Hello everyone.....I've been married for almost seven years.....but the last two years have been rough....her father passed away almost two years ago and she left for almost a year to tend to her family.....I missed my wife and my kids and I became weak and began a little friendly flirtation with women....at that point in time I was weak and was tempted by the enemy...and when she came back and found out she was very heartbroken....after that was when the pandemic hit....I was staying home a lot more...but we weren't talking to each other and there were trust issues involved...so I began to drink alcohol a little more...we began arguing a lot more and then she decided to move back in with her mother and took the kids with her...since then I've changed I'm not drinking and I have been watching sermons and reading the word of god daily....I try to talk to her and the kids....I talk to the kids....but as far as talking to my wife....she doesn't want to talk to me at all because she doesn't trust me....I want to make things work because of what the bible says in his scriptures about marriage....but I'm just wondering if the bridge has been burned beyond recognition...and what steps do I need to next...to salvage the marriage or move on????
Marriage separation anxiety
- Thread starter Yaj1979
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I'm not there with you but...
Is it possible that she was looking for an excuse to end the marriage?
She certainly was behaving in a way that almost ensured it's failure. Staying away for a year to help her family? They probably tossed her out at that point...
Then the cold shoulder when she returned? Using the excuse you were getting flirty? Ummm.... you got married for a reason....you didn't choose a life of celibacy...you needed entitled companionship so you wouldn't sin. And you got that through marriage. All perfectly within God's laws and completely normal behavior.
The staying away for extended period of time? Abnormal behavior...very abnormal behavior. Her first duty was to you and not her parents...in spite of anything said by anyone including you. Not to mention that her father is now gone... children need both parents. Her siblings and mother were very capable of doing for themselves and she could have assisted them remotely quite easily. But she refused to let them.
That's why I'm with you on this one.
She poked the bear and now wants to claim it's all the bear's fault for the growling? Ummmmm. No!
Is it possible that she was looking for an excuse to end the marriage?
She certainly was behaving in a way that almost ensured it's failure. Staying away for a year to help her family? They probably tossed her out at that point...
Then the cold shoulder when she returned? Using the excuse you were getting flirty? Ummm.... you got married for a reason....you didn't choose a life of celibacy...you needed entitled companionship so you wouldn't sin. And you got that through marriage. All perfectly within God's laws and completely normal behavior.
The staying away for extended period of time? Abnormal behavior...very abnormal behavior. Her first duty was to you and not her parents...in spite of anything said by anyone including you. Not to mention that her father is now gone... children need both parents. Her siblings and mother were very capable of doing for themselves and she could have assisted them remotely quite easily. But she refused to let them.
That's why I'm with you on this one.
She poked the bear and now wants to claim it's all the bear's fault for the growling? Ummmmm. No!
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How was your marriage before she left for almost a year?
How far apart does her family live? Is it like in a foreign country? Is there is a reason why you couldn't visit, or why she couldn't go back and forth?
You have to remember you hurt her at a very low point in her life (when her father died and she/her family were sad), so it was a double whammy for her. She is probably thinking that you had a long affair and/or slept with multiple women due to the long time span, even if you tell her otherwise. The trust issues are definitely at risk but they might be able to be salvaged OVER TIME, not overnight.
How far apart does her family live? Is it like in a foreign country? Is there is a reason why you couldn't visit, or why she couldn't go back and forth?
You have to remember you hurt her at a very low point in her life (when her father died and she/her family were sad), so it was a double whammy for her. She is probably thinking that you had a long affair and/or slept with multiple women due to the long time span, even if you tell her otherwise. The trust issues are definitely at risk but they might be able to be salvaged OVER TIME, not overnight.
Good day to you friend .so sorry about the travail you are going through . you are on the right path as you have a repentant heart ,God does not condemn you so don't condemn yourself either . As for your spouse forgiving you or moving on . you will have to ask her directly admitting you have wronged and repented but you like to know if she wants to be you. Communication has broken down ?, yes I advise you communicate through her parents or kids . only when the facts about your marriage are addressed head on .. If your wife is a believer then you have better chance of getting forgiveness. Be bold and courageous ,from here you go forward in Christ and not alone . God bless
we were good in 2015 to 2017 that's when her dad got sick... she went twice from June to December in 20 17 and in 2018.....I didn't have an affair it was just friendly flirtation over the text when she came back in January in 2019 we talked about it and after that i thought things got better... but on the inside we weren't talking and and I guess after that was when the pandemic hit and it got worse we did talk about it and i thought we have moved on but i guess that we haven't...
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I am reminded of something I heard someone say in a video once. It's true that not talking to each other can be hard. But what's more important is if you are both seeking God independently. God willing, he will draw you back together if you both seek him for restoration and renewal in your marriage. I will pray for you. That God will have his way in your life.
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