I just finished reading a. book on the 1979 Mt erebus disaster in which 257 people all on one flight died when the plane crashed straight into the mountain...it was found to be an auto pilot error, which the pilots hadnt picked up on as the airline management somehow had changed the coordinates for some unknown reason.
It was one of the worst disasters nz had and the army etc had to go there to identify recover the bodies and remains and bring them back. People were traumatised as they didnt know what was happening since the airline tried to cover up their systemic failings. Anyway only just this year is there going to be an official memorial where people can go to remember and read all the names of the people who died.
They said everyone know someone who knew someone...but in many peoples grief they didnt seem to reach out to one another thinking they were going through it alone. I know widows can be the hardest hit and think their grief and pain is the worst but everyone to an extent shares those feelings since ethere were many many widows. and orphans.
To this day few people want to talk about it but if people just dont talk about it and cry and comfort each other they dont heal. I dont know why death seems to be so taboo in some cultures or why it seems emotions are not released. if emotions and feelings have no outlet then you still think about things 10, 30, 40 years later and keep reliving the trauma. the author of this book was a grandaughter of one of the casualties, three years old at the time. her parents and uncles and aunts dont really remember the funeral, they were catholics so just did the ritual thing.
Maybe the ritual things arent enough and you need to do something more to process death and loss. People wrote letters to their loved ones and it got collected into a book only families could view.
I just wonder how do you personally deal with losing a loved one. aside from the funeral/burial. Do you visit a gravesite every year, or go away everytime the death day approaches, write poetry, plant a tree...how do you deal with unfinished business esp when its a tragedy? and when do you start living life again?
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