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i really never thought about it i guess. i married at 33, so by some, i married as an older person. husband was 37. a friend of mine married earlier this month, and he's 39.
i think for me, i would like to know that person's story. reason(s) as to why they are single if they choose to share. heck, maybe it wouldn't even be a topic of conversation. so maybe i would wait for that person to bring up the topic.
i think for me, i would like to know that person's story. reason(s) as to why they are single if they choose to share. heck, maybe it wouldn't even be a topic of conversation. so maybe i would wait for that person to bring up the topic.
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If God designs it so that in our old age we can’t create children, do you think maybe that’s on purpose? Is it possible that in our fifties and sixties we are better suited for other tasks and less qualified to keep up with toddlers? I for one am greatly looking forward to enjoying my adult children and their grandchildren in my forties. At this stage in the game I would not want to do it all again. However there is a fifty year old at work with a six year old daughter. Although it takes him about one entire minute to get down and then back on his feet, he talks about how awesome it is having a young one. How much he will enjoy it in ten years when she starts dating might be a different story.
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I think it’s an interesting statistic, out of all the travel sports teams my children played on, I can only remember one or two of their teammates parents being split up. That’s seriously at least 100 couples. Maybe it’s being invested in their children or travel sports don’t leave enough money for divorce attorneys. I can tell you, there weren’t many of them that were Christians.
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I have two daughters each with long term boyfriends. Both boys’ dads are distant (one completely). Both mothers are single and very social and financially independent. They appear to be happy. I think loneliness is the greatest burden for single and married people alike. Honestly, I don’t make generalizations about people because they are single. I guess the only one I might make is that they must be independent and probably value their ability to make sole decisions. Not having to compromise creates a hurdle for coupling.
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Thank you for bringing up this point.
I often hear about the "success" of arranged marriages or "back in the good old days" (such as the black-and-white, "Everything is Perfect!" public service messages in the 1950's USA,) but the first thing I always wonder is, how many of those are "successful" marriages? Staying together does not equal a successful marriage. Many of the students in my Christian school had parents who were married, but not happy or wanting to be together. Some stayed because of money; some because of the kids (which I've read was the main reason most people stayed together "back in the day"); some were afraid of the stigma of being divorced; and some just didn't know how to be on their own.
I guess I'm a bit of an old-fashioned romantic. I see a successful Christian marriage as being when both spouses see the other as their most beloved partner in Christ, are glad to be with that person, and if they could do it all over again, would still have married that person.
Singles are told to "keep their focus on the Lord" (which is usually a blanketed way of saying, "Don't go sleeping around now!"), but I wish the marrieds would then share how they are able to successfully keep their eyes on the Lord within their marriage.
Singles have to be diligent about maintaining purity as a one person, but marrieds are expected to be pure almost in reverse.
When they go into their rooms with their spouse and if have "plans" for the evening (or whatever time of day,) what is the married version of "focusing on the Lord" as they tell singles to do? Is it being there, present with their spouse, and thinking of how they can honor God with their soon-to-be actions? Is it thinking of their spouse, and only their spouse, and not the 23-year-old starlet on the TV, or the handsome firefighter who visited their child's school that day, or the office deadline at work? Is it always considering their spouses needs first, and honoring their spouse's will?
How many of the people in these marriages would say that their physical, spiritual, and emotional needs are being met vs. how much they invest into their spouse and children?
Don't get me wrong, I have nothing but the utmost respect for those who can and have made their marriages work.
But I know of many marriages that are "together" in namesake and appearance only, because their hearts are very far from each other.
I often hear about the "success" of arranged marriages or "back in the good old days" (such as the black-and-white, "Everything is Perfect!" public service messages in the 1950's USA,) but the first thing I always wonder is, how many of those are "successful" marriages? Staying together does not equal a successful marriage. Many of the students in my Christian school had parents who were married, but not happy or wanting to be together. Some stayed because of money; some because of the kids (which I've read was the main reason most people stayed together "back in the day"); some were afraid of the stigma of being divorced; and some just didn't know how to be on their own.
I guess I'm a bit of an old-fashioned romantic. I see a successful Christian marriage as being when both spouses see the other as their most beloved partner in Christ, are glad to be with that person, and if they could do it all over again, would still have married that person.
Singles are told to "keep their focus on the Lord" (which is usually a blanketed way of saying, "Don't go sleeping around now!"), but I wish the marrieds would then share how they are able to successfully keep their eyes on the Lord within their marriage.
Singles have to be diligent about maintaining purity as a one person, but marrieds are expected to be pure almost in reverse.
When they go into their rooms with their spouse and if have "plans" for the evening (or whatever time of day,) what is the married version of "focusing on the Lord" as they tell singles to do? Is it being there, present with their spouse, and thinking of how they can honor God with their soon-to-be actions? Is it thinking of their spouse, and only their spouse, and not the 23-year-old starlet on the TV, or the handsome firefighter who visited their child's school that day, or the office deadline at work? Is it always considering their spouses needs first, and honoring their spouse's will?
How many of the people in these marriages would say that their physical, spiritual, and emotional needs are being met vs. how much they invest into their spouse and children?
Don't get me wrong, I have nothing but the utmost respect for those who can and have made their marriages work.
But I know of many marriages that are "together" in namesake and appearance only, because their hearts are very far from each other.
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I also noticed this when our kids played hockey, especially rep. The parents were so committed to their kids and the sport, most teams we were on had no divorced parents. It was like hockey parents were out of touch with the world!
However, as their kids grew older, and got out of hockey, having not made the NHL, then many of the parents got divorced. I remember one case where the husband of one couple was caught by the husband of another couple having sex with his wife in the parking lot, during a game. The aggrieved husband took a baseball bat to the legs of the adulterer, broke both his legs, and that was the quick end to two marriages. I think that was then when not being Christians started to make a difference.
Both our boys played major junior, one took his scholarship and went to university, the other played Tier 2 pro hockey for 10 years, and is now coaching Junior A hockey. Provided they let the season start in the fall, with COVID.
But it was amazing seeing the unity of having some kids who were slightly better than their peers did for the parents. Strange, in fact!
However, as their kids grew older, and got out of hockey, having not made the NHL, then many of the parents got divorced. I remember one case where the husband of one couple was caught by the husband of another couple having sex with his wife in the parking lot, during a game. The aggrieved husband took a baseball bat to the legs of the adulterer, broke both his legs, and that was the quick end to two marriages. I think that was then when not being Christians started to make a difference.
Both our boys played major junior, one took his scholarship and went to university, the other played Tier 2 pro hockey for 10 years, and is now coaching Junior A hockey. Provided they let the season start in the fall, with COVID.
But it was amazing seeing the unity of having some kids who were slightly better than their peers did for the parents. Strange, in fact!
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As for how I view older singles, I admit I feel sorry for them. I have one friend in particular, raised a Christian and very solid in her faith. She just retired from teaching, and is still a never married. She seems very happy and content with her life, but I unfairly think about how sad it is she never found the right person. (Her words!)
But, I think that is just my view of life. My husband and I have been married 40 years, and it is hard for me to imagine anything else for myself. I used to worry sometimes he would die before me, especially when he would get these life threatening infections. But medicine solved that problem, and he has been good for 12 years. I am now the sick one, and other than a death by accident for him, I am going to go first. And he will not do well without me. Mostly because he doesn't cook! Lol
But, I think that is just my view of life. My husband and I have been married 40 years, and it is hard for me to imagine anything else for myself. I used to worry sometimes he would die before me, especially when he would get these life threatening infections. But medicine solved that problem, and he has been good for 12 years. I am now the sick one, and other than a death by accident for him, I am going to go first. And he will not do well without me. Mostly because he doesn't cook! Lol
As much as I would like to say the “successful” marriages I’ve seen are because of the emotional bond that adheres them through the trials of life, it would be lying. Every one that I see is a partnership, not a romance. It’s like they are in business together, the business of family. It doesn’t take a doctorate in psychology to realize that men and women are different. All you need to do is take a look at what movies cater to men, and which ones to women. Look at the characters of the films of the biggest block busters. Usually the dudes aspire to be like or idolize the action stars, kicking butt and turning on all the ladies. The women love watching some independent, less than perfect woman attract some physically fit, attractive and wealthy man. He would rather give up his fame and fortune than to go a day without her despite her personality flaws. You can see the obvious problem here. Marriage is like any business. If you want it pay dividends you have to make the investment. It is always better to like your business partner but it’s important that each person is contributing. Love (agape) in the Bible isn’t emotion, it’s dedication. The word actually describes dutifully providing for. God specifically tells men to provide for their wives and for wives to respect their husbands. Any emotion is just a biproduct of having our needs met. Spouses who are compatible are more like friends and will tend to enjoy each others company more. I have my suspicions of which marriages will fail once the kids are grown. They just have nothing in common.
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Most people can still have children at 40. John the Baptist was full of the Holy Spirit from birth and Abraham and Sarah were wealthy and had lots of servants to help them. Not exactly comparing apples to apples. I know there are lots of examples of how adopted children will benefit from parents who because of age are incapable. I’m sure the children could also benefit from younger parents who can’t conceive also. Regardless each situation is different. I just posed the question that mabey there are reasons that God made it so we couldn’t conceive the older we get.
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If God's will was against it then it wouldn't happen. And because we do not have scripture to tell us the will of God on this issue. It is safe to assume this is within the liberty and judgment of each couple. Especially as we have Biblical examples of elderly parents.
Modern day servants are called public education, day care, babysitters, friends and family, extracurricular activities, etc.
Modern day servants are called public education, day care, babysitters, friends and family, extracurricular activities, etc.