I met A single mom on Tinder who just started going to a Born Again church for 4 months.

[morefaithrequired]

thank you... I actually had it guided using Grammarly. Being a content writer and SEO has its perks ^_^

a writer by trade then? I should have guessed....

 

[blue_ladybug]

Sorry, my thoughts are.....RUN!!!! Sounds like a “narcissist”!!!! RUN AS FAST AS YOU CAN AWAY FROM THAT PERSON!!!!

I agree. She's a train wreck in progress. Get out while you can.. And I don't know of ANY Christian who would use Tinder to find a mate.

 

[MegMarch]

Hi Venn,

Awe. You seem like such a sweet guy. I just hope she treats you respectfully as her previous texts to you were not. If she doesn’t recognize her part in that, I would caution you that it may not get better if together. Blessings on you and your relationships!

 

[Venn]

I agree. She's a train wreck in progress. Get out while you can.. And I don't know of ANY Christian who would use Tinder to find a mate.

Really? I sometimes find them like the single mom... usually in their meta descriptions they post is Bible verses or quotes about God or Jesus. I do ask them afterwards "hello are you a Christian?" and they respond "Yes". Some are even active church youth leaders too.

 

[morefaithrequired]

Some of my best ex friends are/were narcissists. We couldn't provide each other enough narcissistic supply. No one was really listening.

 

[Venn]

Some of my best ex friends are/were narcissists. We couldn't provide each other enough narcissistic supply. No one was really listening.

that's sad to hear actually I hope they get treatment for that

 

[morefaithrequired]

that's sad to hear actually I hope they get treatment for that

sorry my humour is weird. I meant that I'm a narcissist as well. that's why we couldn't communicate.

 

[Venn]

Hi Venn,

Awe. You seem like such a sweet guy. I just hope she treats you respectfully as her previous texts to you were not. If she doesn’t recognize her part in that, I would caution you that it may not get better if together. Blessings on you and your relationships!

Hopefully, though she is okay with my writing and that we will reconcile soon enough. I kinda feel ghosted after all that's happened. I have Grammarly to thank for my writing too. I just change some words described in the text and tells me if it sounds sweet enough and readability. Looks like it doesn't disappoint

sorry my humour is weird. I meant that I'm a narcissist as well. that's why we couldn't communicate.

oh hahaha! now I get it.

 

[Venn]

DOUBLE POST: I just came back after prayer meeting I was wondering if it will be alright if I will text her about what our topics were about, usually we have Wednesdays for Prayer Meeting, Friday for Youth Bible Study, Saturday for Youth Fellowship and Sunday for the Mass. I plan to text/chat her the topics or what we've learned and how to apply it and send it like it's an advertisment or an email... not as a message.

 

[LittleMermaid]

DOUBLE POST: I just came back after prayer meeting I was wondering if it will be alright if I will text her about what our topics were about, usually we have Wednesdays for Prayer Meeting, Friday for Youth Bible Study, Saturday for Youth Fellowship and Sunday for the Mass. I plan to text/chat her the topics or what we've learned and how to apply it and send it like it's an advertisment or an email... not as a message.

Did you send her the letter you wrote today?

 

[cinder]

DOUBLE POST: I just came back after prayer meeting I was wondering if it will be alright if I will text her about what our topics were about, usually we have Wednesdays for Prayer Meeting, Friday for Youth Bible Study, Saturday for Youth Fellowship and Sunday for the Mass. I plan to text/chat her the topics or what we've learned and how to apply it and send it like it's an advertisment or an email... not as a message.

My impression is that she made it pretty clear she wants some space. OR rather my impression was she either wanted space or wanted a real boyfriend. But it's pretty clear she doesn't want constant contact like you've been doing because well quite honestly that can be confusing for a girl and being a single mom is stressful enough that she doesn't need the added distraction of a man who is not a boyfriend but trying to be part of her life like one but hasn't made any commitments or declarations of intent.

It also sounds like she expects to be rejected and has a flair for the dramatic. Realistically things probably will change after you meet someone (especially a potential romantic partner) from online in real life, but it's not going to be because someone finds out she's a single parent. You already know that and you already know how your parents are likely to react to you seeing someone in such a life situation if things progress that far. But there are a thousand other reasons why spending real life time with her might make one of you less keen on spending more time together online, and often it's easier to tell yourself a false story (it's because I'm a single parent, or too shy or too introverted or because of some past mistake) about why you're being rejected than to admit your own mistakes and issues that you can do something about. That she starts out basically saying she expects to be rejected for being a single mom (and the whole it was terrible but I'm willing to go through all that again is rather manipulative as well, making your treatment of her responsible for her emotional state) should be a red flag, if only because she's probably going to interpret any criticism at all as rejection.

So your options are either write this off for good and chalk it up to experience, or if you think there's something so special about this girl that you're willing to risk years of walking on eggshells to avoid dramatic outbursts and a lot of stress from walking alongside someone through a healing process, then I'd give her a couple weeks of no initiating contact and then send a very brief innocuous message about hope you have a happy thanksgiving to see if the door's still open at all. (Of course I also have almost no romantic sensibilities so any advice you get from me is pure theory based on no experience)

 

[Magenta]

DOUBLE POST: I just came back after prayer meeting I was wondering if it will be alright if I will text her about what our topics were about, usually we have Wednesdays for Prayer Meeting, Friday for Youth Bible Study, Saturday for Youth Fellowship and Sunday for the Mass. I plan to text/chat her the topics or what we've learned and how to apply it and send it like it's an advertisment or an email... not as a message.

I would not contact her at all, as she has made quite clear the fact that she is pushing you away. I think she is probably scared, which is no fault of your own. My suggestion would be to give her the space she has requested, and IF she contacts you, proceed very carefully, so that you do not allow your hopes of being in a relationship cloud the issue of her erratic behavior.

 

[Venn]

My impression is that she made it pretty clear she wants some space. OR rather my impression was she either wanted space or wanted a real boyfriend. But it's pretty clear she doesn't want constant contact like you've been doing because well quite honestly that can be confusing for a girl and being a single mom is stressful enough that she doesn't need the added distraction of a man who is not a boyfriend but trying to be part of her life like one but hasn't made any commitments or declarations of intent.

It also sounds like she expects to be rejected and has a flair for the dramatic. Realistically things probably will change after you meet someone (especially a potential romantic partner) from online in real life, but it's not going to be because someone finds out she's a single parent. You already know that and you already know how your parents are likely to react to you seeing someone in such a life situation if things progress that far. But there are a thousand other reasons why spending real life time with her might make one of you less keen on spending more time together online, and often it's easier to tell yourself a false story (it's because I'm a single parent, or too shy or too introverted or because of some past mistake) about why you're being rejected than to admit your own mistakes and issues that you can do something about. That she starts out basically saying she expects to be rejected for being a single mom (and the whole it was terrible but I'm willing to go through all that again is rather manipulative as well, making your treatment of her responsible for her emotional state) should be a red flag, if only because she's probably going to interpret any criticism at all as rejection.

So your options are either write this off for good and chalk it up to experience, or if you think there's something so special about this girl that you're willing to risk years of walking on eggshells to avoid dramatic outbursts and a lot of stress from walking alongside someone through a healing process, then I'd give her a couple weeks of no initiating contact and then send a very brief innocuous message about hope you have a happy thanksgiving to see if the door's still open at all. (Of course I also have almost no romantic sensibilities so any advice you get from me is pure theory based on no experience)

I did promise her that I would sing for her daughter about the 10000 reasons song someday.. maybe plan to sing for hee this december 8 since it is her daughters birthday.

 

[Venn]

Did you send her the letter you wrote today?

Yes I did... Dont know if she read it or not

 

[tourist]

You really don't have to settle for 'better than nothing".

 

[Butterflyyy]

I think it is always wise to meet up with someone-(in safe place and maybe not on your own) but sooner rather than later or you end up forming a bond and establishing a relationship with someone who you may not be attracted to or vice versa.
I reckon she is just wanting to keep you there as she is lonely, but she is not attracted to you in any other way than as a friend....
I don't think the way she conveyed that to you was right either. Beware of being used.
I think she needs to seek help in her Church.

 

[Venn]

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Hello guys. So I tried to contact her last night and she told me not to call me as it is the best that we don't call. Then I told her that I loved her and asked if she feels the same way. She told me:

"No. I don't feel the same way anymore. Maybe before but not really that intimate. All of that was gone after I figured it out that you were acting like my ex. At least my ex was acting like that AFTER we were together. You, on the other hand, were acting like that when we were friends."

A searing pain I felt in my heart and then asked her if it was after the meeting.

"No after the meeting, that was it."

And then I thanked her for the time, told her that our meeting was not an accident, still thanked her for the time she had given me. Basically a long list of thank-yous and then not getting even one reply after that.

The next day (today) I discovered that there is a church near our area because she did look for a church somewhere near her area every time she goes back home. And just replied with a short text:

"thank you for telling".

I still have a long list of bucket list to give her after it... back then she requested me to sing her daughter's favorite song this December 21 and her own birthday this January 8.

 

[Magenta]

Hi Venn. Thanks for opening and sharing your testimony. I commend you for being honest and vulnerable on here.

There are some really good advice and discernment that have been given in this thread already, I just want to encourage you to trust in the Lord (Proverbs 3: 5-6) things don’t work out for a reason and perhaps this will be a good time for her to draw closer to God - obviously being a single mother or father is a hard role but clearly she has a few things she needs to let go of and let God.

I wish you all the best.

Proverbs 3: 5-6

 

[Mel85]

Proverbs 3: 5-6

Amen sister!!

 

[cinder]

Hello guys. So I tried to contact her last night and she told me not to call me as it is the best that we don't call. Then I told her that I loved her and asked if she feels the same way. She told me:

"No. I don't feel the same way anymore. Maybe before but not really that intimate. All of that was gone after I figured it out that you were acting like my ex. At least my ex was acting like that AFTER we were together. You, on the other hand, were acting like that when we were friends."

A searing pain I felt in my heart and then asked her if it was after the meeting.

"No after the meeting, that was it."

And then I thanked her for the time, told her that our meeting was not an accident, still thanked her for the time she had given me. Basically a long list of thank-yous and then not getting even one reply after that.

The next day (today) I discovered that there is a church near our area because she did look for a church somewhere near her area every time she goes back home. And just replied with a short text:

"thank you for telling".

I still have a long list of bucket list to give her after it... back then she requested me to sing her daughter's favorite song this December 21 and her own birthday this January 8.

What part of no and don't call are you having a hard time understanding?