Your perspective on potential relationships makes a lot of sense along with your wise counsel.Hi! Yinkbell
I don't know if this will help you...this is just my little advice based on my experience... Try, Take the risk,pursue if it didnt work out...I 'm sorry...cry and try again lol just keep going but Keep your eyes on Jesus and constantly remind yourself that God sees already what's in the future you just need to trust Him that everything works out together for good for those who love Him.
I don't know if this is true for everyone but for men it is really not that hard to tell someone you like them without sounding like you are a desperate person lol for women I guess it is hard to do that Personally this is true for me without sounding like I am desperate for a relationship...
So my advice is just go ahead pursue someone you think is a fine woman to be your wife...if you got rejected that means she is not the person yet... Everyone knows this and I know that you heard this many times already...that To try and got rejected is better than not trying at all...yes it is painful to experience rejection but there is no gain if there is no pain( Somebody told me this 2 decades ago)
God bless you ❤
Christian folks; how do you handle rejection ?
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Those that put in the most effort will fail more often than those that stay safely on the sidelines and don't even try.
Why do I compare this to playing arcade games? Lol You know like the coin ones, where every coin you put in gets you closer to dropping the jackpot of coins?
In all the time I have been on this forum I have only ever seen cinder be offended by one thing: ludicrously illogical assertions made blithly as though they were common sense.
Her choice of phrasing may be blunt enough to seem combative to you, but her points are valid and you would do well to pay attention to them.
Oh dear, you will not kill me with laughter, will you? You sound so funny. God made the two incidents happened; earthquake would not be so difficult for him... Just laughing out loud. God is great
Of course it’s better. Were you just trying to find something to be offended by? In my interactions with you, that always seems to be the case unfortunately.
And as for your wager, it’s happened before. My sister said the same exact thing as you and she repented and apologized to me. “God isn’t just going to drop cash on you at home.” What happened? A man offered me a position as his Creative Director, after having made him a logo design, and I worked his social media (including helping design his website). I was being paid from where? Home.
People will mock your faith and then see it come to pass. They will speak against it, try to derail it, and even some, in sincerity and ignorance, try to protect you from the bizarre nature of faith. “That’s crazy! God wouldn’t do that! You have no clue what you’re doing! Why!?” But the same people who oppose your faith will be inspired by it when the promises of God are kept and He honors your faith in Him.
@cinder I really wish instead of always trying to pick a fight, argue about something and anything, you would try to find common ground. I don’t think from one reply of yours have you ever came in agreement with me. Maybe once, I recalled on some thread about grace. But we are both people of faith and I wish our encounters were more… cordial instead of combative.
So you made a man a logo design, he liked it and hired you and you think that's analogous to praying and waiting for God to make it clear to you what woman you're supposed to marry before you even ask her out. The only way this works as equivalent is if you prayed and prayed about what you should do for a job, God told you to make the logo for the website, and then you prayed again after getting the job offer until you were sure you heard from God that you were supposed to take that particular job. Maybe you did, but that should be the focus of the illustration, because the story you told is the story of someone who designed a logo (I'm guessing because he enjoys doing that kind of stuff) and got a job out of it. I won't say God wasn't involved in that, but simply that it's not self evident from the story you told that God had anything to do with it. Now as Christians we believe that God has a hand in orchestrating things, but that's far different from God giving someone a revelation that this specific job is the one you are to take.
It is possible that I have some baggage from seeing the idea of "living by faith" being abused in the ways I stated previously. But I also remember a speaker I heard years ago who did hear from God (at least as much as anyone can be sure anyone else hears from God) talking about how at one time he decided to be super spiritual and so he wasn't going to get out of bed or eat or get dressed until God told him to, and then God showed up and told him he was acting like a baby since an adult shouldn't need to be told when to get up and put on their clothes or all the other stuff they know they need to do everyday. Perhaps it's a good idea for a new thread, what does living by faith look like in real life?
And no I will never come in agreement on ideas I disagree on, though I try to be fair about the good points a bad argument has. And our main points of disagreement are 1) that waiting for God to make something happen or give a divine revelation about everyday things is the essence of living by faith 2) If you live that way, you are superior (spiritually and in your entire way of life) to the masses of people who have a different relationship with God. So I'm really not sure what point of common ground we're going to have beyond the by all means include God (and time to seek his input and commands) in what you do in life; I'm just not going to tell anyone to stay stagnant and put entire areas of their life on hold until they're sure.
Also yes, I'm offended by few things, but one of the things I get offended by is the sweeping under the rug of people who have been deeply damaged by the realities of life and ministry by dismissing all their problems as simply not having enough faith. We need to be very judicious about when we attribute an issue to lack of faith (or at least more detailed in what we mean by that).
Thank you.
Maybe it is because of the way I was raised but even for moving to different states did my parents wait on God to move and the Lord would confirm it. He gave my father a vision of him driving cross country when we were deciding to move from the east coast to the west coast of the US, for example (the Lord even gave me a dream of the date to move and I shared it with my parents). It’s what I know cinder, how I was raised. Wait upon the Lord. Trust His timing. Put your hope in God. Follow His leading.
If you want to properly interpret what I am saying, speaking of something being superior, I would hope you would agree it is better to be in God’s will than to not be in God’s will. That was all I was implying.
Not a bad thread idea on what living by faith looks like in real life. I think you will find people on both ends of the spectrum. Scarcity and providence. God showing up and God sustaining.
this isn't directly an answer to your question, but it is integral to the real answer. so bear with your brother post for a moment
a friend of mine put a meme the other day, let me use it for illustration:
i utterly disagree with this meme.
i do not think this is real love. when you love someone, you love them even when they are cold - perhaps even more when they are cold, because it may be that this is the time they most need to be loved. they are not cold for no reason.
let me support this with scripture:
Just as you want men to do to you, you also do to them likewise.
But if you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? For even sinners love those who love them, and if you do good to those who do good to you, what credit is that to you? For even sinners do the same. And if you lend to those from whom you hope to receive back, what credit is that to you? For even sinners lend to sinners to receive as much back.
But love your enemies, do good, and lend, hoping for nothing in return; and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High. For He is kind to the unthankful and evil. Therefore be merciful, just as your Father also is merciful.
But if you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? For even sinners love those who love them, and if you do good to those who do good to you, what credit is that to you? For even sinners do the same. And if you lend to those from whom you hope to receive back, what credit is that to you? For even sinners lend to sinners to receive as much back.
But love your enemies, do good, and lend, hoping for nothing in return; and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High. For He is kind to the unthankful and evil. Therefore be merciful, just as your Father also is merciful.
(Luke 6:31-36)
i do not mean to use this as an excuse to 'stalk' someone. respect people's boundaries. but love that only remains love when it's returned in like kind? that is not real love. God loved us while we were His enemies, and still loves us while we're idiots - He puts up with us way more every day than we even have the smallest clue about, and continues to love us. what this meme is describing is self-love.
if you truly love someone, then no matter how they hurt you, no matter how they reject you, you will not stop loving them -- even if loving them means realizing they are not the one for you, you will still love them, in truth.
your question is, wow, so how do i figure rejection and acceptance out if that's the case??
but we can't know the answer to your question if we don't know what real love is
credit Buddy Holly with this one: love is real, not fade-away
Look at the bright side. You save money and time. If a lady rejects you, count it a blessing. Just say, thank you God, I almost made a mistake there. lol
When ladies start hounding you, that's when you got real problems. Ladies don't give up as easily as men, from my experience.
My honest opinion, wait until a lady is interested in you, so much less work in that scenario. Never, I repeat never, work hard for someone's approval. They either like you, or don't. "Stay true to yourself, and you will never fall." ~I think is a quote from the Beastie Boys.
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Gojira
Guest
I just smile, shrug it off, and move on... Except for one incident in which I just asked to be friends, and the woman's face looked like deer in headlights. That hurt.
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Gojira
Guest
Rejection... generally I handle it well. I'm glad that I asked and at least found out. I usually walk away with a polite smile.
There have been a few that hurt though. What do I do if it hurts? Weather it and let it fade as my heart / mind process it. Not much else I can do. I could run into traffic, but that would hardly be worth it
Hey yinkbell!
I see you haven't been here in over a year but...
Rejection...when I do find someone I'm interested in enough to ask out, so far has been the norm.
I don't like it but as I try to put my trust in God with these outcomes, I might be bothered for a short while but can know that it isn't meant to go any farther.
When I'm putting my trust in God I don't need to be anxious about this but have peace about the outcome. (Not that I am always feeling that, but when I come back to it...peace)
I did not take losing my job well..the ultimate rejection is being given the 'pink slip' or rather a 'dear john letter'
I did get mad
but I would rather have had it than not have it in the first place. Also, it was done for practical reasons eg the organisation ran out of money....
I dont know about having a spouse though who turns out to be unfaithful, that would be like the ultimate betrayal. I couldnt think of anything worse. You find out they seeing someone else behind your back. You always the last to know.
I know several women who were in this situation. Horrible.
Its better to be upfront at first than years down the track decide oh I just dont wanna be with you anymore after you gave your whole life and went and got married. right?
I did get mad
but I would rather have had it than not have it in the first place. Also, it was done for practical reasons eg the organisation ran out of money....
I dont know about having a spouse though who turns out to be unfaithful, that would be like the ultimate betrayal. I couldnt think of anything worse. You find out they seeing someone else behind your back. You always the last to know.
I know several women who were in this situation. Horrible.
Its better to be upfront at first than years down the track decide oh I just dont wanna be with you anymore after you gave your whole life and went and got married. right?
I don't know to whom that place belongs. I've been rejected many times. I don't know about other men. The first time I got rejected was gut wrenching. The last time I got rejected, I locked myself in my room and cried a little. And there have been other heartbreaks. But I am unlucky in love although I have God's favour and grace to keep moving forward in spite of all this.
You are asking others like you over here for help. You should start your search with Jesus and ask Him for His help on this matter. Jesus knows what's best for you. God bless you and best of luck.
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notonmywatch
Guest
This wasn't always the case, but I've learned to maintain my self-worth and dignity if or when I'm rejected. Just because somebody else doesn't find me interesting or appealing, this doesn't mean that I'm neither interesting nor appealing. It only means that I'm not interesting or appealing to them.
As far as waiting on the Lord is concerned, I just keep myself busy doing what I already know he wants me to do. Things like sharing the gospel with others. If there's a woman for me somewhere down the line, then I suppose that he'll reveal that to me as I do his will.
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notonmywatch
Guest
I just had one of those incidents a couple of weeks ago. It was with a woman that I needed to interact with for three weeks for a work-related reason who not only told me her whole life story, but repeatedly inquired about mine. When it came time to part ways, I simply mentioned that I'd miss our discussions, and she told me, "Remember, nothing is permanent. You're just someone that God sent to encourage me at this particular point in time". Oh, well. At least she didn't think that I was a messenger of Satan. That's something, I suppose.
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Gojira
Guest
Her reaction sounds neurotic to me. It's like she was almost scared or something. "Hey... didn't mean to be a cross to your vampire!"