Midnight Confessions
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My first confession on this thread was admitting that I had a smoking addiction, but now, many years later rather than a confession it has become more of a realization. Even so, the beginning of this entry is similar to the other posts I have written in Pain Management Clinic. And yes, the pain is very real and so is the struggle.
My name is Jerry and I am an addict. Nicotine is my drug of choice.
It has now been 12 days since the last time I lit up a smoke. Or it might be longer than that because after awhile counting off the days becomes pointless as I am still only a single smoke away from becoming a current smoker rather than one that is in recovery from this addiction. Sort of pathetic really but this is true.
The whole quitting process is sort of like falling in love but rather than thinking about the woman of my dreams all I think about is how I may never smoke again yet I am strongly urged in my mind to do so. Seriously.
My wife has stated that I love smoking more than her. Be that as it may it is my love for her that will make this tremendous struggle and subsequent mental anguish worthwhile.
Let's talk about idols. Things that take a paramount place rather than God. I really don't believe that smoking was my idol taking away that which should belong to God. No way. The thing is, since thoughts of smoking are often in my mind then perhaps smoking was an idol as it certainly seem to play an important part and provided my sense of well-being however misguided. I realize this now.
Let's clarify matters as they exist today. I don't love smoking more than my wife, the fact is I loved smoking but don't do that anymore. At least not for the last couple weeks. I love my wife more today. By the grace of God I will love her more tomorrow. It will have to be by God's grace because this is not something I can do on my own as it is impossible. I realize this also.
What is impossible for me is possible for God. For I am weak but He is strong.
"Yes, Jesus loves me...".
Can't imagine why though. My wife loves me too. Hopefully, my love for her will be proved as it has been today. I don't want to think about tomorrow because there is a fear deep inside of me that I will fail.
"Fear not" says the Lord.
My name is Jerry and I am an addict. Nicotine is my drug of choice.
It has now been 12 days since the last time I lit up a smoke. Or it might be longer than that because after awhile counting off the days becomes pointless as I am still only a single smoke away from becoming a current smoker rather than one that is in recovery from this addiction. Sort of pathetic really but this is true.
The whole quitting process is sort of like falling in love but rather than thinking about the woman of my dreams all I think about is how I may never smoke again yet I am strongly urged in my mind to do so. Seriously.
My wife has stated that I love smoking more than her. Be that as it may it is my love for her that will make this tremendous struggle and subsequent mental anguish worthwhile.
Let's talk about idols. Things that take a paramount place rather than God. I really don't believe that smoking was my idol taking away that which should belong to God. No way. The thing is, since thoughts of smoking are often in my mind then perhaps smoking was an idol as it certainly seem to play an important part and provided my sense of well-being however misguided. I realize this now.
Let's clarify matters as they exist today. I don't love smoking more than my wife, the fact is I loved smoking but don't do that anymore. At least not for the last couple weeks. I love my wife more today. By the grace of God I will love her more tomorrow. It will have to be by God's grace because this is not something I can do on my own as it is impossible. I realize this also.
What is impossible for me is possible for God. For I am weak but He is strong.
"Yes, Jesus loves me...".
Can't imagine why though. My wife loves me too. Hopefully, my love for her will be proved as it has been today. I don't want to think about tomorrow because there is a fear deep inside of me that I will fail.
"Fear not" says the Lord.
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Oh wow
well, psalm 51 is the psalm for addicts to pray if its any help.
One of my friends quit smoking when she realised it would end up killing her like it did her uncle.
Think of the money you save, and can spend on your wife
And how much better you will smell and your teeth will be whiter.
And the only smoking you will now do is on the bbq
well, psalm 51 is the psalm for addicts to pray if its any help.
One of my friends quit smoking when she realised it would end up killing her like it did her uncle.
Think of the money you save, and can spend on your wife
And how much better you will smell and your teeth will be whiter.
And the only smoking you will now do is on the bbq
R
Time to toss some shrimp on the barbie. 
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In nz you would sizzle sausages on the bbq. We dont call it a barbie.
If smoking you would smoke fish, like maybe salmon. Or kahawai, or terakhi, using a smoker. Which is a like a bbq but enclosed. You put in some fragrant wood like manuka.
The other way is to dig a pit in the earth and basically roast/steam bake the food its called a hangi and is delicious.
If smoking you would smoke fish, like maybe salmon. Or kahawai, or terakhi, using a smoker. Which is a like a bbq but enclosed. You put in some fragrant wood like manuka.
The other way is to dig a pit in the earth and basically roast/steam bake the food its called a hangi and is delicious.
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the boy next door died (not from covid). He was only in his 20s.
He was married with 2 young girls.
He had a crush on me when he was younger and would give me hugs and hold hands. He asked if he could call me and I had to say no as he was like 15 years younger than me lol.
He was very sweet and shy. It was sad he got cancer he was a huge Tongan but when dying he looked so small and pale. The poor girls have to grow up without a dad.
we (mum and I ) were going to go to his funeral (his family are mormons) but now cant because of Covid lockdown. will just put something in their letterbox instead.
he wont be lonely in the afterlife because their cat went before him. I wonder if mormons can be saved despite their religion, I remember praying about that. They never protelysed us but once I did put a chick tract in their letterbox. I was a little freaked out that their church was listed in the kingdom of cults book.
He was married with 2 young girls.
He had a crush on me when he was younger and would give me hugs and hold hands. He asked if he could call me and I had to say no as he was like 15 years younger than me lol.
He was very sweet and shy. It was sad he got cancer he was a huge Tongan but when dying he looked so small and pale. The poor girls have to grow up without a dad.
we (mum and I ) were going to go to his funeral (his family are mormons) but now cant because of Covid lockdown. will just put something in their letterbox instead.
he wont be lonely in the afterlife because their cat went before him. I wonder if mormons can be saved despite their religion, I remember praying about that. They never protelysed us but once I did put a chick tract in their letterbox. I was a little freaked out that their church was listed in the kingdom of cults book.
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Your post has sadden me.
Adding to the tragic loss of a young married man with young children is that due to the pandemic those that mourn his loss must do so alone and unable to offer physical and emotional comfort to the grieved.
Regarding being a Mormon, Jesus once told a small group of His followers that there were those that were not of this fold and that He must gather them in also. In my estimation any Christian religious denomination has certain aspects that could be considered traits of a cult.
I have no doubt that this young man will be reunited with his cat too and is now in the presence of the Lord.
I believe that you have empathic qualities and that is very much a good character trait to have.
Adding to the tragic loss of a young married man with young children is that due to the pandemic those that mourn his loss must do so alone and unable to offer physical and emotional comfort to the grieved.
Regarding being a Mormon, Jesus once told a small group of His followers that there were those that were not of this fold and that He must gather them in also. In my estimation any Christian religious denomination has certain aspects that could be considered traits of a cult.
I have no doubt that this young man will be reunited with his cat too and is now in the presence of the Lord.
I believe that you have empathic qualities and that is very much a good character trait to have.
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Hi all...
My confession is that I am a Vaper ...
I gave up smoking 5 years ago , but now vape , I wish I could give it up but I keep failing and going back to it...
@tourist ...You are a great encouragement for me , and the next time I have an urge to ditch the Vaping , I will look back on your journey.
Sent with love to you brother , and one day at a time , that is all we are giving...
...xox...
My confession is that I am a Vaper ...
I gave up smoking 5 years ago , but now vape , I wish I could give it up but I keep failing and going back to it...
@tourist ...You are a great encouragement for me , and the next time I have an urge to ditch the Vaping , I will look back on your journey.
Sent with love to you brother , and one day at a time , that is all we are giving...
...xox...
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