Are there single Christian girls in Finland ?

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Magenta

Senior Member
Jul 3, 2015
55,865
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Yes, the problem is, WHAT WILL HAPPEN WHEN I SUCCESSFULLY CHANGE ???
You may actually grow up enough to embrace the change that comes.

Oh, ho, ho! Yes, a mighty big if, but we can all dream, right? ;)
 

Kauko

Active member
Jul 14, 2021
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Im starting to think my alcoholism and existential problems are not only coming from loneliness, but also from the lack of indications that life will change for me if I change myself.

And this is maybe why I struggle so hard with them and cant stop.

If I could just have hope in a better future and a reward for all the self improvement I could make yet, regardless of how lonely I feel right now, my struggles could probably be less severe...
 

Magenta

Senior Member
Jul 3, 2015
55,865
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NO, Im NOT content with loneliness at all !

I want that girl, I want that girl !!! Atleast when I leave alcohol and become a better man !!!
Yes, the problem is, WHAT WILL HAPPEN WHEN I SUCCESSFULLY CHANGE ???
You seem to have not heard the axiom: first things first.

You want to know what will be your tenth step when you have yet to take the first.

Perhaps developing a habit of getting your priorities straight would be a good first step.

After getting them straight, start acting accordingly. One step at a time in good orderly direction :)
 

Kauko

Active member
Jul 14, 2021
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You seem to have not heard the axiom: first things first.

You want to know what will be your tenth step when you have yet to take the first.

Perhaps developing a habit of getting your priorities straight would be a good first step.

After getting them straight, start acting accordingly. One step at a time in good orderly direction :)
But what if, things still dont change for me ???
 

Magenta

Senior Member
Jul 3, 2015
55,865
26,033
113
But what if, things still dont change for me ???
That is not the first step, to wonder and worry about what happens after the tenth step.

Your what if what if what if obsession is pointless. Get your priorities straight. Drop the what ifs.
 

tourist

Senior Member
Mar 13, 2014
41,312
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Tennessee
BUT SINGLEDOM IS NOT FOR ME !!! IM NOT ONE OF THOSE WHO CAN LIVE SINGLE FOREVER !!!

And what the ? Having a girlfriend or wife doesnt mean not going to having trouble !
You know, marriage is just not about the easy fun things but the hard things too. It's a lot of work, both in the workplace and at home. Have you ever had a girlfriend? Keep in mind that a girlfriend or lady friend is not the same as having a wife. The girlfriend part is easy and fun but the wife part is more serious and work. Can be fun though too. You can have date nights.
 

Kauko

Active member
Jul 14, 2021
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You know, marriage is just not about the easy fun things but the hard things too. It's a lot of work, both in the workplace and at home. Have you ever had a girlfriend? Keep in mind that a girlfriend or lady friend is not the same as having a wife. The girlfriend part is easy and fun but the wife part is more serious and work. Can be fun though too. You can have date nights.
Yes, this is exactly why I prefer marriage over singledom ! When you are married to the right person there is a 50 of bad moments but another 50 of good moments ! When you are single, however, ALMOST EVERYTHING (minimum 90) are bad moments !
 

tourist

Senior Member
Mar 13, 2014
41,312
16,300
113
69
Tennessee
Yes, this is exactly why I prefer marriage over singledom ! When you are married to the right person there is a 50 of bad moments but another 50 of good moments ! When you are single, however, ALMOST EVERYTHING (minimum 90) are bad moments !
Here is the thing though, when you are married you may realize that some of those moments that you thought were bad when you were single now don't seem so bad. Some of those single moments many now seem preferable to some of your married moments. You are correct in your estimation that there are both good and bad moments in marriage - sort of like the traditional wedding vows, "for better or worse, richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do you part".
 

Kauko

Active member
Jul 14, 2021
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Here is the thing though, when you are married you may realize that some of those moments that you thought were bad when you were single now don't seem so bad. Some of those single moments many now seem preferable to some of your married moments. You are correct in your estimation that there are both good and bad moments in marriage - sort of like the traditional wedding vows, "for better or worse, richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do you part".
One thing is clear. I will never prefer being hours lying in the bed bored with nothing to do to anything.
 

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
Aug 13, 2014
24,908
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Yes, this is exactly why I prefer marriage over singledom ! When you are married to the right person there is a 50 of bad moments but another 50 of good moments ! When you are single, however, ALMOST EVERYTHING (minimum 90) are bad moments !
Some people just don't know when they have a good thing going.

I am single and my life is more like 93.8% good, not 90% bad.

If your life was 90% bad you would have neither internet access, a computer nor the arms with which to type on the keyboard. You would also not have a lot of other stuff you have.

Maybe you are not getting what you want because you do not appreciate what you already have.
 

Kauko

Active member
Jul 14, 2021
329
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I will have to accept on the other hand that in some aspects, singledom is better than marriage, especially when it comes to freedom. However, it should be also known that freedom alone can NOT make a person happy. When you have too much of it, life just becomes very predictable and as such, it becomes boring. There are things you need more than freedom to be satisfied with life.

But anyway, I would still say that the ups of married life outnumber the ups of single life. Also, the statement that "marriage is hard" is very skewed. Marriage in itself is not hard or easy, it is just a life stage. What makes it more or less difficult and stressful are the own spouses. Most of the problems dont simply appear, but are created by either one or both of the parties. The reason most married people are unsatisfied with their marriages, is because in all of them there is atleast one spouse who is not material for a marriage.
 

Kauko

Active member
Jul 14, 2021
329
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Some people just don't know when they have a good thing going.

I am single and my life is more like 93.8% good, not 90% bad.

If your life was 90% bad you would have neither internet access, a computer nor the arms with which to type on the keyboard. You would also not have a lot of other stuff you have.

Maybe you are not getting what you want because you do not appreciate what you already have.
Maybe.

But you should know that you cant make a person happy just with material things.
 

Kauko

Active member
Jul 14, 2021
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The reason most married people are unsatisfied with their marriages, is because in all of them there is atleast one spouse who is not material for a marriage.
I noticed some ambiguity in this text.

I mean, the reason many marriages have unsatisfied spouses is because in these one or both of them are not material for a marriage.
 

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
May 23, 2009
14,943
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I will have to accept on the other hand that in some aspects, singledom is better than marriage, especially when it comes to freedom. However, it should be also known that freedom alone can NOT make a person happy. When you have too much of it, life just becomes very predictable and as such, it becomes boring. There are things you need more than freedom to be satisfied with life.

But anyway, I would still say that the ups of married life outnumber the ups of single life. Also, the statement that "marriage is hard" is very skewed. Marriage in itself is not hard or easy, it is just a life stage. What makes it more or less difficult and stressful are the own spouses. Most of the problems dont simply appear, but are created by either one or both of the parties. The reason most married people are unsatisfied with their marriages, is because in all of them there is atleast one spouse who is not material for a marriage.
It's hard to make blanket statements that can be taken seriously when you've never even been in a relationship?

Let alone married.

You have no way of knowing.
 

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
May 23, 2009
14,943
4,585
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I noticed some ambiguity in this text.

I mean, the reason many marriages have unsatisfied spouses is because in these one or both of them are not material for a marriage.
And you are trying to convince your audience that you, with the mentality and maturityof a 5-year-old child, are somehow marriage material?
 

Kauko

Active member
Jul 14, 2021
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It's hard to make blanket statements that can be taken seriously when you've never even been in a relationship?

Let alone married.

You have no way of knowing.
Of course, if one is married to the wrong person, it will probably become an hell worse than singledom.

This is why I want a special girl.
 

Kauko

Active member
Jul 14, 2021
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And you are trying to convince your audience that you, with the mentality and maturityof a 5-year-old child, are somehow marriage material?
I was explaining why marriage in itself is not the problem.

I hear many people demonizing marriage and Im telling why they are wrong about it.
 

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
May 23, 2009
14,943
4,585
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I was explaining why marriage in itself is not the problem.

I hear many people demonizing marriage and Im telling why they are wrong about it.
You've never been through a bad relationship, let alone a bad marriage.

Inexperience has a very limited projection -- and even less validity.
 

Kauko

Active member
Jul 14, 2021
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You've never been through a bad relationship, let alone a bad marriage.

Inexperience has a very limited projection -- and even less validity.
But you agree with what I said ? Yes or no ?
 

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
May 23, 2009
14,943
4,585
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But you agree with what I said ? Yes or no ?
I don't agree with you thinking you have a platform to speak from about the subject in general.

When you go through a hellish marriage yourself, then come back and preach about it.