How should I act on my feelings in this situation ?

Lynx · Jan 27, 2021

Howdy pink00 and welcome to the forum.

As a guy I can say that you probably shouldn't rely on being subtle when you do want to get his attention. Maybe start out with subtle, but don't be surprised if it doesn't work. A lot of guys like things plain and clear, direct and unambiguous... to be blunt, we like it blunt.

I'm not saying you CAN'T be subtle... just be ready to switch to more direct communication if subtle doesn't work.

EternalFire · Jan 30, 2021

pink00 said:

Hi !

I'm a 20 year old girl, and God has really put it in my heart recently that I want marriage and children in my future. Honestly, I'm the oldest unmarried person in my entire family but that isn't the reason that I want it, it is a genuine desire. I'm aware that I have plenty of time and am young, but I'm also aware of how I feel and don't think the desire for marriage fairly young is sinful or silly. My ideal is get engaged in 3rd year college (so at 23) and married at 24 when I graduate.

I also recently moved to a new city in England. Here, there is very few Christian men, and most of them are married anyway. The ones that aren't honestly don't seem suitable.

But, there is one guy at my new church who honestly seems perfect. He's very sporty, is doing a doctorate degree and is quite attractive to me. I can also tell (obviously I've stalked his social media haha, guys EVERY girl does it

) that he has an ex girlfriend who looks kind of similar to me, so I would say I would be his type.

Unfortunately church is totally online right now and England is in lockdown, so I don't have a way to actually meet him and get to know him - so i really want to try and connect with him online.

However, the only times we have met have been a few breakout rooms on zoom together where we haven't even spoken much. But God is literally putting it in my heart to get to know him.

Also, I found out the other day he's 27 - I had thought he was 24 !! Now, to me being 7 years older is SO attractive and desirable, but do you think he wouldn't even look in my direction because I'm young ? Thing is, I'm younger than him but I'm very mature, probably similar maturity levels tbh, and we're both students.

Guys (and girls), what do you think the best way to go about this is ? I was thinking following him on instagram but he has so few followers and he's private so it will make it very obvious I've looked him up specifically. But then, like, is that a bad thing ? I really would like to get to know him but I also really don't need to be getting rejected by a guy at my new church ahah

I encourage you to be very cautious about pursuing this person. Having an ex-girlfriend is a red flag to me, especially if it was a recent breakup. Why did they break up? Were they living together?

Make sure he is truly serving Christ. If he isn’t, then he won’t be able to love a wife as Christ loves the Church.

pink00 · Jan 30, 2021

EternalFire said:

Thankyou , yes obviously it’s not ideal but she seems to be a Christian too. Idk atm if they were living together however he attends a strict evangelical church every week I’m assuming not.
However, I’m born again and have lived a life I’m not proud of in the past and God has made me new. I’m not so worried about anyone’s past as what their heart is now because God shown me so truly and faithfully how he can transform someone

Reborn · Jan 31, 2021

pink00 said:

Play it cool. 🤔

Most guys l know (including myself) really dig it when a lady has a laidback approach to her conversations. (Especially when you break the ice) It gives us a feeling that she may be gentle and calm in her overall life. She’s comes off as confident, but doesn’t take herself / small talk too seriously. No pressure.

It takes anxiety off that first meeting between the two of you...let’s us know that we can be ourselves and not have to try so hard to impress you. Tone is now set...now you can just be yourself. Nothing is more attractive than a/any person who can calm you down in those first minutes of conversation.

If you decide to make a joke and it doesn’t land? Remain calm and have a sense of humor about throwing out a bad joke.

...or you can run and dive out a window and head for your car?
It’s totally up to you at that point. 🤷🏻‍♂️

I will say this...l would not mention that you stalk him on social media, or have your entire life mapped out for a future relationship (including dates you intend to be married by) how many kids you want, past boyfriends, that you tail his car after he leaves work, or that you hired a Private Eye to pry into his business....things like that, ya know?

Once again play it cool.

...or he might dive out the window.
Good Luck.

Lanolin · Jan 31, 2021

pink00 said:

nothing is irritating just wondering
if you are rich then dont worry, a lot of people arent and actually struggle so they cant marry anyway.

at that age I wasnt a christian and didnt really think about marriage. In nz people dont actually date. it was something weird kind of game americans did. lol. Id be like if you REALLY wanna go out with someone, just ask them.

why the deception?

Lanolin · Jan 31, 2021

thats cools that you are studying dentistry...but can I ask you why does it have to be sooooo expensive.
And painful?

If it was part of a healthcare plan then people wouldnt have to go into debt to pay for it all. But it seems for the most part its not, I dont quite understand that.

pink00 · Jan 31, 2021

Lanolin said:

nothing is irritating just wondering
if you are rich then dont worry, a lot of people arent and actually struggle so they cant marry anyway.

at that age I wasnt a christian and didnt really think about marriage. In nz people dont actually date. it was something weird kind of game americans did. lol. Id be like if you REALLY wanna go out with someone, just ask them.

why the deception?

who am I deceiving ?

pink00 · Jan 31, 2021

Lanolin said:

Where I live healthcare is free

not all dental work is free but it’s definitely affordable

Lanolin · Jan 31, 2021

I saw this book in the bookshop called THE RULES. I flicked through and there were over 50 of them. If you follow ALL the rules, apparently, it will give you success. its written for women who want to get to know a man. Good luck.

Or you could try the 5 love languages for singles. But I think thats more for people who enjoy being single.

Lanolin · Jan 31, 2021

pink00 said:

wow where do you live?
here is only free up to age 18. After that youd be paying $200 a visit at some dentists.

Lanolin · Jan 31, 2021

pink00 said:

just the scenario of wow I really like this guy but am too scared to talk to him and ask him out kind of thing. I think if you already kinda stalking him then it shouldnt be to hard to just ask him out or say hello or something.

Lynx · Jan 31, 2021

Lanolin said:

Wait... Are we saying poor people don't have the luxury of finding a spouse because they can't afford it?

Now I'm REALLY confused...

Lanolin said:

Throw that junk out.

Lanolin · Jan 31, 2021

it would probably break one of 'the rules' though.

Maybe just hang out with his sister if hes got one and then just say youve got a crush on her brother. She can tell him and then if its mutual you wont be embarassed.

seoulsearch · Jan 31, 2021

Lanolin said:

Unless it's a sincere friendship that starts out having nothing to do with the said brother (if indeed he does have a sister,) I would strongly advise against this.

When I was in school, popular boys would talk to me for only two reasons: 1. They thought they could get me to do their homework for them, and 2. They saw that I was friends with a girl they liked and thought they could use me as a way to get to them.

My solution to these problems were: 1. I would tell them what answers to write down for their homework, but would purposely give them the wrong answers. (I wasn't the best student -- I was just known for actually having my homework done.) I suppose some will say this is un-Christian (for lying,) but it solved the problem rather quickly. 2. If they were wanting to use me in order to get close to a girl, I would tell them I grew out of 5th grade a long time ago and they would have to as well (i.e., grow their own [spine] and do the work themselves.)

When I was younger, I would give in because I fell into the trap of wanting to be liked (especially by the "cool" people.) But as I got older, I decided I would stand my ground.

Now, if it would have been an actual friend whom I'd known a while and had a real friendship with, no problem. I'd be game as much as they were, and probably glad to fix them up.

But talking to someone and acting like you want to spend time with them just to get the scoop or edge on someone else? It's not fair to pretend to want to hang out with someone when all you're really doing is using them to get to another person. No one wants to be used, even if they're not the person potentially going out on the date.

But... I also realize this that is just my opinion, and others might have a different approach.

Reborn · Jan 31, 2021

seoulsearch said:

Well played, Kim.
I had that problem too.

Hmm, I’m wondering? (Being half-Asian myself)
Do you know where I’m heading with this? 🤔

(Here’s how l problem solved those type of people, SeoulKim. My approach was this)

I’d say,

“Look, Buddy I’m only half-Asian so your chances of getting the correct answer is 50/50. If you’re willing to take your chance—roll the dice?...then here...take a look at my paper.”

After he’d sift thru all the doodles in crayon and erasable markers all over my test, he‘d get upset when he noticed that I answered every question with—

“None of the above” 🤔

(Note: these were math quizzes I’m talking about here...not even multiple choice ...and I was in high school)

seoulsearch · Jan 31, 2021

Reborn said:

Dang it, Reborn!

This is one of those posts that I wish I could give multiple emoji responses to -- because there's absolutely nothing worse than being out-Asian-ed... by another Asian.

And only half-Asian to boot!!!

DANG, am I ever slacking!

(Don't feel bad -- my being adopted makes me a fake Asian as it is!)

But I'm pretty sure if we took a poll right now -- "Who Gave The Most Asian Answer Out of All The Asian Answers Given in This Thread?!" -- you would win not only by a landslide, but also four pairs of Nunchucks, two cases of fortune cookies, and one chopstick.

Yes, just one chopstick.

Because with the answer you gave, I bet you're SO Asian that you need only one chopstick to do all the Asian things that other Asians would need two chopsticks to accomplish.

cinder · Jan 31, 2021

Just going to put it out there..... chopsticks are amazing for flipping frying bacon over and then taking it out of the pan. Now I always use chopsticks (wood ones not plastic or metal ones) for frying bacon.

And I'm not Asian at all, just lived in an asian country for a few years.

Reborn · Jan 31, 2021

seoulsearch said:

Sorry, KimSearch

I never miss a chance to squeeze in a connection to being part Asian. It’s a rare opportunity.
Doesn‘t come often, we are the forgotten characters in movies, the side story, Asian-extra #9 in a scene. 🥠

Come to think of it, it’s sort of understandable? Not that big of a demographic? (There’s only like, 17 quadbillion on them on the planet?)

Just Kidding, no—poor me—sob—stories here! I have to go practice my roundhouse kicks.
I’m proud of the Asian background I have.....you know what?...🏳️...every nationality matters.

🇺🇸🇹🇭🇰🇳🇻🇨🇷🇺🇼🇸🇵🇷🇸🇬🇸🇰🇸🇦🇿🇲🇿🇼🇵🇱🇵🇾🇸🇨🇵🇪🇰🇵🇵🇪🇵🇳🇳🇿🇸🇲🇪🇹🇸🇻🇪🇬🇩🇯
🇿🇦🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿🇿🇼🇿🇲🇾🇪🇪🇭🇼🇫🇻🇳🇻🇪🇲🇪🇲🇸🇫🇲🏁🏳🏴‍☠🇲🇩🇲🇦🇲🇿🇲🇳🇲🇶🇲🇾🇰🇪🇰🇬🇱🇷

Thank God for God.
No Races — Just Love

🥢🐝 ( << Reference? )

UCA4J · Jan 31, 2021

Reborn said:

Well played, Kim.
I had that problem too.

Hmm, I’m wondering? (Being half-Asian myself)
Do you know where I’m heading with this? 🤔

(Here’s how l problem solved those type of people, SeoulKim. My approach was this)

I’d say,

“Look, Buddy I’m only half-Asian so your chances of getting the correct answer is 50/50. If you’re willing to take your chance—roll the dice?...then here...take a look at my paper.”

After he’d sift thru all the doodles in crayon and erasable markers all over my test, he‘d get upset when he noticed that I answered every question with—

“None of the above” 🤔

(Note: these were math quizzes I’m talking about here...not even multiple choice ...and I was in high school)

what language do asians speak ?

Reborn · Jan 31, 2021

UCA4J said:

We speak Asian.
All look and talk the same, I’m guessing?
(Asian is a small country just outside of Asia) 😀

Attention:
(Rules and regulations apply to the above statement “All look and talk the same“ only to/ by Reborn. OP of person being quoted by UCLA /asking /joking/ literally / trying to be clever-ish with “what is Asian”? in attempts to clarify/enter into public record— “there is no such language as ‘Asian ‘ as stated by Reborn. OP/Being part Asian hereby and bypasses all laws on stereotyping, cliche or standard ’commonly thought of as’ sentences or statements made from post with /but not limited to Pawn Piece Avatar aka RB. These rules do not deviate from socially accepted “self bashing” or playfully joking about how ones sees themselves , their race, through another engaged person(s) vision. A.E or the usual society allowed and/joke origin “accepted” normal amount of “playfully jesting about ones race/nationality/ethnic background/ heritage/family lineage. Just the right amount of “huh?”Example: if a person is thin- they are entitled (not limited to) jokingly call themselves “skinny” within all laws stated in section 17B of the Joke Booklet of Nevada. Anyone outside of stated joke doing the same is in violation of 17B and could be held responsible for any ”hurt feelings” or questionable laugh intentions. Please note the term “Oriental“ is not PC and hasn’t been on the “cool list” since the late 1980’s)

How should I act on my feelings in this situation ?

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