hi BeeKay
I'm sorry you're having such a difficult time. I started with depression when i was 14, now i'm 35 & have only in the past 2 years really gotten past most of it. I did not have medication, or any help for that matter. I did drop into severe depression for a while as well. Now that my mind is better my health is bad, though haha. So i can relate to the sickness aspect as well. i had at times considered suicide, but never attempted. Things i would suggest that may help a bit, not stop the depression but maybe can help lessen it some. Exercise regularly. Get on a normal exercise routine 3-5 days a week, at least 20-30 minutes. Especially something cardio. Also your diet, try to eat healthy foods. Avoid fast food, sugary stuff, caffeine, processed, etc. Also, keep talking about it & venting, don't hold it in or assume you can handle it by yourself. Too, anything that you find you enjoy that doesn't conflict with what i said already, try to involve yourself in it a lot. I made some of these suggestions to someone who had depression, a few months later i talked to them again, they had put this stuff into practice & said they noticed an obvious improvement in their depression. So it does help. I'm assuming you're seeing a psychiatrist to talk to reguarly as well?
Also see if you can having testing done to verify that you aren't having a physical problem that is causing, or instigating this. And of course, continue your prayers & bible reading. Hopefully something in here is new & helps & i'm not just repeating what you already know. If so i'm sorry, but i tried. (=
If you care to talk more about it feel to CCmail me. I know we have quite an age gap & if you aren't comfortable talking to me through mail that is understandable. Whether we talk again or not, just keep seeking help & don't give up. I will put you in my next prayers. Take care.