I’m over 40, still a Virgin and scared of intercourse still

[Hungry]

There are other probable alternatives.

1. Lesbianism is historically less common than other brands of sexual sin.

2. Perhaps this is where law meets custom and interpretation. They probably upheld the same standard for women even if the law specifically doesn't specifically address women. Exodus 20:17 doesn't mention a female equivalent for "covet thy neighbor's wife," but surely women are held to account for their covetousness as well.

Women are told not to bend over for an animal. Hopefully that was less common! Dudes had all the power. If a wealthy guy set his sites on a lower man’s wife trouble happened. Look at King David. How was he not executed for adultery? Lots of girls told me that they experiment their sexuality with other girls when they are young. Breastfeeding from my understanding makes them predisposed to attraction to breasts like it does for guys.

 

[Desdichado]

I'll be looking into the context, interpretation, and application of these things because the questions are so interesting. I somehow doubt it's derived from modern ideas of power dynamics and I STRONGLY doubt the Bible somehow permits lesbianism.

But I'm not close-minded. I'll entertain the idea some.

Women are told not to bend over for an animal. Hopefully that was less common!
Dudes had all the power. If a wealthy guy set his sites on a lower man’s wife trouble happened. Look at King David. How was he not executed for adultery? Lots of girls told me that they experiment their sexuality with other girls when they are young. Breastfeeding from my understanding makes them predisposed to attraction to breasts like it does for guys.

 

[Gina3111_marriedToGod]

I'll be looking into the context, interpretation, and application of these things because the questions are so interesting. I somehow doubt it's derived from modern ideas of power dynamics and I STRONGLY doubt the Bible somehow permits lesbianism.

But I'm not close-minded. I'll entertain the idea some.

I don't think sexuality is the problem! Instead, the issue is one of deception, cheating, double-lives and how those cause the vulnerability of women to STD's, even incurable ones.

 

[Hungry]

- I feel normal feelings when kissing, cuddling or making out with a man during my past relationships. Feelings of connecting with a man, joining my body somewhat with him. Kissing as a form of affection and connecting with my partner. I guess in my mind, I don't see it as 'foreplay' but just making out. Sexual intercourse and oral sex is a whole different story to me. That's something I feel is really to be done with a life partner, someone I know very well and has committed himself to me. That's what I've always felt growing up. Plus, nowadays STD testing is important.

-independently, I do feel 'sexual' sometimes. I do fantasize, etc, but always and only about being with a man.

- I'm only attracted to men. I have thought maybe my issue is with the male genitalia but I know that I am not attracted to women physically or sexually. Even though it scares me somewhat and grosses me out, my idea of sex is still me as a woman experiencing the male sex organ going into my female sex organ haha. I know it feels good but still I only think of all the consequences and dangers.

- As for my statements about men sleeping with their male friends or cheating, this is what I know is going on. I know too many women offline and online that have experienced it. I've also had a lot of LGBTQ+ men tell me that they've slept with many men who claim to be straight, whom have wives and girlfriends, but who come to them as men for sex. There's a lot of men who are having sexual relations with other men but don't consider themselves 'gay' because they claim they can only have 'relationships' as in dating and living arrangements with women. It's alot of that going on. Also, in terms of the churches, there's a lot of men with Same Sex attraction that are attracted to churches and even leadership positions in the churches. I've been told by men confidently over the years that the church is a major place bisexual and in the closet gay men go to get with other men. Even those married men are sleeping with men behind their wives backs.

Thank you for your honesty and openness. According to what you’ve said, you seem like you may feel cheated out of a relationship because of your beliefs and expectations of a husband’s lack of faithfulness. That can be said of anyone gay or straight. If my wife decided to cheat, I would be just as vulnerable to STDs. I’ve known many cheaters. Nothing surprises me anymore.

 

[Hungry]

I'll be looking into the context, interpretation, and application of these things because the questions are so interesting. I somehow doubt it's derived from modern ideas of power dynamics and I STRONGLY doubt the Bible somehow permits lesbianism.

But I'm not close-minded. I'll entertain the idea some.

While you’re looking into that, please investigate Matt 5: 28. I’m certain it’s misinterpreted. The only way that makes sense is if Christ used the term implying wife not woman. It’s the same word. To look upon a “woman” lustfully is not adulterous. Polygamy was completely legitimate as were concubines (sex slaves). The verse should be written, whoever looks upon a wife (someone else’s) lustfully, commits adultery in his heart. It seemed relevant within this conversation. I’m tired of guys having to feel guilt from seeing an attractive female and then looking again.

 

[MatthewWestfieldUK]

Your fear is common. The intercourse is not fundamental to a marriage. Some couples just dont.
Nor is intercourse fundamental to climax.
If u want to start a family then u could get support from a dr.
Some people don't like to french kiss.
U don't have to worry about being different.
However, if u want to get more comfortable with your body and a mans.
Avoid intercourse and focus on massage.
Mutual care and touch will build confidence and reduce stress.
Intercourse is a spiritual connection. Focus on the spiritual nature of touch.
My hubble advice from experience.

 

[Desdichado]

Sexuality is certainly a part of the problem. To say otherwise is apostasy. Romans 1 makes that quite clear.

I don't think sexuality is the problem! Instead, the issue is one of deception, cheating, double-lives and how those cause the vulnerability of women to STD's, even incurable ones.

 

[Gina3111_marriedToGod]

Sexuality is certainly a part of the problem. To say otherwise is apostasy. Romans 1 makes that quite clear.

For me it’s not at all!

 

[Desdichado]

Am I blessed enough to converse with the arbiter of moral law?

For me it’s not at all!

 

[Desdichado]

Where was I when Gina laid the earth's foundation?

 

[Lynx]

I don't think sexuality is the problem! Instead, the issue is one of deception, cheating, double-lives and how those cause the vulnerability of women to STD's, even incurable ones.

This sounds like a woman's version of Kauko.

 

[melita916]

Do SOME men cheat? Yup. Not ALL men cheat.

Do SOME women cheat? Yup. Not ALL women cheat.

We all fall short of the glory of God. Thank You, Jesus, for the blood!!!

 

[Hungry]

Your fear is common. The intercourse is not fundamental to a marriage. Some couples just dont.
Nor is intercourse fundamental to climax.
If u want to start a family then u could get support from a dr.
Some people don't like to french kiss.
U don't have to worry about being different.
However, if u want to get more comfortable with your body and a mans.
Avoid intercourse and focus on massage.
Mutual care and touch will build confidence and reduce stress.
Intercourse is a spiritual connection. Focus on the spiritual nature of touch.
My hubble advice from experience.

I think you missed the point. It's not that she doesn't like sex. She doesn't trust men. She thinks most men live bisexual double lives and is afraid of getting diseases. No massage will cure that phobia. I guarantee the only dude she will find who is ok with this long-term is already sexually damaged like a pedophile or homosexual who has no interest in her female parts already. Even if a normal guy is ok with this on their wedding night, he will become increasingly irritated at her distrust. Either he will get an annulment since he never consummated the marriage or do the very thing she fears, cheat. As much as I would like to agree that Christian men are different, we are still men. Perhaps there is some guy with chronic erectile dysfunction who has no opportunity for sex. In that case, jackpot! They're made for each other. However when deciding to spend the next 40 years with a person, they need to be compatible. You can always go to a restaurant if she can't cook. Cleaning ladies aren't expensive if that's not her thing. What's most important, she needs to be your number one fan. All dudes love a cheerleader inspiring (not nagging) them to victory especially when the odds are against you. If you think you're funny, she needs to get your sense of humour and laugh at your jokes. Lastly, if a guy is sexually driven, she needs to be in to it, not just obedient. It's a group (of 2) activity. Participation required.

 

[MatthewWestfieldUK]

What's most important, she needs to be your number one fan. All dudes love a cheerleader inspiring (not nagging) them to victory especially when the odds are against you.

This very rare. It's crushing when u get the opposite of a supporter.
I learned to hope only on God. Mortals are just want to use each other

 

[Sculpt]

In the past I was in relationships that lasted up to 2 years where we kissed a lot, made out, held hands, etc., but once he brought up intercourse or was expecting it, I was turned OFF and lost all desire to continue the relationship.

That's horrifying.

You 'lost all desire to continue the relationship'... meaning you ended it. I feel so very sorry for this person. You're hurting people. You do not have to have a relationship with any man. It's your choice. But if you do intend to have a relationship, you must start the relationship by telling him you will end the relationship if he ever mentions sex. If you don't, quite frankly, you're cruel.

Quite frankly, if you were with this person for two years, an affectionate relationship as you described, I would assume you loved them and grew deep feelings for them, yes? So much so you would find it very difficult, if not impossible, to stop seeing them simply because they brought up the subject of sex, right? It's not you're fear of intercourse that concerns me, but that you would be so cold that you could end a 2 year relationship for only that reason. This coldness should concern you more than the fear of sex. A relationship doesn't work if you don't love them as much as yourself. Real love conquers fear.

One, IF you want to get married and be fine with sex... yes, there are behavioral psychologists that can cure you, or greatly reduce, your fear of intercourse.

Two, if you tell a man right away that you want a sexless marriage, there are some men, especially impotent men, who would be fine with it. Just be up front and honest.

 

[tourist]

I am a member of a large church with tons of activities. We haven’t met up for services or activities in over a year though because of Covid. Everything has been virtual. Based on what some men have told me though, church is full of secretly gay/bi men from the choir director, choir and men that attend church. Gay/bi men or men who have had past issues such as drugs, prison or homelessness. I’ve even read some say the large churches have married men who become friends to sleep with each other behind their wives back. This is what men have told me... that the church and gyms are mostly secretly gay/bi men.

You might want to consider finding a new church home.

 

[tourist]

Where was I when Gina laid the earth's foundation?

...and snapped the lines.

 

[Gina3111_marriedToGod]

That's horrifying.

You 'lost all desire to continue the relationship'... meaning you ended it. I feel so very sorry for this person. You're hurting people. You do not have to have a relationship with any man. It's your choice. But if you do intend to have a relationship, you must start the relationship by telling him you will end the relationship if he ever mentions sex. If you don't, quite frankly, you're cruel.

Quite frankly, if you were with this person for two years, an affectionate relationship as you described, I would assume you loved them and grew deep feelings for them, yes? So much so you would find it very difficult, if not impossible, to stop seeing them simply because they brought up the subject of sex, right? It's not you're fear of intercourse that concerns me, but that you would be so cold that you could end a 2 year relationship for only that reason. This coldness should concern you more than the fear of sex. A relationship doesn't work if you don't love them as much as yourself. Real love conquers fear.

One, IF you want to get married and be fine with sex... yes, there are behavioral psychologists that can cure you, or greatly reduce, your fear of intercourse.

Two, if you tell a man right away that you want a sexless marriage, there are some men, especially impotent men, who would be fine with it. Just be up front and honest.

Yes and thanks for this. I recall telling someone in the past how I was hurt after being ‘ghosted’, where they guy just stopped communicating with me. The person I was talking to said I had probably also done the same to others but didn’t realize it. I guess the other poster mentioning how I felt about kissing, etc is saying when I’m allowing kissing and making out, for the guy that’s foreplay? I will let any guy I get in a future relationship know of my past Genophobia (fear of intercourse), as well as my views against pre-marital sex. My last 2 relationships, I did let the guys know in the beginning about both of those.

 

[Vinacantik]

I think all is about the mindset... If u can learn and try to more positif about penetration its may help u. And in positif thing, maybe u not yet meet someone right to make u believe and trust about sex and penetration. Being virgin is great, and too negative thinking is bad. Never afraid to open urself with man.. i agree many man is bad but when u meet someone right its will be good. I think u just not yet meet someone right to do that.. so keep positif thinking and never afraid to close with man

 

[love_comes_softly]

Just stay single and go enjoy what life has to offer. You have plenty of other things to worry about.