NEED ADVICE....TROUBLED MARRIAGE

[kellyjeannine]

As a Christian, I'm so confused....
Married 14 years, 3 beautiful children. My husband has always been somewhat controlling, but in the past 2 years controlling has turned into severe emotional abuse, use of pornography and operating a business that is illegal. (tax evasion)
My Christian background keeps me thinking, save the marriage. Stay by his side no matter what. Support his hopes and dreams, even if they compromise the 10 commandments.

He goes to church with me every Sunday. I pray that he will realize what he is doing is wrong and that he must ask for forgiveness...but he doesn't feel that he's doing anything wrong.

I'm ready to leave, I have a plan 80% in place to remove myself and my children in the next 30 days, but I just can't help but think that God would want me to stand by him in his troubled time.
Any and all advice is appreciated.

 

[judgedebra]

I just left my husband 2 weeks ago for the same thing, controling, name calling, mentally, not physcial, we been married for 13 yrs. 1 corinthians 7 :10


verse 10: Now to the married I command, Yet not I but the "Lord: A wife is not to depart from her husband. 11: But even if she does depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband. And a husband is not to divorce his wife.


Reconciled, katallasso ( at-al-las-so) Strongs' #2644: To change, exchange, reestablish, restore relationships, make things right, remove an enmity. Five times the word refers to God's reconciling us to Himself through the life, death, and resurrection of His Son Jesus ( Rom. 5-10,2 Cor.5-18). Whether speaking of God and man or huband and wife, katallasso describes the reestablishing of a proper, loving, interpersonal relationship, which has been broken or disrupted.



Is your husband a christian, you said he goes to church.

 

[kellyjeannine]

He claims to be a Christian, but outside of one hour a week at church, his actions say otherwise. I read through the thread GOD HATES DIVORCE, and feel very let down, like abuse is tolerable.

 

[judgedebra]

I believe that the husband is head of the home and his wife, that is correct, but he is not the boss, and he does not get that, we are one but I have feelings and emotions and I can think soundly and give opinions as well as him, it is suppose to be a mutual 50/50. But he does not see it that way so I left, he is in God's hand now. All I can do is pray for my marriage.

 

[judgedebra]

unfortunately, going to church does not make you a christian, I am so sorry and I will pray for you as well. We will know them by their fruits.

 

[kellyjeannine]

Thank you for the reassurance. God knows my heart, and his. I tried everything to keep the marriage together...I will continue to pray for it, and him, but I think I have to separate from him.

 

[Stephen]

Have you told him of your feelings and/or maybe considered going to your pastor or Christian counseling?

 

[kellyjeannine]

He knows my feelings. For a very long time I asked him every day to please stop, and he just calls me a nag. I begged for counseling, he said it's a waste of time so I see a therapist on my own.

 

[Stephen]

I am sorry to hear your husband is not responding to the cries of your heart. I am guilty of the same thing as many men are. For us these sincere appeals to change are heard by our ears as nagging. I admit now that I was wrong and was not hearing my wife say that my impatience with just about everything was wearing her down. I am not justifying his actions only relating to him as a man. Is there a way you could slip into his hands a book? This book was given to me by my pastor and retuned my ears. The author is Gary Smalley and the title is "Winning Your Wife Back Before It's Too Late.

I am currently doing everything I can to save my marriage but my wife's heart is hardened. She barely talks with me, doesn't wear her wedding ring, and goes out with people I do not know and doesn't tell me where she is going. So, I can empathize with you on some of the things your experiencing...especially the loneliness. But, I am growing closer to God through this and more determined than ever to make this marriage work. It will be tough but I believe adultery is the only reason a Christian is granted divorce.

I pray for you and your husband.

 

[GreenNnice]

This might not sit well with some folks, for I am pretty sure scripture says 'adultery' is only way out of marriage but I really think if your spouse is abusing you it is time for you to go. Give it to God, in deep prayer, the Lord leads, but, yes, SERIOUS abuse is not to be tolerated by any human being beyond a measured out amount by God. God does not want us to suffer. So, if you tell your husband you're going to your mom's then concrete explain why you are going and then follow through and go do it. God has a personal relationship with each and every single person in the world, through Jesus' death on the cross and God's also giving us of a helper, the Holy Spirit (as I believe and witness HS power in my life. God gave us HS power for many reasons, including doing battle against Satan, HS power was given to us freely after John The Baptist Baptized Jesus.

 

[Stephen]

Our ways are not His ways.

 

[alex1987]

i feel your pain i am almost 24 and are in my prayers i would follow my heart but you are right about leaving wth the kids even though it will be hard God is always with you. i know God does not like divorse and yet i am with you on the prob the prono is very wrong and ithink is a ig no no if married and even though marriage is supposed to be life long commitment yet ic that maybe you should talk to your minister about doging taxes for a sermon and the bad things maybe that might open your husbands eyes

 

[KezE]

O kellyjeannine, my heart goes out to you! I know all about being in a difficult marriage & wanting out so badly. A couple of years ago I even started harding my heart towards God because I didn't want to do the things I knew He wanted me to do. I just wanted to leave. But I quickly came to the realisation that I couldn't leave the marriage without God & I couldn't stay in the marriage without God - I desperately needed Him. So I began to simply pray to God - not for my marriage or my husband, but just spent time with God. The inevitable result - God softened my heart towards my husband & I began to pray passionately for the marriage. My story, sadly, does not have a happy ending, as I have since found out that he has had numerous affairs & we are currently separated. But what I do know without a shadow of a doubt is this - if you honour God, He WILL honour you. Seek God in this. Do as your conscience leads. It's great to get advice from other people, but make sure you are pleasing God above all else. No matter how hard it seems, if you strive to honour God & do what He requires of you, you will receive incredible blessing.
I will pray for you! If God is for you, who can be against you?!

 

[cec4me]

I will be praying for you. I know it is tough I'm going though a seperation right now also. But unlike you my (christian) wife has moved out to be with her boyfriend that she had in high school (38 years ago). Some times I just don't know what to do. But I do know one thing that all things work together for those who love God, to those who are called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28. God Bless you and I will keep praying.

 

[Jono]

Hi,

I don't know if somebody ever said to you that a life commitment with Jesus is: to stay firm with Him until the end,that means many things in our lives will test that commitment throughout of our lives.Right now you are being tested..your commitment to your husband and to the Lord.How?
Jesus said:mariage is for life no matter what ..what God united no man or situation should separate.So you have to stick with your husband and in prayer,fasting and being an example to your husband the Lord in His time will change your husband situation.You shouldn't preach but live it.
When jesus was asked about divorce or separation,his reply was:From the beginning God created marriage for live but if one divorce his wife or husband you have to live your lives devoted for the Lord no remarriage otherwise you will commit adultery,and you know and I know there is not adulterer in Heaven,so you will loose your salvation and be thrown in the lake of fire when Jesus come back.
So there is no way out but trust and obey there is no other way.Have you watch Fireproof dvd is a good one apart from one situation where a friend of Caleb the guy going through a hard time is divorce and remarried which I don't agree,but the church somehow is not advice people straight as the Bible or Jesus advice.
I will pray for you to keep firm in the Lord and faithful to your commitment to your husband.

 

[preschoolteacher24]

Somehow you have too sit him down and talk I know it may not be easy but don't let it get more out of control i mean emotional abuse is awful i have never been married but I always got it from my ex I just never told anyone I would feel so many times he loves me or not I don't know. Tours the end he would just say so many hurtful things too me that a woman shall never hear form the man she loves or he claims he loves her and especially engage really.. so I know how hard it must be too get emotionally abused kinda not too all your extend you are married. sometimes its safer too remove your self for a bit and see what happens one of my cousin just did this and man changed when he realized he would loose it all his kids and wife. So best of luck for you god bless you and wish you the best ever..

 

[lucky]

I think this is the time that you should wait for the God's reply.
As you said, you are praying... so let God answer to your prayer. Don't be hasty in getting off from your husband.
A FAITHFUL PRAYER WILL DEFINITELY RECEIVE ANSWER. BELIEVE IN THE GOD.
God bless

 

[FelishaGodChild]

It must be hard to go throught this, But listen (pornography) , remember in the Bible it talks about in my own words
if a man looks at a women in a lustfully way, that man has commited audltery in his heart, your husband has bascially committed audltery in

his heart , that's cheating! so you must( LEAVE) .. Gods not Please and your Not either he's (Hurting you) and you are FED up!
God Knows and understands why your Leaving if you feel you need to (sperated) intell God changes him DO it - if you (Feel )you need to DICVORCE DO IT!

 

[FelishaGodChild]

Another thing I've Learn that ( Will help you) you say your so "confused"

say- what would I do if I wasn't CONFUSED... then your answer will come up
and your know what to do.

 

[Vladimir_Ukr]

I'm daddy and husband also. You need trying saved the marriage
but anyway more important is answer from God.
May God give you answer. I will pray for both of you.

I think this is the time that you should wait for the God's reply.
As you said, you are praying... so let God answer to your prayer. Don't be hasty in getting off from your husband.
A FAITHFUL PRAYER WILL DEFINITELY RECEIVE ANSWER. BELIEVE IN THE GOD.
God bless

This is a good advise.