Winning her by loving from afar and becoming the ulltimate Godly male

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1still_waters

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I'm going to file this one under the "Delusional things I've seen Christian guys do to try and win the woman" file.

It usually goes something like this.

The guy really likes a certan gal. Feelings aren't reciprocated or he doesn't have the courage to kinda go and figure things out and just ask her. So he goes in to a delusional mode, where he thinks he can win her from afar.

Usually he'll find all these passive or indirect ways to show that he just really cares for her. It might be through offering to pray for her when she's in need or offering to be that listening ear. His major gambit here is to set himself up as the ultimate caring guy, whom she'll eventually realize is the tender hearted caring man she needs.

The other half of the gambit is where the guy does his best to become 'the ultimate Christian Godly male". At this point a majority of his life becomes about becoming very, very Godly and spiritual. That way he's 'prepared' for the day the gal finally realizes he's the ultimate caring and Godly one for her.

The disturbing part about this half of the gambit is that the guy really isn't becoming more Godly for the sake of becoming more Godly, it's more for the sake of allowing the gal to see how 'spiritual and leader like' he is.

Question. If you know one of these guys who is stuck in such a self delusion, is there a way to wake them up out of it?

I've had a few friends who honestly thought this would work and even thought they were right in the middle of God's will doin git! But in the end, the gal ends up going for the other guy and delusional guy is left trying to pick up the pieces.
 
Hi 1 Still water: I am so glad that you have written this post. This is exactly what the guy I dumped 9-months ago is doing. you hit the nail on the head. I am so happy that you wrote this. It helps me quite a bit. I am just avoiding this guy, because I don't love him in a romantic way, I care for him as a brother and I saw that is all it will ever be. You said it very well, he is trying to be that perfect guy from afar. he's trying to prove himself. months ago I took the guy back, because I liked when he was putting his all into the relationship, but I saw that he settles in - and I didn't like his persoality in his setting in stage. I realized I just don't like him. and I am not going to feel bad about it. He cannot contact me in anyway, I have changed my phone number and I blocked all his e-mails. when he e-mails me it automatically goes to trash. You post has helped me a lot. Thank you. To answer your question,. time will get him over it, and he will eventually move on. time is the healer.
 
"A woman's heart should be so hidden in Christ that a man has to seek Him first to find her." -- Maya Angelou

According to that quote, seeking God first is the perfect way for a man to win over the heart of a good Christian woman. (sarcasm)
 
1still_waters said:
The guy really likes a certan gal. Feelings aren't reciprocated or he doesn't have the courage to kinda go and figure things out and just ask her. So he goes in to a delusional mode, where he thinks he can win her from afar.

Usually he'll find all these passive or indirect ways to show that he just really cares for her. It might be through offering to pray for her when she's in need or offering to be that listening ear. His major gambit here is to set himself up as the ultimate caring guy, whom she'll eventually realize is the tender hearted caring man she needs.

The other half of the gambit is where the guy does his best to become 'the ultimate Christian Godly male". At this point a majority of his life becomes about becoming very, very Godly and spiritual. That way he's 'prepared' for the day the gal finally realizes he's the ultimate caring and Godly one for her.

The disturbing part about this half of the gambit is that the guy really isn't becoming more Godly for the sake of becoming more Godly, it's more for the sake of allowing the gal to see how 'spiritual and leader like' he is.

Question. If you know one of these guys who is stuck in such a self delusion, is there a way to wake them up out of it?
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Still - Nice post. At one time or another, most of us have concealed from others (and perhaps ourselves) those everyday behavioral, social, and/or spiritual patterns that define us, replacing them with substitutes that we hope are more pleasing to others. We undergo this contrived metamorphosis in the hope that it will make us more acceptable.

Segments of your OP bring to mind a few remedial admonitions from the Danish philosopher Soren Kierkegaard in his reflections on the "self". Kierkegaard states that we should "Be that self which truly is." And in order for each of us to recognize that which is our true self, we must tear down that facade - that improvised fiction that we have created to make ourselves more pleasing to, and accepted by, others. Upon arriving at that stage, Kierkegaard further states:

"Face the facts of being what you are, for that is what changes what you are."

"A man who as a physical being is always turned toward the outside, thinking that his happiness lies outside him, finally turns inward and discovers that the source is within him."

In closing, I'll leave you with one of my favorite K-isms: "Don't forget to love yourself."

For those who want more from the Great Dane, go to Soren Kierkegaard Quotes - BrainyQuote

Thanks again, Still, for the thought-provoking post. It's always a joy to get back in touch with the Great Dane.

- Jaynee

​
 
I was just curious, what do these guys say to anyone who point out that their entire ruse is under extreme false intentions, and that any woman with half a brain will figure it out pretty quickly, even if for some reason she's willing to go out with him?

This is just my opinion but to me, it falls under the same category as anyone who pretends to be something they're not--it's like trying to act like you're one of the brainiacs or jocks or whoever when it's not really you... And the fact that it's a religious front (aren't they concerned at all that they're lying to God as well as these women?) makes it worse in a different kind of way...
 
seoulsearch said:
I was just curious, what do these guys say to anyone who point out that their entire ruse is under extreme false intentions, and that any woman with half a brain will figure it out pretty quickly, even if for some reason she's willing to go out with him?

This is just my opinion but to me, it falls under the same category as anyone who pretends to be something they're not--it's like trying to act like you're one of the brainiacs or jocks or whoever when it's not really you... And the fact that it's a religious front (aren't they concerned at all that they're lying to God as well as these women?) makes it worse in a different kind of way...
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They'll accuse you of making fun of God's will for their life. They appeal to Noah. I mean Noah built a boat and every one didn't see it was God's will. So they basically play the Noah card.
 
1still_waters said:
They'll accuse you of making fun of God's will for their life. They appeal to Noah. I mean Noah built a boat and every one didn't see it was God's will. So they basically play the Noah card.
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Wow. I guess I'm not hanging around "Super Christians" enough because I've never heard of someone playing the Noah card before...

This is harsh, but depending on my relationship with the person, I'd tell them, "No, what you're really doing is playing the Judas card--Judas did all the right things to get closer to Jesus, too, but his motives were entirely self-centered--in other words, based upon something he wanted for himself. You know, kind of what you're doing right now... and look where it got him..."

Not that it would get that extreme but that's what I'd be thinking, at least.
 
On one hand i hear what your sayin and im inwardly rolling my eyes at a guy who would do stuff like that

noooooooow on the OTHER hand. I would be flattered, i myself have never been pursued by anyone (well except for that one time this woman followed me around for about a month in her pizza delivery car asking me out) So i would have to say even though its stupid for a guy to try and win a woman in this manor, ultimately i would be secretly pleased someone would go to such great lengths to get my attention.
 
NodMyHeadLikeYeah said:
On one hand i hear what your sayin and im inwardly rolling my eyes at a guy who would do stuff like that

noooooooow on the OTHER hand. I would be flattered, i myself have never been pursued by anyone (well except for that one time this woman followed me around for about a month in her pizza delivery car asking me out) So i would have to say even though its stupid for a guy to try and win a woman in this manor, ultimately i would be secretly pleased someone would go to such great lengths to get my attention.
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If you just had paid her for the pizza, she would have gone away.
 
Having been on Both sides of this arrangement I would say that life is too short to put so much effort into such a gamble.

When I was in High School I developed this Ironic crush on this girl because she was kind of a Missionary. I liked her vision for where her life was going. So I tried to be all the traits that she admired. In the end come to find out she was doing the same thing I was for someone else. After about 3 years (I know right) I became so disillusioned with her Godly boy crazy phase that I stopped trying.

Eventually I figured out that the only person who is going to live out my adventurous fantasies with me was me.

Someone mentioned Kierkegaard above and He was what introduced me to philosophy back in the day. I suppose I sympathized with his Love in his letters and his struggle with existence.
 
NodMyHeadLikeYeah said:
And how much would i have to pay to get you to go away?? :D
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You couldn't afford it...I'm talking FULL PRICE Taco Bell here, not Value Menu...No 99cent taco, I'm wanting the Grilled Stuft burrito...and there had better be steak in that bad boy.
 
NukePooch said:
You couldn't afford it...I'm talking FULL PRICE Taco Bell here, not Value Menu...No 99cent taco, I'm wanting the Grilled Stuft burrito...and there had better be steak in that bad boy.
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TACO SMELL!!! i mean couldnt you have at least picked a place thats cheap! You know i cant afford pinto beans and cheese, more or less the grilled stuffed burrito...
 
NodMyHeadLikeYeah said:
TACO SMELL!!! i mean couldnt you have at least picked a place thats cheap! You know i cant afford pinto beans and cheese, more or less the grilled stuffed burrito...
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Like I said, you can't afford me. I'm too rich for the likes of you. I'm movin' on up, to the East Side...to a Dee-luxe apartment in the sky.

I'd better hit submit before I start hollerin for 'Weezy'.
 
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fish dont fry in the kitchen beans dont burn on the grill took a whole lotta tryin just to get up that hill!!
 
I've had guys throw scripture at me for breaking up with them, but never to get my attention. That would be very bothersome to me, as my love for the Lord is such that I would never want to see the holiness of God used as a mating ploy...wow.....
 
I'll be honest and use myself as an example. I have been desiring lifelong companionship for a few years. I had to look at myself and say "Self, what character traits would make you more appealing to others?" As a christian of coarse I went to the cliched women scriptures (Proverbs 31, Ruth, Titus 2:3-5) I tried to learn more about those things and how to become more like that. In that process I asked God to begin changing me and I realized thats who I needed to be anyway, no matter if I were single or not.

So my point is many people may come to a realization at some point that in order to get the kind of person they want they have to become more "Christ like" themselves.

All of us need work. We all have areas where God is working on our hearts and changing us bit by bit. These things will make us more appealing to a mate. So we don't change in order to get a mate but if it takes the desire for a mate to get us to realize we need some tweeking then so be it.
 
thimsrebma said:
I'll be honest and use myself as an example. I have been desiring lifelong companionship for a few years. I had to look at myself and say "Self, what character traits would make you more appealing to others?" As a christian of coarse I went to the cliched women scriptures (Proverbs 31, Ruth, Titus 2:3-5) I tried to learn more about those things and how to become more like that. In that process I asked God to begin changing me and I realized thats who I needed to be anyway, no matter if I were single or not.
So my point is many people may come to a realization at some point that in order to get the kind of person they want they have to become more "Christ like" themselves.

All of us need work. We all have areas where God is working on our hearts and changing us bit by bit. These things will make us more appealing to a mate. So we don't change in order to get a mate but if it takes the desire for a mate to get us to realize we need some tweeking then so be it.
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I like this...it goes for me as well.
 
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