Things married people have said to you, that are discouraging?

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Forgiven66

Guest
#1
#1
For all of us Single folks, I was just wondering what are somethings that married people say to you that really are discouraging to you?

I remember a long time ago a great leader in our church was trying to encourage me in my singleness, but said the worst thing possible. He was married to a beautiful woman and had two lovely daughters, and a handsome son. He told me, he wish he was single so he could serve God better. God forgive me, I had to repent, because I wanted to prayer for his wish to come true.

So what things have married folks said that discourage you?
 
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thimsrebma

Guest
#2
#2
I usually get one of two extremes. When I first started going to church they asked me where my husband was, I said I didn't have one, they just stared at me, as if to say "Honey you;re way too old for that." (people at my church generally get married in early twenties, sometimes teen years) Sometimes they acuse me of not really wanting one.

It makes me mad because I don't understamnd what they expect me to do about it, am I supposed to make a man appear out of thin air and make him be exactly who I need him to be?
 
Protection_Retribution

Protection_Retribution

Banned
#3
Apr 6, 2011
431
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#3
My life sucks and I want to kill myself was the real clincher for non married life for me personally.
 
grace

grace

Senior Member
#5
Sep 8, 2006
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I am divorced (unfortunatly)....I contested the divorce all the way through the end.....and one thing that many people said to me over and over again that drove me crazy was...... "Awwwwww, your still young, there is no doubt you will get married again!"
I just shook my head in disgust because, I was thinking...I am married NOW! Why the heck are you saying this to me! The other thoughts that went through my head was....am I not a whole person if I am not married? Does it make you that uncomfortable to see someone in there thirties unmarried that you have to wish them a future spouse or wedded wishes? (UGH!)

I think they are trying to be helpful...but sometimes do not realize how redicoulous they truly sound.
 
VikkiKate89

VikkiKate89

Banned
#6
Jul 24, 2010
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#6
Marriage isn't for everyone, and I know I've heard my share of horror stories, but like most things it's one of those things you have to decide for yourself whether or not it's right for you and no one else can make that choice for you. I'd encourage you to take the discouraging words with a grain of salt and try dating before deciding whether or not getting married is the right choice for you.
 
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CatWoman

Guest
#7
#7
The worst thing someone said to me was "God will give me a man AND THEN I'll become a whole person." I said right back to them " I am a whole person! One is a whole number." What the heck! People are walking around thinking if your single your not a whole person? Give me a break!!!
 
VikkiKate89

VikkiKate89

Banned
#9
Jul 24, 2010
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#9
CatWoman said:
The worst thing someone said to me was "God will give me a man AND THEN I'll become a whole person." I said right back to them " I am a whole person! One is a whole number." What the heck! People are walking around thinking if your single your not a whole person? Give me a break!!!
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Exactly. Not to mention the fact the NO ONE wants to get involved with half a person. Never get married or date to find "your other half." You are your whole self and a spouse is simply an addition, not a completion.
 
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Matthew

Guest
#10
#10
One thing I've heard repeating in my life from various married people is how they apparently don't have fun anymore.....one woman told me she didn't want her 20 year old daughter to marry because she wanted her to 'enjoy her life' as if marriage is servitude to boredom.

I've gotten to thinking now that if you aren't having fun then you just aren't doing it right.
 
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Gwen66

Guest
#11
#11
There are only 3 college students at my church (all girls), so it's like we have our own "Get them girls married off" club. Every few weeks, I have a different little old lady asking me if I have a boyfriend yet. When I tell them no, they almost always respond with, "Well, you'll do just fine on your own." As if I've lost my chance for marriage by 20 years old!
 
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kiwi_OT

Guest
#12
#12
Matthew said:
One thing I've heard repeating in my life from various married people is how they apparently don't have fun anymore.....one woman told me she didn't want her 20 year old daughter to marry because she wanted her to 'enjoy her life' as if marriage is servitude to boredom.

I've gotten to thinking now that if you aren't having fun then you just aren't doing it right.
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Lol Good point although I believe that in marriage holiness comes before happiness. Fun times are good but their only part of the package of 2 sinners comming together.

I think everyone is better off ignoring people who only talk of marriage as being 100% pure happiness (cos their either lying or deluding themselves) or those who believe marriage is pure hell (cos their either divorced or about to be). Go find a couple who are married, love the Lord more than themselves and each other, have their ups and downs and are not afraid to argue but still kiss and hold hands.
 
Liamson

Liamson

Senior Member
#13
Feb 3, 2010
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#13
kiwi_OT said:
Lol Good point although I believe that in marriage holiness comes before happiness. Fun times are good but their only part of the package of 2 sinners comming together.

I think everyone is better off ignoring people who only talk of marriage as being 100% pure happiness (cos their either lying or deluding themselves) or those who believe marriage is pure hell (cos their either divorced or about to be). Go find a couple who are married, love the Lord more than themselves and each other, have their ups and downs and are not afraid to argue but still kiss and hold hands.
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Thats depressing.
 
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Tatz

Guest
#14
#14
That once men get married they become lazy and leave the responsibility of taking care of the family to the women. This is depressing.
 
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Tatz

Guest
#16
#16
...and discouraging. Hoping and praying that mine will be different.
 
battlecry

battlecry

Junior Member
#17
Jun 16, 2011
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#17
Marriage is God's Idea...It is a gift....Singleness is also God's Idea,,,,God called people to do different things...there are people called to single blessedness and others to marry....Whatever God called you to be, that certainly is the best for you....No doubts, no fears...He knows better than anyone about you....and trust me, His plans for you are great and the best....
 
zeroturbulence

zeroturbulence

Senior Member
#18
Aug 2, 2009
24,653
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#18
I used to listen to this guy on the radio named Tom Leykis and his whole talk show was about how horrible marriage can be for men, and how much better it is for men to remain single. His show went off the air when the radio station switched to a pop music format, and it wasn't my choice to listen to him, its because thats what they listened to at my work.
 
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sweetnshy

Senior Member
#19
Sep 10, 2003
219
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#19
The ones I hate hearing is "Don't worry, I know someone who got married at 75!" or "I know a couple who were high school sweethearts and drifted apart and ended up getting married 50 years later!" Everyone seems to think those stories are so romantic, but I hate those stories! I think I'd rather not get married at all than get married when I'm 80. By that point, you've lived the majority of your life as a single person, so why not finish it out that way? :p
 
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thimsrebma

Guest
#20
#20
sweetnshy said:
The ones I hate hearing is "Don't worry, I know someone who got married at 75!" or "I know a couple who were high school sweethearts and drifted apart and ended up getting married 50 years later!" Everyone seems to think those stories are so romantic, but I hate those stories! I think I'd rather not get married at all than get married when I'm 80. By that point, you've lived the majority of your life as a single person, so why not finish it out that way? :p
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I feel the exact same way.

Ot feels like they are trying to encourage you by saying that it is possible that some day far in the future you could possibly get married.

I just wanna say to those people "How about just listening cause none of your anecdotes are gonna be my antidotes for loneliness."
 
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