Should men be able to express themselves in a relationship?

[Encouragement]

I think it depends on the spouse/wife. I think many women would want an expressive spouse, and vice versa. Communication is key, especially when it comes to expressing love for eachother (many spouses do not tell eachother, or parents towards their children, the simple "I love you."). At the same time, if the spouse is always being a downer, the other spouse may want some space. I think it depends on each person's tolerance level on how much they are able to handle stress and how "deep" they are. Personally, another person's anxiety/worry would worry me easily, so I would prefer if my spouse is selective in what I need to know.

Hi good to have you commenting on my thread..😊 Yea a good point you made about being able to showing love for each other..I am very open in expressing romantic affection verbally ect when in a relationship and would like to be with someone who can too..I dated someone who didn't and it left me feeling emotionally starved..

Yes some guys never hear their dad say I love you,I'm pround of you..of receive physical affection like a hug from their dads...or see their dad open up in the home ect..most experience affections from their mum ect.
Yes if one is always in a downer and it just them choosing to revel in depressive mindsets ect then there has to be a point when they have to take some responsibility for their emotional well being coz I guess how a person "feels" about their situation is often more important that what they are actually going through.

Yes it another persons anxiety/worry has a big impact on you and you find yourself also feeling losing worry ect then thats most definitely not great..I guess the other person would try and reassure you that they are gonna be fine coz they wouldn't wanna see u be filled with worry because they are worried/anxious too.👍🏻👍🏻

 

[Salvajito]

Hi Encouragement
Good to see you! I was wondering where you were gone, haha.

Interesting topic, and one that I've thought about a few times, myself.
I have to admit I'm a bit torn about this.

Because, on the one hand, I do believe it's important for a man to be able to express his feelings and thoughts and just be vulnerable. Because not only will he feel relieved and lighter (hopefully?)*, but being vulnerable with another person creates intimacy, which strengthens the bond between two people. And women do need to feel like they're emotionally connected to their partners in order to truly be fulfilled.
*what if men actually feel worse after opening up? Especially to their partners? (I think I read something like that once, but not sure if that's true or not. Perhaps it could be related to feeling "weak" and therefore creating a sense of unease in the man).

However, and this is where I must try and be delicate with my words, I have observed (and even experienced) a loss of "respect" from women for a man who is "mopey". I know that many women experience that, even if they deny it. I don't think it's something that's easy to admit, because it makes us look bad. But I'm just being honest. It almost seems like an instinctual reaction.

There's something quite off-putting about a man who can't find the 'strength' to handle his emotions or life situations.

Now, I'm not saying that any kind of vulnerability is an instant turn-off, of course! But there seems to be a kind of... unspoken desire, for a woman, to be with a man who is "strong". A man who can handle things, you know?

Perhaps what would make a difference, is if a man expresses his struggles and vulnerabilities but adopts a pro-active, "solution-oriented" approach, and not a defeatist, hopeless approach. I think that would change things quite considerably.

So for example, he could share that he's been feeling X, Y and Z (fearful, sad, unmotivated, etc.) but at the same time say that he intends to come out of it, and not remain stuck in that place. A fighter's attitude, so to speak. And moreso, an attitude of faith and hope. I think that would make a great difference.

Does that make sense?

I wonder if men feel the same way about women who show their vulnerable side? Or not at all?

Hopefully I haven't offended anyone with my words... Just kinda thinking "out loud" here.

Not offensive at all actually. Thanks for sharing your thoughts ! I'm Russian and in our culture the man has to be strong and it's taught to always show it even in times when you feel weak. For a woman to see that from a man shows that he is able to handle anything life throws at him.

 

[Encouragement]

Not offensive at all actually. Thanks for sharing your thoughts ! I'm Russian and in our culture the man has to be strong and it's taught to always show it even in times when you feel weak. For a woman to see that from a man shows that he is able to handle anything life throws at him.

Hi Salvajito thanks for checking out this thread..nice to have you join us..
Most interesting to see the difference in culture and how this determines how men are.
I also know that a mans strength can also be an attractive feature of his masculinity too.It's amazing how what you are taught be society/culture actually makes you become what you're taught you're supposed to be.
Great contribution sir.👍🏻

 

[Salvajito]

We all have strength within us, it grows from confidence. If you fail at something keep trying until you succeed. Once you develop the warrior mentality nothing can stop you. When we make our resolutions for 2021 let's not give up after two weeks, I wish everyone the fortitude to keep going!

 

[Salvajito]

Forgive me I don't intend to derail the thread just got fired up 😆

 

[Encouragement]

Forgive me I don't intend to derail the thread just got fired up 😆

Not to worry..ita all good..😊😊😊💪💪
Remember what God told Joshua
"Be strong and courageous ect..."

 

[MegMarch]

If a man feels safe enough to be vulnerable, that is rare and should be honored. Men don’t typically have a safe space to do this within the confines, and expectations they experience on a daily basis, of society.

 

[Encouragement]

If a man feels safe enough to be vulnerable, that is rare and should be honored. Men don’t typically have a safe space to do this within the confines, and expectations they experience on a daily basis, of society.

Hi MegMarch...that's very true..Expectations, preconception and life experiences is what made the difference.
Ironically I have known men to resist even going to see the doctor at times claiming that they are fine ect..when there is clearly something wrong...🤣🤣🤣
Ego and pride are two deadly weapons that cause mass destruction for any man..
There are many Male church leaders who have no one to turn to to open up about stuff coz of others seeing them as perfect without any struggles.
Men need to be understood just as much as women do when life gets too much and other than praying theres still the need to have actual person to talk too..
In a relationship I would most definitely be opening up my partner and I know that she would also wanna open up too.👍🏻
Nothing better than being with someone who will share your deepest fears and tears..💕

 

[UCA4J]

I think a man should express himself, probably wants/needs to, but, men have have been taught not to express themselves, cos it's not a "manly" thing to do.

 

[Encouragement]

I think a man should express himself, probably wants/needs to, but, men have have been taught not to express themselves, cos it's not a "manly" thing to do.

Hi yes unfortunately there are factors that contribute to this...which actually can put home into a kind of bondage..and limit him being able to express who he really is on the inside..Occassionally they will say that if a guy is in tough with his emotions then hes supposedly in touch with his feminate side....seriously...🤣
Ironically some women have been influence by various cultural,societal and even family traditions that men are kinda like superheroes.. always strong...playing the kinda hero so there is a subconscious expectation for a man to be if a certain type.

 

[Belka]

Not offensive at all actually. Thanks for sharing your thoughts ! I'm Russian and in our culture the man has to be strong and it's taught to always show it even in times when you feel weak. For a woman to see that from a man shows that he is able to handle anything life throws at him.

Ahah! I was born there, so I get it (Привет!) Definitely quite a prominent thing there. I think it has its upsides, though there needs to be some space for honest discussions as well (for men). I believe having faith in God changes things drastically. A man who can rely on God in everything he does and be confident in HIM is very admirable.

 

[BrotherMike]

Absolutely, if the man or woman is not able to express themselves openly with each other, they should find a new relationship.

 

[Kireina]

I think there are men who are like that and "They are special" I once had a man like that... I loved how he can read me when I was sad,happy,confused,pretending to be ok,not telling the truth and upset.. I really valued how he showed me that I was the most important person in his life 😦 I loved how he made me feel... I loved how he cared for me.... How he showed interest to whatever I spoke and how he Cared to ask For my opinions and listened to my blah ...he valued every word I spoke and listened to my nonsense stories...He even thought that I was smart lol 😅

He was good in expressing himself... He showed to me the vulnerable and the sweetest side of himself... He opened up to me and allowed me to see his—flaws, about the things from his past, Good or bad...

He would tell me if something bothered him when he was upset or hurt or annoyed...

He was really special. I am really glad our paths crossed I am praying for him a good and wonderful life ahead❤

 

[Salvajito]

Ahah! I was born there, so I get it (Привет!) Definitely quite a prominent thing there. I think it has its upsides, though there needs to be some space for honest discussions as well (for men). I believe having faith in God changes things drastically. A man who can rely on God in everything he does and be confident in HIM is very admirable.

Dobry vecer! I thought hmmm your name means squirrel so you might be russian too, very cool! Of course all strength ultimately comes from God

 

[Encouragement]

I think there are men who are like that and "They are special" I once had a man like that... I loved how he can read me when I was sad,happy,confused,pretending to be ok,not telling the truth and upset.. I really valued how he showed me that I was the most important person in his life 😦 I loved how he made me feel... I loved how he cared for me.... How he showed interest to whatever I spoke and how he Cared to ask For my opinions and listened to my blah ...he valued every word I spoke and listened to my nonsense stories...He even thought that I was smart lol 😅

He was good in expressing himself... He showed to me the vulnerable and the sweetest side of himself... He opened up to me and allowed me to see his—flaws, about the things from his past, Good or bad...

He would tell me if something bothered him when he was upset or hurt or annoyed...

He was really special. I am really glad our paths crossed I am praying for him a good and wonderful life ahead❤

Sound like you're describing me..👍🏻👍🏻😏😏😏
my goodness what happened then...Coz by the sounds of it you could of fallen for such great guy.?..Sorry just has to ask.

 

[Scribe]

Hi folks just a pretty straightforward question really.
In a relationship do you think it's important for a guy to be able to express himself.Many guys in general can express anger for example which is a powerful forceful amount of emotional energy...what what about sharing his innermost feelings?Things that hurt him,fears,concerns ect..traumas?
Many women have been frustrated as their partner doesn't express how he really feels or thinks about certain things and therefore makes it difficult for her understand his point of view and if he feels sad,anxious or even worried about things in life.
Unfortunately various cultures as well a society can dictate how men express themselves mentally and emotionally and some can see expressing certain emotions as being unmanly or weak.Also in the home many fathers don't express themselves emotionally to their sons so many sons can grow up not being emotionally self aware.
Some men are lead to believe they aren't supposed to cry,be scared...be vulnerable ect...so many men at times seek to hide these things and put on a front which isn't a reflection of who they REALLY are.Many feel the constant pressure or demand to be strong,the leader....the warrior type figure...
Personally I have no problems expressing my emotions verbally e t because of having to go through counselling in the past and just being really aware of that's going on inside me.Anyway it be good to hear your thoughts on this matter.
Look forward to hear from you.
Just how important is it for a guy to be able to express himself in a relationship emotionally and mentally...coz some guys say they dont do emotions..🤦🏼‍♂️

A few personal observations:
If they are too whiney it is annoying.
If they express anxieties with no solution it is annoying to be around.
If they act like a girl it is annoying and unattractive to women.
If they express hurt and it turns into more hurt they won't do it again.
If they express how they are feeling and it turns into someone defending themselves or an argument they learn from it and don't do it any more.
Most men are quick learners. We don't have to experience the same thing more than a couple of times to know that it does not work.
They will find another way to express their anxieties like a non judging man friend that gives a good tip and moves on to another conversation rather than have to listen to hours of lecturing or analysis or worst, self defense from a woman who takes what ever they were anxious about personally.
That is why most men don't express themselves to their mate. Because she can't handle it.

 

[tourist]

If you don't express yourself you probably will not be in a relationship in the first place.

 

[tourist]

Not sure why you posting this in singles though! More of a family issue if a couple is trying for a family.

Or the User2User Tech Support Forum.

 

[Encouragement]

Or the User2User Tech Support Forum.

what exactly do you mean?🤷‍♀️

 

[Encouragement]

If you don't express yourself you probably will not be in a relationship in the first place.

Of course there are individuals who are in relationships who have difficulties in expressing certain kinda of thoughts and feelings