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X
Charged to experience--that's what i can say with my past relationship, and because of that i really learned a lot. I learned to love my self before going head over heels with a guy. I learned that my world does not turns on him and I have God, My family and friends who loves me unconditionally. I know one day the right man will come so there's no need to hurry. 
N
To neeeeeeeeever eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeever EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR NNEEEEEEEEVVVVVVVVVVVERRRRRRRRRRRRRR EEEEEEVER ................. i forgot where i was goin with this
J
Nod, you've inspired me. This is my list of never, evers I've learned from past relationships:
1. Never expect any food served on a croissant to qualify as "food" to guys, especially if said food product contains fruit. If they say they are hungry, meat is usually required;
2. Asking questions during sporting events is not recommended;
3. No matter how many holes a piece of clothing may have, DO NOT throw it away and buy something new. Some things are apparently irreplaceable;
4. No matter how long it takes them to call after they say they will, do not fail to return their calls immediately;
5. Do not buy them anything pink, period. If you buy them anything in this color family, it must be called rose or salmon or...;
6. Do not invite their mother to do anything without their knowledge. They must be given time to prepare and be in the right frame of mind for this;
7. Do not use their razor for anything;
8. If the manufacturer of any product they like (i.e., soft drink, ketchup, magarine) changes the formula thereof, do not purchase such products until his personal boycott has ended;
9. Do not even try to explain that the bright green, gold and white Celtics championship banner does not go with the decor of the room he hangs it in. If it makes him happy, let it be;
10. Do not expect him to use any shampoos, soaps, etc. that come in pink packaging. It's simply unheard of;
11. Never wash his favorite jeans or sweats unless you are accompanied by another female with a Masters Degree in "wading stuff up and putting it back exactly as you found it in the corner of the closet";
12. Do not move furniture around after he leaves to work a nightshift. It may cause him serious bodily harm upon his return if things are not where he remembered things to be;
13. Do not remove any food items from his refrigerator unless they appear to be able to walk to the disposal without assistance because he was probably "saving that";
14. If you buy your husband new undergarments, do not expect the package to be opened until you have thrown away every single old pair of underwear or t-shirt;
15. Do not expect a guy to understand the concept of using colorcharts or clothing coordination, as many of them feel that attempting to understand these things alone are grounds for the forfeiture of their man card;
16. Never discuss matters of grooming. It is assumed that you simply wake up looking like a Barbie doll like the girl who steps out of the ocean with perfect makeup and hair in the movies;
17. If your guy falls asleep during any movie or concert he went to see because YOU liked it, you must never mention this and simply appreciate the fact that he went just for you;
18. Even though questions are not permitted during sporting events, do not forget that moans, groans, long/loud sighs are permitted during any event that was YOUR idea;
19. Never expect a guy to be comfortable at any event or restaurant where a waiter will be brushing crumbs from his lap; and
20. Never leave a guy alone for extended periods with your mother. It's cruel and unusual punishment.
(I totally expect to see a testosterone version of this.)
This is my list of never, evers I've learned from past relationships:1. Never expect any food served on a croissant to qualify as "food" to guys, especially if said food product contains fruit. If they say they are hungry, meat is usually required;
2. Asking questions during sporting events is not recommended;
3. No matter how many holes a piece of clothing may have, DO NOT throw it away and buy something new. Some things are apparently irreplaceable;
4. No matter how long it takes them to call after they say they will, do not fail to return their calls immediately;
5. Do not buy them anything pink, period. If you buy them anything in this color family, it must be called rose or salmon or...;
6. Do not invite their mother to do anything without their knowledge. They must be given time to prepare and be in the right frame of mind for this;
7. Do not use their razor for anything;
8. If the manufacturer of any product they like (i.e., soft drink, ketchup, magarine) changes the formula thereof, do not purchase such products until his personal boycott has ended;
9. Do not even try to explain that the bright green, gold and white Celtics championship banner does not go with the decor of the room he hangs it in. If it makes him happy, let it be;
10. Do not expect him to use any shampoos, soaps, etc. that come in pink packaging. It's simply unheard of;
11. Never wash his favorite jeans or sweats unless you are accompanied by another female with a Masters Degree in "wading stuff up and putting it back exactly as you found it in the corner of the closet";
12. Do not move furniture around after he leaves to work a nightshift. It may cause him serious bodily harm upon his return if things are not where he remembered things to be;
13. Do not remove any food items from his refrigerator unless they appear to be able to walk to the disposal without assistance because he was probably "saving that";
14. If you buy your husband new undergarments, do not expect the package to be opened until you have thrown away every single old pair of underwear or t-shirt;
15. Do not expect a guy to understand the concept of using colorcharts or clothing coordination, as many of them feel that attempting to understand these things alone are grounds for the forfeiture of their man card;
16. Never discuss matters of grooming. It is assumed that you simply wake up looking like a Barbie doll like the girl who steps out of the ocean with perfect makeup and hair in the movies;
17. If your guy falls asleep during any movie or concert he went to see because YOU liked it, you must never mention this and simply appreciate the fact that he went just for you;
18. Even though questions are not permitted during sporting events, do not forget that moans, groans, long/loud sighs are permitted during any event that was YOUR idea;
19. Never expect a guy to be comfortable at any event or restaurant where a waiter will be brushing crumbs from his lap; and
20. Never leave a guy alone for extended periods with your mother. It's cruel and unusual punishment.
(I totally expect to see a testosterone version of this.
)
J
That's so true. If someone truly likes you, they like you in spite of your quirks and oddities. Some of these things even become a source of entertainment to them of they really like you. I would be afraid of becoming involved with anyone I viewed to be perfect, because I know that I'm definitely NOT.
I would be afraid of becoming involved with anyone I viewed to be perfect, because I know that I'm definitely NOT.
A
Nod, you've inspired me. This is my list of never, evers I've learned from past relationships:
1. Never expect any food served on a croissant to qualify as "food" to guys, especially if said food product contains fruit. If they say they are hungry, meat is usually required;
2. Asking questions during sporting events is not recommended;
3. No matter how many holes a piece of clothing may have, DO NOT throw it away and buy something new. Some things are apparently irreplaceable;
4. No matter how long it takes them to call after they say they will, do not fail to return their calls immediately;
5. Do not buy them anything pink, period. If you buy them anything in this color family, it must be called rose or salmon or...;
6. Do not invite their mother to do anything without their knowledge. They must be given time to prepare and be in the right frame of mind for this;
7. Do not use their razor for anything;
8. If the manufacturer of any product they like (i.e., soft drink, ketchup, magarine) changes the formula thereof, do not purchase such products until his personal boycott has ended;
9. Do not even try to explain that the bright green, gold and white Celtics championship banner does not go with the decor of the room he hangs it in. If it makes him happy, let it be;
10. Do not expect him to use any shampoos, soaps, etc. that come in pink packaging. It's simply unheard of;
11. Never wash his favorite jeans or sweats unless you are accompanied by another female with a Masters Degree in "wading stuff up and putting it back exactly as you found it in the corner of the closet";
12. Do not move furniture around after he leaves to work a nightshift. It may cause him serious bodily harm upon his return if things are not where he remembered things to be;
13. Do not remove any food items from his refrigerator unless they appear to be able to walk to the disposal without assistance because he was probably "saving that";
14. If you buy your husband new undergarments, do not expect the package to be opened until you have thrown away every single old pair of underwear or t-shirt;
15. Do not expect a guy to understand the concept of using colorcharts or clothing coordination, as many of them feel that attempting to understand these things alone are grounds for the forfeiture of their man card;
16. Never discuss matters of grooming. It is assumed that you simply wake up looking like a Barbie doll like the girl who steps out of the ocean with perfect makeup and hair in the movies;
17. If your guy falls asleep during any movie or concert he went to see because YOU liked it, you must never mention this and simply appreciate the fact that he went just for you;
18. Even though questions are not permitted during sporting events, do not forget that moans, groans, long/loud sighs are permitted during any event that was YOUR idea;
19. Never expect a guy to be comfortable at any event or restaurant where a waiter will be brushing crumbs from his lap; and
20. Never leave a guy alone for extended periods with your mother. It's cruel and unusual punishment.
(I totally expect to see a testosterone version of this.)
This is my list of never, evers I've learned from past relationships:1. Never expect any food served on a croissant to qualify as "food" to guys, especially if said food product contains fruit. If they say they are hungry, meat is usually required;
2. Asking questions during sporting events is not recommended;
3. No matter how many holes a piece of clothing may have, DO NOT throw it away and buy something new. Some things are apparently irreplaceable;
4. No matter how long it takes them to call after they say they will, do not fail to return their calls immediately;
5. Do not buy them anything pink, period. If you buy them anything in this color family, it must be called rose or salmon or...;
6. Do not invite their mother to do anything without their knowledge. They must be given time to prepare and be in the right frame of mind for this;
7. Do not use their razor for anything;
8. If the manufacturer of any product they like (i.e., soft drink, ketchup, magarine) changes the formula thereof, do not purchase such products until his personal boycott has ended;
9. Do not even try to explain that the bright green, gold and white Celtics championship banner does not go with the decor of the room he hangs it in. If it makes him happy, let it be;
10. Do not expect him to use any shampoos, soaps, etc. that come in pink packaging. It's simply unheard of;
11. Never wash his favorite jeans or sweats unless you are accompanied by another female with a Masters Degree in "wading stuff up and putting it back exactly as you found it in the corner of the closet";
12. Do not move furniture around after he leaves to work a nightshift. It may cause him serious bodily harm upon his return if things are not where he remembered things to be;
13. Do not remove any food items from his refrigerator unless they appear to be able to walk to the disposal without assistance because he was probably "saving that";
14. If you buy your husband new undergarments, do not expect the package to be opened until you have thrown away every single old pair of underwear or t-shirt;
15. Do not expect a guy to understand the concept of using colorcharts or clothing coordination, as many of them feel that attempting to understand these things alone are grounds for the forfeiture of their man card;
16. Never discuss matters of grooming. It is assumed that you simply wake up looking like a Barbie doll like the girl who steps out of the ocean with perfect makeup and hair in the movies;
17. If your guy falls asleep during any movie or concert he went to see because YOU liked it, you must never mention this and simply appreciate the fact that he went just for you;
18. Even though questions are not permitted during sporting events, do not forget that moans, groans, long/loud sighs are permitted during any event that was YOUR idea;
19. Never expect a guy to be comfortable at any event or restaurant where a waiter will be brushing crumbs from his lap; and
20. Never leave a guy alone for extended periods with your mother. It's cruel and unusual punishment.
(I totally expect to see a testosterone version of this.
)
Nod, you've inspired me. This is my list of never, evers I've learned from past relationships:
1. Never expect any food served on a croissant to qualify as "food" to guys, especially if said food product contains fruit. If they say they are hungry, meat is usually required;
2. Asking questions during sporting events is not recommended;
3. No matter how many holes a piece of clothing may have, DO NOT throw it away and buy something new. Some things are apparently irreplaceable;
4. No matter how long it takes them to call after they say they will, do not fail to return their calls immediately;
5. Do not buy them anything pink, period. If you buy them anything in this color family, it must be called rose or salmon or...;
6. Do not invite their mother to do anything without their knowledge. They must be given time to prepare and be in the right frame of mind for this;
7. Do not use their razor for anything;
8. If the manufacturer of any product they like (i.e., soft drink, ketchup, magarine) changes the formula thereof, do not purchase such products until his personal boycott has ended;
9. Do not even try to explain that the bright green, gold and white Celtics championship banner does not go with the decor of the room he hangs it in. If it makes him happy, let it be;
10. Do not expect him to use any shampoos, soaps, etc. that come in pink packaging. It's simply unheard of;
11. Never wash his favorite jeans or sweats unless you are accompanied by another female with a Masters Degree in "wading stuff up and putting it back exactly as you found it in the corner of the closet";
12. Do not move furniture around after he leaves to work a nightshift. It may cause him serious bodily harm upon his return if things are not where he remembered things to be;
13. Do not remove any food items from his refrigerator unless they appear to be able to walk to the disposal without assistance because he was probably "saving that";
14. If you buy your husband new undergarments, do not expect the package to be opened until you have thrown away every single old pair of underwear or t-shirt;
15. Do not expect a guy to understand the concept of using colorcharts or clothing coordination, as many of them feel that attempting to understand these things alone are grounds for the forfeiture of their man card;
16. Never discuss matters of grooming. It is assumed that you simply wake up looking like a Barbie doll like the girl who steps out of the ocean with perfect makeup and hair in the movies;
17. If your guy falls asleep during any movie or concert he went to see because YOU liked it, you must never mention this and simply appreciate the fact that he went just for you;
18. Even though questions are not permitted during sporting events, do not forget that moans, groans, long/loud sighs are permitted during any event that was YOUR idea;
19. Never expect a guy to be comfortable at any event or restaurant where a waiter will be brushing crumbs from his lap; and
20. Never leave a guy alone for extended periods with your mother. It's cruel and unusual punishment.
(I totally expect to see a testosterone version of this.)
This is my list of never, evers I've learned from past relationships:1. Never expect any food served on a croissant to qualify as "food" to guys, especially if said food product contains fruit. If they say they are hungry, meat is usually required;
2. Asking questions during sporting events is not recommended;
3. No matter how many holes a piece of clothing may have, DO NOT throw it away and buy something new. Some things are apparently irreplaceable;
4. No matter how long it takes them to call after they say they will, do not fail to return their calls immediately;
5. Do not buy them anything pink, period. If you buy them anything in this color family, it must be called rose or salmon or...;
6. Do not invite their mother to do anything without their knowledge. They must be given time to prepare and be in the right frame of mind for this;
7. Do not use their razor for anything;
8. If the manufacturer of any product they like (i.e., soft drink, ketchup, magarine) changes the formula thereof, do not purchase such products until his personal boycott has ended;
9. Do not even try to explain that the bright green, gold and white Celtics championship banner does not go with the decor of the room he hangs it in. If it makes him happy, let it be;
10. Do not expect him to use any shampoos, soaps, etc. that come in pink packaging. It's simply unheard of;
11. Never wash his favorite jeans or sweats unless you are accompanied by another female with a Masters Degree in "wading stuff up and putting it back exactly as you found it in the corner of the closet";
12. Do not move furniture around after he leaves to work a nightshift. It may cause him serious bodily harm upon his return if things are not where he remembered things to be;
13. Do not remove any food items from his refrigerator unless they appear to be able to walk to the disposal without assistance because he was probably "saving that";
14. If you buy your husband new undergarments, do not expect the package to be opened until you have thrown away every single old pair of underwear or t-shirt;
15. Do not expect a guy to understand the concept of using colorcharts or clothing coordination, as many of them feel that attempting to understand these things alone are grounds for the forfeiture of their man card;
16. Never discuss matters of grooming. It is assumed that you simply wake up looking like a Barbie doll like the girl who steps out of the ocean with perfect makeup and hair in the movies;
17. If your guy falls asleep during any movie or concert he went to see because YOU liked it, you must never mention this and simply appreciate the fact that he went just for you;
18. Even though questions are not permitted during sporting events, do not forget that moans, groans, long/loud sighs are permitted during any event that was YOUR idea;
19. Never expect a guy to be comfortable at any event or restaurant where a waiter will be brushing crumbs from his lap; and
20. Never leave a guy alone for extended periods with your mother. It's cruel and unusual punishment.
(I totally expect to see a testosterone version of this.
)
1. If you as a man are going to cook for a woman, expect peeking, funny looks and strange stares at the fact that you may understand more than just how to work a microwave.
2. Tiffany's, or any Jewelry store is a place that is sacred to women
3.no matter how ridiculous it may seem for her to wear painful looking shoes, tennis shoes are never a viable alternative, suggesting such, is asking for trouble.
4. Never compare her to her mother, this is relationship sabotage.
5. Always remember dates, first kiss, first date, first time at the beach, birthday, anniversary etc. Forgetting is the fastest way to the dog house.
6. Never leave her alone with you baby pictures and your mother, there are some things best kept in secret.
7. Do not question the vast assortment of inks, powders, pastes, lotions, sticks, mini-brushes and whatever else that litters every possible surface of the bathroom.
8. Ask about everything you use before you buy it. That banana and those Nike's might have just killed 10 children in South America.
9. Insist on driving for both of your safety, to you its a car but to her its an extension of her bedroom/bathroom/office/dining room or other place that multitasking is acceptable.
10. She is going to throw out your 4-in-one bottle of Shampoo, Conditioner, Bodywash and Shaving cream. This is inevitable, so pick things out that come it different bottles.
11. Never wash her bras or other unmentionables. No matter how many years you have been doing laundry, nothing will prepare you for this.
12. No matter how economic it might sound in the long run, never buy artificial flowers.
13. Contrary to what you learned in Dietary science, Chocolate is in fact one of the four food groups.
14. Save the tag and receipt for any clothing that you buy her, because its never going to be exactly the right size.
15. Don't bother trying to figure out why packing ALL of her clothes for a weekend trip is ok. Just pack less for yourself so that you can fit more of whatever is in those bags she is bringing.
16. Always let her use the bathroom first. There is nothing that can possibly go right if she uses the bathroom after you.
17. Don't forget to compliment her whenever she appears in a new piece of purchased clothing, failure to validate this successful shopping effort may lead to the doghouse.
18. No matter what she cooks, even if it kills you, eat it with a smile.
19. Give considerable thought to whatever answer is to be given concerning the dimensions of her body, or when she asks what you think of another womans body. This may save you life.
20. Always be honest about what are thinking, she may eventually quit asking.
N
Well then, allow me to retort.
Nod, you've inspired me. This is my list of never, evers I've learned from past relationships:
1. Never expect any food served on a croissant to qualify as "food" to guys, especially if said food product contains fruit. If they say they are hungry, meat is usually required; A croissant might be allowed in the 'food' group, assuming the guy has been provided with 50 or more of them.
2. Asking questions during sporting events is not recommended; But is acceptable if the question is directly related to the actual sport taking place. A question about what the players are wearing is NOT acceptable. Note, a proper question will be allowed, but questions are not.
3. No matter how many holes a piece of clothing may have, DO NOT throw it away and buy something new. Some things are apparently irreplaceable; And your problem with that is?
4. No matter how long it takes them to call after they say they will, do not fail to return their calls immediately; or we will whine incessantly.
5. Do not buy them anything pink, period. If you buy them anything in this color family, it must be called rose or salmon or...; Nope. If it's not in the SMALL box of crayons, guys do not recognize it as a color. You have eight colors, red, yellow, green, blue, brown, black, orange and purple. Anything worth wearing will be one of these.
6. Do not invite their mother to do anything without their knowledge. They must be given time to prepare and be in the right frame of mind for this; Except for those of us who like our mothers. However, mother in law? See #20.
7. Do not use their razor for anything; I don't know from experience, but apparently, one swath of one leg shaved will result in the razor cutting into a man's jugular vein like a hot knife through butter.
8. If the manufacturer of any product they like (i.e., soft drink, ketchup, magarine) changes the formula thereof, do not purchase such products until his personal boycott has ended; Stupid Kroger English Toffee ice cream. New and improved? Yeah, right.
9. Do not even try to explain that the bright green, gold and white Celtics championship banner does not go with the decor of the room he hangs it in. If it makes him happy, let it be; Um...'decor'?
10. Do not expect him to use any shampoos, soaps, etc. that come in pink packaging. It's simply unheard of; This requirement is waived if the offending product is used in a 'manly' way, i.e. smushing a bug with your shampoo bottle.
11. Never wash his favorite jeans or sweats unless you are accompanied by another female with a Masters Degree in "wading stuff up and putting it back exactly as you found it in the corner of the closet"; Don't bother. You still won't get it right.
12. Do not move furniture around after he leaves to work a nightshift. It may cause him serious bodily harm upon his return if things are not where he remembered things to be; And never leave your Legos on the stairs for your dad to find at 3AM when he goes to work.
13. Do not remove any food items from his refrigerator unless they appear to be able to walk to the disposal without assistance because he was probably "saving that"; Gotta disagree here. I love leftovers.
14. If you buy your husband new undergarments, do not expect the package to be opened until you have thrown away every single old pair of underwear or t-shirt; New underwear is only to be worn to classy, upscale events. Since a guy generally avoids classy and upscale, the package stays closed.
15. Do not expect a guy to understand the concept of using colorcharts or clothing coordination, as many of them feel that attempting to understand these things alone are grounds for the forfeiture of their man card; Tip for the ladies: This is EASILY solved by buying clothes that are impossible to mess up. Jeans and t-shirts. Remember. Eight colors. EIGHT.
16. Never discuss matters of grooming. It is assumed that you simply wake up looking like a Barbie doll like the girl who steps out of the ocean with perfect makeup and hair in the movies; ...ignoring the continued request that no, honey, you don't need to put your face on before I see you. Please just relax...
17. If your guy falls asleep during any movie or concert he went to see because YOU liked it, you must never mention this and simply appreciate the fact that he went just for you; It's the only way to watch Julia Roberts...through my eyelids.
18. Even though questions are not permitted during sporting events, do not forget that moans, groans, long/loud sighs are permitted during any event that was YOUR idea; ...also burps and other rude noises, and telling everyone within earshot that you are there under protest.
19. Never expect a guy to be comfortable at any event or restaurant where a waiter will be brushing crumbs from his lap; and See #14.
20. Never leave a guy alone for extended periods with your mother. It's cruel and unusual punishment.
Unless she can cook.
(I totally expect to see a testosterone version of this.)
This is my list of never, evers I've learned from past relationships:1. Never expect any food served on a croissant to qualify as "food" to guys, especially if said food product contains fruit. If they say they are hungry, meat is usually required; A croissant might be allowed in the 'food' group, assuming the guy has been provided with 50 or more of them.
2. Asking questions during sporting events is not recommended; But is acceptable if the question is directly related to the actual sport taking place. A question about what the players are wearing is NOT acceptable. Note, a proper question will be allowed, but questions are not.
3. No matter how many holes a piece of clothing may have, DO NOT throw it away and buy something new. Some things are apparently irreplaceable; And your problem with that is?
4. No matter how long it takes them to call after they say they will, do not fail to return their calls immediately; or we will whine incessantly.
5. Do not buy them anything pink, period. If you buy them anything in this color family, it must be called rose or salmon or...; Nope. If it's not in the SMALL box of crayons, guys do not recognize it as a color. You have eight colors, red, yellow, green, blue, brown, black, orange and purple. Anything worth wearing will be one of these.
6. Do not invite their mother to do anything without their knowledge. They must be given time to prepare and be in the right frame of mind for this; Except for those of us who like our mothers. However, mother in law? See #20.
7. Do not use their razor for anything; I don't know from experience, but apparently, one swath of one leg shaved will result in the razor cutting into a man's jugular vein like a hot knife through butter.
8. If the manufacturer of any product they like (i.e., soft drink, ketchup, magarine) changes the formula thereof, do not purchase such products until his personal boycott has ended; Stupid Kroger English Toffee ice cream. New and improved? Yeah, right.
9. Do not even try to explain that the bright green, gold and white Celtics championship banner does not go with the decor of the room he hangs it in. If it makes him happy, let it be; Um...'decor'?
10. Do not expect him to use any shampoos, soaps, etc. that come in pink packaging. It's simply unheard of; This requirement is waived if the offending product is used in a 'manly' way, i.e. smushing a bug with your shampoo bottle.
11. Never wash his favorite jeans or sweats unless you are accompanied by another female with a Masters Degree in "wading stuff up and putting it back exactly as you found it in the corner of the closet"; Don't bother. You still won't get it right.
12. Do not move furniture around after he leaves to work a nightshift. It may cause him serious bodily harm upon his return if things are not where he remembered things to be; And never leave your Legos on the stairs for your dad to find at 3AM when he goes to work.
13. Do not remove any food items from his refrigerator unless they appear to be able to walk to the disposal without assistance because he was probably "saving that"; Gotta disagree here. I love leftovers.
14. If you buy your husband new undergarments, do not expect the package to be opened until you have thrown away every single old pair of underwear or t-shirt; New underwear is only to be worn to classy, upscale events. Since a guy generally avoids classy and upscale, the package stays closed.
15. Do not expect a guy to understand the concept of using colorcharts or clothing coordination, as many of them feel that attempting to understand these things alone are grounds for the forfeiture of their man card; Tip for the ladies: This is EASILY solved by buying clothes that are impossible to mess up. Jeans and t-shirts. Remember. Eight colors. EIGHT.
16. Never discuss matters of grooming. It is assumed that you simply wake up looking like a Barbie doll like the girl who steps out of the ocean with perfect makeup and hair in the movies; ...ignoring the continued request that no, honey, you don't need to put your face on before I see you. Please just relax...
17. If your guy falls asleep during any movie or concert he went to see because YOU liked it, you must never mention this and simply appreciate the fact that he went just for you; It's the only way to watch Julia Roberts...through my eyelids.
18. Even though questions are not permitted during sporting events, do not forget that moans, groans, long/loud sighs are permitted during any event that was YOUR idea; ...also burps and other rude noises, and telling everyone within earshot that you are there under protest.
19. Never expect a guy to be comfortable at any event or restaurant where a waiter will be brushing crumbs from his lap; and See #14.
20. Never leave a guy alone for extended periods with your mother. It's cruel and unusual punishment.
Unless she can cook.
(I totally expect to see a testosterone version of this.
)
1
A testosterone version of Jullianna's list???? Hmmm...
1. When she asks what we're doing tonight, what she really means is guess what she wants to do. Failure to guess it, will result in her indirectly hinting at it, and then directly saying what she wants to do. So be a good guesser to save all the difficulty.
2. If she was not born after the1980's she may not realize that while shopping for men's pants with you, that you hold the pants up near your waist, not above your waist when you're getting a look see to see if they may fit. In other words, go to walmart alone and get your own pants.
3. If you're watching a sporting event together and she's cheering loudly, wearing a jersey and looking at you from time to time as she does it, she's making sure you realize how cute she is as she gets all in to it. She's really not a sports fan. Really. She isn't.
4. There is no such thing as a decorative bottle of Olive Oil. I don't care how antiquie or well made it looks. It can't sit on the counter by the coffee maker. She'll view it as an eye sore and put it in the cupboard.
5. When she's mad at you for longer than it seems she should be mad at you, chances are she's not really mad at you, she's just making a point of it, so you'll get the point to NEVER do whatever made her mad at you in the first place, ever again. Or she's just holding out for roses and chocolate.
6. If she's in the kitchen opening drawers and cabinets quicker and louder than normal, chances are she isn't taking inventory of the silverware and plates. She's probably mad at you. So turn off the game before she breaks a dish.
7. The handle of your screw driver does make a good hammer. This can't be argued or debated. You think a loofa makes a good back scratcher and she thinks screwdriver handles make good hammers. This brings balance to the universe. Don't mess with it.
8. Just put the toilet seat down. Yes she's a 21st century woman who can hold down a job, drive a car and make you cook for her. This isn't about her ability to not put a toilet seat down. Rather it's about a narcissistic female trait that wants to know that you're thinking about her, even while you're flushing the toilet and holding your nose.
1. When she asks what we're doing tonight, what she really means is guess what she wants to do. Failure to guess it, will result in her indirectly hinting at it, and then directly saying what she wants to do. So be a good guesser to save all the difficulty.
2. If she was not born after the1980's she may not realize that while shopping for men's pants with you, that you hold the pants up near your waist, not above your waist when you're getting a look see to see if they may fit. In other words, go to walmart alone and get your own pants.
3. If you're watching a sporting event together and she's cheering loudly, wearing a jersey and looking at you from time to time as she does it, she's making sure you realize how cute she is as she gets all in to it. She's really not a sports fan. Really. She isn't.
4. There is no such thing as a decorative bottle of Olive Oil. I don't care how antiquie or well made it looks. It can't sit on the counter by the coffee maker. She'll view it as an eye sore and put it in the cupboard.
5. When she's mad at you for longer than it seems she should be mad at you, chances are she's not really mad at you, she's just making a point of it, so you'll get the point to NEVER do whatever made her mad at you in the first place, ever again. Or she's just holding out for roses and chocolate.
6. If she's in the kitchen opening drawers and cabinets quicker and louder than normal, chances are she isn't taking inventory of the silverware and plates. She's probably mad at you. So turn off the game before she breaks a dish.
7. The handle of your screw driver does make a good hammer. This can't be argued or debated. You think a loofa makes a good back scratcher and she thinks screwdriver handles make good hammers. This brings balance to the universe. Don't mess with it.
8. Just put the toilet seat down. Yes she's a 21st century woman who can hold down a job, drive a car and make you cook for her. This isn't about her ability to not put a toilet seat down. Rather it's about a narcissistic female trait that wants to know that you're thinking about her, even while you're flushing the toilet and holding your nose.
N
2. If she was not born after the1980's she may not realize that while shopping for men's pants with you, that you hold the pants up near your waist, not above your waist when you're getting a look see to see if they may fit. In other words, go to walmart alone and get your own pants. Of course, since 2000 or so, now you're supposed to hold the pants no higher than your knees to see if they fit. Remember to wear clean boxers.
7. The handle of your screw driver does make a good hammer. This can't be argued or debated. You think a loofa makes a good back scratcher and she thinks screwdriver handles make good hammers. This brings balance to the universe. Don't mess with it. This is a good one.
8. Just put the toilet seat down. Yes she's a 21st century woman who can hold down a job, drive a car and make you cook for her. This isn't about her ability to not put a toilet seat down. Rather it's about a narcissistic female trait that wants to know that you're thinking about her, even while you're flushing the toilet and holding your nose. I'll put the toilet seat down after I'm finished when she puts it up after she's finished. Fair is fair.
7. The handle of your screw driver does make a good hammer. This can't be argued or debated. You think a loofa makes a good back scratcher and she thinks screwdriver handles make good hammers. This brings balance to the universe. Don't mess with it. This is a good one.
8. Just put the toilet seat down. Yes she's a 21st century woman who can hold down a job, drive a car and make you cook for her. This isn't about her ability to not put a toilet seat down. Rather it's about a narcissistic female trait that wants to know that you're thinking about her, even while you're flushing the toilet and holding your nose. I'll put the toilet seat down after I'm finished when she puts it up after she's finished. Fair is fair.
ANY woman, holding pants up to ANY grown man to see if they will fit is just wrong on many levels. I honestly do not know who has the bigger issue here, the guy or the girl.
Go try them on in the fitting room like any other regular adult. The only time pants should ever be held up to anyones body, is in the under 12 crowd. (or your own body...never should another adult do that for you. CREEPY!)
Go try them on in the fitting room like any other regular adult. The only time pants should ever be held up to anyones body, is in the under 12 crowd. (or your own body...never should another adult do that for you. CREEPY!)
J
A testosterone version of Jullianna's list???? Hmmm...
1. When she asks what we're doing tonight, what she really means is guess what she wants to do. Failure to guess it, will result in her indirectly hinting at it, and then directly saying what she wants to do. So be a good guesser to save all the difficulty. When he asks you where you want to eat, he doesn't really mean it, so (to avoid the deep sighs during the meal) ask him what he's hungry for, pick somewhere that item is served/you know he likes and eat a salad. NOTE: If you know he'll order a food item that will require ketchup, check the bottle to see if it's full before you sit down or switch it with a full one from the next table so you don't have to listen to those squeeky squirty noises that mean to MOST people that the bottle is empty.
2. If she was not born after the1980's she may not realize that while shopping for men's pants with you, that you hold the pants up near your waist, not above your waist when you're getting a look see to see if they may fit. In other words, go to walmart alone and get your own pants. I'm amazed and astounded. I've never known a guy who knew what size pants he wore. At least you know the waist doesn't hang so low that your boxers hang out. Who thought THAT was a good idea???
3. If you're watching a sporting event together and she's cheering loudly, wearing a jersey and looking at you from time to time as she does it, she's making sure you realize how cute she is as she gets all in to it. She's really not a sports fan. Really. She isn't. But if she punches the guy in front of you who keeps blocking her view while repeatedly smacking her in the head with his fan finger or his stinky sweaty swirling fan towel, you know she IS a fan.
4. There is no such thing as a decorative bottle of Olive Oil. I don't care how antiquie or well made it looks. It can't sit on the counter by the coffee maker. She'll view it as an eye sore and put it in the cupboard. Speaking of things on the counter...can we talk about toaster crumbs?????
5. When she's mad at you for longer than it seems she should be mad at you, chances are she's not really mad at you, she's just making a point of it, so you'll get the point to NEVER do whatever made her mad at you in the first place, ever again. Or she's just holding out for roses and chocolate. But if she goes into the bedroom and slams the door, don't go in there. That's where the guns are kept.
6. If she's in the kitchen opening drawers and cabinets quicker and louder than normal, chances are she isn't taking inventory of the silverware and plates. She's probably mad at you. So turn off the game before she breaks a dish. Okay...you can have this one.
7. The handle of your screw driver does make a good hammer. This can't be argued or debated. You think a loofa makes a good back scratcher and she thinks screwdriver handles make good hammers. This brings balance to the universe. Don't mess with it. The heel of a shoe and the back of a hairbrush are also good hammers.
8. Just put the toilet seat down. Yes she's a 21st century woman who can hold down a job, drive a car and make you cook for her. This isn't about her ability to not put a toilet seat down. Rather it's about a narcissistic female trait that wants to know that you're thinking about her, even while you're flushing the toilet and holding your nose.
1. When she asks what we're doing tonight, what she really means is guess what she wants to do. Failure to guess it, will result in her indirectly hinting at it, and then directly saying what she wants to do. So be a good guesser to save all the difficulty. When he asks you where you want to eat, he doesn't really mean it, so (to avoid the deep sighs during the meal) ask him what he's hungry for, pick somewhere that item is served/you know he likes and eat a salad. NOTE: If you know he'll order a food item that will require ketchup, check the bottle to see if it's full before you sit down or switch it with a full one from the next table so you don't have to listen to those squeeky squirty noises that mean to MOST people that the bottle is empty.
2. If she was not born after the1980's she may not realize that while shopping for men's pants with you, that you hold the pants up near your waist, not above your waist when you're getting a look see to see if they may fit. In other words, go to walmart alone and get your own pants. I'm amazed and astounded. I've never known a guy who knew what size pants he wore.
At least you know the waist doesn't hang so low that your boxers hang out. Who thought THAT was a good idea???3. If you're watching a sporting event together and she's cheering loudly, wearing a jersey and looking at you from time to time as she does it, she's making sure you realize how cute she is as she gets all in to it. She's really not a sports fan. Really. She isn't. But if she punches the guy in front of you who keeps blocking her view while repeatedly smacking her in the head with his fan finger or his stinky sweaty swirling fan towel, you know she IS a fan.
4. There is no such thing as a decorative bottle of Olive Oil. I don't care how antiquie or well made it looks. It can't sit on the counter by the coffee maker. She'll view it as an eye sore and put it in the cupboard. Speaking of things on the counter...can we talk about toaster crumbs?????
5. When she's mad at you for longer than it seems she should be mad at you, chances are she's not really mad at you, she's just making a point of it, so you'll get the point to NEVER do whatever made her mad at you in the first place, ever again. Or she's just holding out for roses and chocolate. But if she goes into the bedroom and slams the door, don't go in there. That's where the guns are kept.
6. If she's in the kitchen opening drawers and cabinets quicker and louder than normal, chances are she isn't taking inventory of the silverware and plates. She's probably mad at you. So turn off the game before she breaks a dish. Okay...you can have this one.
7. The handle of your screw driver does make a good hammer. This can't be argued or debated. You think a loofa makes a good back scratcher and she thinks screwdriver handles make good hammers. This brings balance to the universe. Don't mess with it. The heel of a shoe and the back of a hairbrush are also good hammers.
8. Just put the toilet seat down. Yes she's a 21st century woman who can hold down a job, drive a car and make you cook for her. This isn't about her ability to not put a toilet seat down. Rather it's about a narcissistic female trait that wants to know that you're thinking about her, even while you're flushing the toilet and holding your nose.