Am I wrong for feeling this way?

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selenah

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My mom and I get along well enough, but we aren't exactly close. She has told me that she prefers my sister over me ( my tastes in music, clothes, and many of my beliefs are VERY different from my mom). I try to avoid my mom whenever I can. I just hate being around her and talking to her. I'm like the black sheep of the family because I'm so different. Am I wrong for feeling this way?
 
When you say your beliefs are very different from your mother's, what do you mean? In this lies the foundation of many problems that could arise. When two people have differing beliefs, it is difficult to overcome and can result in many hard feelings and hardened attitudes toward one another. So, do you mean that your beliefs are different as far as your faith? Or possibly are you talking about your views on the way you are as a person? Differing beliefs and differing attitudes are two totally different things. Love is the key. GOD first loved us so we can love others.
 
When you say your beliefs are very different from your mother's, what do you mean? In this lies the foundation of many problems that could arise. When two people have differing beliefs, it is difficult to overcome and can result in many hard feelings and hardened attitudes toward one another. So, do you mean that your beliefs are different as far as your faith? Or possibly are you talking about your views on the way you are as a person? Differing beliefs and differing attitudes are two totally different things. Love is the key. GOD first loved us so we can love others.

Our beliefs about God and Christianity in general differ. We both agree on the basics like salvation by faith, but it's the little things that we can never agree on. She tends to (and she would would even more if she knew more about me) judge me alot and sees me as a lesser Christian I guess.
 
Ok I see the problem. You are not wrong in feeling the way you do. I can understand where you are coming from. There are many things in the Word of GOD that people interpret differently or focus more attention to. This is the reason that there are so many different denominations in the world. Honestly, when you think about it, there should only be one denomination that believes in Jesus Christ as the Holy and perfect Son of GOD and after that the goal should be to obey HIM, worship HIM, spread HIS gospel, and love one another. Those are the basics that the LORD JESUS commanded. Back to your situation, nobody wants to feel judged and Jesus understands this as he says in Matthew 7:1, "Stop judging others, and you will not be judged." HE goes on to say that we will all be judged by the standdard that we judge others. We all struggle with this and only with the help and love of Christ can we achieve a non-judgmental attitude. It sounds like your mother has issues of her own to work out and her treatment toward you is not Christ-like. Therefore I would first like to encourage you to pray for her. Give this situation to our LORD. HE will take care of it. How distant is your relationship with her? And what is the main belief disagreement issue? What causes you to feel miserable when you are around her? I can relate to these feelings from experience with my own mother.
 
Ok I see the problem. You are not wrong in feeling the way you do. I can understand where you are coming from. There are many things in the Word of GOD that people interpret differently or focus more attention to. This is the reason that there are so many different denominations in the world. Honestly, when you think about it, there should only be one denomination that believes in Jesus Christ as the Holy and perfect Son of GOD and after that the goal should be to obey HIM, worship HIM, spread HIS gospel, and love one another. Those are the basics that the LORD JESUS commanded. Back to your situation, nobody wants to feel judged and Jesus understands this as he says in Matthew 7:1, "Stop judging others, and you will not be judged." HE goes on to say that we will all be judged by the standdard that we judge others. We all struggle with this and only with the help and love of Christ can we achieve a non-judgmental attitude. It sounds like your mother has issues of her own to work out and her treatment toward you is not Christ-like. Therefore I would first like to encourage you to pray for her. Give this situation to our LORD. HE will take care of it. How distant is your relationship with her? And what is the main belief disagreement issue? What causes you to feel miserable when you are around her? I can relate to these feelings from experience with my own mother.

Ummm, yeah, we're pretty distant. I mean, we talk about the day, tv shows, and different things; but I cannot talk to her about more serious issues. She tends to have a gloomy view of life when I want so bad to have a positive view of life. What's the main disagreement? I don't know. I don't think it's one single issue. It's everything.
 
I went through a lot of what you are feeling when I was younger.
We argued about almost everything, almost all the time when I was still living with my parents.
I think it's a pretty normal thing to have arguments with your mom when you're a teenager. You are becoming more independent and forming yur own opinions and views of tbe world, that probably differ from hers. Try to remember that she has experienced a lot more life than you have. :)
Having said that, I don't think your mom should tell you things like she prefers your sister over you...so I agree with the previous post about praying for her and just giving te situation to God.
After I got married and moved out of my parents house, my relationship with my mom imlroved drastically. We still argue a little and disagree about a few things, but things are much better now.
So have faith...this too will pass. :)
God bless!
 
I went through a lot of what you are feeling when I was younger.
We argued about almost everything, almost all the time when I was still living with my parents.
I think it's a pretty normal thing to have arguments with your mom when you're a teenager. You are becoming more independent and forming yur own opinions and views of tbe world, that probably differ from hers. Try to remember that she has experienced a lot more life than you have. :)
Having said that, I don't think your mom should tell you things like she prefers your sister over you...so I agree with the previous post about praying for her and just giving te situation to God.
After I got married and moved out of my parents house, my relationship with my mom imlroved drastically. We still argue a little and disagree about a few things, but things are much better now.
So have faith...this too will pass. :)
God bless!

Actually, we don't argue much. Usually I just keep everything to myself because I know she'll judge me, and we'll end up in an argument if I do. I guess I should start praying about it.
 
No, no feeling is ever wrong, it is what you do with it..........

No, I do not see how you are wrong for feeling this way.

Mothers are not perfect, you know! We all know, eventhough alot of superficial, naive, christians think a mother is to be looked at and honored as perfection, because she gave birth to you. It does not work that way in God's economy.

Mother's sin, they do wrong, and as a result cause unnecessary pain and suffering to their child/children.
They tell you what to do, without doing it themselves. And thus act like a hypocrite. How can a child ever look to a mother as a good example or someone to respect, if they have no good character traits, like kindness, honesty, or even humility to tell their child the right way to take in life, rather than following in their sinful, evil, hurtful, damaging footsteps.

Do you understand? I think you should.

I am interested in talking with you more about this, if you would like. Send me a message on the chat mail, send to REDmama.

Or sometimes, mothers do some very crazy, wacked-out, strange things to get their children to grow up. And God lets them for some insane reason. They get to damage the child's spirit, emotions, self-esteem, faith, all because they think they are better, and more in control. Well, then after you've exhausted your energy in doing all this wrong and hurting in an attempt to live life and move on, now your child knows or will know one day, you are not to be trusted and I hate you. It is quite stupid, they act like they have no brains. They want niceness, yet do not give it in return.

REMEMBER, we are not animals. Always lovey-dovey, and loving unconditional. We have a mind, a spirit, and other things you know God has given you. And mothers always seem to be more selfish and concerned about their rights as a woman on this earth, rather than raising up their child to be secure, healthy, and able.

So, really to me, this is a form of abuse. I have lived through if for the last 3-4 years. Even seeing counselors and taking it to the law. Attepting to file a protective order against her, for physically and verbally abusing me.

In the town I live in there are no good spirits. It is all about who can we hurt, how bad, and how dumb can we act, how unkind, and unforgiving can we act, and screw up someone's faith and ability so royally because we only care about ourselves.

So, if a man is doing this to you. I am sorry, they are almost all jackasses. They often use God's word against a woman, sending her to hell, and confusing her to no end. So, I pray you find a resolution to this problem that is bothering and irritating you.

That you know that no matter, if your parent or anyone else does not like you anymore, or want you around, that God does. So, find some godly people. Please. Because if you do, you will be one of the ones left on this earth, with positivity, acceptance, knowledge, faith built into you. And you'll overcome whatever it is that you are going through.

"One man's trash is another man's treasure" So, the saying goes with antiques and other man-made items, and it is with humans. One man abuses and misuses, and when the time comes to leave and escape, God has put others on this earth who know how to love, and treasure, and not harm and demean and weaken, and screw up lives, for their own survival and thus cause suffering that was never to be.

If you're interested look up about God's will on the internet. When we do not know how to control our own minds and spirits, and we become nosy, then we start acting like God. And hurt others. I have been the victim of this. And it has prevented me from getting married, having children, all normal God given things, because I see the pointlessness in fighting evil and living a good life, that brings me happiness and health.

So, maybe too much, and not all relevant to your situation. But it is what is on my heart. Hope you find something of worth and meaning to you in it.

And may God Bless you in your very near choices and growth in life.

Have a good day.
 
I think I can say my opinion as daddy. You need build your relations with the Lord. As was said already you what parents are not perfect and their children too. You must praying for your mammy. Remember, "Honor your father and mother" - which is the first commandment with a promise -"that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth."(Ephesians 6-2:3) You must doing as says the Bible and build your relations with the Lord.
May God give you patience and wisdom. God bless you!
 
My mom and I get along well enough, but we aren't exactly close. She has told me that she prefers my sister over me ( my tastes in music, clothes, and many of my beliefs are VERY different from my mom). I try to avoid my mom whenever I can. I just hate being around her and talking to her. I'm like the black sheep of the family because I'm so different. Am I wrong for feeling this way?

I don't think it's wrong to have some space from each other. Even if we're related, we are all still individuals and will always like different things and will prefer to be with those who share the same interest. I think the important thing is to always love your mom, even if you don't love being with her.
But also don't stay away too distant from her; it's nice to keep a reachable distance between each other.
 
My mom and I get along well enough, but we aren't exactly close. She has told me that she prefers my sister over me ( my tastes in music, clothes, and many of my beliefs are VERY different from my mom). I try to avoid my mom whenever I can. I just hate being around her and talking to her. I'm like the black sheep of the family because I'm so different. Am I wrong for feeling this way?
It took until my mom was about 65 and I was 33 for us to have conversation where she didn't put me down in some way.
My brother barely talks to her at all.
Sometimes these things take a very long time to heal.

Even though she is your mother and those formative years have alot of effect on how you will give and receive love , God loves you way more then your mom or any other person can possibly. you already know this at your age, so spend the time to ask Him for his love and to help your relationship with your mom. Sometimes YOU are the object that causes the other person to change by the way you love them not the way they love you.
 
Your situation sounds familiar - my daughter and I don't really have much in common either. She's 20 now and I've decided that whatever mistakes she makes is her responsibility and not mine. She has rejected a lot of the values her dad and I tried to teach her. That's her choice. I try not to show my disappointment. Sorry but I'm just being honest. I home schooled my children and thought that spending the time and energy in 'raising them right' and with Christian teaching would make a difference. Maybe when she's older she'll remember those teachings.

I won't mention the things she has done but she's broken the trust in our relationship completely.

The only advice I can think to give would be to try to see her as a person too..with feelings. Try to maintain some type of closeness. I think you'll be glad when you're older that you made an effort to keep loving your mom.
 
My mom and I get along well enough, but we aren't exactly close. She has told me that she prefers my sister over me ( my tastes in music, clothes, and many of my beliefs are VERY different from my mom). I try to avoid my mom whenever I can. I just hate being around her and talking to her. I'm like the black sheep of the family because I'm so different. Am I wrong for feeling this way?

It is evil for a mother to favor one daughter over daughter.
 
It is evil for a mother to favor one daughter over daughter.

She's a teenager, dude. Telling her that her mom is evil will NOT help sort this problem out. Also, how could you possibly even know that? You're getting one piece of a big story from the child's perspective.

Anyway, I think it's a requirement for teenagers to fight with their parents. Like a rite of passage almost.

Prayer will help in this situation, but so will TIME. I don't think the mom is actually judging who she is as a person because she's not even done fully becoming who she is yet! She may, however, worry about the direction she appears to be heading.

Parents aren't always the most tactful, but then again, neither are children.

Love each other and trust that you love each other.
 
Don't most people feel like 'black sheep' at 15? I know I did.

Selenah, it's good to be honest about your feelings.

Most teenagers go through a period of not liking their parents. It's hard to tell from a few sentences what your situation is but I think it's OK to be a black sheep - as long it isn't total rebellion. God tells us to honor our parents-He doesn't mention if they deserve it or not. I think He excluded that last part because it's a matter of perspective if they deserve obedience/respect or not.

My daughter hated me at 15 and 16 yrs of age because I would not let her do certain things that were harmful to her. Like I wouldn't let her see a certain boy (he was a school dropout, into drugs and stealing, and couldn't keep a job). Now that she's older she can't believe that she had anything to do with him (she was very sneaky and saw him without us knowing about it). But the damage is done. Some things can never be brought back....like virginity and purity. And now he's stalking her (she's 20 now).

Sorry I keep bringing my own experiences back into the conversation! I'm still trying to get over certain issues in my own family :)

Anyway, try to develop a working relationship with your mom while at the same time understanding that you are two separate people with different likes and dislikes.
 
My mom and I get along well enough, but we aren't exactly close. She has told me that she prefers my sister over me ( my tastes in music, clothes, and many of my beliefs are VERY different from my mom). I try to avoid my mom whenever I can. I just hate being around her and talking to her. I'm like the black sheep of the family because I'm so different. Am I wrong for feeling this way?


I can relate to you since I have a similar situation with my mother. I even avoid sometimes to be around her because I know we could start arguing.Actually, 20 minutes ago I left the kitchen because I felt we were going to start arguing :P. Sounds so teenagers cliche, but I do also feel sometimes like the black sheep of my family for many reasons, being the main reason that nobody in my family is christian (catholics but without applying it to daily life).
My mom has also told me several times how she prefers my brothers over me. That has made me feel frustrated,sad,angry and so many things so I think I understand how you feel.However, try not to hold a grudge on her, that's what is wrong. I pray to God for her and my family, and also for me to give me patience and strenght to overcome this situation. Have faith and pray for her :). God bless you.