brave parents

[Lanolin]

For those reading this who are parents or starting a family in these times as a fellow believer I just want to encourage you as I think you are very brave to embark on it.

Back when my parents started their family things were so much easier. They had cheaper housing, they had steady jobs, plentiful work, they had free education and even milk money...which was delivered to your door. They had family support, free babysitters around, and the roads and neighbourhoods were so much safer. Things were built to last and there were only two channels on the tv, and the weekends even the shops were closed.
There was no AIDS scare and they didnt think the oil/electricity and water would run out. when you turned 65 your workplace guaranteed you a pension or at least a reward like a gold watch for long service. and if you didnt even have a job at least you had more chances of winning lotto, cos less people were buying it.

Contrast that to now. Housing is so expensive that even a deposit is pretty much unaffordable for first time buyers, and steady jobs are hard to come by as employers put in 90 day trials and there is so much competition for fewer jobs. education is not free its more expensive but if you do opt for free education the quality of it means less resources and teaching time for your students, You need to buy your own milk and doent get delivered anymore, and it comes in plastic bottles that just get dumped instead of washed and reused. Families get scattered further away from each other so there is less support, nor free babysitters and you have to pay for daycare.
The roads are now killers. Neighbourhoods are violent. Things are not built to last they now they are built to become obsolete. There are hundreds of channels on tv, most full of advertising things you dont need. some shops are open 24/7 especially online.
You can never be sure someone doesnt have an std, oil prices are high and now there is even fracking and more demolishing habitats for natural resources like coal and gas. Water is now polluted. There is no way the govt or workplace will pay you a pension when you turn 65 you have to save up for it yourself, and they are more likely to make you redundant without any payout. Chances of winning lotto are slimmer than ever.

so anyone thinking of becoming parents NOW I think wow you are very brave. I dont know what the future holds for your children but you are going against the odds because anyone trying to do that now and just even to keep a roof over their head must be struggling!

If you are the few percentage of families that are NOT struggling or split apart wont you tell us your secret.

 

[tourist]

I believe that anyone that gets out of bed each day determined to do the best they have with what God has provided is a brave person. The struggle plays a huge role in defining who we are. Each generation has their own particular challenges. Yeah, things are hard, that is no secret.

 

[tourist]

I would not want to be a young married man starting out in the workplace trying to have a family in today's world. It was hard enough for me years ago back in the day and things have gotten much harder and the struggling more physically and emotionally draining. I only had one child, a daughter who is now 41 years old, a husband, 5 kids, various pets and struggling hard. I feel her pain. She is also very brave. So is her husband.

 

[surfer14]

If you are the few percentage of families that are NOT struggling or split apart wont you tell us your secret.

Everyone struggles. It's part of life. But I do have a solid marriage. Our son is the most devout Christian I know. He just got married. My daughter is doing great too - she's avoiding the slut life that so many fall into even though she looks like a model.

Secrets? None. But here are a few things we did/do that have been helpful.
1. No TV.
2. No Internet or cell phones when the kids were young.
3. Homeschool.
4. Guns. Lots of guns. Competitive shooters are the best people in the world and that whole community played a role in shaping my kids to where they are today. And hunting with my kids was soooo good. I was hunting with my daughter while she was still in diapers.
5. We never, ever lied to our kids. No Santa was taught. No tooth fairy. Nothing like that.
6. We had few rules in our house. If I wasn't prepared to enforce it, then I didn't make it as a rule. Instead that was in the advise column. But the rules we did have were strictly enforced.
7. Three overarching priorities in life we always taught. 1st- you've got to be tough. Mentally, physically, and spiritually. If you're not tough, you're worthless. 2. Love - if your actions aren't guided by some type of love for God, your family, your people then what's the point? 3. Smarts/knowledge - only after the other two priorities are met do we care how smart or knowledgable you are.
8. Finally, recognize that it's a man's role to love his wife, and a woman's role to respect her husband. Respect is earned. Love is given. Men need to always keep earning that respect. Always. Women, respect your man even when he's not being respectable. Men, love your wife. Even when she's unlovable. Both are nigh impossible. Both are commanded.
9. Continually ask God's blessing on your union.

Take issue with whatever you want. That's what we did, and it worked great for us.

 

[Lanolin]

guns?
I wouldnt let my children around any guns unless they are water guns. I can just imagine if they all had guns and could bring them to school...CARNAGE.
if you are not tough you are worthless? so weakness or relying on God is nothing to boast about?
homeschool..were your parents full time teachers?

tell me do you own your land or where did you get it from. How could you afford to buy it. what JOB did you actually have. If you have solid marriage, why dont you mention your wife? Do you live in the city or country?

 

[Lanolin]

would you abort a child if you thought they couldnt be tough just wondering, would they be useless to you.
Like say if they had some kind of congenital illness and the doctors said well this one isnt going to live for very long.

 

[Lanolin]

I have spoken to some parents who nearly did that.
The wife suffered depression I think she had four girls, then fourth had special needs and the husband said to me we were thinking of aborting her, but they didnt.
He has two jobs and they are barely make ends meet.

I wonder if I should tell them their problems might be solved if they just got guns. Im not sure if the wife got depression before having children or after.

They were religous though the husband was involced with something called christadelphinism and they sent their children to SDA schools.

 

[oldethennew]

wondering if there are any 'rats' in the wood-pile???
something just seems 'off' here!
not being dis-respectful, just (perplexed)...

 

[Lanolin]

I believe that anyone that gets out of bed each day determined to do the best they have with what God has provided is a brave person. The struggle plays a huge role in defining who we are. Each generation has their own particular challenges. Yeah, things are hard, that is no secret.

true
I wonder that God had provided more for others though. SOme people had to leave their country of origin because they are unable to find decent jobs in their home country, or they had wars and stuff.

 

[Lanolin]

wondering if there are any 'rats' in the wood-pile???
something just seems 'off' here!
not being dis-respectful, just (perplexed)...

what do you mean?

I think being brave is not always the same as being tough. I think anyone starting a family these days is brave, not tough. But I suppose it toughens you up because its a huge cost.

 

[surfer14]

you asked. I told you. Now you're whining?

I stand by what I said. My kids were handling guns before they could ride bikes. It was good. It was a way to spend lots of time with them. Spend lots of time doing something else if you're that scared of guns.

And regarding toughness. If your love and knowledge are only strong enough to get you through a sunny day, then ya, you basically are worthless. Why even bother? Love is only as good as it is when it's displayed during adversity. Jesus knew a thing or two about that.

And here's a newsflash for you. Children aren't born tough. It's a virtue they must be taught. And yes, bravery and toughness are very, very similar.

 

[tourist]

true
I wonder that God had provided more for others though. SOme people had to leave their country of origin because they are unable to find decent jobs in their home country, or they had wars and stuff.

That reminds me of a story that I heard many years ago that has stuck with me. There was a man who was relatively well off talking to a very poor man. The poor man asked how was it that the well off man had many things including a good income while he was destitute.

Now, the well off man liked to think of himself as a well-rounded Christian and thought that he was quite knowledgeable in scripture and chock full of wisdom. He said "I have these things because God gave them to me".

The poor guy said, "Why did God give you these things?".

The well off man said "God gave me these things because He loves me."

The poor guy stuck his hands into the empty pockets and said "Doesn't God love me too?"

It was the well off man that was truly insensitive and destitute in knowledge and wisdom. Spiritual knowledge and wisdom dictates that you don't preach about the love of God to a person who is starving and then leave it at that. You must first feed the starving person and then do your best to assure that the other needs are taken care of as well. After this, the spiritual discussion about God can begin, and not before.

Simply praying for a brother and sister in need when you have the ability to actually help in a tangible way is an exercise in futility. You may feel warm and fuzzy inside because you said a prayer but you have done nothing to actually help the least of your brothers and sisters.

It is my opinion, based on years of experience and observation, that the best prayer is answered prayer.

Reading your posts through this past year it is also my opinion that you 'get it' in regards to consideration of the least of our brothers and sisters. Most impressive.

 

[surfer14]

Simply praying for a brother and sister in need when you have the ability to actually help in a tangible way is an exercise in futility. You may feel warm and fuzzy inside because you said a prayer but you have done nothing to actually help the least of your brothers and sisters.

Very, very well said! Could not agree more.

 

[mar09]

Everyone struggles. It's part of life. But I do have a solid marriage. Our son is the most devout Christian I know. He just got married. My daughter is doing great too - she's avoiding the slut life that so many fall into even though she looks like a model.

Secrets? None. But here are a few things we did/do that have been helpful.
1. No TV.
2. No Internet or cell phones when the kids were young.
3. Homeschool.
4. Guns. Lots of guns. Competitive shooters are the best people in the world and that whole community played a role in shaping my kids to where they are today. And hunting with my kids was soooo good. I was hunting with my daughter while she was still in diapers.
5. We never, ever lied to our kids. No Santa was taught. No tooth fairy. Nothing like that.
6. We had few rules in our house. If I wasn't prepared to enforce it, then I didn't make it as a rule. Instead that was in the advise column. But the rules we did have were strictly enforced.
7. Three overarching priorities in life we always taught. 1st- you've got to be tough. Mentally, physically, and spiritually. If you're not tough, you're worthless. 2. Love - if your actions aren't guided by some type of love for God, your family, your people then what's the point? 3. Smarts/knowledge - only after the other two priorities are met do we care how smart or knowledgable you are.
8. Finally, recognize that it's a man's role to love his wife, and a woman's role to respect her husband. Respect is earned. Love is given. Men need to always keep earning that respect. Always. Women, respect your man even when he's not being respectable. Men, love your wife. Even when she's unlovable. Both are nigh impossible. Both are commanded.
9. Continually ask God's blessing on your union.

Take issue with whatever you want. That's what we did, and it worked great for us.

Thanks for sharing ur secrets=). We neither had tv for many, many yrs.. but no guns. The only guns were toys, and later this larger (sorry forgot the name) for sports wc the guys had fun with for a time.

I appreciate #6, wc we could have simplified more for the growing children. As to #8, the teaching on Eph 5 abt the husband loving his wife as Christ the church is paramount to the children learning abt (God's) love. It sure is a mystery, but it should work, for our Lord taught it.

[25Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;

26That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word,

27That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish.

28So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself.

29For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church:

30For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones.

31For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.

32This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church.

33Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband. Eph 5.25-33]

 

[mar09]

For those reading this who are parents or starting a family in these times as a fellow believer I just want to encourage you as I think you are very brave to embark on it.

... so anyone thinking of becoming parents NOW I think wow you are very brave. I dont know what the future holds for your children but you are going against the odds because anyone trying to do that now and just even to keep a roof over their head must be struggling!

If you are the few percentage of families that are NOT struggling or split apart wont you tell us your secret.

HI. While we have ideas abt wanting to marry and having families, if we seek and discern God's will, knowing and learning what to do w/ children in marriage should come as a natural part of the decision to marry. Perhaps so many marry w/o truly seeking to understand what they are going into, sometimes blinded by infatuation or lust. That's why it's so important that young believers walk in the Spirit, for they do not give in to the flesh, while the older like us=) continue to teach and encourage that whether we marry or stay single, it is good when we obey and honor the Lord. Again some verses from Eph. 5:

15See then that ye walk circumspectly, not as fools, but as wise,

16Redeeming the time, because the days are evil.

17Wherefore be ye not unwise, but understanding what the will of the Lord is.

 

[Lanolin]

HI. While we have ideas abt wanting to marry and having families, if we seek and discern God's will, knowing and learning what to do w/ children in marriage should come as a natural part of the decision to marry. Perhaps so many marry w/o truly seeking to understand what they are going into, sometimes blinded by infatuation or lust. That's why it's so important that young believers walk in the Spirit, for they do not give in to the flesh, while the older like us=) continue to teach and encourage that whether we marry or stay single, it is good when we obey and honor the Lord. Again some verses from Eph. 5:

15See then that ye walk circumspectly, not as fools, but as wise,

16Redeeming the time, because the days are evil.
I think some people have good intentions but then they cant pay their mortgage or something else happens and families just go under.
although a lot of people married younger when it was actually a good time to marry and start families (baby boomer years) because they had good prospects.
But young people NOW do not have the same good prospects that the previous generation has had and maybe even take for granted. Like you were guaranteed housing because in post war years, NOBODY had a house as it was all pretty much bombed out and they had to reconstruct them all, and get land for development. so huge tracts of land were developed into suburbs and it was pretty much 'Nappy Valley'...farms for children to grow up in. But now, nobody can afford those new homes. Only people who already HAVE a house can because they sell their old one and get a new one. But its the new families who miss out, cos only the older generation get those new homes, which, honestly they dont really need. I dont know why they dont just pass them on to their own families, or add on to them but it seems thats just not the done thing.

I think thats rather short sighted of people. most families are just renting, which isnt really good for children to be constantly moving from one house to another and not having anywhere to call home.

 

[Lanolin]

you asked. I told you. Now you're whining?

I stand by what I said. My kids were handling guns before they could ride bikes. It was good. It was a way to spend lots of time with them. Spend lots of time doing something else if you're that scared of guns.

And regarding toughness. If your love and knowledge are only strong enough to get you through a sunny day, then ya, you basically are worthless. Why even bother? Love is only as good as it is when it's displayed during adversity. Jesus knew a thing or two about that.

And here's a newsflash for you. Children aren't born tough. It's a virtue they must be taught. And yes, bravery and toughness are very, very similar.

uh who are YOU talking to.
Not me.

Jesus didnt teach kids how to handle guns but he was crucified.

I just dont know what guns have to do with families, I mean ?! Im not scared of them, I just think they havnt got anything to do with anything. You didnt say where you lived (town our country) or what job you have. If you are a hunter, why dont you just say? Not every family needs to go out hunting or has the lands to do it. In some countries, only the rich people have hunting grounds.

 

[Lanolin]

I think if you live in poor area like parts of the city and you have no access to resources like fishing or hunting grounds or land to grow food then it would be very hard to provide for your family.

Jesus was ok as even if he didnt have much land he could always go fishing. it was free. But this was before pollution happened....

after youve paid your rent or mortgage and other costs that leaves very little for food for a growing family. You could move somewhere cheaper but then there are less jobs available. I dont really know how people do it, but maybe theres like this magic job that you can do that will always provide, you would never get tired of it, never get sick, and never get made rendundant.

what is it?

 

[Lanolin]

sometimes I talk to men and maybe they go out and hunt possums but they cant do it full time. Although they could sell the fur which fetches a high price. what has happened is the govt decided to do a poison drop in the forest, killing the possoms, plus rats and mice and rabbits. and everything else they thought were pests, and so people couldnt even use the fur or eat them.

most men cant make a living from hunting. Its not in the old days wheen fortunes where made and animals were literally hinted to extinction. A lot of jobs that are well paid are very demanding and men just dont have the time to be fathers. they come home from work exhausted and just want to have a drink. I cant see these men making good husbands though they try their best.

 

[Lanolin]

I lived for a time with some christian families that homeschooled, they were rural families and had many children because they lived on a farm, one had like 11 children and another had 8 although one died.
Now they had a lot of room and land and and so had big families because they needed help on the farm. Like they were not all cramped into a suburban 3 bedroom home.

One family I felt sorry for the mum because she had to homeschool all day and she really had to give up her own intersts and life to do it. she said to me she could have been a classical pianist or something but she chose to have family instead and teach music instead, all the family were very musical, but she looked exhausted because her husband was out in the fields all day rotating stock, and he had a bad heart and couldnt do that forever. They had 10 girls and 1 son. The older girls some of them married and had children and moved away but the mum was still looking after a four year old.
Thats why they needed free help so they took in wwoofers.

They had run away from their own families to set up this country lifestyle and basically got slammed for it and they were very strict with their girls to cover up and be modest and all. I thought they were very brave, not so much tough but brave because it could have all fell apart if the dad got ill or couldnt work anymore which does happen on farms. and some of the girls were not keen to keep working on the farm I could tell maybe they wanted something different out of life. They were very isolated in many ways. They didnt have internet and only watched chrstian tv and life centred around church where their dad was the preacher.

I thought it might have suited some people but I know some country kids would just do anything to get away from farm life as they find it hard or boring. It WAS kinda boring just doing nothing but shifting stock all day. They didnt seem to have a garden or anything either.

I guess it was kinda like something out of little house of the prairie which I only read years later. But the thing with those books is actually, in real life the mum wasnt that happy the girls werent getting an education and were stuck working on the farm.