I'm sick & tired.

[Handyman62]

I have been living in extreme physical discomfort with bouts of very extreme pain for more than 20 years and has taken a toll on my mental health. Many parts of my body are effected in one way or another, literally from my toes and finger tips to the top of my head. Some problems are constant some intermittent, but nothing goes away and stays away. I'm self employed and my physical problems make it difficult to make a living and I can only manage to earn enough to be around poverty level. I tried for many years to get help from doctors and God but it was to no avail. I have given up on doctors as it became obvious they are unwilling to make any real effort to help beyond prescribing drugs to mask symptoms, so I have put it all in Gods hands.
I met and brought to the lord the woman I married and stayed married to her for 28 years and we had a son late in our marriage. Despite the fact that My wife and I got along great she decided her and our son were better off without me. I don't doubt my physical difficulties played a major part in her decision as I have never raised a hand to her and almost never raised my voice. But the divorce broke my heart and it's still broken even after 7 years.
All of that brings me to the sick & tired part. Despite over the years my praying multiple times a day asking for healing & forgiveness for myself and those on my prayer list, reading the bible at least once a day, attending worship services and singing praises at least once a week, plus tithing and giving my time and other monies to help others. I have yet to receive any noticeable relief from my misery. In fact things only get worse.
I have no patience anymore, Satan has beat it out of me. I'm angry at God for allowing Satan to rob me of my health, my marriage and my sanity. I don't feel I'm asking to much of God to relieve some of my suffering, but he has chosen not to. I understand that Satan is always on the prowl seeking to devour and I don't expect things to be perfect, but I do expect God to answer at least some of my prayers.
I'm not Job, but there are striking similarities to what he went through and what I'm going through. But I doubt everything I lost will be restored to me in the few remaining years I have left on this earth.
And yes I am a born again Christian and like everyone else, I'm far from perfect. I also realize that my reward is waiting in heaven, BUT what I constantly endure brings doubt into my mind about my salvation and I have been getting so frustrated and angry with God that I have been taking his name in vane and it's is happening more and more often. I'm at the end of my rope and feel I'm being hypocritical because I profane God's name and want to give up and stop praying, attending Church, basically everything. I know it's not going to help but so far it seems that nothing helps. So I feel like I'm just wasting my time, heck Sunday could be another day I could try and earn more money. I could sure use it. And then there's the tithing and other donations I could use to fix my house or my truck.
My point being. Why am I doing all of this stuff only to be given so much pain & despair while on this earth?

Am I asking to much to be blessed with some relief from my suffering?

 

[Subhumanoidal]

I have been living in extreme physical discomfort with bouts of very extreme pain for more than 20 years and has taken a toll on my mental health. Many parts of my body are effected in one way or another, literally from my toes and finger tips to the top of my head. Some problems are constant some intermittent, but nothing goes away and stays away. I'm self employed and my physical problems make it difficult to make a living and I can only manage to earn enough to be around poverty level. I tried for many years to get help from doctors and God but it was to no avail. I have given up on doctors as it became obvious they are unwilling to make any real effort to help beyond prescribing drugs to mask symptoms, so I have put it all in Gods hands.
I met and brought to the lord the woman I married and stayed married to her for 28 years and we had a son late in our marriage. Despite the fact that My wife and I got along great she decided her and our son were better off without me. I don't doubt my physical difficulties played a major part in her decision as I have never raised a hand to her and almost never raised my voice. But the divorce broke my heart and it's still broken even after 7 years.
All of that brings me to the sick & tired part. Despite over the years my praying multiple times a day asking for healing & forgiveness for myself and those on my prayer list, reading the bible at least once a day, attending worship services and singing praises at least once a week, plus tithing and giving my time and other monies to help others. I have yet to receive any noticeable relief from my misery. In fact things only get worse.
I have no patience anymore, Satan has beat it out of me. I'm angry at God for allowing Satan to rob me of my health, my marriage and my sanity. I don't feel I'm asking to much of God to relieve some of my suffering, but he has chosen not to. I understand that Satan is always on the prowl seeking to devour and I don't expect things to be perfect, but I do expect God to answer at least some of my prayers.
I'm not Job, but there are striking similarities to what he went through and what I'm going through. But I doubt everything I lost will be restored to me in the few remaining years I have left on this earth.
And yes I am a born again Christian and like everyone else, I'm far from perfect. I also realize that my reward is waiting in heaven, BUT what I constantly endure brings doubt into my mind about my salvation and I have been getting so frustrated and angry with God that I have been taking his name in vane and it's is happening more and more often. I'm at the end of my rope and feel I'm being hypocritical because I profane God's name and want to give up and stop praying, attending Church, basically everything. I know it's not going to help but so far it seems that nothing helps. So I feel like I'm just wasting my time, heck Sunday could be another day I could try and earn more money. I could sure use it. And then there's the tithing and other donations I could use to fix my house or my truck.
My point being. Why am I doing all of this stuff only to be given so much pain & despair while on this earth?

Am I asking to much to be blessed with some relief from my suffering?

A few tips.
The blog section is typically not read as much as the forums. So if you're seeking a higher level of interaction/response I'd advise against posting in blogs.

Next your post is hard to read as it's lacking paragraphs. "Wall of text" is what this is called and many will not even attempt to read them since they can be difficult to follow. And thus preventing as many responses.

Keeping those two things in mind will make your time here more fruitful.

I didn't read it all, but caught the end. Tithing is not a NT practice, and therefore not one needed to continue. Giving should be done voluntarily and with a good attitude about it, not an obligation. Both in frequency and amount.

 

[Roughsoul1991]

I have been living in extreme physical discomfort with bouts of very extreme pain for more than 20 years and has taken a toll on my mental health. Many parts of my body are effected in one way or another, literally from my toes and finger tips to the top of my head. Some problems are constant some intermittent, but nothing goes away and stays away. I'm self employed and my physical problems make it difficult to make a living and I can only manage to earn enough to be around poverty level. I tried for many years to get help from doctors and God but it was to no avail. I have given up on doctors as it became obvious they are unwilling to make any real effort to help beyond prescribing drugs to mask symptoms, so I have put it all in Gods hands.
I met and brought to the lord the woman I married and stayed married to her for 28 years and we had a son late in our marriage. Despite the fact that My wife and I got along great she decided her and our son were better off without me. I don't doubt my physical difficulties played a major part in her decision as I have never raised a hand to her and almost never raised my voice. But the divorce broke my heart and it's still broken even after 7 years.
All of that brings me to the sick & tired part. Despite over the years my praying multiple times a day asking for healing & forgiveness for myself and those on my prayer list, reading the bible at least once a day, attending worship services and singing praises at least once a week, plus tithing and giving my time and other monies to help others. I have yet to receive any noticeable relief from my misery. In fact things only get worse.
I have no patience anymore, Satan has beat it out of me. I'm angry at God for allowing Satan to rob me of my health, my marriage and my sanity. I don't feel I'm asking to much of God to relieve some of my suffering, but he has chosen not to. I understand that Satan is always on the prowl seeking to devour and I don't expect things to be perfect, but I do expect God to answer at least some of my prayers.
I'm not Job, but there are striking similarities to what he went through and what I'm going through. But I doubt everything I lost will be restored to me in the few remaining years I have left on this earth.
And yes I am a born again Christian and like everyone else, I'm far from perfect. I also realize that my reward is waiting in heaven, BUT what I constantly endure brings doubt into my mind about my salvation and I have been getting so frustrated and angry with God that I have been taking his name in vane and it's is happening more and more often. I'm at the end of my rope and feel I'm being hypocritical because I profane God's name and want to give up and stop praying, attending Church, basically everything. I know it's not going to help but so far it seems that nothing helps. So I feel like I'm just wasting my time, heck Sunday could be another day I could try and earn more money. I could sure use it. And then there's the tithing and other donations I could use to fix my house or my truck.
My point being. Why am I doing all of this stuff only to be given so much pain & despair while on this earth?

Am I asking to much to be blessed with some relief from my suffering?

All of that brings me to the sick & tired part. Despite over the years my praying multiple times a day asking for healing & forgiveness for myself and those on my prayer list, reading the bible at least once a day, attending worship services and singing praises at least once a week, plus tithing and giving my time and other monies to help others. I have yet to receive any noticeable relief from my misery. In fact things only get worse.

I'm sick and tired too of the failed status quo. Where is (your) support? Where is your battle buddy? Who is in your circle trying to lift you up or even drag you if need be back into the loving arms of God? I do not have the gift of healing but what I do have is discernment and I see the disconnection. All of these actions are good within the body of Christ, but has the body metaphorically seem to have cut you off?

 

[Handyman62]

A few tips.
The blog section is typically not read as much as the forums. So if you're seeking a higher level of interaction/response I'd advise against posting in blogs.

Next your post is hard to read as it's lacking paragraphs. "Wall of text" is what this is called and many will not even attempt to read them since they can be difficult to follow. And thus preventing as many responses.

Keeping those two things in mind will make your time here more fruitful.

I didn't read it all, but caught the end. Tithing is not a NT practice, and therefore not one needed to continue. Giving should be done voluntarily and with a good attitude about it, not an obligation. Both in frequency and amount.

What I wrote is really me venting and not so much me wanting to put it out there for everybody to see. So trying to make it easily readable was not really a concern for me. If someone runs across it and reads it. Then I will welcome any comments. It's not likely any advise I may receive will change what is happening in my life, but prayer might. So if anybody wants to pray for me, it would be greatly appreciated.
I do believe tithing is a legitimate holdover from the old testament as food is still needed in Gods house. Giving beyond that may not be an obligation, but it is also something I do feel good about doing.
I also believe witnessing is a requirement, but that's a real sticking point for me. Not because I don't want to do it, but because I can't in good conscience tell some one if you accept Jesus as your Lord and Savior your life will be better.

 

[Handyman62]

I'm sick and tired too of the failed status quo. Where is (your) support? Where is your battle buddy? Who is in your circle trying to lift you up or even drag you if need be back into the loving arms of God? I do not have the gift of healing but what I do have is discernment and I see the disconnection. All of these actions are good within the body of Christ, but has the body metaphorically seem to have cut you off?

You are certainly right that support is so important, but it's very hard to find and it doesn't help that I don't reach out when I probably should. I recently changed Churches because I wasn't getting fed spiritually. I desperately want to find a church or group that I can look up to and learn from and know they have my spiritual back.
My previous Church was made up of spiritual infants and they were happy to stay that way. I made up my mind it was time to leave when this covid thing hit and they closed the church for almost a year. My current church is better, and although I am getting to know more people there I still fell like I'm not going to get what I need there.
Unfortunately live in rural South Carolina and although there are Churches everywhere, most are full of the same spiritual infants.

 

[Roughsoul1991]

What I wrote is really me venting and not so much me wanting to put it out there for everybody to see. So trying to make it easily readable was not really a concern for me. If someone runs across it and reads it. Then I will welcome any comments. It's not likely any advise I may receive will change what is happening in my life, but prayer might. So if anybody wants to pray for me, it would be greatly appreciated.
I do believe tithing is a legitimate holdover from the old testament as food is still needed in Gods house. Giving beyond that may not be an obligation, but it is also something I do feel good about doing.
I also believe witnessing is a requirement, but that's a real sticking point for me. Not because I don't want to do it, but because I can't in good conscience tell some one if you accept Jesus as your Lord and Savior your life will be better.

I can't in good conscience tell someone if you accept Jesus as your Lord and Savior your life will be better.

Just tell them the truth.


John 16:33
New International Version
33 “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”

In this world, you will have trouble. Almost every apostle lost their life. But in Jesus, we may have peace. In Jesus was where the apostle's peace had held.

 

[Roughsoul1991]

You are certainly right that support is so important, but it's very hard to find and it doesn't help that I don't reach out when I probably should. I recently changed Churches because I wasn't getting fed spiritually. I desperately want to find a church or group that I can look up to and learn from and know they have my spiritual back.
My previous Church was made up of spiritual infants and they were happy to stay that way. I made up my mind it was time to leave when this covid thing hit and they closed the church for almost a year. My current church is better, and although I am getting to know more people there I still fell like I'm not going to get what I need there.
Unfortunately live in rural South Carolina and although there are Churches everywhere, most are full of the same spiritual infants.

This I would definitely make a priority. Reach out and get connected. We are not designed to do life alone and even though we may be in church, it doesn't mean we are connected.

If you are of the spiritual mature then it could be God leading into helping the spiritual infants to become more mature.

 

[Evmur]

I have been living in extreme physical discomfort with bouts of very extreme pain for more than 20 years and has taken a toll on my mental health. Many parts of my body are effected in one way or another, literally from my toes and finger tips to the top of my head. Some problems are constant some intermittent, but nothing goes away and stays away. I'm self employed and my physical problems make it difficult to make a living and I can only manage to earn enough to be around poverty level. I tried for many years to get help from doctors and God but it was to no avail. I have given up on doctors as it became obvious they are unwilling to make any real effort to help beyond prescribing drugs to mask symptoms, so I have put it all in Gods hands.
I met and brought to the lord the woman I married and stayed married to her for 28 years and we had a son late in our marriage. Despite the fact that My wife and I got along great she decided her and our son were better off without me. I don't doubt my physical difficulties played a major part in her decision as I have never raised a hand to her and almost never raised my voice. But the divorce broke my heart and it's still broken even after 7 years.
All of that brings me to the sick & tired part. Despite over the years my praying multiple times a day asking for healing & forgiveness for myself and those on my prayer list, reading the bible at least once a day, attending worship services and singing praises at least once a week, plus tithing and giving my time and other monies to help others. I have yet to receive any noticeable relief from my misery. In fact things only get worse.
I have no patience anymore, Satan has beat it out of me. I'm angry at God for allowing Satan to rob me of my health, my marriage and my sanity. I don't feel I'm asking to much of God to relieve some of my suffering, but he has chosen not to. I understand that Satan is always on the prowl seeking to devour and I don't expect things to be perfect, but I do expect God to answer at least some of my prayers.
I'm not Job, but there are striking similarities to what he went through and what I'm going through. But I doubt everything I lost will be restored to me in the few remaining years I have left on this earth.
And yes I am a born again Christian and like everyone else, I'm far from perfect. I also realize that my reward is waiting in heaven, BUT what I constantly endure brings doubt into my mind about my salvation and I have been getting so frustrated and angry with God that I have been taking his name in vane and it's is happening more and more often. I'm at the end of my rope and feel I'm being hypocritical because I profane God's name and want to give up and stop praying, attending Church, basically everything. I know it's not going to help but so far it seems that nothing helps. So I feel like I'm just wasting my time, heck Sunday could be another day I could try and earn more money. I could sure use it. And then there's the tithing and other donations I could use to fix my house or my truck.
My point being. Why am I doing all of this stuff only to be given so much pain & despair while on this earth?

Am I asking to much to be blessed with some relief from my suffering?

Let go and let God, stop doing stuff. It's time to let God do stuff for YOU. Everything you need has been provided for at the cross.
Bless the Lord o my soul and forget not all His benefits
who forgiveth all thine iniquities He healeth all thy diseases
He satisfieth thy mouth with good things.

Sometimes people are actually using service as a keep-out to God, but let God IN, let Him come to you in a new way.
I'm reminded of the disciples in the upper room with the doors locked, they heard from the womenfolk that Jesus was risen but didn't believe. But Jesus burst through the locked doors. Hallelujah and He said "peace be unto you" He came to them in a new way.

I certainly took your case to the Lord.

 

[Handyman62]

This I would definitely make a priority. Reach out and get connected. We are not designed to do life alone and even though we may be in church, it doesn't mean we are connected.

If you are of the spiritual mature then it could be God leading into helping the spiritual infants to become more mature.

Reaching out is extremely difficult as I tend to be shy. I also don't want to be a burden to anybody and I don't want to attract any attention.

I'm not sure I would say I'm much more spiritually mature, lets just say I have a hunger for more.

I'm reminded of a dream I had over 30 years ago. I worked nights at the time and went to bed. I had a short dream that had no ending. I immediately woke up and God gave me the ending of the dream. (at least I believe he did) Unfortunately I long ago forgot what He told me. I can remember the dream just not what he told me.

It was a very simple dream that went like this:
It was totally dark and I was walking along feeling my way. I could tell there was a path and I was on it, I just couldn't see it. And every now and then someone I knew would ride by me on a bike with a bright headlight so they could see their way on the path. I remember feeling sad & disappointed that my friends could see the path so clearly and able to race down it while I was being left behind in the dark.

I wish I could remember the interpretation. I do know it wasn't complicated or negative.

 

[tourist]

You have certainly traveled down a rough stretch of road. There are times that I feel sick and tired too but I remember what Paul said about continuing to fight the good fight and keep your eyes on the prize. There are many others here that have suffered through the heartbreak of divorce including myself so you are not alone in this regards. Keep walking down the path. God bless you.

 

[Handyman62]

Let go and let God, stop doing stuff. It's time to let God do stuff for YOU. Everything you need has been provided for at the cross.
Bless the Lord o my soul and forget not all His benefits
who forgiveth all thine iniquities He healeth all thy diseases
He satisfieth thy mouth with good things.

Sometimes people are actually using service as a keep-out to God, but let God IN, let Him come to you in a new way.
I'm reminded of the disciples in the upper room with the doors locked, they heard from the womenfolk that Jesus was risen but didn't believe. But Jesus burst through the locked doors. Hallelujah and He said "peace be unto you" He came to them in a new way.

I certainly took your case to the Lord.

I'm not sure( at least in my case) how I could be "using service as a keep-out to God" nor do I knowingly have any locked doors preventing Jesus from coming in, and as in scriptures, Jesus can appear on the other side of a locked door.

I do appreciate your prayers.

 

[Handyman62]

You have certainly traveled down a rough stretch of road. There are times that I feel sick and tired too but I remember what Paul said about continuing to fight the good fight and keep your eyes on the prize. There are many others here that have suffered through the heartbreak of divorce including myself so you are not alone in this regards. Keep walking down the path. God bless you.

Thank you.

 

[Handyman62]

Just tell them the truth.


John 16:33
New International Version
33 “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”

In this world, you will have trouble. Almost every apostle lost their life. But in Jesus, we may have peace. In Jesus was where the apostle's peace had held.

I see absolutely no benefit from telling people how bad my life is while trying to convince them that Jesus is the way, the truth and the light.

So I will put it this way. Would you take a Pastor or any person trying to preach the gospel seriously if you knew that person had recently taken the Lords name in vane?

And on the other hand would you think even if you didn't know a Pastor or anyone else preaching the gospel had recently taken the lords name in vane, would that make it any less of a problem?

 

[Roughsoul1991]

Reaching out is extremely difficult as I tend to be shy. I also don't want to be a burden to anybody and I don't want to attract any attention.

I'm not sure I would say I'm much more spiritually mature, lets just say I have a hunger for more.

I'm reminded of a dream I had over 30 years ago. I worked nights at the time and went to bed. I had a short dream that had no ending. I immediately woke up and God gave me the ending of the dream. (at least I believe he did) Unfortunately I long ago forgot what He told me. I can remember the dream just not what he told me.

It was a very simple dream that went like this:
It was totally dark and I was walking along feeling my way. I could tell there was a path and I was on it, I just couldn't see it. And every now and then someone I knew would ride by me on a bike with a bright headlight so they could see their way on the path. I remember feeling sad & disappointed that my friends could see the path so clearly and able to race down it while I was being left behind in the dark.

I wish I could remember the interpretation. I do know it wasn't complicated or negative.

To me it sounds like a simple situation of 1. Needing the light
Or
2. Knowing how to keep the power of the light

 

[Live4Him]

Reaching out is extremely difficult as I tend to be shy. I also don't want to be a burden to anybody and I don't want to attract any attention.

I'm not sure I would say I'm much more spiritually mature, lets just say I have a hunger for more.

I'm reminded of a dream I had over 30 years ago. I worked nights at the time and went to bed. I had a short dream that had no ending. I immediately woke up and God gave me the ending of the dream. (at least I believe he did) Unfortunately I long ago forgot what He told me. I can remember the dream just not what he told me.

It was a very simple dream that went like this:
It was totally dark and I was walking along feeling my way. I could tell there was a path and I was on it, I just couldn't see it. And every now and then someone I knew would ride by me on a bike with a bright headlight so they could see their way on the path. I remember feeling sad & disappointed that my friends could see the path so clearly and able to race down it while I was being left behind in the dark.

I wish I could remember the interpretation. I do know it wasn't complicated or negative.

At the moment, I have no wisdom of my own to offer you, so I am praying for God to grant you wisdom himself.

As far as your dream is concerned, scripture does say that:

"Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path." (Psalm 119:105)

Is it possible that your dream had something to do with your need to understand something from God's word which would in turn enlighten your path?

 

[Roughsoul1991]

I see absolutely no benefit from telling people how bad my life is while trying to convince them that Jesus is the way, the truth and the light.

So I will put it this way. Would you take a Pastor or any person trying to preach the gospel seriously if you knew that person had recently taken the Lords name in vane?

And on the other hand would you think even if you didn't know a Pastor or anyone else preaching the gospel had recently taken the lords name in vane, would that make it any less of a problem?

The benefit is the truth of reality. There is plenty in the gospel to outweigh the reality that life will not magically get easier. In fact, it often gets harder with spiritual warfare and being a rebel to the world.

A pastor still can fall into sin. I would rather my pastor be real than fake but keep the Word of God close to heart. We all have struggled at times.

 

[Handyman62]

At the moment, I have no wisdom of my own to offer you, so I am praying for God to grant you wisdom himself.

As far as your dream is concerned, scripture does say that:

"Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path." (Psalm 119:105)

Is it possible that your dream had something to do with your need to understand something from God's word which would in turn enlighten your path?

What I got out of the dream was very simple, and that for a time I would follow Christ path for me in darkness. The interpretation I received when I awoke as far as I can remember gave me no insight into how to change what was happening other wise I would have made every effort to do just that. I believe the interpation had to do with when it was going to end but I'm not sure anymore.

But it's been over 30 years now and I'm beginning to think it will only end upon my death.

Of coures we can all benefit from more enlightenment about God and his wisdom and plan for us. But I also think we can overly complicate things, especially when things get rough. I have spent many a prayer session asking for wisdom about scriptures, sin, healing you name it without any significant insight for my situation. I'm not saying I've done it all, I'm just saying I have tried very hard and my disappointment makes it very difficult to continue.

 

[EternalFire]

I have been living in extreme physical discomfort with bouts of very extreme pain for more than 20 years and has taken a toll on my mental health. Many parts of my body are effected in one way or another, literally from my toes and finger tips to the top of my head. Some problems are constant some intermittent, but nothing goes away and stays away. I'm self employed and my physical problems make it difficult to make a living and I can only manage to earn enough to be around poverty level. I tried for many years to get help from doctors and God but it was to no avail. I have given up on doctors as it became obvious they are unwilling to make any real effort to help beyond prescribing drugs to mask symptoms, so I have put it all in Gods hands.
I met and brought to the lord the woman I married and stayed married to her for 28 years and we had a son late in our marriage. Despite the fact that My wife and I got along great she decided her and our son were better off without me. I don't doubt my physical difficulties played a major part in her decision as I have never raised a hand to her and almost never raised my voice. But the divorce broke my heart and it's still broken even after 7 years.
All of that brings me to the sick & tired part. Despite over the years my praying multiple times a day asking for healing & forgiveness for myself and those on my prayer list, reading the bible at least once a day, attending worship services and singing praises at least once a week, plus tithing and giving my time and other monies to help others. I have yet to receive any noticeable relief from my misery. In fact things only get worse.
I have no patience anymore, Satan has beat it out of me. I'm angry at God for allowing Satan to rob me of my health, my marriage and my sanity. I don't feel I'm asking to much of God to relieve some of my suffering, but he has chosen not to. I understand that Satan is always on the prowl seeking to devour and I don't expect things to be perfect, but I do expect God to answer at least some of my prayers.
I'm not Job, but there are striking similarities to what he went through and what I'm going through. But I doubt everything I lost will be restored to me in the few remaining years I have left on this earth.
And yes I am a born again Christian and like everyone else, I'm far from perfect. I also realize that my reward is waiting in heaven, BUT what I constantly endure brings doubt into my mind about my salvation and I have been getting so frustrated and angry with God that I have been taking his name in vane and it's is happening more and more often. I'm at the end of my rope and feel I'm being hypocritical because I profane God's name and want to give up and stop praying, attending Church, basically everything. I know it's not going to help but so far it seems that nothing helps. So I feel like I'm just wasting my time, heck Sunday could be another day I could try and earn more money. I could sure use it. And then there's the tithing and other donations I could use to fix my house or my truck.
My point being. Why am I doing all of this stuff only to be given so much pain & despair while on this earth?

Am I asking to much to be blessed with some relief from my suffering?

I’m very sorry to hear about your deteriorating health ailments and the disintegration of your family. You truly have endured a lot of pain and heartache.

I really appreciate the honesty in your post. With that same type of honesty, I request that you take some time to answer this question: Do you love Jesus?

It’s such a simple question, yet it also has profound depth. Think about how Peter, who denied the Lord three times, had to hear this question more than once on the same occasion from the risen Jesus (see John 21:14-19).

To further understand the profundity of this question, ponder the material presented by Brother Kel in the video below. If you do, I believe you will find some help in dealing with your current problems.

 

[Roughsoul1991]

What I got out of the dream was very simple, and that for a time I would follow Christ path for me in darkness. The interpretation I received when I awoke as far as I can remember gave me no insight into how to change what was happening other wise I would have made every effort to do just that. I believe the interpation had to do with when it was going to end but I'm not sure anymore.

But it's been over 30 years now and I'm beginning to think it will only end upon my death.

Of coures we can all benefit from more enlightenment about God and his wisdom and plan for us. But I also think we can overly complicate things, especially when things get rough. I have spent many a prayer session asking for wisdom about scriptures, sin, healing you name it without any significant insight for my situation. I'm not saying I've done it all, I'm just saying I have tried very hard and my disappointment makes it very difficult to continue.

On disappointment, what are you looking to change? Our bodies and lives are affected by sin, disease, decay, the sin of others, the fallen world, spiritual warfare, and God. We must always remember this world is only temporary. Our bodies are not designed to last forever. We at some point must accept that and rationalize our home is in Heaven. If God chooses not to heal then what does that make God to you? A disappointment? A failure? Evil? Unloving? Sovereign? Or out of faith can you still love God like Job even though so many questions may never be answered until death?

 

[bellemira]

A few tips.
The blog section is typically not read as much as the forums. So if you're seeking a higher level of interaction/response I'd advise against posting in blogs.

Next your post is hard to read as it's lacking paragraphs. "Wall of text" is what this is called and many will not even attempt to read them since they can be difficult to follow. And thus preventing as many responses.

Keeping those two things in mind will make your time here more fruitful.

I didn't read it all, but caught the end. Tithing is not a NT practice, and therefore not one needed to continue. Giving should be done voluntarily and with a good attitude about it, not an obligation. Both in frequency and amount.

Whatever you do, Sub, never venture into Christian counselling.