Controlling the eyes from lust

[Jesus_Leads]

Hello, I'm a guy, through the greatest grace of Jesus I've been saved from all lustfull deeds. I'm no more a slave to porn or anything. But when I look at woman my eyes involuntarily looks at places that it shouldn't look. I hate it, I don't enjoy doing it at the same time everytime when a woman is wearing a little exposed dress my eyes involuntarily does this. Suddenly I have to shut my eyes or turn my head away like a weird creature. Sometimes woman I know have noticed this some of them adjust their dress and some of them weren't bothered by this but I hate humiliating myself like this. Is this sin and does girls know this and what they actually think when a guy behave like this. Is this a common experience among men who are saved ?

 

[Lynx]

Focus on their eyes. In addition to giving you a place to consciously focus on, it will also tell you how they feel.

If you let the wheel go, the car just drives wherever it happens to drive. You have to deliberately take control of it, with a destination in mind. If you deliberately control where you are looking and focus on the eyes, it should help.

 

[Jesus_Leads]

Focus on their eyes. In addition to giving you a place to consciously focus on, it will also tell you how they feel.

If you let the wheel go, the car just drives wherever it happens to drive. You have to deliberately take control of it, with a destination in mind. If you deliberately control where you are looking and focus on the eyes, it should help.

That's what I always do. But its like fraction of seconds. First my eyes will do the wrong. Then I'll try to look at their eyes. This is the case. It's like an involuntary action idk where it's coming from

 

[Lynx]

That's what I always do. But its like fraction of seconds. First my eyes will do the wrong. Then I'll try to look at their eyes. This is the case. It's like an involuntary action idk where it's coming from

"You can't stop a bird from flying over your head, but you can keep it from making a nest in your beard."

Keep working at focusing on the eyes from the start. It'll get better. Nobody starts out perfect.

 

[Jesus_Leads]

"You can't stop a bird from flying over your head, but you can keep it from making a nest in your beard."

Keep working at focusing on the eyes from the start. It'll get better. Nobody starts out perfect.

I get it. I will try this the next time thanx man.

 

[birdinmypalm]

I love that you are trying so hard to be respectful of women. You are a godly man, trying to walk according to your Savior. Jesus wouldn't be openly lusting and neither should you. I love the advice you are receiving from your fellow Christian men. As a woman, let me add my 2 cents...

I grew up on the beaches of Southern California. In my culture, we never wore bras or high heels or stockings or makeup or any of that stuff. We were constantly in bikinis, or at most, shorts and tank tops and sandals. I hated bras and never wore them. Skimpy clothing was natural to me, and to my friends. We didn't think about it at all. To us--if you wore a bra, you were trying to attract attention to yourself. In fact, one time I purposely wore a bra to an evening with friends. Immediately I was greeted with a shocked, "Are you wearing a bra?" and I found myself surrounded by all the guys who were fascinated to see me thus. I was desperately embarrassed and never wore it again.

I say this to explain that I had no consideration that my normal attire was wrong in any way. I was stared at a lot, particularly if I went further inland, away from the coast. But I felt I had the right to dress as I pleased, and if the guys were staring, then that was their problem, not mine.

However, once I was Born Again, the Lord led me to understand what Modesty was all about. I became self-conscious about my attire, and I learned to dress more like the godly woman I longed to be.

On the other hand, there are many women who intentionally dress to entice men to lust after them. In their own sinful acts, they are eager to lure men into sin. Corporate advertising, movies, and television shows continuously push images before the eyes of their audiences which previously would only have been found in pornography. Wickedness is poured out without shame.

As I said, I deeply admire your desire to be godly and respectful. It breaks my heart that you find it humiliating to try to avoid staring. God has put it into your spirit to recognize the sin. His Grace makes this an issue for you. If He hadn't, you would be merrily enjoying the show. This is God's hand on you!

Concentrating on their eyes is good advice. However, I would suggest you actually turn away. You can turn 90 degrees and look someplace else, and continue your conversation. Back in my beach days, I was led to the Lord by a man at work. Billy was my friend, and he was a Christian. We talked all the time. But he always was facing aside except for the occasional look at my eyes, and he never stared at my attire. I felt safe with him. His respect was completely different from the drooling of the other men I worked with. And as I said, he was the one to lead me to the Lord.

 

[SomeDisciple]

It's a common experience among people in general.

Attraction is involuntary, whether the feminists like it or not (they know it and like it, and weaponize it, and pretend otherwise) but its involuntary.

ATTRACTION isn't the same as lust- and nobody needs to be ashamed of attraction. It's the people that don't cover their nakedness that should be ashamed.... dont hold your breath on that one though.

Song of Solomon even says "be ravaged" by the love of the wife of your youth. Ravaged= taken by force. Attraction is involuntary.

Flee from sexual immorality. Walk away. I'm lucky to work with some modest married ladies- but sometimes customers come in hallf- dressed. I'm cordial with them, but I focus on business and interact with them as little as practical. It's not a matter of being judgemental- but it's more a matter of keeping yourself Holy.

Sexual attraction is not a sin. Looking indulgently in lustful thoughts is, though. Dont "try to not be attracted" or wrestle with your feelings. Once you realize you're being sexually attracted to someone- flee. As a military veteran, I hate the idea of "fleeing" but it's what the bible says. Think of it as a tactical retreat. If you can't get out of the situation, then you have to sharpen your focus on something else. Prayer works- actually praise works better. Worship is one of the few things that can override sexual arousal easily- and I've noticed the more I'm focused on the Lord, the less the problem arises.

 

[Jesus_Leads]

It's a common experience among people in general.

Attraction is involuntary, whether the feminists like it or not (they know it and like it, and weaponize it, and pretend otherwise) but its involuntary.

ATTRACTION isn't the same as lust- and nobody needs to be ashamed of attraction. It's the people that don't cover their nakedness that should be ashamed.... dont hold your breath on that one though.

Song of Solomon even says "be ravaged" by the love of the wife of your youth. Ravaged= taken by force. Attraction is involuntary.

Flee from sexual immorality. Walk away. I'm lucky to work with some modest married ladies- but sometimes customers come in hallf- dressed. I'm cordial with them, but I focus on business and interact with them as little as practical. It's not a matter of being judgemental- but it's more a matter of keeping yourself Holy.

Sexual attraction is not a sin. Looking indulgently in lustful thoughts is, though. Dont "try to not be attracted" or wrestle with your feelings. Once you realize you're being sexually attracted to someone- flee. As a military veteran, I hate the idea of "fleeing" but it's what the bible says. Think of it as a tactical retreat. If you can't get out of the situation, then you have to sharpen your focus on something else. Prayer works- actually praise works better. Worship is one of the few things that can override sexual arousal easily- and I've noticed the more I'm focused on the Lord, the less the problem arises.

Fleeing can't be done during a conversation that is my problem. But as you said praise can be tried because it has been a solution for most of my problem. I will definitely try this. Thanx for your help. One more question, do you also have this same involuntary action of your eyes when you see a woman dressed immodestly ?

 

[Jesus_Leads]

I love that you are trying so hard to be respectful of women. You are a godly man, trying to walk according to your Savior. Jesus wouldn't be openly lusting and neither should you. I love the advice you are receiving from your fellow Christian men. As a woman, let me add my 2 cents...

I grew up on the beaches of Southern California. In my culture, we never wore bras or high heels or stockings or makeup or any of that stuff. We were constantly in bikinis, or at most, shorts and tank tops and sandals. I hated bras and never wore them. Skimpy clothing was natural to me, and to my friends. We didn't think about it at all. To us--if you wore a bra, you were trying to attract attention to yourself. In fact, one time I purposely wore a bra to an evening with friends. Immediately I was greeted with a shocked, "Are you wearing a bra?" and I found myself surrounded by all the guys who were fascinated to see me thus. I was desperately embarrassed and never wore it again.

I say this to explain that I had no consideration that my normal attire was wrong in any way. I was stared at a lot, particularly if I went further inland, away from the coast. But I felt I had the right to dress as I pleased, and if the guys were staring, then that was their problem, not mine.

However, once I was Born Again, the Lord led me to understand what Modesty was all about. I became self-conscious about my attire, and I learned to dress more like the godly woman I longed to be.

On the other hand, there are many women who intentionally dress to entice men to lust after them. In their own sinful acts, they are eager to lure men into sin. Corporate advertising, movies, and television shows continuously push images before the eyes of their audiences which previously would only have been found in pornography. Wickedness is poured out without shame.

As I said, I deeply admire your desire to be godly and respectful. It breaks my heart that you find it humiliating to try to avoid staring. God has put it into your spirit to recognize the sin. His Grace makes this an issue for you. If He hadn't, you would be merrily enjoying the show. This is God's hand on you!

Concentrating on their eyes is good advice. However, I would suggest you actually turn away. You can turn 90 degrees and look someplace else, and continue your conversation. Back in my beach days, I was led to the Lord by a man at work. Billy was my friend, and he was a Christian. We talked all the time. But he always was facing aside except for the occasional look at my eyes, and he never stared at my attire. I felt safe with him. His respect was completely different from the drooling of the other men I worked with. And as I said, he was the one to lead me to the Lord.

Yes television and media are turning into porn these days I had a big time fighting myself like why some newsreaders look attractive to me in wrong way, now as you said that it has become clear to me. I can run away from TV but during conversation it's not possible if I don't maintain eye contact it feels weird. But I have one more doubt to be cleared kindly help me out with that. When God changed you to dress modestly, what kind of dress felt modest to you. The reason I'm asking this is that I honestly don't know whether a woman is dressed modestly or not and my eyes don't fall for all women some women's dress don't disturb me. So if I could know the right dressing I would be able to know whether it's my mistake or it's their dressing.

 

[cinder]

Yes television and media are turning into porn these days I had a big time fighting myself like why some newsreaders look attractive to me in wrong way, now as you said that it has become clear to me. I can run away from TV but during conversation it's not possible if I don't maintain eye contact it feels weird. But I have one more doubt to be cleared kindly help me out with that. When God changed you to dress modestly, what kind of dress felt modest to you. The reason I'm asking this is that I honestly don't know whether a woman is dressed modestly or not and my eyes don't fall for all women some women's dress don't disturb me. So if I could know the right dressing I would be able to know whether it's my mistake or it's their dressing.

Modest dress varies from place to place and culture to culture. But I'm not sure that knowing if a woman meets that standards for modest dress will help you much. It might allow you to blame women for part of your struggle or for making it worse, but regardless of the particular right and wrong of a specific situation; she's still going to be wearing what she's wearing and you're still going to have fully functional hormones that you have to deal with in a godly way.

Honestly, it sounds like you're doing more to try to avoid temptation than most Christian young men; don't let the enemy condemn you for involuntary hormones but see the temptations or attempted temptations as opportunities to practice making the godly choice and being made more like Christ.

 

[Jesus_Leads]

Modest dress varies from place to place and culture to culture. But I'm not sure that knowing if a woman meets that standards for modest dress will help you much. It might allow you to blame women for part of your struggle or for making it worse, but regardless of the particular right and wrong of a specific situation; she's still going to be wearing what she's wearing and you're still going to have fully functional hormones that you have to deal with in a godly way.

Honestly, it sounds like you're doing more to try to avoid temptation than most Christian young men; don't let the enemy condemn you for involuntary hormones but see the temptations or attempted temptations as opportunities to practice making the godly choice and being made more like Christ.

I get it in my country dress code was very very strict back in times but suddenly there was this cultural change that ended up as women wearing new dresses which itself stands as a reason for temptation. Plus I won't blame women if they dress immodestly because it's their choice and I'll be like ok this is not my mistake. And I totally understand your point that I'm putting too much pressure on this temptation biblically getting tempted isn't sin my whole point is that through God's grace I'm able look away but the people I know when they notice this act. It makes me sad that I can't do anything about it. I'm not sinning but I'm actually portraying myself to be a bad guy. That's the struggle. Thanx for the help though, yes modesty varies from region to region.

 

[tourist]

I get it in my country dress code was very very strict back in times but suddenly there was this cultural change that ended up as women wearing new dresses which itself stands as a reason for temptation. Plus I won't blame women if they dress immodestly because it's their choice and I'll be like ok this is not my mistake. And I totally understand your point that I'm putting too much pressure on this temptation biblically getting tempted isn't sin my whole point is that through God's grace I'm able look away but the people I know when they notice this act. It makes me sad that I can't do anything about it. I'm not sinning but I'm actually portraying myself to be a bad guy. That's the struggle. Thanx for the help though, yes modesty varies from region to region.

The thing is, you probably do enjoy it, otherwise you wouldn't do it. When I was a single man I would take an occasional glance at an attractive woman too. To me, that's natural, otherwise how would any relationship start, let alone get married. My counsel is to take your occasional glance and then carry on as you were. Just the fact that you are thinking about this stuff tells me that you're not a bad guy, but rather just a normal single man.

 

[tourist]

I love that you are trying so hard to be respectful of women. You are a godly man, trying to walk according to your Savior. Jesus wouldn't be openly lusting and neither should you. I love the advice you are receiving from your fellow Christian men. As a woman, let me add my 2 cents...

I grew up on the beaches of Southern California. In my culture, we never wore bras or high heels or stockings or makeup or any of that stuff. We were constantly in bikinis, or at most, shorts and tank tops and sandals. I hated bras and never wore them. Skimpy clothing was natural to me, and to my friends. We didn't think about it at all. To us--if you wore a bra, you were trying to attract attention to yourself. In fact, one time I purposely wore a bra to an evening with friends. Immediately I was greeted with a shocked, "Are you wearing a bra?" and I found myself surrounded by all the guys who were fascinated to see me thus. I was desperately embarrassed and never wore it again.

I say this to explain that I had no consideration that my normal attire was wrong in any way. I was stared at a lot, particularly if I went further inland, away from the coast. But I felt I had the right to dress as I pleased, and if the guys were staring, then that was their problem, not mine.

However, once I was Born Again, the Lord led me to understand what Modesty was all about. I became self-conscious about my attire, and I learned to dress more like the godly woman I longed to be.

On the other hand, there are many women who intentionally dress to entice men to lust after them. In their own sinful acts, they are eager to lure men into sin. Corporate advertising, movies, and television shows continuously push images before the eyes of their audiences which previously would only have been found in pornography. Wickedness is poured out without shame.

As I said, I deeply admire your desire to be godly and respectful. It breaks my heart that you find it humiliating to try to avoid staring. God has put it into your spirit to recognize the sin. His Grace makes this an issue for you. If He hadn't, you would be merrily enjoying the show. This is God's hand on you!

Concentrating on their eyes is good advice. However, I would suggest you actually turn away. You can turn 90 degrees and look someplace else, and continue your conversation. Back in my beach days, I was led to the Lord by a man at work. Billy was my friend, and he was a Christian. We talked all the time. But he always was facing aside except for the occasional look at my eyes, and he never stared at my attire. I felt safe with him. His respect was completely different from the drooling of the other men I worked with. And as I said, he was the one to lead me to the Lord.

Outstanding well-spoken post.

 

[JohnDB]

Objectifying people is the issue...

Sure some people appear attractive...maybe even are great at stroking your ego. But that's not who they are. WHO are they? Are they someone who you can admire? Is their biggest heartbreak lately was that they can't afford new clothes or car?
Are all their conversations rather shallow? How do they talk about others? Who are their friends? Why are their friends their friends?

And when you know a person, and actually care about a person, all that beauty is only skin deep...no lust. Not the sort of care and respect about them that feeds your ego but what they desire and need beyond what they might understand... because an accurate assessment understands their good and less than good points.

Everyone is a conglomeration of wants and needs, good habits and desires and bad habits and wants. Things they are great at perceiving and cognitive dissonance...all wrapped up into a single person.

Things that come across as huge red flags to you they might not see as outrageous...but instead as "meh".

Then looking them in the eye is a piece of cake. They aren't objects...they are people.

 

[Lynx]

Objectifying people is the issue...

Sure some people appear attractive...maybe even are great at stroking your ego. But that's not who they are. WHO are they? Are they someone who you can admire? Is their biggest heartbreak lately was that they can't afford new clothes or car?
Are all their conversations rather shallow? How do they talk about others? Who are their friends? Why are their friends their friends?

And when you know a person, and actually care about a person, all that beauty is only skin deep...no lust. Not the sort of care and respect about them that feeds your ego but what they desire and need beyond what they might understand... because an accurate assessment understands their good and less than good points.

Everyone is a conglomeration of wants and needs, good habits and desires and bad habits and wants. Things they are great at perceiving and cognitive dissonance...all wrapped up into a single person.

Things that come across as huge red flags to you they might not see as outrageous...but instead as "meh".

Then looking them in the eye is a piece of cake. They aren't objects...they are people.

But you won't get far
If you don't know who they are
Who are they
Who will they be tonight

- Adrian Snell

 

[Jesus_Leads]

The thing is, you probably do enjoy it, otherwise you wouldn't do it. When I was a single man I would take an occasional glance at an attractive woman too. To me, that's natural, otherwise how would any relationship start, let alone get married. My counsel is to take your occasional glance and then carry on as you were. Just the fact that you are thinking about this stuff tells me that you're not a bad guy, but rather just a normal single man.

I'm sorry but Jesus said.

Objectifying people is the issue...

Sure some people appear attractive...maybe even are great at stroking your ego. But that's not who they are. WHO are they? Are they someone who you can admire? Is their biggest heartbreak lately was that they can't afford new clothes or car?
Are all their conversations rather shallow? How do they talk about others? Who are their friends? Why are their friends their friends?

And when you know a person, and actually care about a person, all that beauty is only skin deep...no lust. Not the sort of care and respect about them that feeds your ego but what they desire and need beyond what they might understand... because an accurate assessment understands their good and less than good points.

Everyone is a conglomeration of wants and needs, good habits and desires and bad habits and wants. Things they are great at perceiving and cognitive dissonance...all wrapped up into a single person.

Things that come across as huge red flags to you they might not see as outrageous...but instead as "meh".

Then looking them in the eye is a piece of cake. They aren't objects...they are people.

The thing is, you probably do enjoy it, otherwise you wouldn't do it. When I was a single man I would take an occasional glance at an attractive woman too. To me, that's natural, otherwise how would any relationship start, let alone get married. My counsel is to take your occasional glance and then carry on as you were. Just the fact that you are thinking about this stuff tells me that you're not a bad guy, but rather just a normal single man.

Jesus said don't lust with your eyes and I follow my Lord. I don't have rights to judge you. And I definitely don't enjoy that gazing because it's totally involuntary and it's not even lusting because I'm not getting aroused of it, I just hate it because those are women I know to whom I have love and affection. So it's not what you're saying sorry.

 

[tourist]

I'm sorry but Jesus said.


Jesus said don't lust with your eyes and I follow my Lord. I don't have rights to judge you. And I definitely don't enjoy that gazing because it's totally involuntary and it's not even lusting because I'm not getting aroused of it, I just hate it because those are women I know to whom I have love and affection. So it's not what you're saying sorry.

Carry on.

 

[birdinmypalm]

Modest dress varies from place to place and culture to culture. But I'm not sure that knowing if a woman meets that standards for modest dress will help you much. It might allow you to blame women for part of your struggle or for making it worse, but regardless of the particular right and wrong of a specific situation; she's still going to be wearing what she's wearing and you're still going to have fully functional hormones that you have to deal with in a godly way.

I really agree with cinder. Modesty varies so much and I don't think you can expect one size fits all through various societies and cultures.

But I have one more doubt to be cleared kindly help me out with that. When God changed you to dress modestly, what kind of dress felt modest to you. The reason I'm asking this is that I honestly don't know whether a woman is dressed modestly or not and my eyes don't fall for all women some women's dress don't disturb me. So if I could know the right dressing I would be able to know whether it's my mistake or it's their dressing.

My own modesty journey has evolved over the years as God has convicted me of my appearance. Now I tend to dress pretty conservatively. It's interesting how much more respectfully I am treated in my community. It's as if I am surrounded in God's grace.

But it's really not about them. It's about you. That first look is normal, but do you allow your eyes and your mind to linger? Don't forget what Jesus said..

Matthew 5:28 But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.

Don't wait for the moment of temptation before you pray about this. Sincerely ask God to help you with this, and trust Him that He will! It may be a long battle, or it may be instantaneous. But He hears you and you can trust that He loves you and will help you.

As you encounter women who lead you into lust, take each temptation one by one. It's not all women. (I doubt you have this problem with your grandma.) But as you catch yourself struggling with impure thoughts, deal with that struggle in that moment. Maintaining eye contact is fine! Don't beat yourself up. You are already God's child and you aren't disappointing Him. This is your opportunity to pray and trust God to help you.

Praise God that you have this place you can come to and enjoy the fellowship and advice from these good men who understand your struggle.

 

[PennEd]

Hello, I'm a guy, through the greatest grace of Jesus I've been saved from all lustfull deeds. I'm no more a slave to porn or anything. But when I look at woman my eyes involuntarily looks at places that it shouldn't look. I hate it, I don't enjoy doing it at the same time everytime when a woman is wearing a little exposed dress my eyes involuntarily does this. Suddenly I have to shut my eyes or turn my head away like a weird creature. Sometimes woman I know have noticed this some of them adjust their dress and some of them weren't bothered by this but I hate humiliating myself like this. Is this sin and does girls know this and what they actually think when a guy behave like this. Is this a common experience among men who are saved ?

Don't give this kind of power to your flesh.

Meaning, recognize that you still inhabit a fallen, dead body. And that body didn't go away the moment you were saved.

IT, still has the same sinful desires it always had. You haven't received your new, glorified body yet. Capture each sinful thought, and give it to Jesus.

So again, recognize it for what it is, acknowledge it, and move on. Don't dwell on it, and give it power to frustrate you and waste time with it, instead of building the kingdom for Christ.

Welcome! And be blessed

 

[JohnDB]

Modest dress varies from place to place and culture to culture. But I'm not sure that knowing if a woman meets that standards for modest dress will help you much. It might allow you to blame women for part of your struggle or for making it worse, but regardless of the particular right and wrong of a specific situation; she's still going to be wearing what she's wearing and you're still going to have fully functional hormones that you have to deal with in a godly way.

Honestly, it sounds like you're doing more to try to avoid temptation than most Christian young men; don't let the enemy condemn you for involuntary hormones but see the temptations or attempted temptations as opportunities to practice making the godly choice and being made more like Christ.

You were talking about how modesty varies from place to place...

No kidding...

When I was in Brazil close to the Bolivian and Paraguay border those women ran around almost naked.
And if they were wearing pants they looked painted on... even the Grandmothers wore skin tight pants.

Even bikini tops that in no way covered their breasts in the airport... perfectly normal for there...

It was almost to the point of skinny dipping in the swimming pools at the hotel while hanging on to their boyfriends...

And the exact opposite in Slovakia. The women there felt naked in shorts and a short sleeved shirt buttoned almost up to their neck. Even on the hottest days.

Modesty varies from place to place...from almost nothing to almost androgynous clothing.

Israel had a lot of functional nudity going on...it was a nothing for people to change clothes in public. Women wearing short loose skirts while riding bicycles... little boys wearing only their hasidic belts while changing on the main street in the town...cars just flying by.
At the River a couple woman went completely nude and changed in front of us to play in the river. Twice...once to change into bathing suits and once back into dry clothes.

Everywhere has a unique modesty set-up.