To those of you dating...
- Thread starter BenFTW
- Start date
-
Christian Chat is a moderated online Christian community allowing Christians around the world to fellowship with each other in real time chat via webcam, voice, and text, with the Christian Chat app. You can also start or participate in a Bible-based discussion here in the Christian Chat Forums, where members can also share with each other their own videos, pictures, or favorite Christian music.
If you are a Christian and need encouragement and fellowship, we're here for you! If you are not a Christian but interested in knowing more about Jesus our Lord, you're also welcome! Want to know what the Bible says, and how you can apply it to your life? Join us!
To make new Christian friends now around the world, click here to join Christian Chat.
K
So how will we know when we have met the person God has for us?
Will we hear a voice? Will the message come in a dream?
If a random, strange person come up to you saying God told them to tell you that you should marry them, what happens after that? What if the pastor told you that he got a message from God as to who you should marry?
If there is a particular person who you dream about all the time and can't seem to get them off your mind, is that God talking to you?
Please tell me clearly how one can know who God wants them to marry.
You said a person should only date the one who God wants them to marry, why should they bother with dating or getting to know the person if they know for sure that person has already been selected by God?
Will we hear a voice? Will the message come in a dream?
If a random, strange person come up to you saying God told them to tell you that you should marry them, what happens after that? What if the pastor told you that he got a message from God as to who you should marry?
If there is a particular person who you dream about all the time and can't seem to get them off your mind, is that God talking to you?
Please tell me clearly how one can know who God wants them to marry.
You said a person should only date the one who God wants them to marry, why should they bother with dating or getting to know the person if they know for sure that person has already been selected by God?
-
1
- Show all
I saw a christian book in the church library about an ex muslim turned christian who read 'I kissed dating goodbye' which totally made him laugh because God had showed him he needed to date to get to know other people so he wrote that he 'kissed dating hello'.
as long as you behave on a date and if someone is badly behaved on a date then just dont date them again! simple.
and dont marry go off marrying anybody just cos YOU dated them. ask the other people they dated if they were a good date as well.
as long as you behave on a date and if someone is badly behaved on a date then just dont date them again! simple.
and dont marry go off marrying anybody just cos YOU dated them. ask the other people they dated if they were a good date as well.
And you insult me. 😒 Why are people attacking the intent of my post by assuming they know what’s in my heart and think I am trying to judge (and accuse) people as being unspiritual?
I am asking from a place of sincerity, heartfelt. If my question is ignorant, please expose my ignorance. @cinder brought up a good angle, of godly dating for example. That it doesn’t have to be either or, one right and one wrong (which I already knew and stated in the OP in different ways). The question remains, however, why choose godly dating over godly waiting?
Why does this have to put offense in any of your guys hearts? Do you feel judged? I am simply having a discussion on preference, and the reasoning for such preference.
I am asking from a place of sincerity, heartfelt. If my question is ignorant, please expose my ignorance. @cinder brought up a good angle, of godly dating for example. That it doesn’t have to be either or, one right and one wrong (which I already knew and stated in the OP in different ways). The question remains, however, why choose godly dating over godly waiting?
Why does this have to put offense in any of your guys hearts? Do you feel judged? I am simply having a discussion on preference, and the reasoning for such preference.
-
2
- Show all
Oh there's nothing at all wrong with waiting. I'm a big proponent of waiting and seeing what happens, as opposed to going out and trying to find somebody. It's what I've been doing for years, mostly because I can't be bothered to put out the effort.
In fact you will see me often on this forum recommending the waiting option. I usually mention it AS AN OPTION when somebody is lamenting being single and bewailing the loneliness of a single life.
Where I have to disagree with you is when you paint waiting as the spiritual option, and try to claim that people who go out on dates to find somebody are not trusting in God. And I'll keep disagreeing with you, because that IS what you painted it as in your first few posts, no matter how you try to weasel-word around it in subsequent posts.
In fact you will see me often on this forum recommending the waiting option. I usually mention it AS AN OPTION when somebody is lamenting being single and bewailing the loneliness of a single life.
Where I have to disagree with you is when you paint waiting as the spiritual option, and try to claim that people who go out on dates to find somebody are not trusting in God. And I'll keep disagreeing with you, because that IS what you painted it as in your first few posts, no matter how you try to weasel-word around it in subsequent posts.
Man, where is GWYW_Bob when you need him? I'd pay good money to see him and BenFTW slug it out, toe to toe, "You should be getting married or you're not in God's will" versus "If you try to go out and find a spouse you're not trusting God."
Between the two of them I'm a heretic either way. If I try to find a date, Ben condemns me. If I just sit on my hands and wait, Bob condemns me. I'm not sure what to do here, except give up and ignore them both.
Between the two of them I'm a heretic either way. If I try to find a date, Ben condemns me. If I just sit on my hands and wait, Bob condemns me. I'm not sure what to do here, except give up and ignore them both.
Everything I put in bold here is a bold faced lie, intentional or not on your part.
I don’t know where everyone is getting this idea of “the spiritual option.” Take the time to reread the original post. Yes, it does put waiting upon the Lord in a good light because it is a good practice. It does paint dating in a somewhat negative light because as people here will tell you from experience, it has its negatives. Which is why I asked why people choose to date instead of waiting.
My preference is waiting. Someone else’s might be dating. God can work through both. Someone might ask the Lord, through godly dating, to lead them to the right man or woman and in that process they could see what it is they want and do not want.
Your words are sharp, and you should consider letting them be expressed in meekness and with grace.
I don’t know where everyone is getting this idea of “the spiritual option.” Take the time to reread the original post. Yes, it does put waiting upon the Lord in a good light because it is a good practice. It does paint dating in a somewhat negative light because as people here will tell you from experience, it has its negatives. Which is why I asked why people choose to date instead of waiting.
My preference is waiting. Someone else’s might be dating. God can work through both. Someone might ask the Lord, through godly dating, to lead them to the right man or woman and in that process they could see what it is they want and do not want.
Your words are sharp, and you should consider letting them be expressed in meekness and with grace.
-
1
- Show all
I will quote Subhumanoidal's excellent post where he breaks it down for you where you said all those things... Partly because he has already done it, so why reinvent the wheel, but mostly because he had more patience for it than I have.
You definitely said one way was good and the other was bad - not that one was was better than the other, but that one was good and the other was bad.
You definitely said one way was good and the other was bad - not that one was was better than the other, but that one was good and the other was bad.
If you feel that I articulated one way was good and the other was bad, instead of trying to defame me, why don’t you instead argue for why you think both options are good or expressing if one is better than the other?
I have said, many times now, my preference is waiting upon the Lord. We can weigh the pros and cons of waiting versus dating.
This thread permits people to self-reflect. It allows people to consider the costs. To consider their actions and if such actions are ideal.
I am heavily in favor, on a personal level, of waiting. I am curious why people choose to date instead. Why does this have to be you making me out to be judging people when I am simply asking them why they have chosen to date as the method by which they are seeking a spouse?
I have said, many times now, my preference is waiting upon the Lord. We can weigh the pros and cons of waiting versus dating.
This thread permits people to self-reflect. It allows people to consider the costs. To consider their actions and if such actions are ideal.
I am heavily in favor, on a personal level, of waiting. I am curious why people choose to date instead. Why does this have to be you making me out to be judging people when I am simply asking them why they have chosen to date as the method by which they are seeking a spouse?
-
1
- Show all
All I wanted was a discussion and instead people have taken offense when none was intended. 🤷🏻♂️ Yes, I would encourage people to wait, but after this thread and certain people’s comments, I realize it is up to the individual and their faith. Some people genuinely aren’t comfortable with waiting nor do they desire or trust that process.
Some people want to date in a godly fashion, some prefer a slow process, and others would rather wait upon the Lord’s confirmation and then pursue a person. Each is acting within their right and within their faith.
Some people want to date in a godly fashion, some prefer a slow process, and others would rather wait upon the Lord’s confirmation and then pursue a person. Each is acting within their right and within their faith.
-
1
- Show all
@BenFTW I can't speak to your intentions, but the history of this thread shows that multiple people heard in the words and phrasing you chose an adversarial and aggressive tone that left them in little doubt which side of the discussion you were on and much doubt about this being a discussion rather than someone looking to promote their own views. Poke around the threads and you'll find that, that's not a good way to start a discussion. No one wants to jump into a discussion where they expect to be told they're wrong. And I'm trying to be nice and gracious as much as I can because about 15 years ago I would probably have espoused many of the ideas that you are in favor of.
The best way to foster discussion is to approach people like they are the experts and you are the learner. You clearly have a very negative view of dating and it's potential harms and dangers. But there's a world of difference in tone between saying dating has so many negatives why would you choose it and what are the potential rewards of dating that makes you think it's worth the risk . In the same way, and as I mentioned in my very first response it helps to define ambiguous terms when you want to have a discussion and dating and waiting are nice for rhymes but pretty fraught with abiguity as to what those behaviors specifically consist of. With a more nuanced discussion we may have been able to discover that we can all agree that we should wait for a good date and not just date a least bad of the available potentials so we can be in a relationship. We could talk about different levels of emotional intimacy and how to determine if your interactions are starting to encroach upon that border between dating and friendship and if you're treating your brother or sister honorably and with honesty in those interactions. Unfortunately all we've gotten is a repetition of the idea of : dating has so many negatives, why would you date when you can just wait on God to do it all perfectly? And the repetition of such a broad and undefined questions has stifled some potentially really deep discussions because that question really gets down to our faith and how we believe God is present and active in our lives and how God works in the real world when the rubber meets the road.
Personally, I would consider this thread at best a misfire and I don't think it will have much longer before it's either derailed or the arguments escalate further and it just becomes nasty. You're thinking and choosing worthy discussion topics which is great and something we need around here; I think maybe you just need some more practice in choosing words and setting a tone that will promote collaboration and discussion instead of taking sides over competing views and digging in our heels that we're right and the other side is wrong.
The best way to foster discussion is to approach people like they are the experts and you are the learner. You clearly have a very negative view of dating and it's potential harms and dangers. But there's a world of difference in tone between saying dating has so many negatives why would you choose it and what are the potential rewards of dating that makes you think it's worth the risk . In the same way, and as I mentioned in my very first response it helps to define ambiguous terms when you want to have a discussion and dating and waiting are nice for rhymes but pretty fraught with abiguity as to what those behaviors specifically consist of. With a more nuanced discussion we may have been able to discover that we can all agree that we should wait for a good date and not just date a least bad of the available potentials so we can be in a relationship. We could talk about different levels of emotional intimacy and how to determine if your interactions are starting to encroach upon that border between dating and friendship and if you're treating your brother or sister honorably and with honesty in those interactions. Unfortunately all we've gotten is a repetition of the idea of : dating has so many negatives, why would you date when you can just wait on God to do it all perfectly? And the repetition of such a broad and undefined questions has stifled some potentially really deep discussions because that question really gets down to our faith and how we believe God is present and active in our lives and how God works in the real world when the rubber meets the road.
Personally, I would consider this thread at best a misfire and I don't think it will have much longer before it's either derailed or the arguments escalate further and it just becomes nasty. You're thinking and choosing worthy discussion topics which is great and something we need around here; I think maybe you just need some more practice in choosing words and setting a tone that will promote collaboration and discussion instead of taking sides over competing views and digging in our heels that we're right and the other side is wrong.
-
1
-
1
-
1
- Show all
Thanks for the input.
“Adversarial and aggressive tone.” I am assuming you are referring to the back and forth between Magenta and I? That was resolved, and based upon a misunderstanding. And I do apologize for taking offense and misreading her intent.
I wasn’t trying to hide that I am for waiting. I am literally asking, in my understanding of dating, why would a person date instead of wait? I got sparse answers and a lot of offense.
Again, thanks for taking the time to make this level headed response.
“Adversarial and aggressive tone.” I am assuming you are referring to the back and forth between Magenta and I? That was resolved, and based upon a misunderstanding. And I do apologize for taking offense and misreading her intent.
I wasn’t trying to hide that I am for waiting. I am literally asking, in my understanding of dating, why would a person date instead of wait? I got sparse answers and a lot of offense.
Again, thanks for taking the time to make this level headed response.