It's the Official CC Anti-Dating Thread -- Write Yourself a Dating No-File!

[Belka]

The "I'm so busy that I don't have time for a relationship" person...


Hello! I'm a super exciting, adventurous and 100% extraverted, super good-looking, fit-for-life gal! I looooove going to the gym, going out with my friends every night, but I'm also a workaholic and spend 50 hours per week at work! I'm totally unstoppable! I LOVE parties and traveling and trying out new things as often as possible! I have 3 businesses that I run, I take care of 4 and a half pets (one is in really bad shape), I'm part of a band that tours every other week, and I also have 22 hobbies including knitting, jogging, parachute jumping, fishing, playing the djembe and pottery! So basically I have 0 time for a relationship BUT if you'd like to join my super-crazy-frantic lifestyle and go on all my adventures together, hit me up!
By the way, I'm kinda broke cause I spend all my money on all my activies so I hope you'll be a gentleman and pay for our dates!
Okay time is up, I can only spend 10 minutes online per day! Byebye and hope to see you in my inbox!

 

[Lynx]

Man... I got really tired just reading that one. That sounds like somebody who runs on espresso. Triple shot.

But good luck with that djembe playing.

 

[Encouragement]

Hi the type "who has the classic "ME ME ME SYNDROME!"
Hi i gather my advert has caught your attention coz you know there's something special about ME.I know i have a particular aroma that makes ME stand out.Well I will tell you a little bit about ME cox basically if you wanna be with ME your gonna have to put ME first and devote yourself to ME and ME alone.
I am looking for someone who will give ME exactly what I want and need 100%.I need someone who will pay ALL my living expenses from when we start dating..that's my rent,shopping,beauty treatments (monthly),holidays with my friends and family,wash my car once a week,do all domestic chores in my flat.
Of course we will only be dating many go put once a month..(i have no other time to be seeing you..too busy)and you will have your own home ect..but I expect you to be available to serve ME and my needs above your own.I expect you to be there for me if even if i text u to pop over and open a tin of tuna fish at 3Am for me...I hate Tins....you can only contact me on Mondays 2-3pm..and chat for 15 mins max..ALL other contact will be if i need you to do things for ME.
I have NO time to understand your needs or wants ect..I am the main focus at all times OK.I expect you to always listen to ME..obey ME..support ME..never to disagree with ME..to solve all my problems..disregard all your friends for ME..if we go out at ANYTIME your entire outfit must cost over £2,000 in English currency at ALL TIMES.I need to see the receipts as proof to your outfits value before I even meet you.
So..thats enough about ME.
I have no interest in hearing about you..coz you need to understand about ME and meet ALL of my needs 1000%.
I give you 3 seconds to reply...⏰😊

 

[Encouragement]

The "I'm so busy that I don't have time for a relationship" person...


Hello! I'm a super exciting, adventurous and 100% extraverted, super good-looking, fit-for-life gal! I looooove going to the gym, going out with my friends every night, but I'm also a workaholic and spend 50 hours per week at work! I'm totally unstoppable! I LOVE parties and traveling and trying out new things as often as possible! I have 3 businesses that I run, I take care of 4 and a half pets (one is in really bad shape), I'm part of a band that tours every other week, and I also have 22 hobbies including knitting, jogging, parachute jumping, fishing, playing the djembe and pottery! So basically I have 0 time for a relationship BUT if you'd like to join my super-crazy-frantic lifestyle and go on all my adventures together, hit me up!
By the way, I'm kinda broke cause I spend all my money on all my activies so I hope you'll be a gentleman and pay for our dates!
Okay time is up, I can only spend 10 minutes online per day! Byebye and hope to see you in my inbox!

My goodness...🤣🤣🤣🤣

 

[Belka]

@Encouragement
Sounds like an actual narcissist! *runs for the hills*

 

[Encouragement]

@Encouragement
Sounds like an actual narcissist! *runs for the hills*

I think the hills are far to near..😊😊...more like get a NASA rocket and just escape the entire planet..they can't find you on the moon...
...but then again...🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

 

[Lanolin]

I live in a remote island paradise, come and date me, you will be the alpha male as Ive been through every other guy on the island and they were not good enough. warning though once you come to the island you wont be able to return back to where you come from as your visa will self destruct in 3 months, you will be married and mine forever. Sounds good? Give me a call. You know long distance relationships never work, so become part of my tribe. It will be like Survivor, but even better becase it will be our reality.

SO looking forward to meeting you.

Ps. Bring a shipping container full of imported goods. It's duty free.

 

[IToreTheSky]

Hi! I'm a passive aggressive control freak who loves to live laugh ,and well,er... love! I enjoy using exclamation points every chance I get!!!!!! I like to hang around my office after hours and make paper airplanes from post it notes my boss leaves me. I work 72 hrs a week! Actually about 50. Ok, 12. I should be honest and tell you its 4,but i just like to seem busy. My hobbies include dishwashing,then breaking all the glasses and dishes i just spent time cleaning. I hop in my rickshaw and head to Wal-Mart to buy more! I also enjoy making art from various cheeses,like Swiss because it makes me feel holy....whole.....hole, as in black hole,which is another hobby of mine. That's an entirely different thread though. So If yer as unstable and rapier as me then we'd be great together. Have your secretary call mine and we'll do brunch or some facsimile of. 😆

 

[Lanolin]

Greetings Im a connosseur who enjoys the finer things in life. My ideal partner must have at least 3 property portfolios because I'm a great collector and decorator, which will keep us busy. If your ambition is to be the centrefold star in Better Homes and Gardens with the perfectly designed home then I'm your gal. I thrive on competition so make some room amongst your trophies for me.

see appendix for the list of awards won in my lifetime, dont settle for anything less than THE BEST

 

[TravelerInTheWilderness]

Hi, my ex broke my heart! I've spent the past 6 months crying. I still miss them so much. I think about them all the time. I still stalk their Facebook page, and stay up into the wee hours of the night crying and writing them poetry. When I get the courage, I'll make a collection of my works and beg for them to come back to me. I know where they work. I know the route they take. I know they have been on at least two other dates, and are seeing someone new.

I am looking for someone who is okay with the fact that I'm not over my ex. Because, why is it such a big deal? Yes, I'm not over my ex, but I'm an awesome person. If you're one of those shallow people that wants someone with their life together, then GO LOOK ELSEWHERE, because NEWSFLASH: NO ONE IS PERFECT!

I miss the times my ex and I laid under the stars. I miss their smell as we cuddled. I miss holding hands well into the night. I miss them talking about the books they love. I miss their affectionado for always getting the hottest dish at Thai restaurants. I never knew anyone else so brave. I dream of them coming back every night.

You probably are just like the others, but in the case that you are the one who can make me forget (or at least tolerate me crying over my ex for the course of our relationship, and be okay with me dumping you if my ex ever took me back), then please, hit me up!

 

[Lanolin]

Hi Im looking for my dad ...just joking...but seriously, I dont know how to handle life so just tell me what to do and I will obey your every word, oh wise one. Feel free to dress me up and parade me around cos I really look like a fashion dummy and I dont really have much in my head except air. Im just happy being photographed and adored. My favourite lip glosss is cherry red and kissing me is sweet, I always have a smile on my face because the botox made it that way.

 

[Lanolin]

date urgently required...

are you familiar with alpha beta cappa helta skelta sorority?
I have 10th year prep school reunion coming up next year and simply must have a handsome male partner by then or I will die of social shame. So move fast.
some prerequisites...
a graduate of Snobton university, preferably honors
heir to at least $500k fortune
drives late model audi or beemer
measures at least 6 foot high (Im always in heels)
must have hair and consent to be groomed by my personal stylist if not suitably coiffed/attired

 

[Lanolin]

snow white's dating profile....

Looking for a fresh prince to rescue me from a cruel and jealous stepmother. Must be tall as currently living with dwarves and they are no help at all with the top cupboards.
BTW I am looking for someone that's woke, I totally get that black lives matter, but if you have a grudge against my skin colour and prone to riots you need not apply as I want us to live happily ever after.

 

[Lanolin]

Miss Perfectionist seeking Mr Perfect. If you are not perfect I will tell you so. Every minute of every day. Please have a McMansion ready with many rooms as you will need LOTS of space in our relationship.

 

[Lanolin]

am crushed nobodys answering my no file dating ads.

I am going to ramp it up, if you answer my ad, you go in the draw to win a date with me at McDonalds!

You must love children and enjoy Happy Meals. Cos we will be going there every second week. Its a condition of my custody and visitation rights. Be prepared for super sized fun and I will even share a mcFlurry.

 

[Lanolin]

A relationship with me is never boring. I would go to the ends of the earth for you. Also I know some cool life hacks, like how to couch surf, and go to the movies without paying for popcorn and fizzy, and other ingenious methods of living off the smell of an oily rag. I can promise you we will live in a glass castle...eventually.

If you are as paranoid about the government and dont want to be traced as I am, lets beat the system together.

 

[Lanolin]

My mum is the most important woman in my life and I will treat you just like I treat her. She wants you to know I am a great person and is very proud of me, and is considering expanding her empire by including you in the family. If you and her get along, we have a deal. My mum would like my girlfriend to have a certain level of cooking and baking skills but it pays a little to not outshine her in public. She has great fashion sense too, did I mention my mum? You dont need to worry about future wedding planning, mum will look after that too. I love her and I hope you will too.

 

[Lanolin]

applications open for dating round 236

calling all men
Looking for a fresh dating experience in the new year? This is your opportunity to date a real live woman!

please fill out the 100 page questionnaire, myers brigg personality test, police vetting form, employment history, medical history and at least three references, not from your parents or siblings and an 500 word essay on why you would make a good date.

this vacancy will close 31 october 2020 and the official starting date will start on 1 april 2021

if successful, I will contact you, but assume that if you dont hear from me, there will be no date. sorry, only one application at a time. Previous applicants need not apply.

 

[Lanolin]

time's a tickin...
get in before the biological clock expires
hurry, dates are only available while my eggs are still viable.

call me now for a no obligation quote...I mean date
satisfaction guaranteed or your next date is free