Nephew took his life, I’m struggling so much

[Lighthearted]

I just need to dump somewhere. My 24 year old nephew recently took his life. His parents were home, it was awful. The emotional pain, watching my brother and sister-in-law suffer is almost unbearable. Then yesterday our son called to tell me he and his wife are having problems. I want to curl up in a ball and disappear. My faith is being tested. I struggle with depression, have all my life. Taking some time off work. Just need support.

Prayers sister. God is always there and so are your friends here.

 

[Infinite_Ark]

Thank you. There’s quite the range of emotions right now. Fear is a big one. What if I’m not strong enough to go back to my job? What if my husband pressures me to? Theres numbness and inability to do much of anything right now. I care for my elderly parents who live here. I’m trying to be there for their pain too plus their very real needs. I’m my brothers(My nephews father) only sibling, he needs me, daily. I’m doing the two hour drive every other day sometimes everyday right now to be there. His wife needs me, she has no family near. I’m grateful I can do this and take time off work(I’m self employed) but I’m so tired still. The world is a mess right now and that is adding to it. I opened my Bible today. Psalms. I need hope.

You're being pulled in every direction to take care of everyone else and it seems not having time to take care of yourself. You need to process this just like everyone else close to your nephew.

I learned this when my parents passed on. If I give myself to everyone who needs me as they grieve the loss and try to manage, I'll disappear with nothing left to myself. Swallowing the grief to be there strong for others causes a lot of stress on the emotions. Tamping them down to be there for others expressing theirs to not compound their pain with your own causes those emotions to build inside you.
This can lead to sleeping problems, temper flares, loss of appetite because you're so full of those swallowed emotions there's no room for real nourishment that builds the body. Stress and grief break the body down when those emotions are not released and are swallowed, hidden away, instead. And then we can become someone else. A wraith within and to our own living life.

You can't be everything for everyone and be whole in yourself. Seek help from others for your family and their needs. You've done enough. Take care of you. And all those emotions that are walled inside you are not good to carry on. Let them go. The dead are somewhere else. We can't die to ourselves and do them any good.
Scream, cry buckets, beat the walls with your fists. Whatever it takes to let those things that are weighing you down, making you feel weak and insecure in your own strength, throw them away. If they don't feed you positively, you don't need them in your life. Depression is a killer.

Praying for you. And one last thing. Your nephew taking their own life is not your fault or your responsibility. He didn't die because you weren't there to stop it.
He felt so overwhelmed that he sadly tragically thought everyone he could have turned to would be better off without him. When we kill our life, it is our choice. It is not our fault, it is not our weakness, it is not anything that can be attributed to something bad about us. That's victim blaming and a suicide is a victim of their own surrender. It is achingly tragic and irrevocable. It is also their choice. We can't fall into the grave with them having dug the hole with our guilt. We're not guilty of anything related to their passing.

Breathe. Step outside into the fresh air and sunlight and breathe deeply the air that fills your lungs and feel thankful and blessed you are still alive with a life to live.
Blood family are always with us. No one really ever dies as long as we keep them in our hearts and fondest memories. Don't let the last thing your precious nephew did to his life be the memory that shadows all others. Hold to the good, the precious, the loving recollections and good times.

As hard as it is to face, one thing that does help is to come to the conclusion that he thought he would be better off this way. No matter what we think, it is what the suicide one thought and did to themselves that is the real matter. What a choice. What a sad, tragic, irrevocable eternally final choice. But it was their own. Hard to face but it helps I think to believe he's happier now somewhere else. He thought he would be. And he decided to go there by his own hand. Trust he was right and is happier where he is now.
I found that helps me to focus on the positive things shared together in life.

We'll see one another again one day.

 

[SoulWeaver]

You're being pulled in every direction to take care of everyone else and it seems not having time to take care of yourself. You need to process this just like everyone else close to your nephew.

I learned this when my parents passed on. If I give myself to everyone who needs me as they grieve the loss and try to manage, I'll disappear with nothing left to myself. Swallowing the grief to be there strong for others causes a lot of stress on the emotions. Tamping them down to be there for others expressing theirs to not compound their pain with your own causes those emotions to build inside you.
This can lead to sleeping problems, temper flares, loss of appetite because you're so full of those swallowed emotions there's no room for real nourishment that builds the body. Stress and grief break the body down when those emotions are not released and are swallowed, hidden away, instead. And then we can become someone else. A wraith within and to our own living life.

You can't be everything for everyone and be whole in yourself. Seek help from others for your family and their needs. You've done enough. Take care of you. And all those emotions that are walled inside you are not good to carry on. Let them go. The dead are somewhere else. We can't die to ourselves and do them any good.
Scream, cry buckets, beat the walls with your fists. Whatever it takes to let those things that are weighing you down, making you feel weak and insecure in your own strength, throw them away. If they don't feed you positively, you don't need them in your life. Depression is a killer.

Praying for you. And one last thing. Your nephew taking their own life is not your fault or your responsibility. He didn't die because you weren't there to stop it.
He felt so overwhelmed that he sadly tragically thought everyone he could have turned to would be better off without him. When we kill our life, it is our choice. It is not our fault, it is not our weakness, it is not anything that can be attributed to something bad about us. That's victim blaming and a suicide is a victim of their own surrender. It is achingly tragic and irrevocable. It is also their choice. We can't fall into the grave with them having dug the hole with our guilt. We're not guilty of anything related to their passing.

Breathe. Step outside into the fresh air and sunlight and breathe deeply the air that fills your lungs and feel thankful and blessed you are still alive with a life to live.
Blood family are always with us. No one really ever dies as long as we keep them in our hearts and fondest memories. Don't let the last thing your precious nephew did to his life be the memory that shadows all others. Hold to the good, the precious, the loving recollections and good times.

As hard as it is to face, one thing that does help is to come to the conclusion that he thought he would be better off this way. No matter what we think, it is what the suicide one thought and did to themselves that is the real matter. What a choice. What a sad, tragic, irrevocable eternally final choice. But it was their own. Hard to face but it helps I think to believe he's happier now somewhere else. He thought he would be. And he decided to go there by his own hand. Trust he was right and is happier where he is now.
I found that helps me to focus on the positive things shared together in life.

We'll see one another again one day.

I'm so, so glad you advised the OP on this! I knew a person whose brother committed suicide. It took him 20 years to swim out of his own depression, dealing with guilt after that. What a tragedy, a waste of his precious life, his best years. God only does fruitful guilt which is actually conviction - should be gone the moment the person repents after doing something wrong, because the goal was to nudge them to reunite with God. When it's from God, it might hurt but it has a good purpose and an end. Unfruitful guilt that never goes away no matter what you do, is a pit dug by the enemy and is designed so that there's nothing you can do to crawl out of it, and its only fruit is your constant suffering, is from the enemy and should be rejected at all costs. This is the worst impact upon the families of people who committed suicide. Again, so glad you wrote your thoughtful post.

 

[Infinite_Ark]

I'm so, so glad you advised the OP on this! I knew a person whose brother committed suicide. It took him 20 years to swim out of his own depression, dealing with guilt after that. What a tragedy, a waste of his precious life, his best years. God only does fruitful guilt which is actually conviction - should be gone the moment the person repents after doing something wrong, because the goal was to nudge them to reunite with God. When it's from God, it might hurt but it has a good purpose and an end. Unfruitful guilt that never goes away no matter what you do, is a pit dug by the enemy and is designed so that there's nothing you can do to crawl out of it, and its only fruit is your constant suffering, is from the enemy and should be rejected at all costs. This is the worst impact upon the families of people who committed suicide. Again, so glad you wrote your thoughtful post.

Very kind of you. I enjoy reading your thoughts as well. Very true about the unfruitful guilt that is a pit dug by the enemy. A deep dark place that consumes us if we allow it to take us deeper. I've been there. One point of navigation in such a place to find how far we've entered that pit is to see if we can recall and feel who we were before that.
I couldn't. She wasn't even a vague memory. I found an old picture of myself and then took a look at the picture on my passport. It is amazing how emotions in life make a mask on our own face. I saw there every sorrow, every anger, every heartbreak, and the whole thing was a testament to surrender to that pit.

Bless you for your wisdom here. I think it will help many who read it.

 

[soggykitten]

I am so sorry to read of your loss. Holding you in prayer. We're always here for you.

 

[Tararose]

Thank you for sharing your heart with us, what a sad and difficult situation

I dont know what I can say that hasnt already been said but I want to say you will get through this, lean on God as hard and as often as you can. You dont have to say a word, He knows better than you do what is happening in your heart and will help you through this.

He loves you.

please stay well and stay in touch x

 

[justahumanbeing]

I just need to dump somewhere. My 24 year old nephew recently took his life. His parents were home, it was awful. The emotional pain, watching my brother and sister-in-law suffer is almost unbearable. Then yesterday our son called to tell me he and his wife are having problems. I want to curl up in a ball and disappear. My faith is being tested. I struggle with depression, have all my life. Taking some time off work. Just need support.

My heartfelt condolences for your nephew and your family. I feel your pain. Losing someone in the family so suddenly and tragically will break the hearts of the people who loved the deceased. You have the support of the brothers and sisters in Christ here. We will be there to hear you and pray for you always. Jesus loves you. Jesus will never give up on you and your family, even if the world gives up on you. He will never give up on you. I know you're going to pull through this. Never give up on yourself for God will never give up on you.

Here's the thing. We feel that we need to be with those going through this time of suffering and make sure that those we love are all right. No matter how much we try, the rest is in the hands of God. We have to be there true. But not at the cost of our own health and life. Make sure that you have time to love yourself everyday and thank God for the life He has blessed you with. You love yourself when you listen to the limitations of both your body and mind. You love yourself when you know it is not your fault others suffer in their lives. You love yourself when you allow yourself to go through whatever emotions you have (cry, complain, even break things) because you are trying to be understood for who you are.

God knows who you are. You need not be anything more than what you already are before His eyes. Jesus is enough not just for you, but for your family and even your son who has lost His faith in God. You might feel helpless and you might be trying hard to save your world. The first person who needs saving in your life is you. And then come the family members. Only if the ship can sail, can passengers travel in the shelter it provides. Please be kind to yourself and take care of yourself.

You may think that it is your responsibility to look out for your son and for your brother and his family. You have to learn to let go and give it up into the hands of God. For what is impossible for you is not impossible for God. God knows what is best for your family and for you. Trust Jesus to work things out in your life. Always stay calm. Easier said than done. And given your situation, it might seem impossible. But unless you calm yourself, you won't know what you're doing. The negative always wants you to worry constantly. God doesn't want you to worry. Even in such a grave situation. God wants you to trust in Him.

I want to share with you God's word concerning a situation like this. It has been helpful to me in times of distress. I think it will be helpful to you also.

James Chapter 1 verses 12 to 18

12 Happy are those who remain faithful under trials, because when they succeed in passing such a test, they will receive as their reward the life which God has promised to those who love him. 13 If we are tempted by such trials, we must not say, “This temptation comes from God.” For God cannot be tempted by evil, and he himself tempts no one. 14 But we are tempted when we are drawn away and trapped by our own evil desires. 15 Then our evil desires conceive and give birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death.

16 Do not be deceived, my dear friends! 17 Every good gift and every perfect present comes from heaven; it comes down from God, the Creator of the heavenly lights, who does not change or cause darkness by turning. 18 By his own will he brought us into being through the word of truth, so that we should have first place among all his creatures.

May God give you the strength and His Holy Spirit to lead you in your life. Don't give up on God and don't give up on yourself. God bless you

 

[Thaismbl27]

You know, Mima? I've been quite troubled lately as well. I'm only 27 years old and have always had great difficulty to figure out what to do with my life because I've always had a big dream, but at the same time as I always wanted it to come true and kinda felt like one day it would, like if I had a calling for it, another huge part of me has always faced it as something greatly difficult and unrealistic. Then, around 3 years ago, I randomly ended up finally finding something that I enjoyed to do and was really good at, and which wasn't unrealistic at all. During the last 3 years I've been working in the hotel industry and everybody in it always looked at me in a very positive way, like they knew I was made for it and would have much success. It started to really work for me! On last December I got a job at a very renowned 5 star hotel! I was feeling like I was finally getting my life a realistic purpose, but then... The pandemic started. No tourists. Things started to go really bad and mass firings started to happen. My department was ended and we all got fired as well... At first I thought it would be quick and that things would go back to normal and we would all be hired back by the end of this year or the beginning of next year, but the news I've heard have not fed this hope at all. We've heard that things are only getting worse and worse. There are no jobs available in my area because of the pandemic. On next month I'm going to receive the last parcel of an unemployment benefit we get from the government. My head has been a mess... I've been scared, worried, discouraged, lost, sometimes despair hits me and makes me cry. I don't know what I'm going to do. I think this kind of feeling can overwhelm us and make it difficult to find "emotional energy" to even reach out to the Lord. I feel as though I'm being somehow distanced from God because of all this distress. Too much "noise" in my head... But then I recalled something. Even thought this was an incredible job which I asked God to give me and He did so, back then, I also told Him a few times that if it wasn't His will and His original plan for my life, He could take me out of it and lead me wherever He really wanted me to be. I had said that because of that dream I mentioned on the beginning. Because even though my mind tells me it's unrealistic, something inside of me, somehow, always knew it was God's calling for my life. I have struggled in my distress and my soul has been uneasy, but yesterday I was listening to a pastor's service who said something that was very enlightening to me. He said that in order to hear the still small voice of the Holy Spirit and let it guide us, you and I have to do as Kind David did, we have to quiet our soul.

"But I have calmed and quieted myself,
I am like a weaned child with its mother;
like a weaned child I am content." (Psalm 131:2)

You might be wondering why I'm telling you all that and what it has to do with your situation. It's simple, you seem to be just like me, with an uneasy soul and a noisy head, in a struggle to hear God's "still small voice" and be comforted and guided by it. No wonder though, everyone would struggle the same way if going through the same as you are going through now. This is heartbreaking, I don't even know you or any of your relatives and I even cried while reading your outburst. I am so very sorry. After listening to this pastor's service from yesterday I realized I was allowing my sorrow to overwhelm me and distance me from the Lord, who is the only one who can pull me out of my misery. I couldn't even pray properly, just like you, because of my weary heart. I realized I needed to calm down and get my heart filled with peace, so that I could finally feel close to God. I realized I needed to do some effort and seek Jesus, because He is the Prince of Peace. I did what works for me, after having already heard powerful sermons and having God speaking to me through it, I started listening to calm worship songs, because there are powerful Christian songs that can make you feel His presence. It worked! After feeling His presence and being very touched by it, I started to feel more comfortable and more inclined to pray. I told my uneasy soul and my noisy mind to quiet down and I cried my heart out to my loving Father. I told Him everything I was feeling and all of my fears and worries and I asked Him to help me see through it. I'm feeling better today. I still don't know what is going to happen, but I'm simply being comforted by God's presence. My heart now is filled with His peace. I'm striving to trust Him regardless what happens.

I pray to the Lord to make you able to do just as well. May He strengthen you and make you able to quiet your troubed soul. Seek Him, even if it demands some effort, because I'm sure that will definitely be worth it, then lean on Him and let His peace overcome you and comfort your heart. May God bless and comfort you and all your family and I hope this huge message I wrote you will help you somehow. Amen!