A question for the guys

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Eagle05

Eagle05

New member
#1
Aug 8, 2021
8
5
3
Portland, OR
#1
I am 15 years old, and I recently had what I thought was a strong Christian relationship with a nice Christian guy. Truth be told is that things happened, sex occurred one time, and I walked away from him because I knew it was wrong.
Now this is a weird question to ask, but maybe you guys can tell me how it is that I woid know that I am dating a real true Christian man? What kind of SHINE should I be looking for to know that my next relationship is a faithful one?
And I'm not saying I'm not at fault, I do get 50% of the blame for what I did, but I want my next relationship to be strong God fearing relationship. And please don't say to wait until I'm 25 years old, LMAO!
 
GaryA

GaryA

Truth, Honesty, Love, Courage
#2
Aug 10, 2019
9,834
4,320
113
mywebsite.us
#2
Eagle05 said:
I am 15 years old, and I recently had what I thought was a strong Christian relationship with a nice Christian guy. Truth be told is that things happened, sex occurred one time, and I walked away from him because I knew it was wrong.
Now this is a weird question to ask, but maybe you guys can tell me how it is that I woid know that I am dating a real true Christian man? What kind of SHINE should I be looking for to know that my next relationship is a faithful one?
And I'm not saying I'm not at fault, I do get 50% of the blame for what I did, but I want my next relationship to be strong God fearing relationship. And please don't say to wait until I'm 25 years old, LMAO!
Click to expand...
Believe-it-or-not, the very best thing you can do is to get - and stay - just as close to God as you can - and listen very carefully for whatever He tells you regarding any particular person / situation / etc.

I know this is not likely to be the answer you wanted to hear - but, it is the best answer I know to give you.

All of us need to be able to hear and understand what He is saying to us when He speaks to us.

The better able we are to do this, the more we will have a good sense of any-and-every situation we may find ourselves in.

Read your Bible as much as you can.

Pray and ask Him for understanding.

Strive to think and act accordingly.
 
GaryA

GaryA

Truth, Honesty, Love, Courage
#3
Aug 10, 2019
9,834
4,320
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#3
Proverbs 3:

6 In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.
 
Pipp

Pipp

Majestic Llamacorn
#4
Sep 17, 2013
5,542
2,721
113
Georgia
#4
Set boundaries, sis and if he tries pushing them, then hes probably not gonna be a Godly influence on you.
 
cinder

cinder

Senior Member
#5
Mar 26, 2014
4,433
2,419
113
#5
Eagle05 said:
I am 15 years old, and I recently had what I thought was a strong Christian relationship with a nice Christian guy. Truth be told is that things happened, sex occurred one time, and I walked away from him because I knew it was wrong.
Now this is a weird question to ask, but maybe you guys can tell me how it is that I woid know that I am dating a real true Christian man? What kind of SHINE should I be looking for to know that my next relationship is a faithful one?
And I'm not saying I'm not at fault, I do get 50% of the blame for what I did, but I want my next relationship to be strong God fearing relationship. And please don't say to wait until I'm 25 years old, LMAO!
Click to expand...
Well what I kind of told 15 year old me (so many years ago that it was before you were born, good grief I am getting old) was something along the lines of " Cinder, every relationship you get in is going to end one of three ways. 1) you marry the guy 2) you break up with the guy 3) one of you dies before 1 or 2 can occur. If you can't see #1 happening spare yourself the grief." And I won't say wait until you're 25 but I will say it would be good to put some thought into what is the purpose of dating at 15 and what would be the best way to go about it to achieve the desired ends? I'm going to guess that if you want to honor God then the answer isn't going to be spend a lot of alone time in private with someone you're dating.

Also one thing that a younger me found very freeing was the idea that falling in love is some sort of compulsion that must be obeyed is a fallacy. You can have all kinds of feelings for someone and yet have it still be a bad idea to get together with them. And in other situations it may not be a bad idea, but there will be a lot of difficult practicalities to work out.

And I do want to say, a lot of people don't have the strength to walk away from a bad relationship so quickly so good job on doing that.

Anyway in answer to the question you asked about what to look for in a guy to know he's a keeper: look at his character. How does he treat other people he can't benefit from impressing or winning over? Is he kind to waitresses, checkout ladies, and the unpopular and outcast kids at school? Does he show common courtesy and respect to people? How does he treat and talk about his mom and any sisters? Is he the kind of guy you want with you when your whole world falls apart (because sooner or later its at least going to feel like it is falling apart)? How does he talk about God and church attendance? Does he give and / or volunteer?

And one other thing you should be aware of because it's a bit counter intuitive: praying for someone else about their deep personal concerns can produce feelings of closeness and connectedness and bring with them all the associated tempations. So it might be easier for both of you to stay on the right path if you limit your praying about the really deep personal stuff to friends of the same sex at least until you're really sure the guy you're dating is a keeper.

Okay that's probably enough advice from me for now.
 
S

SigP226

Guest
#6
#6
There's one easy question to ask yourself as you get to know a guy..... "Is he leading himself and leading me?" Does he make an effort to ask you how you are doing with Jesus? Is he bringing up Biblical Topics in discussion? Does he suggest praying together? If he's not a Spritual leader, he's not right for you.
 
SomeDisciple

SomeDisciple

Well-known member
#7
Jul 4, 2021
2,271
1,050
113
#7
Eagle05 said:
Now this is a weird question to ask, but maybe you guys can tell me how it is that I woid know that I am dating a real true Christian man? What kind of SHINE should I be looking for to know that my next relationship is a faithful one?
Click to expand...
I would suggest knowing that he's a real-true Christian man before even dating him. Depending on how one does "dating" it can be so pretentious. We don't shine like Twilight vampires, so it's not always easy to tell where somebody is with on their walk with God right away. Some people say "oh, i knew right away, blah blah blah". Yes, you can get early impressions- and obviously if a man is good, you will get a good impression- but that doesn't mean you know right away. It takes time and attention.
Eagle05 said:
And I'm not saying I'm not at fault, I do get 50% of the blame for what I did, but I want my next relationship to be strong God fearing relationship. And please don't say to wait until I'm 25 years old, LMAO!
Click to expand...
Wait until you are 26:). It's understandable that you want a spiritually mature man, but a spiritually mature man is going to want a spiritually mature lady. A spiritually mature lady has patience. People that say "I want to be married before I'm whatever age" are going to be factoring that into their decision whether or not to marry somebody, and that's probably not the smartest way to make that decision. Obviously there is no magic number, but you have time before you are even marriageable.

But how do you identify this spiritually mature man? You've obviously been able to decide that any man unable to withstand temptation to fornication (even with you) isn't ready. You didn't just stupidly continue doing what you knew was not pleasing to god- and that's what you're looking for in your husband too- somebody who's going to do things that are pleasing to God, and somebody that you want to help- and that will help you live that God fearing life. Someone you already respect beforehand. I think it would be very difficult to marry someone and hope that you eventually find some respect for them. So, if you know the things that are pleasing to God, you will know the man, because you will see the man doing them. If you don't know the things that are pleasing to God, then you might want to find out so that you can do them yourself. Because the man will be looking for the woman that is doing them too.
 
Encouragement

Encouragement

Well-known member
#8
Aug 25, 2020
1,488
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#8
Eagle05 said:
I am 15 years old, and I recently had what I thought was a strong Christian relationship with a nice Christian guy. Truth be told is that things happened, sex occurred one time, and I walked away from him because I knew it was wrong.
Now this is a weird question to ask, but maybe you guys can tell me how it is that I woid know that I am dating a real true Christian man? What kind of SHINE should I be looking for to know that my next relationship is a faithful one?
And I'm not saying I'm not at fault, I do get 50% of the blame for what I did, but I want my next relationship to be strong God fearing relationship. And please don't say to wait until I'm 25 years old, LMAO!
Click to expand...
Hello Eagle05..it can be difficult at your age in the whole area of relationships,sex,seeking to live right with God.At your age you are still not yet an adult and my goodnes theres so much pressure and sexual imagery around via social media ect...it just crazy.Most young people battle to stay inwardly and outwardly pure due to the heavily sex obsessed world around them.
As you have been through this experience just ask God to protect you from guys who are actually wolves in sheeps clothing and to help you to have discernment about them.Guys are often very good actors sometimes and to know their real intentions can be tricky...so let God be the center of every decision you make and ask Him to help you have the strength to overcome temptations that may come your way...esp with Christian guys.Just because a guy is a Christian doesn't automatically mean he is right for you.
Its natural to think about guys and relationships at your age yet at the same time dont be in a mad rush about things as you have college and other things to be focusing on that are also really important.
God was merciful because you never got pregnant which understandably would be the worst thing ever..So recognise that you are also vulnerable even though you want to do things Gods way.
A guy also has sexual feeling too just like you do even though he has a real passion for jesus.So spend time learning about boundaries in dating like dont spend time alone on a sofa all cuddled up watching t.v with nobody else around..there lots of material around online about such things.
The main quality is the level of genuine respect he has for you,for God and at your age group he will also still be growing into an adult Male..so spending time together reading Gods word,praying together for Gods blessing and protection on the relationship is really important.
Bear in mind that you can meet a really great guy who has integrity and has a real heart for God and a genuine affection for you and one who takes God seriously yet will still have his own vulnerabilities.So a guy who is open about things is good to have and remember that sometimes sexual things can just begin to happen even though one didn't want them too...passions can get stirred up by various triggers.So talking about being practical about do's and don't which he takes seriously and follows is a good sign.Plus his respect for boundaries you both agree to have is also a good indicator too.
 
A

Atheist2Apologist

New member
#9
Sep 30, 2021
16
20
3
#9
Look for the fruits of the spirit. Also he will try to follow God and have knowledge on the Bible. But you guys are so young.

22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith,
23 Meekness, temperance: against such there is no law.
 
Dymes

Dymes

Junior Member
#10
Dec 11, 2016
87
52
18
#10
Eagle05 said:
I
What kind of SHINE should I be looking for to know that my next relationship is a faithful one?
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Honestly the only biblical answer is a guy that is willing to marry you. That's the only relationship that commands faithfulness. This "gf & bf" stuff we do can be a fling and technically is not biblical. Engagements were meant for the "getting to know a person" phase. Not this bf stuff. But our culture has lost all those principles. A faithful man is one who is willing to commit for a lifetime. Look for that.
 
R

rayzor

Banned
#11
Aug 20, 2021
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310
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#11
God can give you a direct answer.Try prayer and fasting to break every bond including the bond of fear.Make sure it's love, not the fear of being by yourself.
 
Desdichado

Desdichado

Senior Member
#12
Feb 9, 2014
8,768
838
113
#12
Shine is often deceptive. You know him by his fruits.

You will be better able to distinguish these fruits with age. I'm not saying wait until you're 25, but waiting until college-age isn't a bad idea. I'm glad I didn't date in high school. Would've been a hot mess.
 
R

rayzor

Banned
#13
Aug 20, 2021
1,863
310
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#13
Just remember put god first first in all things,,then all other things will be added on to you.Dan is the adder buy the way.And Dan is our judge.
 
Dino246

Dino246

Senior Member
#15
Jun 30, 2015
25,489
13,797
113
#15
Eagle05 said:
I am 15 years old, and I recently had what I thought was a strong Christian relationship with a nice Christian guy. Truth be told is that things happened, sex occurred one time, and I walked away from him because I knew it was wrong.
Now this is a weird question to ask, but maybe you guys can tell me how it is that I woid know that I am dating a real true Christian man? What kind of SHINE should I be looking for to know that my next relationship is a faithful one?
And I'm not saying I'm not at fault, I do get 50% of the blame for what I did, but I want my next relationship to be strong God fearing relationship. And please don't say to wait until I'm 25 years old, LMAO!
Click to expand...
Hello and welcome to CC!

I wouldn’t suggest that you wait until you’re 25, but I would suggest that you wait until you are ready to take 100% of the responsibility for your own actions. Sex didn’t just “occur”; it was a choice. ;)
 
JohnDB

JohnDB

Well-known member
#16
Jan 16, 2021
6,234
2,528
113
#16
This person hasn't been back since August...
Just saying...
 
R

rayzor

Banned
#17
Aug 20, 2021
1,863
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#17
Dino246 said:
How is this relevant to the topic?
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Look at the question Dino 246 Dan is an Adder by the way it's a prophecy from Gen.Um,,,, how is putting god first in your life relative? and why knowing that god provides is important to just about all topics not just this topic.
 
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