Still a virgin
- Thread starter SavedmaninTx
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Yes, the non-virgin is going to involuntarily compare the sex with other past partners, because all this is in her memory box. Let's say you go to Disney World as a child, and then again as an adult, you are going to no doubt compare the experiences. But, it doesn't have to be some sort of competition unless the person is immature.
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F
I didn't take personal offense, I am just saying your post really has no point. With any kind of baggage anybody you find has, either you take them or you don't. There's no more, if you can't accept it forget that bargaining with it will take you anywhere, it's not fair to either of you. Nobody who stands on their little moral high ground against their partner has been able to get anywhere by doing so. So either you date someone who is a virgin like you, or you accept whoever you are dating as they are. As for "how can he be sure that she isn’t comparing him to her past sex partners" If you have no self confidence to deal with this, you are better off not dating anyone at all.
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I am sorry I misunderstood your question... 😮 lol I am not offended with your post 😄
I am not sure if I understand you this time lol but here's what I can say about it...
Speak to her about her past and listen without judgement...
She is a new person already and God forgave her past sins...if she is still feeling guilty or it bothers her she should speak to you about it...and as A man who is seeking to be the man God wants him to be I think you can help your woman and pray with her so that she can totally forgive herself and be freed from her past and be the woman God desires her to be...
(I can't directly answer about The comparison thing...I am not sure if I can answer that 😮)
I am not sure if I understand you this time lol but here's what I can say about it...
Speak to her about her past and listen without judgement...
She is a new person already and God forgave her past sins...if she is still feeling guilty or it bothers her she should speak to you about it...and as A man who is seeking to be the man God wants him to be I think you can help your woman and pray with her so that she can totally forgive herself and be freed from her past and be the woman God desires her to be...
(I can't directly answer about The comparison thing...I am not sure if I can answer that 😮)
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I really don’t believe you should be convincing anyone to marry you, be it the girl or guy in this situation. If that’s the case, perhaps that’s an answer in and of itself that marriage isn’t right in this situation.
If the guy in this situation is considering marriage, he should be in prayer and seeking the Lord for guidance and direction. Marriage is much more than just the intimate element.
If virginity is super important to you above all else and you can’t look beyond someone’s past, I’d suggest being up front about this way before marriage is a thought.
If the guy in this situation is considering marriage, he should be in prayer and seeking the Lord for guidance and direction. Marriage is much more than just the intimate element.
If virginity is super important to you above all else and you can’t look beyond someone’s past, I’d suggest being up front about this way before marriage is a thought.
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I think I'm qualified to answer this question. I'm 43 years old, never been married and never slept with a woman.
If a woman... ANY woman... has to find something to say to convince me I should marry her, then I don't really love her enough to marry her. She can find somebody better than me, and I really need to find somebody I can love better than I love her (or just stay single, if I'm THAT demanding.)
If a woman... ANY woman... has to find something to say to convince me I should marry her, then I don't really love her enough to marry her. She can find somebody better than me, and I really need to find somebody I can love better than I love her (or just stay single, if I'm THAT demanding.)
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She can say, “My dad is super wealthy!” I would suggest a young woman who has waited her whole life for Prince Christian Charming to sweep her off her feet, marry her and fulfill her bedroom fantasies, has way greater expectations than a girl who has had a few failed attempts at happiness. The girl who loved and lost knows what she doesn’t want. The one who has saved herself might be more disappointed, because she thought marriage was going to be more bliss than it is.
At a wedding an old pastor suggested to the married couple, the first year of your marriage put a marble in a jar every time you have sex. Then after that year every time you have sex take one marble out. If you manage to empty that jar then you are doing far better than average.
For the amount of time spent having sex, making decisions based on these expectations lead to disappointment. Marry for compatibility…and her dad’s bank account. I’m not even kidding. Most fights are over how you spend money.
At a wedding an old pastor suggested to the married couple, the first year of your marriage put a marble in a jar every time you have sex. Then after that year every time you have sex take one marble out. If you manage to empty that jar then you are doing far better than average.
For the amount of time spent having sex, making decisions based on these expectations lead to disappointment. Marry for compatibility…and her dad’s bank account. I’m not even kidding. Most fights are over how you spend money.
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To be completely honest, in my time of being single, I've seen 3 almost sure-fire things that will make even the most devout Christians reconsider what they believe are their stances or compromise their previously held no-compromise lists -- 1. smoking hot good looks (especially when everyone else compliments the person on what a hottie they've landed); 2. enough money to believe they will be very well-taken care of (which seems to be an equal lure for both men and women); 3. and/or someone who makes them feel more loved or special than they have ever felt in their life -- even if what the person is really offering is attention, and not love.
May I ask, in order to be sure I am fully understanding the question you are trying to ask here...
Is what you are trying to ask your audience:
"I am concerned about what I perceive as the emotional pain and embarrassment of marrying a woman who will compare me sexually to an ex-husband or boyfriend, because I'm afraid that she won't think I'm good enough or satisfying enough in that particular area.
What can a woman say to me in order to convince me to take on what I see as such a humiliating risk?"
Is this what you're truly trying to ask your readers with this thread? (No shame in that -- I just want to clarify your inquiry is all.)
May I ask, in order to be sure I am fully understanding the question you are trying to ask here...
Is what you are trying to ask your audience:
"I am concerned about what I perceive as the emotional pain and embarrassment of marrying a woman who will compare me sexually to an ex-husband or boyfriend, because I'm afraid that she won't think I'm good enough or satisfying enough in that particular area.
What can a woman say to me in order to convince me to take on what I see as such a humiliating risk?"
Is this what you're truly trying to ask your readers with this thread? (No shame in that -- I just want to clarify your inquiry is all.)
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Your wording is confusing and may be why people aren't answering so simply.
Ann is not a virgin.
John is a virgin.
John feels he should wait for a virgin.
Ann feels her and John should get married.
John has reservations because Ann is not a virgin.
What can Ann say to make John feel better about getting married to a non-virgin, specifically about comparing them sexually.
I believe that is the situation being asked about.
Assuming she's been out of that lifestyle for some time and has shown herself to not be shallow. Then I'd say it doesn't matter. Women looking for emotional connections with people they love are going to be focused more on the act, rather than the action. And because of that who they're With and connected to emotionally will be their focus, rather than comparing.
The problem is you're trying to understand the thinking on a subject that you're not able to grasp. And worse yet you're trying to grasp it from the view of the opposite sex.
Chances are not much can be explained because you're working off of ideas and assumptions that may not be fact based.
You're like that 9 year old walking down the dark hall at night, thinking you know there's a ghost in the living room, when it's really just the dog.
Personally I think people who remain virgins put too much emphasis on it when choosing a mate. It seems to me the focus of staying that way should be God, not for a future mate. People with a past should not be disregarded if their heart is good in the present.
Ann is not a virgin.
John is a virgin.
John feels he should wait for a virgin.
Ann feels her and John should get married.
John has reservations because Ann is not a virgin.
What can Ann say to make John feel better about getting married to a non-virgin, specifically about comparing them sexually.
I believe that is the situation being asked about.
Assuming she's been out of that lifestyle for some time and has shown herself to not be shallow. Then I'd say it doesn't matter. Women looking for emotional connections with people they love are going to be focused more on the act, rather than the action. And because of that who they're With and connected to emotionally will be their focus, rather than comparing.
The problem is you're trying to understand the thinking on a subject that you're not able to grasp. And worse yet you're trying to grasp it from the view of the opposite sex.
Chances are not much can be explained because you're working off of ideas and assumptions that may not be fact based.
You're like that 9 year old walking down the dark hall at night, thinking you know there's a ghost in the living room, when it's really just the dog.
Personally I think people who remain virgins put too much emphasis on it when choosing a mate. It seems to me the focus of staying that way should be God, not for a future mate. People with a past should not be disregarded if their heart is good in the present.
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