Interfaith Marriage

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J

JustTryingtoUnderstand

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#1
#1
****Pretty long Post****
Good Morning everyone, I just want to say I am happy having found this place. Hopefully, your words of encouragement will help. So I recently left the denomination that my wife and I were married under. I don't believe in their version of Truth so to speak but she is very much still involved. She is trying to be supportive but I just want her to leave and try to find Truth with me elsewhere. The problem is, she doesn't want to really understand why I gave up the faith and wants to co-exist with this division. She also wants to raise our 2 small children in that denomination and I am HIGHLY against it. I don't know how to handle this and it makes me so angry because I feel unheard and devalued as she won't seek to understand me. I don't want to offend anyone particularly but I feel it is damaging to our future and marriage and don't know how to find an equilibrium for our family at this point. She wants to attend separate churches and that just saddens me when I see other families at church and know she isn't by my side. It's lonely and frustrating. Anyone experience any interfaith situation. I want to stress that we are Christians but her version is not aligned with what I think it should be as I am still trying to figure that out for myself as well.
 
CharliRenee

CharliRenee

Member
Staff member
#2
Nov 4, 2014
6,693
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#2
JustTryingtoUnderstand said:
****Pretty long Post****
Good Morning everyone, I just want to say I am happy having found this place. Hopefully, your words of encouragement will help. So I recently left the denomination that my wife and I were married under. I don't believe in their version of Truth so to speak but she is very much still involved. She is trying to be supportive but I just want her to leave and try to find Truth with me elsewhere. The problem is, she doesn't want to really understand why I gave up the faith and wants to co-exist with this division. She also wants to raise our 2 small children in that denomination and I am HIGHLY against it. I don't know how to handle this and it makes me so angry because I feel unheard and devalued as she won't seek to understand me. I don't want to offend anyone particularly but I feel it is damaging to our future and marriage and don't know how to find an equilibrium for our family at this point. She wants to attend separate churches and that just saddens me when I see other families at church and know she isn't by my side. It's lonely and frustrating. Anyone experience any interfaith situation. I want to stress that we are Christians but her version is not aligned with what I think it should be as I am still trying to figure that out for myself as well.
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How frustrating this all must be for you both. Not knowing enough about what exactly is going on and where you disagree, my first thought is have you sought Christian counseling for the two of you together? I will lift you and wife in prayer. I hope you find some good input here but I do think it might be wise to speak to your pastor or a spiritual mentor in person, someone who may know more of your personal situation. Of course, the best advice anyone can give you aligns with the word, right? I am sorry this is leaving you lonely, and pray you and your wife can find peace and resolution.
 
K

Kim82

Guest
#3
#3
JustTryingtoUnderstand said:
She also wants to raise our 2 small children in that denomination and I am HIGHLY against it
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Well you should have thought about what you believed in before marring her. If your feelings have changed, that's your business. You can't force her to see things the way you do.

You are angry and highly against it? So watcha plan on doing? Bullying her to see things your way?




JustTryingtoUnderstand said:
She wants to attend separate churches and that just saddens me when I see other families at church and know she isn't by my side. It's lonely and frustrating.
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This seems to be the best solution. Man up and stop talking about lonely and frustrated. You chose to go your way. So be it. How do you think she feels at Church with her kids and her husband missing?
 
J

JustTryingtoUnderstand

Guest
#4
#4
The problem is I think we need conventional therapy as she won't do Christian counseling unless it's thru her church and seeing as I don't agree with that belief system, it would make me highly uncomfortable.
 
H

Hungry

Banned
#5
Nov 26, 2012
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#5
JustTryingtoUnderstand said:
****Pretty long Post****
Good Morning everyone, I just want to say I am happy having found this place. Hopefully, your words of encouragement will help. So I recently left the denomination that my wife and I were married under. I don't believe in their version of Truth so to speak but she is very much still involved. She is trying to be supportive but I just want her to leave and try to find Truth with me elsewhere. The problem is, she doesn't want to really understand why I gave up the faith and wants to co-exist with this division. She also wants to raise our 2 small children in that denomination and I am HIGHLY against it. I don't know how to handle this and it makes me so angry because I feel unheard and devalued as she won't seek to understand me. I don't want to offend anyone particularly but I feel it is damaging to our future and marriage and don't know how to find an equilibrium for our family at this point. She wants to attend separate churches and that just saddens me when I see other families at church and know she isn't by my side. It's lonely and frustrating. Anyone experience any interfaith situation. I want to stress that we are Christians but her version is not aligned with what I think it should be as I am still trying to figure that out for myself as well.
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I would say don’t divide on church day. Go with her and the children to the place she feels fed and go elsewhere for services at a different time or to Bible studies where you are fed. Then invite her when it’s not forcing her to skip her service. Then she might want to go willingly because you have supported her.
 
J

JustTryingtoUnderstand

Guest
#6
#6
If I'm being 100% forward, I'm certain she is in a cult and I found out about how much of a cult it is and don't want to raise my children in one. I apologize for expecting more compassion from this group and instead I'm being told to suck it up. If you found out the truth about your faith wouldn't you want to save your family from it?
 
3

3angelsmsg

Guest
#8
#8
Hi brother,
We are only seeing things from your perspective and you are not sharing the church which they are attending at in order to have better understanding.

In my opinion, I would say that 'forcing the good on others, does not make it right'. It will just cause more harm than good and conflicts in the house. Jesus never forced Himself on others. When a particular group did not receive His teaching He moved on.

I always say that only 'Love' can awaken love. The only way to win, them over is going to be through the character you will demonstrate to them. It is fact that, if one spouse get the truth doesn't mean the rest of the family will automatically follow.

This is as much a testing period of your faith and your motive. God is searching our hearts to see whether it is pure.
 
J

JustTryingtoUnderstand

Guest
#9
#9
Thank you! I just didn't want to offend anyone so I didn't post the denomination. I just wanted general feedback. I need to maintain patience which is so hard.
 
Roughsoul1991

Roughsoul1991

Senior Member
#10
Sep 17, 2016
8,863
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#10
JustTryingtoUnderstand said:
****Pretty long Post****
Good Morning everyone, I just want to say I am happy having found this place. Hopefully, your words of encouragement will help. So I recently left the denomination that my wife and I were married under. I don't believe in their version of Truth so to speak but she is very much still involved. She is trying to be supportive but I just want her to leave and try to find Truth with me elsewhere. The problem is, she doesn't want to really understand why I gave up the faith and wants to co-exist with this division. She also wants to raise our 2 small children in that denomination and I am HIGHLY against it. I don't know how to handle this and it makes me so angry because I feel unheard and devalued as she won't seek to understand me. I don't want to offend anyone particularly but I feel it is damaging to our future and marriage and don't know how to find an equilibrium for our family at this point. She wants to attend separate churches and that just saddens me when I see other families at church and know she isn't by my side. It's lonely and frustrating. Anyone experience any interfaith situation. I want to stress that we are Christians but her version is not aligned with what I think it should be as I am still trying to figure that out for myself as well.
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Well how important is the theological differences? Or how extreme are they different? Yall chose to enter a covenant marriage. That is very important to uphold. It could be God's will to put you into the battle by being in their church to debate and persuade your family. Obviously more harm is to divide from them. Yes it may mean you suffer with hearing doctrines you disagree with. Yes you may suffer some disagreements but many Christians have been in worse situations trying to persuade the country, culture or people.

Focus on a healthy marriage and in times of persuasion it will go much better to bring your family closer to truth.
 
3

3angelsmsg

Guest
#11
#11
Yeah, I have also gone through transition from family church which my whole family was attending and by the studying of scripture I was convicted to follow the word of God and family was trying to stop me.

I have first hand experience of it. And I thought when I joined the church. That I understood scripture but the more grace God gives, the more I come to see that I didn't understand scripture like I thought.

Our attitude is very important and being humble and acting with love is more important than being right with doctrine issues.
 
7

7seasrekeyed

Guest
#12
#12
JustTryingtoUnderstand said:
****Pretty long Post****
Good Morning everyone, I just want to say I am happy having found this place. Hopefully, your words of encouragement will help. So I recently left the denomination that my wife and I were married under. I don't believe in their version of Truth so to speak but she is very much still involved. She is trying to be supportive but I just want her to leave and try to find Truth with me elsewhere. The problem is, she doesn't want to really understand why I gave up the faith and wants to co-exist with this division. She also wants to raise our 2 small children in that denomination and I am HIGHLY against it. I don't know how to handle this and it makes me so angry because I feel unheard and devalued as she won't seek to understand me. I don't want to offend anyone particularly but I feel it is damaging to our future and marriage and don't know how to find an equilibrium for our family at this point. She wants to attend separate churches and that just saddens me when I see other families at church and know she isn't by my side. It's lonely and frustrating. Anyone experience any interfaith situation. I want to stress that we are Christians but her version is not aligned with what I think it should be as I am still trying to figure that out for myself as well.
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honestly just trying to understand what you wrote above myself :unsure:

it would help if you told us what you were involved in and married under and what you now believe is better 'truth'

you state your wife is trying to be supportive but then you state she does not want to understand why you gave up on the first church, so that is confusing

frankly, I would like to better understand what you are dealing with so if you would, state what you were in and what you are in now

there are all kinds of different beliefs in this forum and I doubt you will insult anyone

however, if you prefer not to mention particulars, then you will continue to see folks just go by what you have said and it seems you are still trying to figure things out...as you state...so don't know what else to say about it all
 
J

JustTryingtoUnderstand

Guest
#13
#13
The faith we were married under is the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints aka Mormonism. I am not a believer in the faith any longer but she is. I am now searching for a new church more aligned with the Bible and only the Bible. I hope that helps
 
L

Locoponydirtman

Guest
#14
#14
Home Bible study. Y'all need to be studying the word together. It's not hard to debunk Mormonism in open Bible study.
And just go to a different church, you go to a church that teaches Jesus, and be active in your children's life. Teach them from the Bible. It's all you can do. You can't force her or harass her into it.
Just study the Bible teach your children and teach your children. Try to get her to do every other weekend one with her one with you.
 
H

Hungry

Banned
#15
Nov 26, 2012
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#15
JustTryingtoUnderstand said:
The faith we were married under is the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints aka Mormonism. I am not a believer in the faith any longer but she is. I am now searching for a new church more aligned with the Bible and only the Bible. I hope that helps
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Congratulations on escaping the brainwashing! Women are very socially driven. For her to lose her friends and family and a place she feels accepted won’t be easy. Tread lightly. It will be easier making small transitions. If she thinks you’re wrong and are being overly forceful, will she think you’re being deceived and feel more grounded in her faith to help save you from the lies of the evil one.
 
K

Kim82

Guest
#16
#16
JustTryingtoUnderstand said:
The faith we were married under is the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints aka Mormonism. I am not a believer in the faith any longer but she is. I am now searching for a new church more aligned with the Bible and only the Bible. I hope that helps
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I see, you are searching. So rather than going on this spiritual journey alone, then teaching your wife and kids when you get to know the truth/find a suitable church home, you expect to drag your family all over town in search of a suitable church which you have not found? You must be joking.

You are unstable, and you want to make your wife as unstable as yourself.

You need to settle down and stop getting angry. You and wife were apart of this church when you guys got married. This is what she believes in. You cannot now expect to snap your fingers and get her to change. Get it through your head.

You have to pray. Be patient. Be gentle. Be humble. Show love. And eventually she may be open to seeing things differently. But wife may never leave her church, and that you have to accept.

Let the kids go with their mother, while you pray for them too. As time go by and they get older, they may well agree that the Mormon church is not for them.

But it is what it is. You just have to live with it. You not the first or the last person who will go to a different church from their spouse.

In fact some start their marriages like that. For eg a Catholic marring a Pentecostal or whatever.

People get them self in those situations, then down the road they fight over which church the kids should attend or they try to force their spouse to reject their beliefs. I don't understand what's up with that.

But one thing I know anger won't benefit anything except to cause trouble in the marriage and make the kids unhappy.
 
Subhumanoidal

Subhumanoidal

Well-known member
#17
Sep 17, 2018
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#17
JustTryingtoUnderstand said:
The faith we were married under is the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints aka Mormonism. I am not a believer in the faith any longer but she is. I am now searching for a new church more aligned with the Bible and only the Bible. I hope that helps
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Recognize that is not a different denomination but an entirely different religion.
But while I get where you're coming from you have to be realistic in your expectations of her. You changed and you expect her to simply take your changing as something she should just follow, rather than think and function independently. It's not fair of you to expect her to be your follower.
You haven't given any time frame for when all of these changes happened, but I'm assuming this is all fairly new. When you make a drastic change like that you have to expect your wife will have a problem with it.
To me all your reasons and statements seem valid, but your attitude towards her about it is way off. Your anger is evident but unwarranted.

You can't, nor shouldn't try to, pressure your wife into changing. Because she may give in outwardly, but inwardly she will not change and may even grow to resent you. You want your wife to make such changes by her own choice, and that will take time and patience, not angry demands.
 
Aerials1978

Aerials1978

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#18
Dec 10, 2019
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#18
JustTryingtoUnderstand said:
If I'm being 100% forward, I'm certain she is in a cult and I found out about how much of a cult it is and don't want to raise my children in one. I apologize for expecting more compassion from this group and instead I'm being told to suck it up. If you found out the truth about your faith wouldn't you want to save your family from it?
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I would say if you truly feel convicted that your wife’s faith is of a different gospel, stand firm in it. Let her see by your love, compassion, and reasoning that God is working His ways in you. One thing I can say for certain is the Lord leads those to Him that seek truth. You cannot charge her heart, only Jesus can. If you try to force it by your own way, you will only drive her further away. Pray continuously and ask that His true Gospel be revealed.
 
Billyd

Billyd

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#19
May 8, 2014
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#19
Do you have a daily family Bible study? If not, start one. That should not be difficult. Mormons use the KJV.

Focus your Bible study on the things that you have in common. When you reach a point of contention, stop and discuss the differences. If the discussion turns into an argument, stop and move to a new topic.

Remember. Patience. Her faith is deep seated, and she is firmly indoctrinated in it.
 
7

7seasrekeyed

Guest
#20
#20
JustTryingtoUnderstand said:
The faith we were married under is the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints aka Mormonism. I am not a believer in the faith any longer but she is. I am now searching for a new church more aligned with the Bible and only the Bible. I hope that helps
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ok. gotcha. thanks. I now understand the conflict.

may I ask which church you are now attending? and also, what changed your mind on the Mormons?

I'm interested in how you came to see Mormonism as actually not following scripture (because of course they do not)

The problem is I think we need conventional therapy as she won't do Christian counseling unless it's thru her church and seeing as I don't agree with that belief system, it would make me highly uncomfortable.
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I get the impression you might think your wife will follow in your footsteps if you can get her to see the difference between what Mormons espouse and what you are discovering the Bible states...and they do not match. this makes sense but you also have what we could refer to as a 'spiritual' problem on hand which might take a good amount of prayer on your part and even the prayers of others who understand what Mormonism is about

is there anyone in your current church you could confide in? explain the problem and perhaps pray with?

I would not suggest you go for counselling at her church. you could be called apostate or some such thing and that would make things worse

no one can work on your wife's heart like God through His Spirit. you need someone who understands the situation and is a strong Christian and who will stand with you and help you

makes sense?
 
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