Need Prayer for Myself: Job; Place to Live.

[Gojira]

I am currently a loser, at least from worldly perspective. God has made me such. Why do I say this?

I think He wants to destroy idols in my heart. These idols are

* career / work life,

* mate,

* living situation.

All three are being denied me and have been for several years (at least).

I will try to give a Reader's Digest version of what's been happening.

I grew up in the NYC area, moved to L.A. in 2001 to be with my girl friend and to pursue a 3D animation career. In 2004, we married. From 2002 to 2009, my career was doing okay.

Apr. 2009: Wife passed away. Employment drought followed for the next 27 months.

March 2011: Last bonafide date I've been on (yes she was a Christian).

July 2011: Career picked up again. Some good, regular work.

Dec. 2016: Long-term freelance job in my field of 3D animation ended.

From that point, I have barely worked in my field. Where I used to get responses and call-ins fairly frequently, that all but completely stopped. The few who did respond to my applications made me feel like I was likely to be hired, then stopped talking to me. Just like that. Disappeared from the face of the earth. This has not happened a handful of times. It has happened a ton of times.

December 2017: Homelessness. Depended on friends to put me up, lived in my car one week during this time.

I sought God out on this a couple of years ago (Jan of 2019?), and I think He tried to tell me that my life goals were too important to me. Okay... I started praying along those lines.

In July of 2019, I finally got a full-time offer. A definite offer. In October of 2019, I moved to Arizona to be near this job.

June 2021: Job ended. Again, the few who responded to my numerous applications disappeared after being encouraging. My latest, and most crushing, defeat happened a few hours ago today, Aug. 18, 2021.

Had the job. They welcomed me aboard (about 2 weeks ago). But... hiccups started. First they could not find a LI recommendation I linked them to. Then, my education could not be verified since the stupid college is in covid mode and no one can get anything to my new employer.

In the end, I was told that they changed their minds because they doubted my fitness with the culture. I found my diploma and sent a photo to them. Nah. Not good enough. Frankly, I think my conservative LI posts did me in, but they did not actually say that. But... "cultural incompatibility"? C'mon.

Anyway, I think ultimately this is God's doing. I have no career, can only seek out work paying half what I used to earn, which is just above min. wage. I have no woman in my life. They look through my like I'm not there, or away as if I scared them. And, now my lease is about to expire, and all I could afford with a $15/hr job is a $500/month room.

Loser.

I am trying to trust God. I am trying to make sure I do not curse Him or even get angry at Him. I am trying to remind myself that a) the Israelites had their Red Sea moments and God came through. b) When God did wack someone, He always had a good reason that was not immediately obvious. Hence, the faith part. c) I am trying to make sure that I keep in mind that God is God. Whatever He does is right, even if it feels awful. I am trying to make sure He's God and Lord, and that even being a loser is not going to interfere with how committed I am to Him.

I need much prayer and much God work towards this end. I also need to learn to ultimately be happy with Him and Him alone, career, living situation and wife aside. Right now that is not the case.

Sorry for the long post. And thanks.

 

[Kireina]

Thank you for sharing ... I will include you in my prayers @Gojira 🤗❤

 

[Gojira]

Thank you for sharing ... I will include you in my prayers @Gojira 🤗❤

Thank you. My life is something of a mess right now, and it's not because of my bad choices. I just don't know what to do other than to keep praying and asking God what He wants.

 

[VictoryBelle]

Thank you for sharing...I will be keeping you in prayer and hopefully encourage where I can. I myself have been hit with wave after wave of long suffering. God does allow these thing to happen to purify us, set us on solid ground, the rock in which He is, and build us up as His children. If this is the amount of suffering you are enduring, rest assured it IS NOT without purpose.

These verses came to mind when reading your testimony (Yes, this will be/is a testimony!)

'We think you ought to know, dear brothers and sisters, about the trouble we went through in the province of Asia. We were crushed and overwhelmed beyond our ability to endure, and we thought we would never live through it. In fact, we expected to die. But as a result, we stopped relying on ourselves and learned to rely only on God, who raises the dead. And he did rescue us from mortal danger, and he will rescue us again. We have placed our confidence in him, and he will continue to rescue us. ' 2 Corinthians 1:8-10

If you go back further up in the first few other verses it reads this:

'He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us. For the more we suffer for Christ, the more God will shower us with his comfort through Christ. Even when we are weighed down with troubles, it is for your comfort and salvation! For when we ourselves are comforted, we will certainly comfort you. Then you can patiently endure the same things we suffer. We are confident that as you share in our sufferings, you will also share in the comfort God gives us.' 2 Corinthians 1:4-7

I pray this gives you some comfort from a soul who has also been comforted by our savior, Jesus. You are not alone.

 

[Gojira]

Thank you for sharing...I will be keeping you in prayer and hopefully encourage where I can. I myself have been hit with wave after wave of long suffering. God does allow these thing to happen to purify us, set us on solid ground, the rock in which He is, and build us up as His children. If this is the amount of suffering you are enduring, rest assured it IS NOT without purpose.

These verses came to mind when reading your testimony (Yes, this will be/is a testimony!)

'We think you ought to know, dear brothers and sisters, about the trouble we went through in the province of Asia. We were crushed and overwhelmed beyond our ability to endure, and we thought we would never live through it. In fact, we expected to die. But as a result, we stopped relying on ourselves and learned to rely only on God, who raises the dead. And he did rescue us from mortal danger, and he will rescue us again. We have placed our confidence in him, and he will continue to rescue us. ' 2 Corinthians 1:8-10

If you go back further up in the first few other verses it reads this:

'He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us. For the more we suffer for Christ, the more God will shower us with his comfort through Christ. Even when we are weighed down with troubles, it is for your comfort and salvation! For when we ourselves are comforted, we will certainly comfort you. Then you can patiently endure the same things we suffer. We are confident that as you share in our sufferings, you will also share in the comfort God gives us.' 2 Corinthians 1:4-7

I pray this gives you some comfort from a soul who has also been comforted by our savior, Jesus. You are not alone.

You're very kind. Thank you.

 

[MariaYusi]

hi warm greetings from me. you are my reason I started taking here.
my life wasn't that great a few months ago. until I cry and leave all my problems in God's hands, yes I surrender my life completely to Jesus. logically our lips is easy to say "put it in God's hands" but the heart and mind are not that easy to accept bad experience in our lives. but keep trust in Jesus Christ : )
Jesus will help us miraculously we can't even predict. I don't want to lecturin you, I love you ^-^)/
but try to be like a child who really leaves all your problems to Him

My plans may fail, your plans may fail, but I believe with faith that Jesus plans will never fail.

once again, I love you. GBU

 

[Gojira]

hi warm greetings from me. you are my reason I started taking here.
my life wasn't that great a few months ago. until I cry and leave all my problems in God's hands, yes I surrender my life completely to Jesus. logically our lips is easy to say "put it in God's hands" but the heart and mind are not that easy to accept bad experience in our lives. but keep trust in Jesus Christ : )
Jesus will help us miraculously we can't even predict. I don't want to lecturin you, I love you ^-^)/
but try to be like a child who really leaves all your problems to Him

My plans may fail, your plans may fail, but I believe with faith that Jesus plans will never fail.

once again, I love you. GBU

Awww... well ain't you a sweetheart. And pretty as well

Thanks for the kindness and the encouragement.

~ Keith

 

[tourist]

Thank you for sharing ... I will include you in my prayers @Gojira 🤗❤

I will do the same.

 

[Gojira]

I will do the same.

Thanks Tourist. Thanks much.

 

[tourist]

I am currently a loser, at least from worldly perspective. God has made me such. Why do I say this?

I think He wants to destroy idols in my heart. These idols are

* career / work life,

* mate,

* living situation.

All three are being denied me and have been for several years (at least).

I will try to give a Reader's Digest version of what's been happening.

I grew up in the NYC area, moved to L.A. in 2001 to be with my girl friend and to pursue a 3D animation career. In 2004, we married. From 2002 to 2009, my career was doing okay.

Apr. 2009: Wife passed away. Employment drought followed for the next 27 months.

March 2011: Last bonafide date I've been on (yes she was a Christian).

July 2011: Career picked up again. Some good, regular work.

Dec. 2016: Long-term freelance job in my field of 3D animation ended.

From that point, I have barely worked in my field. Where I used to get responses and call-ins fairly frequently, that all but completely stopped. The few who did respond to my applications made me feel like I was likely to be hired, then stopped talking to me. Just like that. Disappeared from the face of the earth. This has not happened a handful of times. It has happened a ton of times.

December 2017: Homelessness. Depended on friends to put me up, lived in my car one week during this time.

I sought God out on this a couple of years ago (Jan of 2019?), and I think He tried to tell me that my life goals were too important to me. Okay... I started praying along those lines.

In July of 2019, I finally got a full-time offer. A definite offer. In October of 2019, I moved to Arizona to be near this job.

June 2021: Job ended. Again, the few who responded to my numerous applications disappeared after being encouraging. My latest, and most crushing, defeat happened a few hours ago today, Aug. 18, 2021.

Had the job. They welcomed me aboard (about 2 weeks ago). But... hiccups started. First they could not find a LI recommendation I linked them to. Then, my education could not be verified since the stupid college is in covid mode and no one can get anything to my new employer.

In the end, I was told that they changed their minds because they doubted my fitness with the culture. I found my diploma and sent a photo to them. Nah. Not good enough. Frankly, I think my conservative LI posts did me in, but they did not actually say that. But... "cultural incompatibility"? C'mon.

Anyway, I think ultimately this is God's doing. I have no career, can only seek out work paying half what I used to earn, which is just above min. wage. I have no woman in my life. They look through my like I'm not there, or away as if I scared them. And, now my lease is about to expire, and all I could afford with a $15/hr job is a $500/month room.

Loser.

My personal flashback to March 1 2014: Evicted from my apartment due to unruly adult stepson who refused to work, car broken down, lost everything I owned, 2 dogs sent to shelter, wife dead from pulmonary embolism, resigned my position, isolated from my family in Florida for 8 years, left Maine day after the funeral service back to Florida on a bus with just the clothes in a duffle bag. Told my stepson the game was over and now he will have to fend for himself or find someone else to sponge off. Never looked back.

Loser.

Times change. This too shall pass. What doesn't kill us can only make us stronger. Loser is relative term based on personal perspective. I understand your pain because I have been there. God lifted me up and freed me from the cage of despair I was living in, with loneliness as my friend and depression lurking in the shadows. God will lift you up and free you too.

Winner

A relative term based on personal perspective.

 

[tourist]

Thanks Tourist. Thanks much.

My pleasure brother.

 

[levi85]

Lord bless Gojira, and this prayer request, and you be glorified, in Jesus precious name, Amen!

 

[Gojira]

Lord bless Gojira, and this prayer request, and you be glorified, in Jesus precious name, Amen!

Well, I don't know if I should be glorified. That's reserved for God but thanks for your thoughts and prayer!

 

[Gojira]

My personal flashback to March 1 2014: Evicted from my apartment due to unruly adult stepson who refused to work, car broken down, lost everything I owned, 2 dogs sent to shelter, wife dead from pulmonary embolism, resigned my position, isolated from my family in Florida for 8 years, left Maine day after the funeral service back to Florida on a bus with just the clothes in a duffle bag. Told my stepson the game was over and now he will have to fend for himself or find someone else to sponge off. Never looked back.

Loser.

Times change. This too shall pass. What doesn't kill us can only make us stronger. Loser is relative term based on personal perspective. I understand your pain because I have been there. God lifted me up and freed me from the cage of despair I was living in, with loneliness as my friend and depression lurking in the shadows. God will lift you up and free you too.

Winner

A relative term based on personal perspective.

Yikes. And... thank you.

 

[Gojira]

Folks... I am assuming that this period of my life is about God chastising / refining me. The fire sucks. It hurts. And, these things seldom end quickly. I did not see the rhino coming through that intersection, slamming into my car.

How will I get through the next 5, 10 or more years alone, needing to work 50+ hours per week at a low-paying job... I mean, at this stage of the game -- pushing 60 -- you expect to be settled and established. You should be winding down, not needing to ramp up the hours at a physical job.

If this is all about idolatry, and that is still my best assumption (God has not made it clear that that is what this is about), how do I learn to know and love a God who doesn't talk, or easily reveal Himself or interact with His people? How do I learn to see Him as THE love of my life such that everything else pales in comparison?

I cannot go on like this. I am so unhappy with the failure that has become my life, that I cannot imagine going on too much further living this way. But... therein lies the problem I think: Being so unhappy without those elements comprising my life, and not finding joy and contentment in God.

So, the question is, how do I get there?

I'm reading a book called Idols of the Heart, but I've only started it. Maybe it'll help, but who knows.

 

[levi85]

Well, I don't know if I should be glorified. That's reserved for God but thanks for your thoughts and prayer!

Oh I said Lord to be glorified, welcome!
God bless!

 

[Gojira]

Oh I said Lord to be glorified, welcome!
God bless!

Doh!! I read that wrong.

 

[Goodlord]

You are not a loser and should not say as much. Your words have life. And if you believe that this is God, it probably is. I can tell you what I know for sure. If your work is a gift that God gave you, then you need to figure out what he wants you doing with it. I am an artist and a writer. I paint and write daily. I only write about God and I paint Jesus and angels. I have a job I hate, I truly hate it. But I believe I am now using my gifts the way God intended me to. I know he's going to bless me. I can feel it when I am painting it's different, like God is guiding me. Stop making your own plans and ask God what he wants you to do with it. If it is your passion it is probably your purpose in God. I pray God bless you with clarity, a good career in your purpose prosperity and a sense of closeness to you our Heavenly Father. I pray all of this in Jesus name Amen. You are not a loser, you are on your journey is all.

 

[Gojira]

Thank you for trying to swing me around from calling myself a loser. However, I may not have been clear in my posts.

From March 2002 to December 2016, I had a career in 3D animation. There were some employment droughts (since I mostly freelanced), but God got me through all of them.

From January 2017 to the present, I've worked a grand total of 25 months -- less than half that span. I have sent out probably thousands of responses to ads and cold messages during that time. The few who responded, I (generally) had good interviews with. The vast majority of those either rejected me outright or simply poofed into the digital ether, despite my follow-up messages and their promises to get back to me with more. And, for about 21 of these 56 months, I was homeless.

With women I had had similar success. Been widowed and alone since 2009.

Now, with my career having fallen off a cliff, I have to look for crappy jobs that pay a little above minimum wage which, as you might surmise, is not real good at paying rent. So, the third thing on my list, a decent living situation, also cannot happen.

These are my three worldly / temporal desires. I do not say "worldly" in the sinful sense, but in the sense of that which comprises our pre-resurrection life. And, God has repeatedly said no to opportunities in each area. Countless times. Sometimes with painful vividness (why does He need to do that, kick you when you're already down?). But... I do not consider that an accident. Nor, I do not consider that the result of my bad choices (generally speaking, since all of us can do one thing goofy at an interview or unintentionally tweak a nerve ending in a woman we are talking to).

Since my three "worldly" desires are all being clearly and consistently denied, I have sought God out for the reason. The only conclusion that makes any sense at this point is that they are actually idols. They are not sinful in and of themselves, obviously, but without them I am unhappy, and at times I've been very openly frustrated and angry at God for not providing them. From my fasting, Bible reading, etc., I've come to the conclusion that these desires are therefore idols -- I have wanted the gift more than the Giver. And, as we all know, God tolerates no competitors (not that He should).

But, at the same time, I'm approaching 60 and my life is really in a bad place. By all appearances, I have failed in life. And, living in your car in AZ is not a good idea. So, what do I do??? I need God to do something, change something... me... the circumstances... a combination thereof... but the status quo cannot continue.

Please pray as you feel led. That's all I ask.