When Does "Earnest Pursuit" Become Stalking?
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I get paid to stalk bad guys, so I'm pretty good at it. 
Never stalked anyone for fun before!
Never stalked anyone for fun before!
OOHH, the ABSOLUTE TORTURE of some occupations!! LOL.
I'm glad to know that if I get any insane crushes on some poor victim, er, lucky man, I can go to Jullianna for advice on how to cuff him and stuff him (in the trunk to take him back to my lair.) Har, har, har.
And, if I ever sound TRULY desperate (I mean, more so than now) judging from Francina's posts (at the beginning of the thread), someone, PLEASE stop me before I ever go looking for a husband in the Bahamas!
I'm glad to know that if I get any insane crushes on some poor victim, er, lucky man, I can go to Jullianna for advice on how to cuff him and stuff him (in the trunk to take him back to my lair.) Har, har, har.
And, if I ever sound TRULY desperate (I mean, more so than now) judging from Francina's posts (at the beginning of the thread), someone, PLEASE stop me before I ever go looking for a husband in the Bahamas!
K
Having been stalked before (not a nice experience whatsoever), Im hoping your thinking of social stalking where a person is acting more annoying but harmless than actually revealing sociopathic illegal behaviour.
Mindyou that first option if it is not nipped in the bud quickly can lead to the nastier version.
I think harmless stalking occurs when the person who is being persued is not being honest with the persuer especially if their not interested.
Sometimes this occurs when:
The persued likes attention and isnt discerning in who and how they flirt with
Both the persued and persuer have messed up or non existant boundaries
One is leading the other on, and it gets out of hand
A person is too afraid to tell the other "no, I am not interested in you"
Mindyou that first option if it is not nipped in the bud quickly can lead to the nastier version.
I think harmless stalking occurs when the person who is being persued is not being honest with the persuer especially if their not interested.
Sometimes this occurs when:
The persued likes attention and isnt discerning in who and how they flirt with
Both the persued and persuer have messed up or non existant boundaries
One is leading the other on, and it gets out of hand
A person is too afraid to tell the other "no, I am not interested in you"
J
I've been stalked in the bad way too a couple of times, kiwi. It's not fun.
The first time I was married at the time and a married guy from one of my college classes started following me home, sending flowers to my job, and even called me crying and asked me to go on a trip with him out of state. It was really creepy... His wife found out he was doing it and she called me. I was very honest with her and she put a stop to it. I was very glad she did because I really didn't want to have to report him to the police because of his family situation. It would have hurt his wife and kids, so I'm glad it didn't have to come to that. He knew (from mutual friends in class) that my husband was out of town at the time and he took advantage of that.
The second time was a guy who actually started out stalking my son in a teen chatroom that I didn't know he was on. When I confronted the guy, he went ballistic and went after me (which was kinda the plan and it helped us catch him). That's how I got into chatting in the first place. I'd never done it much before..very busy with other things. But I met other cops online and really liked it. Minus the stalkers, of course.
The first time I was married at the time and a married guy from one of my college classes started following me home, sending flowers to my job, and even called me crying and asked me to go on a trip with him out of state.
It was really creepy... His wife found out he was doing it and she called me. I was very honest with her and she put a stop to it. I was very glad she did because I really didn't want to have to report him to the police because of his family situation. It would have hurt his wife and kids, so I'm glad it didn't have to come to that. He knew (from mutual friends in class) that my husband was out of town at the time and he took advantage of that.The second time was a guy who actually started out stalking my son in a teen chatroom that I didn't know he was on. When I confronted the guy, he went ballistic and went after me (which was kinda the plan and it helped us catch him). That's how I got into chatting in the first place. I'd never done it much before..very busy with other things. But I met other cops online and really liked it. Minus the stalkers, of course.
I used to work with a very nice older gentleman who had the mind of a child but could still live and function as an independent adult... He was the kind of person we all looked out for at work.
He was living in the spare room of an older woman's house at the time--I have no idea if the had an actual relationship, as he claims they did not... but she drove into work one day and saw me talking to him.
She then proceeded to call my boss and tell him that "You had better keep her away from him before I put a knife in her heart or shoot her dead."
My bosses took this very seriously, and I was escorted down to the police station to file a restraining order. I was told that this woman had a long history of mental instability and that there were several such restraining orders out there against her.
I also had an ex-boyfriend who would start calling with various drunken rambles from the time I walked in the house to the time I had to go to work the next day--back then I had a landline and had to unplug all three phones every time I came home. I finally got a new number... and he started calling my place of work, telling my co-workers he needed to get in touch with me because of his kids. I REALLY hate it when people use kids as an excuse to manipulate others. But thank goodness they never gave out my number. He'd also appear where I work, asking me in public in front of everyone if I'd go places with him, and I'd coldly say no and walk away as fast as possible... People probably thought I was a horrible snob, but I didn't know what else to do. His behavior, to this day (8 years later), still comes and goes but fortunately, I haven't had to go to the police yet.
This thread, however, was meant to be more about lighthearted discussion of when someone pursuing us becomes annoying (not dangerous or threatening), but I'm thankful for everyone's great feedback, whether serious or funny.
He was living in the spare room of an older woman's house at the time--I have no idea if the had an actual relationship, as he claims they did not... but she drove into work one day and saw me talking to him.
She then proceeded to call my boss and tell him that "You had better keep her away from him before I put a knife in her heart or shoot her dead."
My bosses took this very seriously, and I was escorted down to the police station to file a restraining order. I was told that this woman had a long history of mental instability and that there were several such restraining orders out there against her.
I also had an ex-boyfriend who would start calling with various drunken rambles from the time I walked in the house to the time I had to go to work the next day--back then I had a landline and had to unplug all three phones every time I came home. I finally got a new number... and he started calling my place of work, telling my co-workers he needed to get in touch with me because of his kids. I REALLY hate it when people use kids as an excuse to manipulate others. But thank goodness they never gave out my number. He'd also appear where I work, asking me in public in front of everyone if I'd go places with him, and I'd coldly say no and walk away as fast as possible... People probably thought I was a horrible snob, but I didn't know what else to do. His behavior, to this day (8 years later), still comes and goes but fortunately, I haven't had to go to the police yet.
This thread, however, was meant to be more about lighthearted discussion of when someone pursuing us becomes annoying (not dangerous or threatening), but I'm thankful for everyone's great feedback, whether serious or funny.
I once stalked a girl.
It was nothing as depraved as the examples that have been cited here but, it was certainly an experience.
I wanted very badly to become what she wanted. She would always give me an excuse as to some minor fault that existed with me, that made me undesirable. Things that were easily fixable. She would leave me hints as to what a person of Character ought to be like, and I continued to try and put the puzzle together thinking that somehow if I could make the pieces fit, I would succeed with her.
All in all a LEARNING experience but, I owe much of who I have become to the lessons she taught me. And I'm sort of left craving complex chases. Not stalkeresque type things but, Mysteries and puzzles that slowly reveal the heart and the character of a woman still fascinate me. Like peeling the layers back on an onion and taking note of the beauty each piece lends to the whole.
Now I find myself in the opposite position more often than not and as Nod said, and it is quite flattering. Its also a bit sideways. Its a way of meeting the benchmarks that a woman/man has set up, rather unnaturally.
It would be like me explaining all the reasons that I like Nena* (a musical artist) only to find that my stalker has bought Rosetta Stone in German and every Nena Album ever produced just to understand me. Well actually come to think of it that would be a total win, so nevermind.
Um, someone pretending to be a Christian, just to be with me. Well, that would almost work too. I mean isn't that what Ruth did?
Ok so someone being extra Schmarmy and overly agreeable about everything, THAT is red flag.
In the end I think the key to fending off a stalker is to force them to be honest with and about themselves.
SO... as I sort of allude to in my signature there is a lot of things that love ISN'T. Love doesn't ask,(what is not becoming of it) Love doesn't seek, (for itself), Love doesn't fight, (or take pleasure in quarrels), Love doesn't want, Love doesn't become, Love is... just as we ought to be
It was nothing as depraved as the examples that have been cited here but, it was certainly an experience.
I wanted very badly to become what she wanted. She would always give me an excuse as to some minor fault that existed with me, that made me undesirable. Things that were easily fixable. She would leave me hints as to what a person of Character ought to be like, and I continued to try and put the puzzle together thinking that somehow if I could make the pieces fit, I would succeed with her.
All in all a LEARNING experience but, I owe much of who I have become to the lessons she taught me. And I'm sort of left craving complex chases. Not stalkeresque type things but, Mysteries and puzzles that slowly reveal the heart and the character of a woman still fascinate me. Like peeling the layers back on an onion and taking note of the beauty each piece lends to the whole.
Now I find myself in the opposite position more often than not and as Nod said, and it is quite flattering. Its also a bit sideways. Its a way of meeting the benchmarks that a woman/man has set up, rather unnaturally.
It would be like me explaining all the reasons that I like Nena* (a musical artist) only to find that my stalker has bought Rosetta Stone in German and every Nena Album ever produced just to understand me. Well actually come to think of it that would be a total win, so nevermind.
Um, someone pretending to be a Christian, just to be with me. Well, that would almost work too. I mean isn't that what Ruth did?
Ok so someone being extra Schmarmy and overly agreeable about everything, THAT is red flag.
In the end I think the key to fending off a stalker is to force them to be honest with and about themselves.
SO... as I sort of allude to in my signature there is a lot of things that love ISN'T. Love doesn't ask,(what is not becoming of it) Love doesn't seek, (for itself), Love doesn't fight, (or take pleasure in quarrels), Love doesn't want, Love doesn't become, Love is... just as we ought to be
