What are Your Thoughts About Financially Independent Women?

[seoulsearch]

Oh, I got ya. You thread is really about you telling women to get financially capable. Not about you complaining society is trashing independent women. You're a bait-and-switcher poster! lol jk...

All my threads are general discussion-starters, and discussions take many different twists and turns.

They never stay on one straight path, and they never focus on solely one subject.

I rather like it when a discussion starts to interweave the myriad of other topics that the main topic touches.

 

[seoulsearch]

But, just as this man implying, men are at a massive disadvantage. The men at the very top are the only ones many women want, and it drives average guys out of the dating world. Many of them are good men. Good women who actually want good men are then stuck with horrible guys to choose from because the decent males are afraid and fed up to even try anymore. Maybe if these strong financially independent women overhauled their standards and preferences, they'd find good godly men. Some food for thought.

Every guy I've ever been seriously interested in was in general, poor.

The ones I had relationships with were hard-working, but terrible with money. I've never dated any guy who was "at the top."

The guys I have dated tended to be "average to below" on the "success" scale (defined by the world's standards,) but have the qualities that really count, such as outstanding character and a good work ethic.

Add in responsibility, knowing how to make the most of what he has, owning up to his choices while striving to be the best he can, and you've got yourself a male bombshell.

 

[Lanolin]

at the bookshop the most popular business books are...

Rich Dad, Poor Dad
The Richest Man in Babylon

and

Think and Grow Rich

also...How to win friends and influence people

lol. all written by men. I have never read a book called Rich Mother, Poor Mother or The Richest Woman in Babylon

Women tend to read books like The Secret, although that book actually gets STOLEN a lot.

 

[Lanolin]

There is one book I read called Take Your Space, written for women, and it advised women to ask for a pay rise.

Or maybe not even ask, negotiate.

Maybe the poor men could use that advice too and ask for more.
Even though the Bible says be content with your wages. But thats hard to do when it doesnt even cover the cost of living....

 

[Sculpt]

Every guy I've ever been seriously interested in was in general, poor.

The ones I had relationships with were hard-working, but terrible with money. I've never dated any guy who was "at the top."

The guys I have dated tended to be "average to below" on the "success" scale (defined by the world's standards,) but have the qualities that really count, such as outstanding character and a good work ethic.

Add in responsibility, knowing how to make the most of what he has, owning up to his choices while striving to be the best he can, and you've got yourself a male bombshell.

You dated them... but didn't marry them. (herkamer63 eyebrows rise)

With these fellows... did you decide one day to drop them? Or did they end it (or maybe they just stop contacting you)?

If you were the one to end it, what were some of the reasons? Any chance it was status, even if it was subconscious?

 

[Sculpt]

I'm not really even suppose to recommend videos because it's a violation of the second commandment.So is being on computer.However those videos are so abundant you could just typed it in on you tube.Simple doctrine financial education so you can see the difference between whats makes one rich and what puts one in debt.Very secular but could be applied to investing in god.

Linking to a video would be engraven idolatry?

Hmm... rayzor my friend, have you really thought that one through all the way? Maybe you're still researching it, can still change your mind?

Most scholars, Jewish or Christian, think this has to do with idol worship... not the act of engraving alone in a vacuum. Whatcha think?

 

[proverbs35]

Every guy I've ever been seriously interested in was in general, poor.

The ones I had relationships with were hard-working, but terrible with money. I've never dated any guy who was "at the top."

The guys I have dated tended to be "average to below" on the "success" scale (defined by the world's standards,) but have the qualities that really count, such as outstanding character and a good work ethic.

Add in responsibility, knowing how to make the most of what he has, owning up to his choices while striving to be the best he can, and you've got yourself a male bombshell.

Stewardship

 

[elights]

Women being financially independent is itself not a problem or bad but has a disposition to making most women mess up God’s order of leadership and responsibility at home for married women!!

 

[seoulsearch]

You dated them... but didn't marry them. (herkamer63 eyebrows rise)

With these fellows... did you decide one day to drop them? Or did they end it (or maybe they just stop contacting you)?

If you were the one to end it, what were some of the reasons? Any chance it was status, even if it was subconscious?

I see you're venturing into personal territories here...

And so, I bid you, "Seoulsearch's Dating History in a Nutshell" (which longtime members already know.)

Guy 1 - high school bf; briefly engaged, spent every penny he had the minute he got it.

You asked if I decided to "one day drop them." All I knew were long-term relationships. And as you well know, it's not just one problem, but many that lead to a breakup. One of the main reasons I broke up with him is because he had family members who were trying to control our lives, and he would not stand up to them. My own family didn't treat me that way -- I certainly wasn't going to marry into it.

Guy 2 - I married him; he was like a woman in that he coped with stress by spending money. Left me for a younger redhead, but I didn't find out until after he divorced me (because I had moved away and my friends saw him with her when they decided to go public,) which, until then, had all the good, steadfast Christians screaming at me that I didn't have a Biblical divorce.

And HE was the one who divorced me. I went to work like normal, came home to a half-empty house, then got papers saying "You are being sued for divorce!" sometime later.

Guy 3 - Never stayed in one place long enough to hold a steady job; liked being a player, left a note out in the open about another girl he was seeing the day after I had driven 3 hours to see him. He never made the effort to see me because he didn't have a car. The girl he was seeing (and there were probably more) was someone he worked with. Yes, I broke up with him.

Guy 4 - Alcoholic, dropped his kids off at my house on his days off and then for longer periods of time, stopped working to drink full-time when he saw that I would take care of them. I stayed way too long. Saw that the kids would be safe with other relatives, then yes, broke up with him as well. Nearly had to get a restraining order because he showed up everywhere I was and (back in the days of landlines,) I had to unplug all my phones because he would literally call nonstop, including from jail.

A whole lot of years have passed, and all I've managed to find dating wise is a whole lot more of the same, and fortunately, a few amazing guy friends who keep the faith alive.

I finally decided that I would rather be alone until and unless I find something that was vastly different from my past experiences. I've had a lot of first dates but they usually tell me all about the women who have used them for money -- so I listen for as long as they want to talk, then ask the waitress for the check, pay for both him and myself, and that's where it ends. They've already made up their mind about what they think women are about -- I'm certainly not going to be able to change it. But I'm not going to let them say I used them for anything either.

If you want to somehow think I break up with guys for status reasons, that's your personal opinion, but for me, it was more about survival. I was drowning in those situations, thinking about suicide all the time, and will now do everything I can to try to avoid those circumstances again, even if it means being alone for the rest of my life.

And that should tell you, anyone else, AND their mother anything they need to know about my personal life!

 

[Lynx]

If you were the one to end it, what were some of the reasons? Any chance it was status, even if it was subconscious?

Dirty pool, old chap. Dirty pool.

I've met her personally and I can tell you seoulsearch is the last person in the world to drop somebody because of social status.

Others here have also met her in person and can vouch for the same.

I would say that's a rather low blow for you to throw... but the people who know her will find such an aspersion so laughable that I won't bother remonstrating.

 

[seoulsearch]

You dated them... but didn't marry them. (herkamer63 eyebrows rise)

With these fellows... did you decide one day to drop them? Or did they end it (or maybe they just stop contacting you)?

If you were the one to end it, what were some of the reasons? Any chance it was status, even if it was subconscious?

Dirty pool, old chap. Dirty pool.

I've met her personally and I can tell you seoulsearch is the last person in the world to drop somebody because of social status.

Others here have also met her in person and can vouch for the same.

I would say that's a rather low blow for you to throw... but the people who know her will find such an aspersion so laughable that I won't bother remonstrating.

@Sculpt - I'm not sure why you're assuming that apparently I must have some fatal character flaws that would allow you to ask for some sort of proof that I apparently had non-superficial reasons for ending relationships.

@Lynx, thank you for the good word. I greatly appreciate it.

@Sculpt - If my own word isn't satisfactory enough for you, I've met several people on this site in real life. Most aren't here anymore, but I know Lynx doesn't mind my saying that I spent a week with her family; and I apparently had @cinder so deceived that I managed to con her into 2 visits (by plane, across the country) in 1 year, lol.

As I said, most of the others aren't here on this site anymore, but there are 3 who still post occasionally that I was also been around for several days, and one for nearly a month (along with her entire family.) If you require further background checks, I'll ask them if it would be alright for you to send them a PM.

 

[rayzor]

Linking to a video would be engraven idolatry?

Hmm... rayzor my friend, have you really thought that one through all the way? Maybe you're still researching it, can still change your mind?

Most scholars, Jewish or Christian, think this has to do with idol worship... not the act of engraving alone in a vacuum. Whatcha think?

It's know by the jew of old and modern
well know kidding and the words are: No Likeness of any thing not of man not of god nor any kind of animals.No picture of any thing in the air nor under ground not in the sea. Engravien not the key word.

 

[rayzor]

Linking to a video would be engraven idolatry?

Hmm... rayzor my friend, have you really thought that one through all the way? Maybe you're still researching it, can still change your mind?

Most scholars, Jewish or Christian, think this has to do with idol worship... not the act of engraving alone in a vacuum. Whatcha think?

It's know by the jews of old and modern. Idolatry?..Maybe not go's to motive. Still is a braking of the second commandment.,,,,[I realize we are not under the law]
well know kidding most break it, and the words are: No Likeness of any thing not of man not of god nor any kind of animals.No picture of any thing in the air nor under ground not in the sea. Engravien not the key word.

 

[Sculpt]

If you want to somehow think I break up with guys for status reasons, that's your personal opinion, but for me, it was more about survival.

I'm not sure why you're assuming that apparently I must have some fatal character flaws that would allow you to ask for some sort of proof that I apparently had non-superficial reasons for ending relationships.

I wasn't assuming anything. And wasn't asking for proof. I'm sorry if my wording made it sound that way. .Just making conversion, asking the questions, like you said, the questions that stirrup other questions. I was asking, not making an accusation. I didn't think you ever dropped someone for status reasons. On the contrary, what I know of you so far I think you would not be someone who would drop a guy for status reasons. I was looking gleefully forward to reading a woman write that she cared about that person's individual character, friendship, support, affection, goodness, humor and love is the reason you'd be with them; which is basically what you wrote.

I'm sorry if I upset you. I was asking you the question (as opposed to everyone), and I did ask if you were sure, but I certainly didn't intend for it to sound like the answer could only be 'yes'. And I certainly did not indicate I wouldn't believe you. I certainly do believe you.

Dirty pool, old chap. Dirty pool.

I've met her personally and I can tell you seoulsearch is the last person in the world to drop somebody because of social status.

Others here have also met her in person and can vouch for the same.

I would say that's a rather low blow for you to throw... but the people who know her will find such an aspersion so laughable that I won't bother remonstrating.

My question was not an accusation, it was a sincere question. I thought it was a rather seoulsearch' type of question. But if you also thought I was making an accusation, I guess my question was worded poorly. I'll have to be more careful.

 

[Lanolin]

I think a steady guy is what women look for in a husband, because the ones that are financially indpendent would be like the CEOS of this world and totally fixated on making money, even to the detriment of family life and relationships.
Money can buy a lot of things, but not necessarily love.

For those who dont know what I mean by 'steady' well lets just translate that as FAITHFUL.

all of seouls ex-boyfriends dont seem to be in the FAITHFUL and TRUE category. Which may be why she is not with them...

Ive known several older men who were like business owners, (no, I dont mean I DATED them, I mean worked for them as employee) and pretty much all of them were divorced or their relationship in tatters because they were workaholics. Thats not a neccessarily a bad thing for the business, but its a really bad thing for a marriage. The wives grew bored and they didnt like being 'kept'. The men started being a bit controlling cos they were earning the lions share.

So on the other extreme it doesnt really work either.

?!

 

[Lanolin]

sorry if I totally flipped your discussion topic seoul..but lets explore financial independence and what that might mean for men haha is it REALLY that attractive for women as well?

 

[Lynx]

sorry if I totally flipped your discussion topic seoul..but lets explore financial independence and what that might mean for men haha is it REALLY that attractive for women as well?

Case history indicates it is EXTREMELY important for many.

 

[Lynx]

My question was not an accusation, it was a sincere question. I thought it was a rather seoulsearch' type of question. But if you also thought I was making an accusation, I guess my question was worded poorly. I'll have to be more careful.

I could almost believe it... but...

If you were the one to end it, what were some of the reasons? Any chance it was status, even if it was subconscious?

If you had ended at "status" I could have believed it was just a sincere question. When you added "even if it was subconscious" that made it an insinuation.

And no, it's not AT ALL the kind of question seoulsearch would have asked, even without the last part. >.>

She wouldn't even ask close friends that kind of question. She's too polite for her own good.

 

[Lanolin]

I have come up with a solution

you next date has to go into business with you as a 'mom and pop' start up and then you will see how well you work together.

You could co-own a dairy (or convenience store)' a laundry business or a takeaway. If your business thrives, you will have many years of account keeping. By the time you retire, both of you will be so exahusted from all, the work of keeping the business running that you wont even think of leaving each other.

 

[seoulsearch]

My question was not an accusation, it was a sincere question. I thought it was a rather seoulsearch' type of question. But if you also thought I was making an accusation, I guess my question was worded poorly. I'll have to be more careful.

Your post didn't upset me, but it DID seem to delve into some very personal realms and seemed to assume an awful lot about me. Let's take a look at the original post you wrote that I responded to eariler and break it down.

You dated them... but didn't marry them. (herkamer63 eyebrows rise)

With these fellows... did you decide one day to drop them? Or did they end it (or maybe they just stop contacting you)?

If you were the one to end it, what were some of the reasons? Any chance it was status, even if it was subconscious?

1. You wrote: "You dated them... but didn't marry them."

You assumed I didn't marry them (which I addressed in my answer, as I did marry, and he left for someone else.)

2. You wrote: "With these fellows... did you decide to one day drop them?"

This makes it sound like I apparently just casually date guys and drop them on a whim, depending on how I feel on any given day (which again, I addressed in my answer -- I am someone who has only been in long-term relationships or on first dates because I felt there was no chemistry, and I didn't want to waste anyone's time.)

3. You wrote: "With these fellows (kind of makes is sound like there were tons of them - I can assure you that there were not,) what were some of the reasons? Any chance it was status, even if it was subconscious?"

Not only does it seem that you are asking that I somehow have to justify why I would break up with someone, but it also makes seems to imply, "Oh, c'mon Seoul, ARE YOU SURE you didn't break up with them because they didn't have enough money or status to boost your social position? ARE YOU SURE??! Not even on the subconscious level? Hmm?? Hmm??"

In your reply to Lynx, you said that you thought you were "asking a rather Seoulsearch question."

I can tell you that what you asked would not be a "rather Seoulsearch-type question," BUT, I can give an example of what would be.

My approach is to break down your post (which assumes the stereotype that women choose men based on money and status,) flip it around, and ask you the same things centered around the male version of this stereotype -- that men are only out for women they find the most absolutely beautiful and for sex.

So, breaking down your original post again, let's tailor your questions to "the male" side of the coin:

You dated them... but didn't marry them. (herkamer63 eyebrows rise)

With these fellows... did you decide one day to drop them? Or did they end it (or maybe they just stop contacting you)?

If you were the one to end it, what were some of the reasons? Any chance it was status, even if it was subconscious?

1. These women, "You dated them... but you didn't marry them?"

2. "With these (women)... did you decide to one day drop them? Or did they end it (or maybe they just stop contacting you?"

3. "If you were the one to end it, what were some of the reasons? Any chance it was (because of they weren't beautiful enough to you or had enough sex appeal for you) even if it was subconscious?"

It is also a very Seoulsearch-ian thing to look forward to hearing your answers because I thoroughly answered your questions and feel it's only fair that the other person would be allowed the opportunity to do the same.

I'll be watching for your post -- thanks for taking the time.

P.S. Yes, I know my posts are long and not for the faint of heart. They're for a specific type of poster, though all are welcome to answer, and many just read and answer the title question without reading the background behind it.