Would you consider a woman in her 20s twice divorced

[MegMarch]

I'm so sorry for the pain this situation must have caused you and still is. I was divorced 2 years before I became a believer. I have been single now for almost 8 years. My ex-husband was also an unbeliever when we were married and has since disappeared.

I went through a lengthy process of discerning if it was Biblical for me to get remarried. There are many differing and divisive views on the topic. I noticed that many of the people who will tell you that you may not marry again until your ex-husband dies have never gone through a divorce and hold legalistic views.

However, this is besides my main point. God led me to a place of a clear conscience of remarrying if I am equally yoked with the person. This was through several years of discerning and considering all views on the interpretation of the scriptures.

I will link some sites that helped me in this process, but ultimately it was God who gave me clarity about the possibility of remarriage if he wills it. And if he does eventually, I have full confidence I will know it is his will and experience peace about it.

https://www.focusonthefamily.com/marriage/how-should-a-christian-view-marriage-and-divorce/

https://www.gty.org/library/articles/A377/common-questions-regarding-divorce-and-remarriage

 

[selfdissolving]

Hello self dissolving, thank you for your input

What would you do in my situation?

How can I influence his transformation

do you believe as a Roman Catholic that these thoughts are somewhere in his mind too?

If i was in your situation I would attempt to reconcile with him if and when it was safe to do so.

In the meantime i would pray for him often and if i was still in contact, attempt to minister to him.

Not sure if these thoughts would be in his mind as a Catholic, but knowing he was Catholic, i would preach the gospel to him.

You are doing a good thing by asking for biblical guidance. The Word of God never fails to lead you down the right path.

I would also pray for contentment with where you are in life right now. God is able to make you content in all things.

 

[Court_11]

1 Corinthians 7:8 ►

New International Version
Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I do.

New Living Translation
So I say to those who aren't married and to widows--it's better to stay unmarried, just as I am.

English Standard Version
To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single, as I am.

Berean Study Bible
Now to the unmarried and widows I say this: It is good for them to remain unmarried, as I am.

Berean Literal Bible
Now I say to the unmarried and to the widows, it is good for them if they should remain as even I.

New American Standard Bible
But I say to the unmarried and to widows that it is good for them if they remain even as I.

King James Bible
I say therefore to the unmarried and widows, It is good for them if they abide even as I.​

1 Corinthians 7:9 ►

New International Version
But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.

New Living Translation
But if they can't control themselves, they should go ahead and marry. It's better to marry than to burn with lust.

English Standard Version
But if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.

Berean Study Bible
But if they cannot control themselves, let them marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.

Berean Literal Bible
But if they do not have self-control, let them marry; for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.

New American Standard Bible
But if they do not have self-control, let them marry; for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.

King James Bible
But if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn.





22. agamos ►
Strong's Concordance​

agamos: unmarried

Original Word: ἄγαμος, οῦ, ὁ, ἡ
Part of Speech: Noun, Feminine; Noun, Masculine
Transliteration: agamos
Phonetic Spelling: (ag'-am-os)
Short Definition: unmarried
Definition: unmarried, of a person not in a state of wedlock, whether he or she has formerly been married or not.​

The word for virgin would have been used if paul wanted to say "never married"...


If you are married to a non believer when you become a Christian, you are to be an example and do your best to keep the marriage. If the unbelieving abandons you, you are not in bondage to them.


If you become a Christian as an unmarried person having been divorced or never been married, It is better to marry than to let your desires effect your walk.


The reason God hates divorce is because He created marriage and it is supposed to reflect our relationship to Him with us as the bride. Divorce was given to man (the jews) by Moses with permission, but it does not change the fact marriage is supposed to be forever.

God used Hosea and an unfaithful (to say the least) woman as an example of Him to His people to show us how faithful one should be in marriage...


This does not make divorce some sin which would remove you as His born again child or goes beyond His forgiveness if we made bad choices in our actions or who we chose to become one flesh with...


Remarriage is a completely separate issue from divorce, though it still does not separate us from the love of God.


May I suggest, if you don't mind... continue to pray about this... give this more time

Dive into Gods word and grow as His daughter....

If a time comes where you are blessed with a man good for marriage, you will be as ready as you can be to be a lovely wife to him....

(not suggesting you are immature or do not study already... I pray you see exactly what He wants you to see when He wants you to see it)

Hello OneofHis,

Thank you for your detailed response. In my case, I was a virgin when I married this man and no longer am because the marriage was consummated, but because I gave that to him I feel as if I am so much more vested than he ever was. I am not burning with any sort of passion and could wait indefinitely in celibacy as I had for the first 20 years of my life but I just don’t know where to go from here.

The only reason I gave him second consideration is from the original view that after the first marriage we were forever bound and that I had to return to him if i were ever lonely. But I never asked anyone for advice about these thoughts

I do not NEED to be with anyone because I cannot abstain but I know it is not right to have this strange unfinished business in gods eyes even if we are legally unbeholden to one another.

 

[selfdissolving]

I'm so sorry for the pain this situation must have caused you and still is. I was divorced 2 years before I became a believer. I have been single now for almost 8 years. My ex-husband was also an unbeliever when we were married and has since disappeared.

I went through a lengthy process of discerning if it was Biblical for me to get remarried. There are many differing and divisive views on the topic. I noticed that many of the people who will tell you that you may not marry again until your ex-husband dies have never gone through a divorce and hold legalistic views.

However, this is besides my main point. God led me to a place of a clear conscience of remarrying if I am equally yoked with the person. This was through several years of discerning and considering all views on the interpretation of the scriptures.

I will link some sites that helped me in this process, but ultimately it was God who gave me clarity about the possibility of remarriage if he wills it. And if he does eventually, I have full confidence I will know it is his will and experience peace about it.

https://www.focusonthefamily.com/marriage/how-should-a-christian-view-marriage-and-divorce/

https://www.gty.org/library/articles/A377/common-questions-regarding-divorce-and-remarriage

it doesn't take years of discerning to figure out that the Bible says it's not his will.

it's actually really clear. it's just a really hard pill to swallow.

seeking differing "interpretations" to something like this sounds like twisting Scripture to me!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[OneOfHis]

Hello OneofHis,

Thank you for your detailed response. In my case, I was a virgin when I married this man and no longer am because the marriage was consummated, but because I gave that to him I feel as if I am so much more vested than he ever was. I am not burning with any sort of passion and could wait indefinitely in celibacy as I had for the first 20 years of my life but I just don’t know where to go from here.

The only reason I gave him second consideration is from the original view that after the first marriage we were forever bound and that I had to return to him if i were ever lonely. But I never asked anyone for advice about these thoughts

I do not NEED to be with anyone because I cannot abstain but I know it is not right to have this strange unfinished business in gods eyes even if we are legally unbeholden to one another.

If it is over, and it sounds like you did your best.... please focus more on healing and walking in the joy of Christ....

Right now you're seeking to do what's best as a daughter of God....

We all make mistakes... but He is there to show us what to do and how to avoid these things that cause us and or others so much pain....

Don't let the doctrine of another man place you into bondage... read His word for yourself


If something confuses you even after much prayer and maybe fellowship with loving and honest older brothers and sisters in Christ... post a thread which holds the verses youre wondering about and pray about it when you read what others say....

Don't follow what you want to hear, or what sounds the most difficult... but let what rings TRUE be true wether you like it or not... don't be afraid to be wrong... its with it to learn

 

[OneOfHis]

it doesn't take years of discerning to figure out that the Bible says it's not his will.

it's actually really clear. it's just a really hard pill to swallow.

seeking differing "interpretations" to something like this sounds like twisting Scripture to me!!!!!!!!!!!

Someones excited...

Huge difference between twisting scripture and seeking the truth.

 

[OneOfHis]

I'm so sorry for the pain this situation must have caused you and still is. I was divorced 2 years before I became a believer. I have been single now for almost 8 years. My ex-husband was also an unbeliever when we were married and has since disappeared.

I went through a lengthy process of discerning if it was Biblical for me to get remarried. There are many differing and divisive views on the topic. I noticed that many of the people who will tell you that you may not marry again until your ex-husband dies have never gone through a divorce and hold legalistic views.

However, this is besides my main point. God led me to a place of a clear conscience of remarrying if I am equally yoked with the person. This was through several years of discerning and considering all views on the interpretation of the scriptures.

I will link some sites that helped me in this process, but ultimately it was God who gave me clarity about the possibility of remarriage if he wills it. And if he does eventually, I have full confidence I will know it is his will and experience peace about it.

https://www.focusonthefamily.com/marriage/how-should-a-christian-view-marriage-and-divorce/

https://www.gty.org/library/articles/A377/common-questions-regarding-divorce-and-remarriage

Much more fruitful than what @selfdissolving added....

 

[OneOfHis]

... its with it to learn

Worth it to learn*

 

[selfdissolving]

Much more fruitful than what @selfdissolving added....

we all know what the Bible says about this. it's not some mystery that takes years to figure out. the Lord has spoken pretty clearly about it.

if you want to get remarried anyway, at least have the integrity to admit that you are disobeying God. don't twist Scripture around to try and put God's stamp of approval on disobedience.

 

[PennEd]

we all know what the Bible says about this. it's not some mystery that takes years to figure out. the Lord has spoken pretty clearly about it.

if you want to get remarried anyway, at least have the integrity to admit that you are disobeying God. don't twist Scripture around to try and put God's stamp of approval on disobedience.

You want the letter of the Law?

OK! I'd bet the ranch this guy has viewed porn of some type. By the LETTER of the Law, ACCORDING TO JESUS, he has committed adultery, and therefore the young lady has Biblical grounds to divorce and remarry.

 

[selfdissolving]

You want the letter of the Law?

OK! I'd bet the ranch this guy has viewed porn of some type. By the LETTER of the Law, ACCORDING TO JESUS, he has committed adultery, and therefore the young lady has Biblical grounds to divorce and remarry.

that doesn't even come close to holding up to scrutiny.

they are divorced already. you can't go back after the divorce and add this flimsy reason in the "why we got divorced" section. it doesn't work that way. they were divorced for other reasons. nice try though.

besides, divorcing for reasons of fornication does not mean it's okay to remarry. it says that nowhere in Scripture. fornication is grounds for divorce, not grounds for remarriage.

prove me wrong with the Scriptures.

 

[OneOfHis]

we all know what the Bible says about this. it's not some mystery that takes years to figure out. the Lord has spoken pretty clearly about it.

if you want to get remarried anyway, at least have the integrity to admit that you are disobeying God. don't twist Scripture around to try and put God's stamp of approval on disobedience.

Says the man who posted no scripture.


If you would like to post which verses are in question I would LOVE to discuss what is being said, who it is being said to and why it is being said in context.



As a matter of fact, I will start.


One of the most common tropes legalists or modern day pharisees use is that these verses are .... requirements for proper divorce to all man.....

Matthew 19:3-9
3 The Pharisees also came unto him, tempting him, and saying unto him, Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife for every cause?
_________
Men who place themselves under the law tempt Jesus with a silly question.

"is it ok to divorce for any reason you feel like?"
_________


4 And he answered and said unto them, Have ye not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female,

5 And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh?

6 Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.
__________
Jesus said marriage ought to last...
__________

7 They say unto him, Why did Moses then command to give a writing of divorcement, and to put her away?
________
They twist the truth, and refer to divorce as a command instead of permission on account of the hardness of man
_______


8 He saith unto them, Moses because of the hardness of your hearts suffered you to put away your wives: but from the beginning it was not so.

9 And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery.
___________
Jesus then explains under the law moses gave to the jews by permission that which is acceptable





Jesus often gave this sort of example to those legalists.....

_______

Luke 10
25 And, behold, a certain lawyer stood up, and tempted him, saying, Master, what shall I do to inherit eternal life?

26 He said unto him, What is written in the law? how readest thou?
(again a man looking to be justified by works)
27 And he answering said, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy strength, and with all thy mind; and thy neighbour as thyself.
(this man believes he actually does this fully)
28 And he said unto him, Thou hast answered right: this do, and thou shalt live.
(Jesus says knowing this man is self righteous yaaa thats all you need then if you are correct)
29 But he, willing to justify himself, said unto Jesus, And who is my neighbour?
(as if he truely does this knowing Jesus does not believe him asks ohhh who is my neighbor maybe i am wrong mockingly)


30 And Jesus answering said, A certain man went down from Jerusalem to Jericho, and fell among thieves, which stripped him of his raiment, and wounded him, and departed, leaving him half dead.

31 And by chance there came down a certain priest that way: and when he saw him, he passed by on the other side.

32 And likewise a Levite, when he was at the place, came and looked on him, and passed by on the other side.

33 But a certain Samaritan, as he journeyed, came where he was: and when he saw him, he had compassion on him,

34 And went to him, and bound up his wounds, pouring in oil and wine, and set him on his own beast, and brought him to an inn, and took care of him.

35 And on the morrow when he departed, he took out two pence, and gave them to the host, and said unto him, Take care of him; and whatsoever thou spendest more, when I come again, I will repay thee.

36 Which now of these three, thinkest thou, was neighbour unto him that fell among the thieves?

37 And he said, He that shewed mercy on him. Then said Jesus unto him, Go, and do thou likewise.

____________


that amount of money
as well as offering for excess was .... a lot of money at that time....

this exposes that man who believed he was doing these things is actually wrong......

he does not love his enemy as himself as he ought to in order to be perfect

let alone his literal neighbor....
people try to take and mix up

reproof

instruction for righteousness

the law

and works

and try to say a man needs more than grace and faith to be saved (which isnt true)





Also... care to address this?
vv

1 Corinthians 7:8 ►

New International Version
Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I do.

New Living Translation
So I say to those who aren't married and to widows--it's better to stay unmarried, just as I am.

English Standard Version
To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single, as I am.

Berean Study Bible
Now to the unmarried and widows I say this: It is good for them to remain unmarried, as I am.

Berean Literal Bible
Now I say to the unmarried and to the widows, it is good for them if they should remain as even I.

New American Standard Bible
But I say to the unmarried and to widows that it is good for them if they remain even as I.

King James Bible
I say therefore to the unmarried and widows, It is good for them if they abide even as I.​

1 Corinthians 7:9 ►

New International Version
But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.

New Living Translation
But if they can't control themselves, they should go ahead and marry. It's better to marry than to burn with lust.

English Standard Version
But if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.

Berean Study Bible
But if they cannot control themselves, let them marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.

Berean Literal Bible
But if they do not have self-control, let them marry; for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.

New American Standard Bible
But if they do not have self-control, let them marry; for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.

King James Bible
But if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn.





22. agamos ►
Strong's Concordance​

agamos: unmarried

Original Word: ἄγαμος, οῦ, ὁ, ἡ
Part of Speech: Noun, Feminine; Noun, Masculine
Transliteration: agamos
Phonetic Spelling: (ag'-am-os)
Short Definition: unmarried
Definition: unmarried, of a person not in a state of wedlock, whether he or she has formerly been married or not.​

The word for virgin would have been used if paul wanted to say "never married"...


If you are married to a non believer when you become a Christian, you are to be an example and do your best to keep the marriage. If the unbelieving abandons you, you are not in bondage to them.


If you become a Christian as an unmarried person having been divorced or never been married, It is better to marry than to let your desires effect your walk.


The reason God hates divorce is because He created marriage and it is supposed to reflect our relationship to Him with us as the bride. Divorce was given to man (the jews) by Moses with permission, but it does not change the fact marriage is supposed to be forever.

God used Hosea and an unfaithful (to say the least) woman as an example of Him to His people to show us how faithful one should be in marriage...


This does not make divorce some sin which would remove you as His born again child or goes beyond His forgiveness if we made bad choices in our actions or who we chose to become one flesh with...


Remarriage is a completely separate issue from divorce, though it still does not separate us from the love of God.


May I suggest, if you don't mind... continue to pray about this... give this more time

Dive into Gods word and grow as His daughter....

If a time comes where you are blessed with a man good for marriage, you will be as ready as you can be to be a lovely wife to him....

(not suggesting you are immature or do not study already... I pray you see exactly what He wants you to see when He wants you to see it)

 

[MegMarch]

1 Corinthians 7:27-28 NASB

27 Are you bound to a wife? Do not seek to be released. Are you released from a wife? Do not seek a wife. 28 But if you marry, you have not sinned; and if a virgin marries, she has not sinned. Yet such will have trouble in this life, and I am trying to spare you.

 

[OneOfHis]

1 Corinthians 7:27-28 NASB

27 Are you bound to a wife? Do not seek to be released. Are you released from a wife? Do not seek a wife. 28 But if you marry, you have not sinned; and if a virgin marries, she has not sinned. Yet such will have trouble in this life, and I am trying to spare you.

Amen....

Clear as day..

 

[PennEd]

that doesn't even come close to holding up to scrutiny.

they are divorced already. you can't go back after the divorce and add this flimsy reason in the "why we got divorced" section. it doesn't work that way. they were divorced for other reasons. nice try though.

besides, divorcing for reasons of fornication does not mean it's okay to remarry. it says that nowhere in Scripture. fornication is grounds for divorce, not grounds for remarriage.

prove me wrong with the Scriptures.

Flimsy according to who? YOU?!

 

[OneOfHis]

Says the man who posted no scripture.


If you would like to post which verses are in question I would LOVE to discuss what is being said, who it is being said to and why it is being said in context.



As a matter of fact, I will start.


One of the most common tropes legalists or modern day pharisees use is that these verses are .... requirements for proper divorce to all man.....

Matthew 19:3-9
3 The Pharisees also came unto him, tempting him, and saying unto him, Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife for every cause?
_________
Men who place themselves under the law tempt Jesus with a silly question.

"is it ok to divorce for any reason you feel like?"
_________


4 And he answered and said unto them, Have ye not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female,

5 And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh?

6 Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.
__________
Jesus said marriage ought to last...
__________

7 They say unto him, Why did Moses then command to give a writing of divorcement, and to put her away?
________
They twist the truth, and refer to divorce as a command instead of permission on account of the hardness of man
_______


8 He saith unto them, Moses because of the hardness of your hearts suffered you to put away your wives: but from the beginning it was not so.

9 And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery.
___________
Jesus then explains under the law moses gave to the jews by permission that which is acceptable





Jesus often gave this sort of example to those legalists.....

_______

Luke 10
25 And, behold, a certain lawyer stood up, and tempted him, saying, Master, what shall I do to inherit eternal life?

26 He said unto him, What is written in the law? how readest thou?
(again a man looking to be justified by works)
27 And he answering said, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy strength, and with all thy mind; and thy neighbour as thyself.
(this man believes he actually does this fully)
28 And he said unto him, Thou hast answered right: this do, and thou shalt live.
(Jesus says knowing this man is self righteous yaaa thats all you need then if you are correct)
29 But he, willing to justify himself, said unto Jesus, And who is my neighbour?
(as if he truely does this knowing Jesus does not believe him asks ohhh who is my neighbor maybe i am wrong mockingly)


30 And Jesus answering said, A certain man went down from Jerusalem to Jericho, and fell among thieves, which stripped him of his raiment, and wounded him, and departed, leaving him half dead.

31 And by chance there came down a certain priest that way: and when he saw him, he passed by on the other side.

32 And likewise a Levite, when he was at the place, came and looked on him, and passed by on the other side.

33 But a certain Samaritan, as he journeyed, came where he was: and when he saw him, he had compassion on him,

34 And went to him, and bound up his wounds, pouring in oil and wine, and set him on his own beast, and brought him to an inn, and took care of him.

35 And on the morrow when he departed, he took out two pence, and gave them to the host, and said unto him, Take care of him; and whatsoever thou spendest more, when I come again, I will repay thee.

36 Which now of these three, thinkest thou, was neighbour unto him that fell among the thieves?

37 And he said, He that shewed mercy on him. Then said Jesus unto him, Go, and do thou likewise.

____________


that amount of money
as well as offering for excess was .... a lot of money at that time....

this exposes that man who believed he was doing these things is actually wrong......

he does not love his enemy as himself as he ought to in order to be perfect

let alone his literal neighbor....
people try to take and mix up

reproof

instruction for righteousness

the law

and works

and try to say a man needs more than grace and faith to be saved (which isnt true)





Also... care to address this?
vv

Also... not trying to beat a dead horse @selfdissolving but I want to add this in hopes you see the same principal is even used again in matthew 19


matthew 19

16 And, behold, one came and said unto him, Good Master, what good thing shall I do, that I may have eternal life?

17 And he said unto him, Why callest thou me good? there is none good but one, that is, God: but if thou wilt enter into life, keep the commandments.

18 He saith unto him, Which? Jesus said, Thou shalt do no murder, Thou shalt not commit adultery, Thou shalt not steal, Thou shalt not bear false witness,

19 Honour thy father and thy mother: and, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself.

20 The young man saith unto him, All these things have I kept from my youth up: what lack I yet?

21 Jesus said unto him, If thou wilt be perfect, go and sell that thou hast, and give to the poor, and thou shalt have treasure in heaven: and come and follow me.

_________

Jesus was telling this man how to be perfect

this man believed his works regarding the commandments were perfect (including loving his neighbor as himself)

Jesus is saying ohhhhh is that so?

then give up all your things and follow me
(to expose where this mans heart really was.... it is not evil to have possessions)


22 But when the young man heard that saying, he went away sorrowful: for he had great possessions


______

It is very important to understand what's being said in context....

The gospel itself is simple yes... there is simplicity in Christ....
and our teacher is the Holy spirit, but if we start looking at things like check lists and don't take context into question we can walk away with some ideas that are far from God




....the reasons there are different understandings of scripture even among honest people who are trying their best to follow God and not ADD TO or TAKE FROM His Word are many.....

I dont think youre trying to be hurtful or push bondage of man

I think you just want to show what you believe to be true


....but .... the truth is not what you believe it to be in this case


may God bless you

 

[tourist]

No need to try and contort God's command into all sorts of weird interpretations. We all know what it says concerning this. Even though our sins are forgiven, sometimes we still have to bare the consequences of them for the rest of our lives.

This is where God's bountiful mercy and compassion comes into play. Yes, we reap what we sow but the repercussions of a sin, poor choices, or rash decisions can, with the grace of God, be mitigated, alleviated, or eliminated.

 

[tourist]

Matthew 19:3-9
3 The Pharisees also came unto him, tempting him, and saying unto him, Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife for every cause?
_________
Men who place themselves under the law tempt Jesus with a silly question.

"is it ok to divorce for any reason you feel like?"
_________


4 And he answered and said unto them, Have ye not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female,

5 And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh?

6 Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.
__________
Jesus said marriage ought to last...
__________

The highlighted portion is key in determining whether a man and a woman were actually joined together in marriage in the eyes of God in the first place.

 

[MegMarch]

This is where God's bountiful mercy and compassion comes into play. Yes, we reap what we sow but the repercussions of a sin, poor choices, or rash decisions can, with the grace of God, be mitigated, alleviated, or eliminated.

I have experienced God do this in my own life. His character is full of compassion, grace, and mercy. That is not to say I think it is acceptable for me to make the same decisions now with the knowledge I have been given, which is due to his righteousness and justice guiding me.

I will infer from the way she is seeking God in the midst of this situation, that she has already suffered many consequences from this situation. One of those consequences being the voice of condemnation.

Romans 8:1-2 NASB

Therefore there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. 2 For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus has set you free from the law of sin and of death.

 

[cinder]

Thank you for this link, I’m just worried in applying this I am reading the fine print and applying it in a way that absolves me. If people applied these five principles as adultery most any man or woman would have biblical grounds for divorce and we know that is not god’s will. A little overwhelmed by interpretation

I think you're in a pretty good place if you're concerned about twisting the truth to let yourself off easy. And you're right that if we apply standards like porn or emotional affairs are justification for divorce then we can justify almost any divorce and we know that's not God's will. But the overly legalistic reading of many of the new testament chapters on divorce leads people to such ridiculous conclusions as a person who has been serially monogamous with a dozen partners but never married any of them can marry without it being sinful but a godly person whose only partner and spouse abandoned them cannot re-marry without sinning. And at least in some versions you could conclude that a man could make a woman a sinner by divorcing her and there'd be nothing she could do about it. That doesn't hardly sound like a God anyone would think worth following.

For what it's worth, my interpretation of such passages has become that in speaking to men in a legalistic male dominated society, Jesus was making the point that lust and divorce are just as evil and destructive as adultery (which was one of the ten commandments and none of those legalists would even think of saying that adultery was ok). So in the eyes of God there's no difference between cheating on your spouse and divorcing them; both break the vows you made before God and turn your promises to another person into lies. So there's plenty of reason for God to hate divorce (though some scholars would argue that the word used in the famous I hate divorce verse would be more accurately translated abandonment), but he doesn't and hasn't ever hated divorced people.

But again if you're perfectly content being celibate and single for the time being, don't spend too much energy and stress thinking you have to figure it all out really quickly and know the course of your life for the next 50 years. Really brainy and sincere people hold differing opinions on the interpretation of those passages, the best you can hope to do is keep your heart open to hear the truth from God even if that truth may be unpleasant.