Not sure what to do. I don't fit in any church.

  • Christian Chat is a moderated online Christian community allowing Christians around the world to fellowship with each other in real time chat via webcam, voice, and text, with the Christian Chat app. You can also start or participate in a Bible-based discussion here in the Christian Chat Forums, where members can also share with each other their own videos, pictures, or favorite Christian music.

    If you are a Christian and need encouragement and fellowship, we're here for you! If you are not a Christian but interested in knowing more about Jesus our Lord, you're also welcome! Want to know what the Bible says, and how you can apply it to your life? Join us!

    To make new Christian friends now around the world, click here to join Christian Chat.
R

RickJones

Member
#1
Apr 4, 2019
34
14
8
#1
I've tried two churches and honestly I just don't fit in. I've been to other churches over year as well and I don't fit in there either.

I'm an extreme introvert, but I still feel compelled to go to church. It's very difficult. I don't like meeting people or being in a big group. Church is almost the exact opposite of what I want to do. I want to know more about the bible and I really enjoy a good sermon. I don't sing, so the first 30 minutes or so of any church is really uncomfortable. People descend on you and want to shake hands... that makes me want to turn around and walk back out. I can't help it.

I don't know what I'm supposed to do. Part of me wants to be there. I keep thinking there's something I'm supposed to do. Maybe help out or something. But the other part of me knows it's going to be super uncomfortable. It's very hard to describe. If you aren't an introvert there is no way to explain it.
 
JaumeJ

JaumeJ

Senior Member
#2
Jul 2, 2011
21,430
6,707
113
#2
To your title. No true believer belongs to any named denomination. Once we hear, believe andunderstand the teaching of Jesus Yeshua, the Godpel we becomme the Israel of our Maker, that is of the faith of Abraham.
 
Subhumanoidal

Subhumanoidal

Well-known member
#3
Sep 17, 2018
4,061
3,175
113
#3
RickJones said:
I've tried two churches and honestly I just don't fit in. I've been to other churches over year as well and I don't fit in there either.

I'm an extreme introvert, but I still feel compelled to go to church. It's very difficult. I don't like meeting people or being in a big group. Church is almost the exact opposite of what I want to do. I want to know more about the bible and I really enjoy a good sermon. I don't sing, so the first 30 minutes or so of any church is really uncomfortable. People descend on you and want to shake hands... that makes me want to turn around and walk back out. I can't help it.

I don't know what I'm supposed to do. Part of me wants to be there. I keep thinking there's something I'm supposed to do. Maybe help out or something. But the other part of me knows it's going to be super uncomfortable. It's very hard to describe. If you aren't an introvert there is no way to explain it.
Click to expand...
Show up later so you bypass the praise and worship and usual forced interaction that many churches engage in after it. I've done that.

But, it sounds like you want to just hear sermons and not deal with people. So why not just watch them online? Forcing yourself to go somewhere you don't want to, then suffering through social interactions you despise and avoid just to state the claim "I went to church" is counterproductive and really means zero to God.
One of the things thats supposed to be good about going to church is being around other people that believe the same way. And that way iron can sharpen iron, people can encourage one another, pray together, etc... If you don't want any of that then showing up at the building is pointless.

Really doing anything out of obligation is something God dismisses because it's not honoring God. God wants people to do out of a willing and wanting heart. Not because it's a rule you begrudgingly do, while complaining about it.

So if you don't want to go, don't go. Forcing yourself is not doing you, them or God any favors. It's simply you enslaving yourself to religious ideals that God spoke against.

As an introvert myself, and knowing the psuedo-religious demands of many Christians thinking extroversion is a fruit of the Spirit, I know how it all feels.
 
G

gb9

Senior Member
#4
Jan 18, 2011
12,329
6,696
113
#4
RickJones said:
I've tried two churches and honestly I just don't fit in. I've been to other churches over year as well and I don't fit in there either.

I'm an extreme introvert, but I still feel compelled to go to church. It's very difficult. I don't like meeting people or being in a big group. Church is almost the exact opposite of what I want to do. I want to know more about the bible and I really enjoy a good sermon. I don't sing, so the first 30 minutes or so of any church is really uncomfortable. People descend on you and want to shake hands... that makes me want to turn around and walk back out. I can't help it.

I don't know what I'm supposed to do. Part of me wants to be there. I keep thinking there's something I'm supposed to do. Maybe help out or something. But the other part of me knows it's going to be super uncomfortable. It's very hard to describe. If you aren't an introvert there is no way to explain it.
Click to expand...

keep looking, there is a church home for you somewhere.

you might try a larger church, the smaller churches mean well, but the people there do tend to swarm you, and sometimes pepper you with questions.

larger churches tend to be a " hey, how is going", or " welcome " and they might be about it.
 
R

RickJones

Member
#5
Apr 4, 2019
34
14
8
#5
Subhumanoidal said:
Show up later so you bypass the praise and worship and usual forced interaction that many churches engage in after it. I've done that.

But, it sounds like you want to just hear sermons and not deal with people. So why not just watch them online? Forcing yourself to go somewhere you don't want to, then suffering through social interactions you despise and avoid just to state the claim "I went to church" is counterproductive and really means zero to God.
One of the things thats supposed to be good about going to church is being around other people that believe the same way. And that way iron can sharpen iron, people can encourage one another, pray together, etc... If you don't want any of that then showing up at the building is pointless.

Really doing anything out of obligation is something God dismisses because it's not honoring God. God wants people to do out of a willing and wanting heart. Not because it's a rule you begrudgingly do, while complaining about it.

So if you don't want to go, don't go. Forcing yourself is not doing you, them or God any favors. It's simply you enslaving yourself to religious ideals that God spoke against.

As an introvert myself, and knowing the psuedo-religious demands of many Christians thinking extroversion is a fruit of the Spirit, I know how it all feels.
Click to expand...
Fantastic advice. Before seeing your reply, this is exactly what happened today. I was driving to a church that's really too far away, thinking that things would be different if I just tried a new place (it never is). I'm sitting in the parking lot of this new church, stomach in knots and full of dread. Finally I just drive off. I can't do it.

I get back to the town where I live and I'm passing by a church I've been to a few times. It's almost 15 minutes after that service has started. I figured what the heck, I'll go in. I was able to find a seat, blend in and not have to shake anyone's hand. I know that sounds terrible to a non introvert but for me it was great. I'm not trying to be rude to people... I just can't handle a lot of interaction.

I do watch a lot of stuff online. I have several pastors that I really like to watch. But it doesn't relieve stress and anxiety the way attending in person does. I know... that doesn't make sense. Going to church can be a major source of stress and anxiety for me. But today it wasn't.
 
R

RickJones

Member
#6
Apr 4, 2019
34
14
8
#6
gb9 said:
keep looking, there is a church home for you somewhere.

you might try a larger church, the smaller churches mean well, but the people there do tend to swarm you, and sometimes pepper you with questions.

larger churches tend to be a " hey, how is going", or " welcome " and they might be about it.
Click to expand...
I did think about that but haven't found one yet. Today worked out well though. I went to a familiar small church and got there late. I was able to slip in pretty much unnoticed and it was great.
 
Subhumanoidal

Subhumanoidal

Well-known member
#7
Sep 17, 2018
4,061
3,175
113
#7
RickJones said:
Fantastic advice. Before seeing your reply, this is exactly what happened today. I was driving to a church that's really too far away, thinking that things would be different if I just tried a new place (it never is). I'm sitting in the parking lot of this new church, stomach in knots and full of dread. Finally I just drive off. I can't do it.

I get back to the town where I live and I'm passing by a church I've been to a few times. It's almost 15 minutes after that service has started. I figured what the heck, I'll go in. I was able to find a seat, blend in and not have to shake anyone's hand. I know that sounds terrible to a non introvert but for me it was great. I'm not trying to be rude to people... I just can't handle a lot of interaction.

I do watch a lot of stuff online. I have several pastors that I really like to watch. But it doesn't relieve stress and anxiety the way attending in person does. I know... that doesn't make sense. Going to church can be a major source of stress and anxiety for me. But today it wasn't.
Click to expand...
I no longer go to church, but the last few times I did I, too, had so much anxiety with all the people. Especially the greeters.
Even when I used to go regularly every time I would get nervous before walking in.

Your introversion does sound worse than mine. As a teen I used to be involved in a lot of things that made me have to interact more. And as an adult often found myself in jobs working with the public.
But I still prefer staying home away from people. There is a social streak in me but not with random people. I really only interact with the family I live with and my gf. And that's enough for me 😂
 
R

RickJones

Member
#8
Apr 4, 2019
34
14
8
#8
Subhumanoidal said:
I no longer go to church, but the last few times I did I, too, had so much anxiety with all the people. Especially the greeters.
Even when I used to go regularly every time I would get nervous before walking in.

Your introversion does sound worse than mine. As a teen I used to be involved in a lot of things that made me have to interact more. And as an adult often found myself in jobs working with the public.
But I still prefer staying home away from people. There is a social streak in me but not with random people. I really only interact with the family I live with and my gf. And that's enough for me 😂
Click to expand...
I've been working for 26 years. Every single time I go to work I am filled with anxiety. So many times I would be driving to work and my stomach would be so tore up I felt sick. Recently it has gotten better because I have a job where I can 99 percent work alone and not have to interact with anyone. There are other people around but I try very hard to ignore them.
 
Cabrillo

Cabrillo

Active member
#9
Sep 6, 2021
420
221
43
#9
Church today is not what it was 2000 years ago when most people were illiterate. Church was the only place to go for most who wanted to learn & share the Gospel. During the pandemic many churches have gone on;int via Zoom etc. Plus there's alot of online resorces, study groups and inter active sites like here at CC. We share more about the Lord in a day than many churches do in a month.

I personally am appalled by what I call professional christianity. . The printing press was invented around 1450. The first mass produced book was the bible. It changed our world. Most people have at least a forth grade reading level. (That's why most newspapers are usually written at that level.) We are fortunate not to be persecuted (yet) so the options are plentiful.

Seek and you will find.
 
M

MatthewWestfieldUK

Well-known member
#10
May 13, 2021
871
498
63
#10
It can take time to be comfortable. Volunteering helped me gain confidence and connection. I need a reason to talk. I suck at mingling
 
Dude653

Dude653

Senior Member
#11
Mar 19, 2011
12,689
1,103
113
#11
I made a lot of really good genuine friends at the church I used to attend. The reason I left was because I felt like leadership was out of order

I remember visiting this one particular local church and I immediately noticed how the ushers seemed indifferent and dismissive when I try to greet them. I left.
I actually considered sending a letter to the pastor and telling him he needs to retrain his ushers because when a visitor visits your church, often the ushers are the first person who greet them and if the ushers are not friendly then they immediately have a bad impression of your church
 
S

SkyPilot

New member
#12
Sep 4, 2021
6
2
3
#12
U
RickJones said:
I've been working for 26 years. Every single time I go to work I am filled with anxiety. So many times I would be driving to work and my stomach would be so tore up I felt sick. Recently it has gotten better because I have a job where I can 99 percent work alone and not have to interact with anyone. There are other people around but I try very hard to ignore them.
Click to expand...
 
CS1

CS1

Well-known member
#13
May 23, 2012
13,067
4,349
113
#13
RickJones said:
I've tried two churches and honestly I just don't fit in. I've been to other churches over year as well and I don't fit in there either.

I'm an extreme introvert, but I still feel compelled to go to church. It's very difficult. I don't like meeting people or being in a big group. Church is almost the exact opposite of what I want to do. I want to know more about the bible and I really enjoy a good sermon. I don't sing, so the first 30 minutes or so of any church is really uncomfortable. People descend on you and want to shake hands... that makes me want to turn around and walk back out. I can't help it.

I don't know what I'm supposed to do. Part of me wants to be there. I keep thinking there's something I'm supposed to do. Maybe help out or something. But the other part of me knows it's going to be super uncomfortable. It's very hard to describe. If you aren't an introvert there is no way to explain it.
Click to expand...

question? do you have experience in media or software?
 
Desdichado

Desdichado

Senior Member
#14
Feb 9, 2014
8,768
838
113
#14
Part of being a member of a church is participating in the Church community. This doesn't sound like mere introversion. There are a lot of introverts who handle greetings well. There are also many introverts who revel in worship (my brother is one of them).

Please don't take this the wrong way, but perhaps you need to think about other reasons for your anxiety around people and churchmen in particular.

I hope you are blessed in your search and that the Lord finds you a home soon.
 
S

SkyPilot

New member
#15
Sep 4, 2021
6
2
3
#15
You dont have to go to any church at all. You can assemble a half dozen like
minded friends and meet every Sunday and study together, if you cant find
anyone, buy a red letter bible and a nkjv bible. read the scripture daily for half
hour or a bit more put the bible down and meditate on what you read.
intime you will see how close you come to God your heart will be one with God.
scripture says we need to know, you just need to love God annd your neighbor as
yourself. If you dont love God, and neighbor you dont have love in you at all.
 
ResidentAlien

ResidentAlien

Well-known member
#16
Apr 21, 2021
8,319
3,619
113
#16
I used to be painfully shy when I was younger but not now, thankfully. However, I don't like being swarmed by strangers, no matter how well-meaning they are. Just keep looking. One thing in your favor is there are a lot of churches out there. LOL
 
S

SkyPilot

New member
#17
Sep 4, 2021
6
2
3
#17
SkyPilot said:
You dont have to go to any church at all. You can assemble a half dozen like
minded friends and meet every Sunday and study together, if you cant find
anyone, buy a red letter bible and a nkjv bible. read the scripture daily for half
hour or a bit more put the bible down and meditate on what you read.
intime you will see how close you come to God your heart will be one with God.
scripture says we need to know, you just need to love God annd your neighbor as
yourself. If you dont love God, and neighbor you dont have love in you at all.
Click to expand...
 
R

RickJones

Member
#20
Apr 4, 2019
34
14
8
#20
Desdichado said:
Part of being a member of a church is participating in the Church community. This doesn't sound like mere introversion. There are a lot of introverts who handle greetings well. There are also many introverts who revel in worship (my brother is one of them).

Please don't take this the wrong way, but perhaps you need to think about other reasons for your anxiety around people and churchmen in particular.

I hope you are blessed in your search and that the Lord finds you a home soon.
Click to expand...
It's not just people at church. It's everywhere. Anything involving social participation is something I want to avoid.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.