New and looking for perspective

[jumper]

Hello,

First off thank you for reading and your time. I am looking for someone that can see the forest. I have lost it and all I see are trees. My situation may have colors, texture and flavors of simple issues and easy solutions. But from where I stand it is quite over whelming.

I am a mid 40s Veteran, I have spent 20+ years in the Army. Seen way to much and not enough. I have been through quite a bit in my life both in and out of the service, I have my scars and injuries that at times weigh so much all I do is feel sorry for myself. I know God wants me in this life but I do not understand why, he has kept me alive (not without injury) through some harrowing situations.

My heart is torn to shreds and yet there is a glimmer or hope and love in another person.

I would like to find someone that may have some experience with PTSD, TBI, obviously God and our faith. Patient, kind and yet a straight shooter. To help me gain some perspective and hopefully help me see God's plan.

 

[tourist]

As a former Army veteran I would like to thank you for your service to your country. Hopefully, you will find comfort, support and understanding from the members of this site, especially those that served in the armed forces. Glad to have you as part of our family of believers. Welcome to CC.

 

[oyster67]

Hello,

First off thank you for reading and your time. I am looking for someone that can see the forest. I have lost it and all I see are trees. My situation may have colors, texture and flavors of simple issues and easy solutions. But from where I stand it is quite over whelming.

I am a mid 40s Veteran, I have spent 20+ years in the Army. Seen way to much and not enough. I have been through quite a bit in my life both in and out of the service, I have my scars and injuries that at times weigh so much all I do is feel sorry for myself. I know God wants me in this life but I do not understand why, he has kept me alive (not without injury) through some harrowing situations.

My heart is torn to shreds and yet there is a glimmer or hope and love in another person.

I would like to find someone that may have some experience with PTSD, TBI, obviously God and our faith. Patient, kind and yet a straight shooter. To help me gain some perspective and hopefully help me see God's plan.

We live in a world that is both cruel and cold. Remember what they did to Jesus. Good guys rarely finish first in this life. You are in good company. You see things that many are completely blind to. Please don't give up. I will pray with you. I am soooo glad you know about Jesus. I often think about what Paul said;

1 Corinthians 15:19 If in this life only we have hope in Christ, we are of all men most miserable.

Welcome and God bless you.

 

[tourist]

We live in a world that is both cruel and cold. Remember what they did to Jesus. Good guys rarely finish first in this life. You are in good company. You see things that many are completely blind to. Please don't give up. I will pray with you. I am soooo glad you know about Jesus. I often think about what Paul said;

1 Corinthians 15:19 If in this life only we have hope in Christ, we are of all men most miserable.

Welcome and God bless you.

You're a good man, my friend, that's for sure.

 

[jumper]

Thank you Oyster67,

But I would like to believe that "Good guys" always finish first in this life. It is not always a fun marathon, loads of trials and forks. Ups and downs, but without pain and heartache could we ever truly be grateful for salvation and eternal life? God allows us to experience what we would call bad. So we can recognize good when we see it. You can not have the light without the dark.

Romans 8:18 I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us.

Isaiah 66:9 says “I will not cause pain without allowing something new to be born, says the Lord

 

[oyster67]

Thank you Oyster67,

But I would like to believe that "Good guys" always finish first in this life. It is not always a fun marathon, loads of trials and forks. Ups and downs, but without pain and heartache could we ever truly be grateful for salvation and eternal life? God allows us to experience what we would call bad. So we can recognize good when we see it. You can not have the light without the dark.

Romans 8:18 I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us.

Isaiah 66:9 says “I will not cause pain without allowing something new to be born, says the Lord

Amen, my brother!! Your posts are already a blessing and inspiration to many. You are being a missionary right now. It is easy to see why God has brought you to this place.

 

[CozHElivesIcanface2morrow]

Hey! Welcome to CC! Thank you for sharing what you are going through with us here...I have relatives who are in the army and 2 brothers in the Police... And I am scared,worried for them... I heard stories like yours 😔 and It makes me sad... I always pray for my brothers to be saved and I am praying for their mental and emotional strength....I know they were trained to be strong mentally and physically but I know they still have long way to go 😥 I am worried for them... but I admire their courage your courage for choosing to serve when so many didnt.. I know God will take care of them 😔 And Hey let me thank you 😊Thank you for the sacrifices you made being away from your loved ones! Big salute sir 😊


God bless you ❤

 

[Deade]

Hello jumper, welcome to Christian Chat. I hope you'll enjoy your stay here. Just trust the Lord, He cares.

 

[Aerials1978]

Hello my friend. I have a brother who is a veteran and went through some pretty terrible things. It was difficult for him to transition back to civilian life. Almost destroyed him. He called on Jesus, and Jesus answered him. Put your faith in The Son of Man, for his love and compassion knows no boundaries.

The grace of our Lord was poured out on me abundantly, along with the faith and love that are in Christ Jesus.
1 Timothy 1:14

 

[jumper]

I know God is real and his angels protect us, not always from harm but at times defiantly from death. I am sure they will look out for you and yours.

Maybe just to get this off my chest will make a difference, no idea. So here goes and thank those that read for not judging me to harshly.

So I met a girl, she was my love at first sight, my soulmate. She is still the best thing that has happened to me. But due to the Army and archaic rules, regulations, our young age, immaturity and so much more we ended up parting ways. She left me. Ran off to get married to the wrong guy. Few years go by and she makes contact with me while I am deployed and let me tell you. If you believe in God and a woman like this believes in you, there is nothing better.

I ended up getting hurt and we lost contact. This was early in the conflict where communication from there to the US was spotty, unreliable and always with issues. We would go months with no contact at times. Anyway so I make it back to the states, no way to contact this girl. We hit and miss for a few years, one of us is always overseas. And then we were not. We were both on the east coast. 1 hour plane flight from each other. Perfect

Except it was not, I was suffering from PTSD and TBI in a time where if you wore a uniform and they found out, you were ostracized, considered cancer and your career tanked or ended. Not many knew the effects during that time and the Army got rid of you if you were considered weak. We were at war. I was way to close to things that explode and 3 concussions, 2 broken helmets, 1 destroyed body armor vest later... Once we returned to the states, I had a couple years of no deployments and I was a emotional wreck and had some severe nerve damage as it turned out. I knew something was wrong but could not determine what it was. I went to the doc and they claimed I was good to go. So back to work I went.

I could not connect with her, I was distant, isolated, couldn't get out of my own way if you hit me with a train. Things upset me easily, I could not be around crowds, holidays were torture (she has a fantastic family and big) but they only remember me when I wasn't me.
So her feeling I was abandoning her, she decided to strike first and end it. (she still blames me but now understands why I was not me).
I ended up drinking so much I had a stroke, but you can't tell. But I remember it, the feeling the slurred speech and the right side of my face dropping, the peace the half smile as I slide out of my chair and lay down on the carpet. Folding my arms over my chest, thinking this is where it ends and then waking up. Quite disappointed. I was ready.

I tried to get help, never could navigate the balance of seeking help and what the Army and my Leaders expected / required of me. Because I was considered a senior in the Army, the expectations were different. And if you could not meet em... you had to go. I dug down deep, boxed up every single feeling and packaged it. Labeled DO NOT OPEN. Ever. I have had some failed relationships. Never was able to connect. I was "emotionally unavailable". No big crowds, have to scope exits and entrances, I pay more attention to everything else then the person sitting across from me.

Then she sent a note, I responded. Turns out she feels the same about me, is super mad at me because I could not connect with her then but has an understanding now. She does not hold it against me, but there is a rather big problem / obstacle. Even with that. She has helped me connect to my emotions, my pain level and bp dropped from 190 / 140 to about 120 / 80. I am more active, stopped smoking weed (I live in a legal state). And slowly making more gains. All about the baby steps.

None of which could be done without her influence and impact in my life. But there is a problem.

 

[Aerials1978]

I know God is real and his angels protect us, not always from harm but at times defiantly from death. I am sure they will look out for you and yours.

Maybe just to get this off my chest will make a difference, no idea. So here goes and thank those that read for not judging me to harshly.

So I met a girl, she was my love at first sight, my soulmate. She is still the best thing that has happened to me. But due to the Army and archaic rules, regulations, our young age, immaturity and so much more we ended up parting ways. She left me. Ran off to get married to the wrong guy. Few years go by and she makes contact with me while I am deployed and let me tell you. If you believe in God and a woman like this believes in you, there is nothing better.

I ended up getting hurt and we lost contact. This was early in the conflict where communication from there to the US was spotty, unreliable and always with issues. We would go months with no contact at times. Anyway so I make it back to the states, no way to contact this girl. We hit and miss for a few years, one of us is always overseas. And then we were not. We were both on the east coast. 1 hour plane flight from each other. Perfect

Except it was not, I was suffering from PTSD and TBI in a time where if you wore a uniform and they found out, you were ostracized, considered cancer and your career tanked or ended. Not many knew the effects during that time and the Army got rid of you if you were considered weak. We were at war. I was way to close to things that explode and 3 concussions, 2 broken helmets, 1 destroyed body armor vest later... Once we returned to the states, I had a couple years of no deployments and I was a emotional wreck and had some severe nerve damage as it turned out. I knew something was wrong but could not determine what it was. I went to the doc and they claimed I was good to go. So back to work I went.

I could not connect with her, I was distant, isolated, couldn't get out of my own way if you hit me with a train. Things upset me easily, I could not be around crowds, holidays were torture (she has a fantastic family and big) but they only remember me when I wasn't me.
So her feeling I was abandoning her, she decided to strike first and end it. (she still blames me but now understands why I was not me).
I ended up drinking so much I had a stroke, but you can't tell. But I remember it, the feeling the slurred speech and the right side of my face dropping, the peace the half smile as I slide out of my chair and lay down on the carpet. Folding my arms over my chest, thinking this is where it ends and then waking up. Quite disappointed. I was ready.

I tried to get help, never could navigate the balance of seeking help and what the Army and my Leaders expected / required of me. Because I was considered a senior in the Army, the expectations were different. And if you could not meet em... you had to go. I dug down deep, boxed up every single feeling and packaged it. Labeled DO NOT OPEN. Ever. I have had some failed relationships. Never was able to connect. I was "emotionally unavailable". No big crowds, have to scope exits and entrances, I pay more attention to everything else then the person sitting across from me.

Then she sent a note, I responded. Turns out she feels the same about me, is super mad at me because I could not connect with her then but has an understanding now. She does not hold it against me, but there is a rather big problem / obstacle. Even with that. She has helped me connect to my emotions, my pain level and bp dropped from 190 / 140 to about 120 / 80. I am more active, stopped smoking weed (I live in a legal state). And slowly making more gains. All about the baby steps.

None of which could be done without her influence and impact in my life. But there is a problem.

It’s good to talk about this. Sometimes just letting it out(even to strangers) eases a heavy yoke. There are people here, sinners whom have been redeemed by Christ that will give the best thing; prayer. And it’s ok to tell God how angry and sad you are. He is our Father and already knows every inch of your being. He knows exactly what you have and are going through. Call on Him, and He will pour out His mercy and grace we all so desperately yearn for. Our body and spirit groans for Him. God bless you my friend!

 

[blue_ladybug]

Hi Jumper, welcome to CC. Your story would be more appropriate for the Family forum, instead of the Intro forum. You'll get more coverage there.

 

[Bingo]

"Thank you for being you."

 

[TabinRivCA]

Hi jumper and welcome to CC, nice to meet you. My second husband, first hubby is in heaven, was in the CB's in Viet Nam. No doubt it left scars as he was (now in heaven also) a sensitive human being. He would duck at a loud sound such as a car backfire and always seemed on 'guard'. Once he said something about his buddies hands and bodies laying around.
Thanks to God I met a friend, an ordained minister, whom he just clicked with. As an agnostic he saw the gentleness in her. At the end he gave in and accepted the Good News of Christ.
There is a Scripture that tells us to 'bring our thoughts into captivity and rely on the promises of God'. Maybe I can't understand the horror of actually being in a war, but I know God does not want us to stay in those tormenting situations.
I listen to videos of my favorite preachers at night to fill my heart with hope and the blessed assurance that one day we will all be at perfect peace, no more sadness, sickess death etc.
I know this thought I have does not compare to your experience but I feel to share it. I have lost some loved ones and when I thought , how will this mourning stop, the Comforter scrolled down a message from Heaven. It said 'He is in perfect peace and joyful and would not want to go back and relive what you(I) keep focusing on'. This instantly healed me.' 'He sent His Word and healed them' Psa 107:20.
May God bless & keep you, brother, and TTHANK YOU for your service!

 

[Leumas]

Hey whats up jumper. You're on the right path brother. Keep going. God wants you to stay cheery and keep the good things in your life and go out there and get more good things. Listen to your heart. Peace and love from another ex-military member. You are definitely here for a reason. Enjoy your world my bro. Peace!