I sit listening to a family laugh and spend quality time together. I miss having a family. It was somewhat a family. There were fights and physical abuse going back and forth at times.
But I miss just having my dad come home from work and kiss me and say My Princess. And tell me how important I am. I miss it when my mom would hold me close and tell me that she loves and cared for me like I'm the only person in her life. I felt so safe like it was me and her against the world.
Now, my parents are divorced. My mom is filled with anger and stress. She acts like she doesn't like who I am. And my dad is in jail.
I miss having a family. I want a family.
We weren't perfect but I miss you dad. Our car rides with you playing loud music and trying to be cool. I just miss us three.
Wallows in a ton of tears x
I think many today can somewhat relate atleast a little. This virus has halted the hugs, kisses, people are forced to die alone, we are living on the memory of the smell, laughter, and unique gestures our loved ones would have. Our kids are missing their grandparents. Some are only able to interact through a glass window or door. Brothers and sisters are stuck 100s of miles away off at colleges who are lockdown.
Obviously in less death is involved most of this is temporary. But many are feeling the loss or absence of loved ones. I'm starting to feel it for my brother and parents. My brother being one of those off at college, called home telling my mother he wasn't mentally doing good. He was alone and basically missed home. But our parents are 57 and 56 so he doesn't want to come home. I have memories of my grandfather who passed away when I was young. I remember the last day asking why he was still sleeping but in fact he had died in his bed. My uncle who had the lamest jokes but loved the song carry on my wayward son, died of bone cancer. Now the song instantly puts a lump in my throat.
Life isnt perfect in our fallen world. Sin and death has created a abnormal existence from what God perfected and said once that all was good. Now sin, disease, natural disasters, and the constant decay as we age tears our families apart.
I for one wanted a family but what scares me is with all the chaos in the world. Much of it I cannot control and therefore protect my family. I often think of Mary watching her son die on a cross. Oh God does that make wanting a family difficult. Love in general is difficult. It makes vulnerable and open to pain that comes from the consequences of sin, death and disease.
But despite the fear and odds we gamble with the odds and risk it for the happiness it brings, the memories, the love, and the joy. And for those who live long have the memories and photos of the love that was once had. Those memories are often the joyful reminder that the odds was worth it. Life is worth. It is often we have no control over life but we have all the control over how we respond.
I cannot say anything to help with death or the seemingly endless separation of prison but the only answer you can find is how you respond. How do others have joy in the midst of life's struggles.
My only answer is the power of God and and Spirit have brought joy to the hopeless, the sorrowful, the mournful, the burdened, the addict, the slave, the sick, the dying, and the prisoner. The supernatural peace is just that, a supernatural calm within the storm. Death may be imminent but you continue to worship as the ship sinks.
Idk maybe it is the music I hear this morning that is affecting my emotions that separation brings because normally from past events and internal defense mechanisms I live with a survival mindset that life isn't a perfect picture. That I must survive until it forces me out. Everything is just something to survive through because if I open up too much then life will catch me off guard.
For Christ's sake dont become like me. Take the risks, take the moments and enjoy the time. Yes they may be gone one day but make every moment and live as it may be your last. My anxiety doesn't make me a risk taker. I analyze everything then compare the odds, but at the same time the anxiety plays the what ifs on the odds.
Hug your mom, go see your dad. You may not be able to change the reality of the situation but take what life gives you. Take the lemons and add something sweet to make lemonade. Nothing is perfect, we all deal with it differently and whatever way possible to live on day to day.
God brings me peace and joy but that only came from hitting ground zero and failing every other way of trying to do life by my own methods.
May you do the same but skip the ground zero part.
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I am sorry to hear that you are sorrowing over the separation and losses you have suffered in relation to your family as it once was and is now in light of the many changes that have happened. 
