Where's the line for your book signing, Sir? I want a sig.
JK
but truer words have rarely been worded...When other Christians don't say hello or acknowledge you
- Thread starter Encouragement
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Where's the line for your book signing, Sir? I want a sig.
JK
but truer words have rarely been worded...
HiSoulweaver thanks for dropping by.This guy seems to be hot and cold and over the years others have mentioned that he's at times aloof to others and could blatantly walk past you in church as through he doesn't know you...these things happen in church life I'm afraid..Awww thanks for commenting that I am a kind person...I think it hit harder considering how God has blessed me at church.You see at church I am a sign language interpreter and church is now being streamed live and the technical guys has done teething issues regarding us being seem clearly on the screen interpretering the service..so it was much improved yesterday and you know when you feel blessed by God...then in contrast to what this guys indifference...make me "think who are you to me really when the God of existence has been gracious and kind to me with the live stream interpretering?"...it like..."life.....are you serious?...Hmmm. So others have noticed that he isn't very responsive, too. But I would not assume. Sometimes we jump to assume the worst about both others and ourselves. Why would he ignore you? You're such a kind person. He might just be very shy or socially awkward or is a bit socially anxious... Most people don't talk about feeling like that, and do not show it - almost always they play it cool or sometimes joke around a lot to compensate. I like sticking to my own business and avoid socializing at work because I want to avoid gossip - sooner or later someone will have to say something negative about somebody and I want to stay out of it - and I was interpreted as arrogant more than once at work because of being withdrawn. I read people describing this at times... sometimes, by the time they were to respond in a social situation, it turned into awkward because of that nervous pause, and then they didn't respond at all and played it cool as not to make it more awkward... or people describing how they didn't respond to someone's email, things happened, they forgot, and by the time they remembered, it seemed too late, and afraid of the big delay coming off as not appreciating or disrespecting the other person, they decided not to write back at all (meanwhile the other person probably thinking all the worst reasons they didn't reply)... Who knows, maybe this guy will surprise you in time if you get to know him better...
I have to brainwash myself even now sometimes, if someone seems to ignore me, it doesn't mean they dislike me, it doesn't mean they're arrogant, maybe they were busy, or tired, or maybe they were not - but unless I ask them and they answer, if they didn't reply or something, it just means they didn't reply, and that's it; and I think a thought of hope they are doing well and let it go. At this age, I refuse to mentally torture myself by trying to give meaning to everything like I used to do.
"Many situations have happened in general and theres either been some mis communication ect and its quickly resolved with people in general.
He is just one of those personalities who can rub you up the wrong way as he has an element of indifference socially..so I guess it the way that one handles such a person is more the issue without constantly raging at him..but being assertive when its appropriate to make him aware of the impact of his attitude at times to oneself...not bringing up other people though.
It's a intresting strategy you have there at work to avoid getting kinda sucked into the type of conversations taking place there..so there was hardly any interaction at all?
I believe there should be a degree of interaction coz we are in the world by not of the world and having boundaries is important to have and there will always be situations where gossip or slander ect will eventually come up and I guess thats where the divide comes...not always easy..
Yes I agree with you last lines..just let things go and move on...and if something does happens that one feels to challenge then do so with wisdom..then just move on...part of growing up in the lord and also being real with life too.
Good to read through your response
HiMar09
Appreciate you commenting here in this thread.It's great when people share stuff at times coz you her to realise that many of our experiences are also being experienced by others too..I guess lifes is life and people are people..
Yes it's never easy sometimes and it can be compounded if you already have things going on like low self esteem,emotional sensitivity to feel rejected ect....I have heard of people even leaving a church for feeling ignored by others ect..(though the motives in such cases would end up vrestinbs whole new thread..)That experience with the group must of felt a little awkward for you perhaps as they were chatting away about stuff but you were unable to interact due to shyness etc..and now you are more aware of seeking to engage with new commers...so things have definitely worked in your favour then..You now have an emphatic mindset in regards to anyone who is new.
Great testimony you have shared..
HiSoulweaver thanks for dropping by.This guy seems to be hot and cold and over the years others have mentioned that he's at times aloof to others and could blatantly walk past you in church as through he doesn't know you...these things happen in church life I'm afraid..Awww thanks for commenting that I am a kind person...I think it hit harder considering how God has blessed me at church.You see at church I am a sign language interpreter and church is now being streamed live and the technical guys has done teething issues regarding us being seem clearly on the screen interpretering the service..so it was much improved yesterday and you know when you feel blessed by God...then in contrast to what this guys indifference...make me "think who are you to me really when the God of existence has been gracious and kind to me with the live stream interpretering?"...it like..."life.....are you serious?...
Many situations have happened in general and theres either been some mis communication ect and its quickly resolved with people in general.
He is just one of those personalities who can rub you up the wrong way as he has an element of indifference socially..so I guess it the way that one handles such a person is more the issue without constantly raging at him..but being assertive when its appropriate to make him aware of the impact of his attitude at times to oneself...not bringing up other people though.
It's a intresting strategy you have there at work to avoid getting kinda sucked into the type of conversations taking place there..so there was hardly any interaction at all?
I believe there should be a degree of interaction coz we are in the world by not of the world and having boundaries is important to have and there will always be situations where gossip or slander ect will eventually come up and I guess thats where the divide comes...not always easy..
Yes I agree with you last lines..just let things go and move on...and if something does happens that one feels to challenge then do so with wisdom..then just move on...part of growing up in the lord and also being real with life too.
Good to read through your response
At that point, since people say or hint things about him in the church apparently from your post... I'd most likely just have dropped it like a bomb a long ago
... Hey man, why do you sometimes act cool and friendly and sometimes you are so distant? Is everything okay? Did I say anything to offend you?... if it's getting annoying or awkward on daily basis for you in church, maybe you should just ask him it's good to have things in the clear... but you will know best what's right to do. I am aware, that while we most often assume about the motives of others, sometimes the motives are really intentional and there's actually a problem with the other individual, and when confronted they may not tell the truth. It's like covert narcissism - some things you can never explain it to the outsider who isn't the recipient to witness it personally. So, I hope I didn't cause frustration with my reply and it wasn't my intent. I'm not dismissing your experience, he might be arrogant or self important as well; who knows what is the cause.As for coworkers, I used to have the problem trying to keep distance from people while I worked in retail... I was always courteous to my coworkers and wanted them to have a pleasant day working with me, I just didn't want to share any details about my private life, or be questioned about it, nor to create friendships at work. I don't like drama, gossip, and I'm not going to work to look for friends, I am coming to work in a pleasant environment and just chill getting the job done. People also assumed about me that if I don't constantly chitchat with them that I was in a bad mood...! I also find that when coworkers get closer to you, respect and boundaries usually fly out of the window and coworkers start feeling entitled especially when schedules are being made, so that's yet another reason why I like keeping distance at work.
At that point, since people say or hint things about him in the church apparently from your post... I'd most likely just have dropped it like a bomb a long ago
As for coworkers, I used to have the problem trying to keep distance from people while I worked in retail... I was always courteous to my coworkers and wanted them to have a pleasant day working with me, I just didn't want to share any details about my private life, or be questioned about it, nor to create friendships at work. I don't like drama, gossip, and I'm not going to work to look for friends, I am coming to work in a pleasant environment and just chill getting the job done. People also assumed about me that if I don't constantly chitchat with them that I was in a bad mood...! I also find that when coworkers get closer to you, respect and boundaries usually fly out of the window and coworkers start feeling entitled especially when schedules are being made, so that's yet another reason why I like keeping distance at work.
I had a similar situation at church and the first time they snubbed me I ignored it, the 2nd time I let it go, and the 3rd time I spoke loudly (as if to insinuate they were hard of hearing) It never happened again. I learned that they were dealing with a lot of sin and things came crashing down around them. I still prayed for and loved them. I still do care. But I’m glad I pushed it. I know I encouraged them later. We are all sinners. We all need one another
Hi Lanolin..
..Yes some people can have a natural charismatic way about them and can very easily connect with others and people can also gravitate to certain personality types more than others.As this guy is like that with others i don't take it too personal yet it has created an awkward dynamic in certain settings..
I am sure you must if heard situations of people who are famous but are somehow not recognised in certain places or are not given V.I.P treatment then get all mad saying.."Dont you know who I am... if you knew who I was you would be treating me differently"...and yes ones motives of wanting some kind of recognition doesnt really make you really much in Gods eyes...
You're right though...the president may not know me.....but GOD KNOWS ME...and I have HIS approval
Aww you are a quiet kinda person??Well you speak lould and clear on C.C..
I think it cool that children acknowledge you and are not shy to yell Hi to you....just giving them a royal wave is showing your royal status in christ..Loved reading your comments and responding.
Hi your response was fine..and belive me if this was happening that often....I wouldn't waste anytime i would most definitely challenge him..no question..I dont know about others who have had dealings with him though..Gosh if this was happening weekly ect..my teeth would fall out from a high blood pressure..At that point, since people say or hint things about him in the church apparently from your post... I'd most likely just have dropped it like a bomb a long ago
As for coworkers, I used to have the problem trying to keep distance from people while I worked in retail... I was always courteous to my coworkers and wanted them to have a pleasant day working with me, I just didn't want to share any details about my private life, or be questioned about it, nor to create friendships at work. I don't like drama, gossip, and I'm not going to work to look for friends, I am coming to work in a pleasant environment and just chill getting the job done. People also assumed about me that if I don't constantly chitchat with them that I was in a bad mood...! I also find that when coworkers get closer to you, respect and boundaries usually fly out of the window and coworkers start feeling entitled especially when schedules are being made, so that's yet another reason why I like keeping distance at work.
I have known him only at church for a few years but don't mix with him socially..so its only at church I see him and because i do the sign language at church i have to interact with him periodically.If it happens again I had already decided to bring this it up...
So who knows there might be a part two thread to come..
Btw yea those personality traits you mentioned could well be the case as sometimes that's just how it is..no need to sugar coat things..
About you work situation it make sense to have such boundaries and you being a Christian there they would love to sometimes draw yo into their way of thinking..ans ask all kind of questions about your life style just for mockery at times.People can often gripe about the boss,each other,make inappropriate lewd remakes about certain female staff..ect..so yes keeping ones self pure is important....and they can sometimes say.."I thought you were a Christian?".if you engage in certain things they do..
Ita amazing how they are actually kinda watchful of our conduct even though they don't agree with it...May God continue to bless your life and maintain his standards in a dark world..
I feel exactly like you do when in the working environment. I try to be courteous and helpful but don't appreciate those trying to pry into my personal life outside of work. I am there just trying to earn a living and not to make friends. I do my chilling at home and not at work. I practice social distancing at work wherever possible. Just leave me alone and let me focus on the task at hand that I am getting paid for to accomplish.At that point, since people say or hint things about him in the church apparently from your post... I'd most likely just have dropped it like a bomb a long ago
As for coworkers, I used to have the problem trying to keep distance from people while I worked in retail... I was always courteous to my coworkers and wanted them to have a pleasant day working with me, I just didn't want to share any details about my private life, or be questioned about it, nor to create friendships at work. I don't like drama, gossip, and I'm not going to work to look for friends, I am coming to work in a pleasant environment and just chill getting the job done. People also assumed about me that if I don't constantly chitchat with them that I was in a bad mood...! I also find that when coworkers get closer to you, respect and boundaries usually fly out of the window and coworkers start feeling entitled especially when schedules are being made, so that's yet another reason why I like keeping distance at work.
so yes keeping ones self pure is important....and they can sometimes say.."I thought you were a Christian?".if you engage in certain things they do..
Ita amazing how they are actually kinda watchful of our conduct even though they don't agree with it...May God continue to bless your life and maintain his standards in a dark world..
Yes yes... exactly... people like to invent justifications for themselves that they're not following God and look to place a snare before our feet... at my previous workplace they were fasting on Lent so not eating animal products on certain days (they are Christian Orthodox), meanwhile all constantly gossiping and speaking evil&malice&envy about one another and then they look over my shoulder on the lunch break to see what I ate to judge me "you don't fast?!!" First I consider a fast not eliminating meat or milk and only eating vegetables and fish, but not eating at all that's Biblical definition of fasting. Also I fast as led I don't follow church holidays except for the day when Jesus was crucified that day feels good for fasting as in expressing mourning over what Jesus went through, probably for most of us. But I didn't say anything to argue with them, can't say I wasn't annoyed at the hypocrisy though...
Yes traps are often being set for us all the time for the soul purpose of accusations and it just reinforces judt how far removed we have been from our old life.How blessed are we to be saved by the grace of God through our Lord and saviour Jesus Christ..
Interesting timing on this thread.
There's one teenager who is always somewhat gruff with me. He's the kind who likes to boss other people around. When he was there a month he was already telling everybody around him what to do. I don't follow his orders so he started not liking me. I always said hi to him when he came in though, and he never replied.
Just a bit ago I was on my way out and he said "Have a good night." Huh. Maybe he's growing up. Or maybe my friendly disposition is getting through to him. Yeah, that's it. I'll go with my friendliness wearing him down.
There's one teenager who is always somewhat gruff with me. He's the kind who likes to boss other people around. When he was there a month he was already telling everybody around him what to do. I don't follow his orders so he started not liking me. I always said hi to him when he came in though, and he never replied.
Just a bit ago I was on my way out and he said "Have a good night." Huh. Maybe he's growing up. Or maybe my friendly disposition is getting through to him. Yeah, that's it. I'll go with my friendliness wearing him down.
The wise guy has been there a month and apparently found religion. Your good nature is either rubbing off on him or he's playing head games of some sort.Interesting timing on this thread.
There's one teenager who is always somewhat gruff with me. He's the kind who likes to boss other people around. When he was there a month he was already telling everybody around him what to do. I don't follow his orders so he started not liking me. I always said hi to him when he came in though, and he never replied.
Just a bit ago I was on my way out and he said "Have a good night." Huh. Maybe he's growing up. Or maybe my friendly disposition is getting through to him. Yeah, that's it. I'll go with my friendliness wearing him down.
Yet let him drown in an ocean of your friendliness..Interesting timing on this thread.
There's one teenager who is always somewhat gruff with me. He's the kind who likes to boss other people around. When he was there a month he was already telling everybody around him what to do. I don't follow his orders so he started not liking me. I always said hi to him when he came in though, and he never replied.
Just a bit ago I was on my way out and he said "Have a good night." Huh. Maybe he's growing up. Or maybe my friendly disposition is getting through to him. Yeah, that's it. I'll go with my friendliness wearing him down.
It could also be that deep down he is actually respecting you because you're not allowing him to dominate you...yet at the same time he doesn't like you for not conforming like others have and also being friendly was actually taking the power away from him...so in the end he knows you have reminded him that he is not the king of the castle as he thinks he is..So yes...good on you..
Over come an evil trait with friendliness and resisting it's manipulative influence...
Hello Michael (@Encouragement), we may never know why some people act the way that they do. I always try to give people the benefit of the doubt however, especially online, because we rarely know what's going on behind the scene in their lives.
So, if you feel offended in this way in the future, turn those feelings around by choosing to be concerned for (rather than mad at) the person who has offended you, beginning by praying for them. After all (and as you eluded to in your OP), the Lord is our portion .. Lamentations 3:24, yes, which makes turning the hurt, anger and/or disappointment that we feel 'against' them into feelings of concern 'for' them possible (or makes it far easier to do anyway), yes?
Finally, please take note of verses and passages in the Bible like Matthew 7:12 (see my signature line below) and consider again what they have to say to say to us (concerning our relationships with others). For instance, the Lord commands us to ~always~ treat others like we would want/expect/hope to be treated by them .. no matter how badly they are treating us in the moment (or in the past). Granted, this is tough to do, but whenever you choose to treat others in this manner (in obedience to the Lord, for His sake and for His glory), after a time, even insensitive social dunderheads (and even your enemies) will be affected positively by your behavior because they will notice (eventually) that you are not treating them in the same way that they have been choosing to treat you!
So, whenever you feel that you have been mistreated (either intentionally or unintentionally), begin to look at it as an opportunity to deepen your relationship with God on the one hand, and as an opportunity to love/help/minister to the person who has mistreated you on the other(this is particularly true for people who you do not know well, obviously, because with close friends and family members it is usually advisable to be as upfront with them about your feelings as possible .. but never impatient or unkind, of course).
God bless you!
~Deut
1 Thessalonians 5
14 We urge you, brethren, admonish the unruly, encourage the fainthearted, help the weak, be patient with everyone.
15 See that no one repays another with evil for evil, but always seek after that which is good for one another and for all people.
16 Rejoice always;
17 pray without ceasing;
18 in everything give thanks; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.
Yet let him drown in an ocean of your friendliness..
So yes...good on you..
Over come an evil trait with friendliness and resisting it's manipulative influence...
I feel like I need to practice that last sentence more, it reminded me of something that happened at my job.
A few months back, I was bagging groceries for a older couple, we all had masks on, the man (It was a heterosexual couple) said some sort of joke, I honestly don’t remember, but he told me: “You’re laughing now”. I didn’t laugh cause I was busy and I was tired from all the cart pushing and grocery sacking, so I thought I would try to explain myself: “I have autism (This was before I started saying I have Aspergers, it’s always been called autism for me, but talking to my mom lately, she thinks I’m more towards Aspergers than Autism) and I have a hard time expressing my emotions”, they just laughed at me. I kept trying to explain, but they kept on laughing, it really hurt my feelings and I said “Don’t come back”, didn’t yell it but I said it.
Not only what you said, but Deuteronomy said earlier in this thread reminded me too of this situation, how I sometimes fail to be nice. I did try, I try to be patient, but why would someone laugh at someone who just said they have autism? Why when I was trying to be nice to a lady to take her extra bags (We used to recycle bags, but not anymore), she looked at me dumbfounded and just stuffed her bags into the nearby trash can? (Like maybe I freaked her out cause I pulled my mask down, but I asked 3 times and since its hard for people to hear me, I decided to pull my mask down so she can hear me better)
I do remember praying for the couple that laughed at me, but only after getting my frustrations out by texting my mom. I just fail to understand people, I know I will never fully understand, but I just want to be nice and live life in peace, no fighting. So I do really need to rely on God, for my strength can’t hold back my emotions, only God can. I legit think people still have a hard time understanding disabilities, even if I’m mild, it still effects me.
Sitting here thinking I might have tried to make it all about me, since I’m complaining about myself, sorry, lol
Hello Sarah, my mother-in-law, who was always a very sweet and wonderful person towards others, had a wonderful saying that I like to remember, especially when someone disappoints me/makes me mad, "people are funny monkeys".
That said, some things that people say go well beyond that thought of my mother-in-law's, of course, like someone laughing at you after you told them that you have autism
When it comes to something like that, I also try to remember that we live in a fallen world, and that I should never expect non-Christians to act like Christians. In reality, some people are just mean and they don't care about anyone else than themselves. Nevertheless, I try to keep my rose-colored glasses on whenever possible and hope that the Lord will get through to people like that, just like He finally got through to me You did the best thing, exactly what you should have done. As for not doing so immediately, that's hardly as important as the fact that you ended up doing what you were supposed to do for them as a child of the living God
.. cf Matthew 21:28-32.Nope, it is hardly all about you. You were treated with cruelty by others, but you ended up responding to them with concern and love. God knows what happened and He has promised us that good will come out of it for you in the end .. Romans 8:28
In fact, if you think about it, a great deal of "good" has already happened, yes, because you honored God by acting like Him (by loving those who were cruel to you), and in so doing, you also become a great encouragement to all of us (and we thank Him and give Him the glory for what you did).God bless you sister
~Deut
Matthew 5
43 “You have heard that it was said, ‘YOU SHALL LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOR and hate your enemy.’
44 But I say to you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you,
45 so that you may be sons of your Father who is in heaven; for He causes His sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous.
46 For if you love those who love you, what reward do you have? Do not even the tax collectors do the same?
47 If you greet only your brothers, what more are you doing than others? Do not even the Gentiles do the same?
48 Therefore you are to be perfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect."
theres a man that always comes into the bookshop or library and hes very well known in my town becuase he greets everyone loudly ALL the time, now he might be intellectually disabled Im not sure what its called but he is VERY gregarious and you would hear him before you see him.
some people dont know how to deal with someone like that but Im never really put off...theres all kinds of people out there, and not everyone has been to 'charm school' going through life without making any faux pas is next to near impossible.
do children really know that libraries are meant to be quiet places so that you can read or study? Not really, it needs to be taught, shown and learned. is it awkward when people break social rules or misread it, yes of course but its forgiveable. I dont think people really do things on purpose to make people feel uncomfortable.
I think its more hurtful when people prejudge others and assume the worst. if someone calls me on the phone and I pick up and I just yell at them for calling me at the wrong time, well who is the one being unreasonable of course people dont really know if they are interrupting you or not.
one annoying thing I always used to get is people being nosy, like what did I do in weekend, or have i found a job or in general, people just being busybodies, like giving me the third degree or asking me where i am from, if Im single, and I then need to discern are they just curious or are they judging me negatively if I answer. sometimes I found that more of a trial than if they didnt say hello!
at school we have two receptionists, and one can be a bit grumpy and abrupt and the other is always sunshiny and easy to talk to and I just think its their personalities, at first the grumpy one I wasnt too keen on...you kind of expect all receptionists to be bright and bubbly a lot of the time as their job is to deal with so many people esp children! But I learned not to take it personally as when the grumpy one doesnt always greet me when I walk in the office in the morning, because I think you need to have both types sometimes and one kind of has to be the bouncer. She does an amazing job with the school newsletter so what she might lack in one area shes brilliant in another.
although I get what you mean that if someones a guest and coming in its common courtesy to greet someone first if you are hosting. Especially if you are like the doorman, usher or receptionist! being hospitable goes a long way...in maori world its called maanakitanga and its a value thats treasured.
For christians the Bible exhorts us to greet each one other with a holy kiss! I am not sure what exactly a holy kiss is....but I think showing affection and being welcoming is important.
some people dont know how to deal with someone like that but Im never really put off...theres all kinds of people out there, and not everyone has been to 'charm school' going through life without making any faux pas is next to near impossible.
do children really know that libraries are meant to be quiet places so that you can read or study? Not really, it needs to be taught, shown and learned. is it awkward when people break social rules or misread it, yes of course but its forgiveable. I dont think people really do things on purpose to make people feel uncomfortable.
I think its more hurtful when people prejudge others and assume the worst. if someone calls me on the phone and I pick up and I just yell at them for calling me at the wrong time, well who is the one being unreasonable of course people dont really know if they are interrupting you or not.
one annoying thing I always used to get is people being nosy, like what did I do in weekend, or have i found a job or in general, people just being busybodies, like giving me the third degree or asking me where i am from, if Im single, and I then need to discern are they just curious or are they judging me negatively if I answer. sometimes I found that more of a trial than if they didnt say hello!
at school we have two receptionists, and one can be a bit grumpy and abrupt and the other is always sunshiny and easy to talk to and I just think its their personalities, at first the grumpy one I wasnt too keen on...you kind of expect all receptionists to be bright and bubbly a lot of the time as their job is to deal with so many people esp children! But I learned not to take it personally as when the grumpy one doesnt always greet me when I walk in the office in the morning, because I think you need to have both types sometimes and one kind of has to be the bouncer. She does an amazing job with the school newsletter so what she might lack in one area shes brilliant in another.
although I get what you mean that if someones a guest and coming in its common courtesy to greet someone first if you are hosting. Especially if you are like the doorman, usher or receptionist! being hospitable goes a long way...in maori world its called maanakitanga and its a value thats treasured.
For christians the Bible exhorts us to greet each one other with a holy kiss! I am not sure what exactly a holy kiss is....but I think showing affection and being welcoming is important.
A younger pastor I know, would say hello to at church, and then go inside.
He would say "good to see you" and leave it a that.
I could only wonder why he bothered to say hello to me and not actually engage conversation.
Lip service is annoying.
He would say "good to see you" and leave it a that.
I could only wonder why he bothered to say hello to me and not actually engage conversation.
Lip service is annoying.
Sometimes you don't have anything to talk about, but you still want to say hi just so the other person knows you acknowledge his presence. So you say hi and move on. If the other person wants to talk about something it is understood, at least in my area, that the other person will speak up.
oh I get that, but for some people, they seem to think that lip service is enough.
