My boyfriend cheated, what should I do ?
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She isn't the one who cheated. HE is, and he will always be a cheater. He's only sorry that he got caught..
I'm a first things first kinda person.
Your Spiritual status states "UNSURE". This is by FAAAR and away your most immediate problem.
Should, God forbid you die today while still being UNSURE, you would be lost eternally. So let's get that taken care of first.
THE Gospel unto Salvation:
God wrapped Himself in human flesh in the form of His Son, Jesus the Messiah. Conceived by the Holy Spirit, born of a virgin. He suffered, was crucified, and died to pay OUR sin debt. He was raised to life from the grave to prove He had defeated death. If you confess Jesus as Lord, and believe in your heart that His Father resurrected Him to Life on the 3rd day, you WILL be saved. You will be filled, and sealed with the Holy Spirit, who will empower ALL to turn from their sins. The sin of adultery, lying, stealing, homosexuality, gossip, slander, drunkenness, covetousness, etc... And most importantly the sin of DEAD works, or a moral life in an attempt to EARN Salvation. He will also equip you to love like He did and do good works for HIS Glory.
The temptation will be to take him back if you have not already - I have seen this many times. It will not end well for you, the guy or boy will cheat as soon as you have a fight or he gets bored. The guy will cheat on you.
Either way genuine Christians do not fornicate which means having sex outside of marriage.
Remember that you too deserve your own love, compassion and kindness. Love God, and love our neighbours as ourselves.
Hi Apple7456
I would advise you not to marry him just yet, becauee if he cheats when not in marriage then nothing will stop him from cheating in the marriage which will then make him an Adulterer and then forfeit entering the REVELATIONS 21 (((please study verse 7and8)) . He needs deliverance prayers, as his problem is linked to generational curses which first MUST be broken before he can spiritually be free to give himself fully to God and then God can work on the root of his problems thoroughly then confirm to you both to get married. But God may well not want you to be married to him so also be open to receive what and who God wants you with.. Remember if God doesn't join 2 people together any person and spirits of darkness WILL have full access to that union to put it assunder.
You have provided sound counsel. Glad to have you onboard with us. Welcome to CC.
Should I forgive ? So people not make mistake and it is not right for me to forgive ?
Jesus definitely taught forgiveness- especially when someone admits their faults. I would add, though, that forgiveness doesn't mean you have to go back to having plans to marry him.
If you guys are going to be Christians, or you are wanting to be better Christians, I'd put off romantic relationships for a while. Like PennEd was saying up there- you really need to know where you stand with God before you marry someone and you really need to know where they stand too. And you can't just hear it coming out of his mouth, you have to see the change for yourself.
Of course you forgive him... bitterness of unforgiveness destroys the person who holds it.
But.
That doesn't mean that he should not suffer the consequences of his choices...nor should you suffer any more from his choices either...yes you are going to pay for his philandering...that's the nature of sin. Someone sins and everyone in close proximity pays for it.
If he is supposed to be a spiritual leader but sins in such a selfish fashion you really don't want any part of that. Even though you don't want it to be over...there's plenty of horror stories running around about women (or men) who went forward into ministry knowing that their spouse was a cheater...let me just say that it doesn't end well whatsoever for anyone.
Great feedback. Won’t be just get away with it and what he has done and go to the next girl ? Wouldn’t that be the easier way ?
Lets put it this way...
EVERYONE at the church he works at should know what has happened. That includes his boss and co-workers in ministry...
Usually before someone is hired into a ministry job a background check is done...this is more than a police report on past misdemeanor and felonies...this is what private investigators get paid to do.
But it will probably not stop him from dating or trying to get into another girl's pants...hey, cheaters are gonna cheat. You just want distance between you and the eventual self destruction this guy is heading towards. (And a clean conscience)
Are we to believe that this woman's relationship with this fornicator was without sin and glorified God?
But you don't KNOW that she did...so an accusation without substantiation is tantamount to a false accusation.
Dear Apple,
I'm sorry I missed this. You cant look at 'What If's' but only 'What IS'--there is a pattern here--a sinful and unhealthy pattern-- Paul says "The thing I hate I do". If you forgive him this he will think you will continue to forgive. If someone makes a few bad investments and says "I'm sorry, I'll do better next time"--do you give them another chance after three bad investments? If you get the same Uber driver who drives dangerously three times and says he'll be more careful next time are you going to get in the car with him or call another Uber driver?
Please Apple--it will be painful, but cutting off ALL ties NOW will save you a world of heartache later. Read this article and please for your own future save yourself for the better man that is out there. (and not only the cheating, he could pass on a sexually transmitted disease to you)
"I married a cheater" https://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-26903/6-things-i-wish-id-known-before-i-married-a-cheater.html
Thank you for replying. I’m just losing hope as in there isn’t any better men out there. It seems like they all cheat from what I have heard. I also feel ashamed since I held a grudge and didn’t totally forgive and let go because it was always in the back of my mind. Maybe if I would have totally let go the first time it would have been good. Have you heard of esther Parell and her take on infedility ? She said it’s because there is no desire.
Dear Apple,
We Christians have a Father in heaven to ask for a godly Christian man and for the strength to let go of what is good for someone far better--who settles for McDonalds when if they waited a while longer could have a healthy delicious meal? There are men who cheat and men who do not. Your forgiving sooner has ZERO to do with his bad behavior. And don't go analyzing WHY he did it- it is SIN. "Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death."--James 1:15
Mark my words--we have all tried to help. It's like we are telling you--your dog bit you three times already. I know you love him, but the best thing to do is to get him out of your life--the next bite may be far worse. You will never be able to trust him. Love is like cocaine--it really isn't him you want--it's love.
We Christians have a Father in heaven to ask for a godly Christian man and for the strength to let go of what is good for someone far better--who settles for McDonalds when if they waited a while longer could have a healthy delicious meal? There are men who cheat and men who do not. Your forgiving sooner has ZERO to do with his bad behavior. And don't go analyzing WHY he did it- it is SIN. "Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death."--James 1:15
Mark my words--we have all tried to help. It's like we are telling you--your dog bit you three times already. I know you love him, but the best thing to do is to get him out of your life--the next bite may be far worse. You will never be able to trust him. Love is like cocaine--it really isn't him you want--it's love.
Not all men cheat.
Not all men view porn.
Not all men gamble.
Where you hold responsibility is for not letting him know that beyond all shadow of a doubt that if he cheats he has lost you forever. It's not up to discussion or debate. One thing is an instant cause of the effect.
My wife wouldn't stand for it and neither would I. It's an instant betrayal of everything that we stand for.
And if you seem to keep attracting and being attracted to men who cheat...that's a separate issue you need to work on.